TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

@BunnytheBlueWhale I used to be like that too, still am at times, but what's helped me was framing things into a bigger picture there and then ("is it really THAT important (in general, or in comparison to XYZ)", "is it REALLY worth me stressing over", "I may have misunderstood", "that person may be coming from a good place and I may have misinterpreted", "it will pay off long term if I'm a bigger person" etc.). When I think this way, it takes the edge off and I don't get annoyed, I can just brush it off. Don't know if you've tried that? It's very easy in our job to get wound up about things but of course we have to keep cool, which then creates a risk of being more short fused in our personal lives.

Re buying, I've become a lot more environmentally aware now and had a good hard look at myself and my wardrobe and it's shocking how much stuff I have. I'll be doing a charity giveaway this spring after I lose weight and will try to stick to buying less going forward, quality, ethical clothes. Not in a snobbish way, but you can at least be wiser about choosing high street retailers, and buy less clothes/keep them longer. I'm really big on recycling and reducing waste these days. Xxx

Hey @LASandOtto. Thank you for your lovely words. I'm sorry to hear you've had tough times with your parents too. It sounds like you've found your way to deal with this which is great. I think sometimes we need to accept things are the way they are, but change our approach, which I agree, reshapes relationships. Life gets easier once you're able to do this.

Party was good last night, thanks, my best friend is pg so not too much alcohol for anyone really, but we had a lovely time. I actually love the idea of a day party, I might do the same next year. Have fun, lovely! Xxx

Hey Girls!

Good morning on the first day of a new year and decade! How is everyone feeling?

I'm shortly off to meet friends for brunch and we are then off to this day party (🧐) which should be fun!

@MrsMGE I'm so pleased you were so honest with both of your parents and that you feel you've found a place now from which you can have a manageable relationship. Relationships with parents are often challenging for various different reasons, through experiences and events they can shape to become (very) strained. I recall you mentioned when we spoke weeks ago how unsupportive they had been during all you've been through and I can imagine how disappointed you will have felt.
I say this from a place where I've had a very difficult relationship with both my parents since early teenage years, also for a myriad of reasons, to the point I needed a counsellor to help me find a spade where I could manage a relationship with my mum. With my dad who's now sadly no longer here as you know, we didn't reconcile for a long time until almost the end really, but nonetheless I'm so glad we did, because holding on to hurt is not the way forward.

I'd like to say you and many of us have been through a transformation that continues. With life events such as what we've encountered, you emerged on the other side of that life experience and you're slightly changed. Your views. Your empathy. Your awareness.

Enjoy the coffee with DH, I hope your party was fun?

Speak soon ladies xxx

Hey girls! Happy 2020 🌺🌺🌺

Hope yesterday was good for all of you, whether it meant sleeping through, having a quiet one or a wild one, it doesn't matter. We did it. We survived last year and this is what matters.

There is a slight sadness in the fact that our babies who we've lost won't be here in 2020. However, they will never be forgotten or the thing of the past. We have our lives to live, and we'll live them always carrying our little ones in our hearts. Nothing will ever take this precious thing away from us.

I feel the wind of change, today is a fresh start and long may it continue ❤️

On that note, I spoke to my mum yesterday and we sort of reconciled. We'll see how it goes. I can be a very hard and unforgiving person, especially if I'm deeply hurt by someone. Usually because I wear my heart on my sleeve if I love someone and don't take it very well if they doesn't appreciate it by being there for me when needed. I'll never forget how she and my father were after my MC and I certainly have learnt a lesson not to be as supportive towards them as I had planned to be. They live in a different country and I was planning to fly out regularly to look after them when they get ill/older. Now this is highly unlikely to happen as I've learnt I'm largely left to my own devices and they simply do not deserve the level of care and attention I had to offer. And that's OK. I found that hard to accept, but eventually it makes my life a lot easier long-term. We'll just continue to love each other, but on different terms. My father is a whole different story, I spoke to him as well and in his usual style, he just doesn't get things. I'm not going to go into details as I'd have to describe a 33 year long catalogue of what we'd now call coercive control, emotional abuse and borderline tyranny. He's not a nice person and my mum experienced that too. She'll never leave him, but to a large extent she agrees with me. Thing is, I told him yesterday. I spilled it all out, and I refused to let him continue. My mum was just listening in silence whereas he was looking for excuses, unsuccessfully. No one has ever told him how much of a bully he is until I did now, so you can imagine the sheer terror that dawned on him upon hearing the truth. We will never be good, but I'm so proud of myself that I've addressed it and stood up against it. I can't save everyone affected by his behaviour, but at least I chose to save myself.

That was an essay. But what I'm trying to say is that what happened last year and our discussions since have motivated me not to just cut down on eating Kettle crisps. I'm changing a lot more in my life, step by step, and it's all for the best. Today is the first day of the new decade and I'm going to make this decade as happy as it can be, in every way possible.

Now I'm off to have a delightful Italian coffee with the hubby, no sugar, obvs! 😊 Life is good ❤️

Have a lovely day, ladies. xxx

Hi all, anyone have any big plans tonight?

My mum came over to see me today and we were planning a nice long walk but it's raining here so instead we ended up going for a drive and a pub lunch. I had a sandwich and salad but not the healthy day I was planning. DH wants to cook something special tonight which will probably be calorific and with a couple of glasses of wine I think today will be a write off. Am hoping to get to the gym Thursday and friday at least.

Other than a nice meal we have no plans tonight. Sleep this week has been dire so would love to be in bed and sound out before 12 to be honest. Really cannot wait for this year to be over.

Hi all - please may I join? I am a long-term user but have name changed for this thread.

I had to have a tfmr in April at just under 24 weeks following a devastating diagnosis for baby at my 20 week scan. That was my first pregnancy and I have not yet been able to fall pregnant again since - I am sure my weight and stress levels have a lot to do with this! I am almost 33, could definitely do with losing a stone and calming the fuck down.

Does anyone have any ideas for non sugary, wholesome (not keen on sweeteners etc) and portable snacks please? I eat decent main meals but chocolate bars and cake are my downfall!!! My only hobby right now is going to the gym (barre, spin, pilates and yoga classes) and I have stuck with it for a couple of months, but following in hope of other self care ideas too.

I am so sorry for all your losses (and thrilled and hopeful for the poster who is already pregnant again): hope there is joy for all of us in 2020!

@MrsMGE well said! I think it's normal to just want to hide away after a loss (and stuff my face while doing it)

@dublino welcome! I also have PCOS end am on metformin it does discourage me from overdoing it on rich food as I feel awful afterwards!

Oh my daaaaaaays whyyyyy does it keep posting when I haven't finished typing

@BunnytheBlueWhale for some reason it's not allowing me to tag you properly so let's see if this works!!

The Invisalign might be a great snack deterrent! I usually snack when I am bored, so I really want to limit that.

I also gave up vaping a weeks ago and that's affected my snacking a lot! But going to persevere and try ways to distract myself!

@avocuddles lovely you've joined too! 🥳. Happy we are all focusing on other things aside of TTC!

@Seahawk80 hope you're feeling good and some nice walks might be good way to keep fit? X

Posted too fast! 🙄

@MrsMGE I hope you have a great party tonight!

OH and I are going to see Starwars today (I am not a massive fan personally but OH is) and we aren't celebrating NY especially, but tomorrow we are meeting some friends for brunch and then off to a day party thing (not sure what that'll entail?)!

@dublino welcome to the thread! Look forward to supporting each other, along with all the other great ladies on here 🤗

@SunshineCrocodile I had a PT a few years ago who got me into resistance training with weights and I really love it! I still at times felt it was a male dominated area of the gym, but thanks to my PT at the time and the plans he put together for me, I made it my second home and felt the best I ever felt!

I am contemplating asking him to make me some new plans for 2020!

@

@MrsMGE I don't actually know what Jo Wicks' sessions involve but re HiiT, depends on what your goals are! Great for improving overall fitness, done daily they're probably every bit as effective as three longer cardio gym sessions in a week for example. We own a gym running classes and our sessions are only 45 mins including warm up and cool down, as generally people don't benefit from doing more than that at a time. So the actual workout is only 25-30 mins.

Personally I think everyone should do some heavier weighted work at least once a week too - I'm a bit biased because my big love is resistance training but it's very effective over the longer term to change body compostition (fat to muscle) and faster than you might see changes with pure cardio or bodyweight resistance only. Building muscle increases your resting energy requirements so basically you burn more calories just by doing nothing if you have more muscle. Plus it's SO satisfying moving big weights around 

Food wise, I've found a photo tracker app is invaluable. I've used MFP in the past but it's so time consuming and as I have a fairly good grasp of nutrition I find it easier to just take photos of my meals and upload them so I have an extra level of accountability (only to myself, I don't share them!). My main goals are to watch my portion size and ensure my meals incorporate a good portion of protein and green veg or fruit at each meal, and keep starchy carbs to sensible levels. Also to keep my fluid intake up, I'm basically a cactus unless I remind myself to drink!

So far I'm back on track after yesterday's self-pity cakefest, low fat yoghurt and fruit for breakfast, about to have broccoli and potato soup for lunch. Taking the dog out for a nice long walk in a bit!

@BunnytheBlueWhale my sister had invisalign, exactly the same as you her teeth moved after she lost her retainer. It's made a big difference, her teeth look great!

@dublino welcome - sorry for your loss and this is a great group of ladies. Really looking forward to the support with getting as healthy as possible this year, not just for TTC but for my own wellbeing. I have PCOS as well so have complete sympathy for you there, my cycles regulate much better when I'm a good weight for my height.

As soon as I'm completely convinced that this is a CP and not a long and drawn out implantation that might fall out if I so much as sneeze I'm going to get my gym/yoga sessions for the week booked in. Dying to get back on the barbells now, you ladies have lit a fire under me!

@LASandOtto well done on the run!

Oof, sorry, that was a far longer post than I intended..!

Thanks @mrsmge ! Hoping to get it started tomorrow with a good walk pr the gum and a swim. The other half is also looking to lose weight so probably go and get the weeks shop done

Btw @Avocuddles & @BunnytheBlueWhale I'm only starting this week cause I'm in work...I don't think I'd be that good at home! Xxx

Hey @dublino 😊 I think you're in the best possible place, we're a pretty cool bunch, tut, tut! 😊 Welcome 😊

We've all been through this, we know how hard it is to come out the other end, we don't even have to explain to each other.

You'll be well looked after, we support each other every day, through thick and thin!

@LASandOtto Wooo, go for it! Well done! I've been good today girls, no snacks! Obvs having a party later, but still feeling good and light despite my AF!

@BunnytheBlueWhale I had braces when I was younger, massively helpful when you're trying to lose weight! Great timing!

Xxx

Going to reply properly later - but thread has motivated me to don my gym leggings and to for a run (ok, jog) with OH! 🥳

Look forward to chatting later ladies x

Happy last day of this difficult year for all of us! X

Hi ladies do you mind if I join. I'm 36 and ttc since around sept 2018. I've pcos which means I've probably only had around 6-7 cycles in that time due to long cycles. I started taking clomid in feb and got my bfp in march . However I had a mc a few weeks later that didnt fully happen until after my 12 weeks. I was ok with going to the gum before , wouldn't call myself a gum bunny but I usually went 2-3times a week and would try do some hill walking at weekend. Ever since I found out of the bfp I've been a disaster. I've been to the gym once since june. When it comes to healthy eating I'm brutal and need a serious boot up the backside. I struggle to eat anything remotely like salad . I dont binge too much on sweets as I'm on metformin for the pcos and too much sugar generally makes me ill. Lately my clomid has not been doing what it's supposed to ,this cycle is especially difficult with numerous peaks on opks but no temps to back it up so decided I need to get my shit together and want to lose a stone or two to both get myself healthier and give me a lot stronger chance of ttc. I'm also getting married in August so that another motivator. Hope you dont mind me joining as it be great to have the support

It's interesting how all of us have gone through the same thing, ie falling off the bandwagon after the loss. I guess you just don't feel like prioritising yourself very much, it's nearly too much to deal with at once to face what's happened to us and to keep the healthy routine which involves willpower and effort. We don't have any spare amount of that when we're in a survival mode. But staying in this frame of mind only makes things worse because extra weight or being unfit don't help with ttc, healthy pregnancy or losing weight afterwards, and primarily they make us feel worse about ourselves and the misery continues. I also feel desperate to focus on something else mentally, it's been so long and draining to be in this baby-loss-ttc-no success mode, I feel like saying right, it is what it is, it won't go away, I don't want to dwell on this every day. I can do things that will help me deal with this now and going forward.

I think doing something good like this is so needed, we got to get our mojo back and feel good about ourselves again. Good self-esteem is so important on this journey. We'll do something fresh, something new and something that we'll be proud of and hopefully this is going to be that first spark igniting lots and lots of positive things for us. ❤️😊

@SunshineCrocodile I'd be very interested to hear your professional opinion about doing short HIIT sessions regularly, is this a myth in your experience? If so, what do you think works best?

Happy LAST DAY of 2019, ladies, FINALLY!!! We survived 💪💪💪 Onwards and upwards ❤️❤️❤️ Xxx

I'm in! I'm 37, out of shape after a year of TTC and two MMC at 8 and 10 weeks. Embarrassingly I work in the fitness industry, none of my clients were aware of my pregnancies so I just look like I don't practise what I preach - not easy to hide a paunch when you wear Lycra to work!

Have already been watching my diet for a month or so and lost quite a bit but not where I want to be yet. Normally I'm a stone lighter, I do a lot of weight training and yoga and am usually quite fit and strong although not ever particularly slender. Have let all my training fall by the wayside recently though and need to get back to both - I have an unfounded fear that I caused the mcs through exercise although I know that's not the case as I wasn't pushing myself hard.

I also have issues with food (very disordered/binge eating as a teen and very overweight until my late twenties) and can go into spirals of damaging eating if I'm not careful. So I don't like to diet per se, just try to aim for mostly healthy food with the odd treat chucked in and trying not to feel guilty about the treats. I do love to cook so hoping to plan some more exciting healthy meals than the three or four I'm currently rotating which do the job but aren't particularly inspiring.