TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

This thread is so encouraging! It’s so nice to see even the small changes can make a difference.

I’m back to work on Monday so in my mind my healthy eating starts then! Yesterday I went to see a friend who gave me some raspberry plants from her garden, so this morning I am off to my allotment to plant them. I am thinking that an hour or so of gardening in the fresh air will be quite a good physical and mental health activity!

@Shefliesonherownwings I’m so sorry for your loss. DH and I also both had terrible nightmares after the loss of our DD1. Are you receiving any counselling? I found that bereavement counselling was helpful in dealing with my anxiety and in turn this reduced the nightmares.

I’m also sending my sympathies to everyone on this thread who has mentioned struggling with their relationship with their parents. @MrsMGE @Avocuddles (sorry to anyone I have missed out). I’m currently not speaking to my parents and they know it is because I have found their behaviour after our losses to be so distressing. I do think that some of it is a generational thing because I really recognise the ideas of hierarchy that people were describing here (especially from my dad), but on the other hand I don’t think that’s an excuse for unsupportive behaviour after the losses we have all experienced. I don’t have any helpful things to add in terms of how to handle this, because I don’t think I am handling it very well myself, so I am just sending you all sympathy and a hug.

I hope everyone has healthy and gentle weekends x

Hi everyone 👋

Finally joining you...
Age 36
2 MMCs in 2019 resulting in 2 stone weight gain. Aiming to lose that to get back to a healthy bmi, currently am around 28. Im doing slimming World and am in my 5th week. Lost 1.5lbs today, so am 9lbs down overall (had a slight gain over Christmas but managed to pull that back this week)

Currently only doing diet changes, dh and I have been quite poorly over Christmas (dh worse than me) but have a chesty cough lingering so going to wait for that to clear before I start any proper exercise. I did go for a lunchtime walk on my first day back.

I think I've got a lot of catching up to do on here! ☺️

@LASandOtto I know what you mean, I'm trying not to replace one obsession (TTC/tracking cycles/testing etc.) with another, i.e. weighing myself. So far the latter has given me a good boost, but as soon as my BMI is where it needs to be, I'll stop weighing altogether. Unfortunately I need to know the numbers for that, if we need a fertility appointment or IVF in the future (dreaded thought right now), I need to know I'm in a good place. Xxx

Buenos días chicas!

@avocuddles I second what @Seahawk80 and @MrsMGE said - glad you voiced how you felt and didn't just silently agree to participate in something you'd have felt uncomfortable participating in! Both my friends are now close to where I would've been in my last pregnancy which alas was another miscarriage. One of them has been very mindful and sensitive and the other has been quite 'what's your issue, are you angry at me because I'm pregnant' type, which I really cannot handle at all!

As many ladies have done - I've really stepped away from social media everything and what I don't want to see, I don't follow anymore! 😂

As for today - OH and I are now off for our 4-5k run energy levels permitting!

Really thrilled how everyone is doing their bits and @MrsMGE well done on gym and shop! I love baked shakshuka and also kefir!

I'm not weighing myself at all as to me it can become a little obsessive as I had an eating disorder when I was younger, and weighed myself many times a day then. I am just going to go by how my clothes fit and what the mirror says, and most importantly - how I feel!

@Seahawk80 good luck with the couch to 5k! I hear from colleagues who've done it that it's really good!

Happy Saturday! X

Hey @Avocuddles I'm glad you stood up for yourself, sometimes it is needed to flag things up when people are inconsiderate, you don't have to put up with everything. Good for you!

So I woke up today and it turns out I lost a bit more weight again! I'm weighing daily to watch how I fluctuate depending on what I eat & drink and also throughout my cycle. I'm interested to know my body better. I'll then move on to weighing weekly or so.

I feel achy after exercising and really hungry this morning, I can tell my body is using more energy. It's harder to motivate yourself when you feel like this, but I'm just having my favourite coffee and off to the gym when they open at 8. Did our weekly food shop yesterday, planned our meals and... I can't believe how little I spent 😱 I always made lists, but used to buy snacks on top of it. I must have saved at least £15 yesterday seemingly just on that. Christ.

Found a fab recipe for an egg & baked beans shakshuka and we're making it for brekkie later: www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/baked_bean_shakshuka_79723

Also havev a coconut & honey kefir from The Collective for a treat, it's delicious ❤️

Have a lovely Saturday! I love how uplifting this thread is and it's so nice to chat to you all xxx

Hi everyone, sounds like you're making a good start!

@LASandOtto we did hello fresh a few years ago for ages and loved it, still cook a lot of their recipes. Before we did it DH was a really nervous cook and just cooked the same old things, now he's perfectly happy making something from any cookbook. It is expensive but it's good for inspiration.

@Avocuddles sorry about the woman at your work. I'm so glad you said something to her

I've been reasonably good, eaten a lot of pasta but all "healthy" pasta like the deliciously Ella spicy lentil and aubergine pasta. Also made a nice soup for my friend and I for lunch today - spiced sweet potato and coconut milk. I'm trying to just eat lots of veg and watch my portions / not scoff chocolate! I've done the first 2 couch to 5k runs too which I'm really proud of.

Evening ladies.

Feeling proud of myself for a good first day of healthy eating, I managed to resist the temptation to snack in spite of a stressful day at work. My colleague is now 33 weeks pregnant but convinced her baby is going to come soon as her DD was 4 weeks early. As a result she is going on and on about it pretty much constantly and was even googling how to set up a guess the birth date sweepstake to send around the office! In the end I had to confront her and ask her (politely) to not copy me in on it - the last thing I want is to be caught up in a 'guess the due date' email trail when I could have been due any day now. She was instantly apologetic and also sent me an apologetic message this evening so I'm hopeful that she might be a little more sensitive going forward.... if not then it might be a struggle to stay away from the vending machine......

@MrsMGE @Shefliesonherownwings I'm another one who has a strained relationship with my Dad. It's definitely a generational thing - he knows too well about both of my losses but has never said a single word, no condolences, nothing. My mum isn't much more communicative but does at least acknowledge that I've been through a really tough year and expresses her hope that things will be better going forward. My sister suffers from mental and physical health issues and had a bad episode on New Year's Day which was frankly quite frightening as she was potentially willing to put the safety of herself and others at risk. In spite of the fact she clearly has some major issues my Dad struggles to see them as 'real'. I ended up having a conversation with him where I asked him if he'd have more sympathy for her if she had cancer, or a broken limb, to which he replied of course! I think some people really can't cope with the concept of suffering that you can't outwardly see, maybe it's just too complex for them or they themselves have been brought up with a stiff upper lip attitude that perceives emotions as weakness. I'm quite grateful that I live a long way from my family - I can deal with them (and even enjoy being with them) in small doses, but after six days in their company I was so so glad to be home.

@tortiecat Your post made me laugh so hard 😂 I often think I look like Miss Piggy, blobby and with betroot face when I exercise 😂 It's one of the Bridget Jones moments, but you know what, fuck the gazelles! If you look at people on the streets, trains etc. most of them could do with losing a bit of weight. Hardly anyone is a gazelle. And at least you are on the best possible path, unlike many, many people and that in itself is awesome! Keep it going xxx

@Avocuddles Sister! I was the heaviest I've ever been in my life only last week so don't you worry! Tomorrow is a new day, and it's always a fresh start - go for it ❤️ Andvre your appointment, it's only a few days - annoying, I know, but you're nearly there!

@BunnytheBlueWhale You're forgiven, Hotel Chocolat is just too good lol 😂 Also I've muted all friends with kids/pg on Instagram, as @MissSparkles81 suggests, it's a fabulous thing to do and they will never know! Xxx

Just catching up on the thread, well dine @SunshineCrocodile, it's a good start!

@Shefliesonherownwings I definitely recommend meditation, I do sleep meditations from Deep Meditate (a free app). All thanks to @LASandOtto - I was going through the same thing as you and her recommendation made me look into meditation. It's been a life saver. I still do it, twice or three times a week before bed. I love it. I also took Kalms Night to begin with, for a few weeks to take the edge off. Since I've been doing meditation I haven't used them once.

Re your dad, honestly, mine is exactly the same. Everything has to be done his way, he treats people terribly and never apologises, he thinks I should be doing everything the way he wants it (and generally everyone should work around him) no matter the circumstances. He's utterly selfish and also his attitude is so old fashioned, he seems to be thinking we are not equal, he's higher up in the hierarchy just because he's my father. Well, he's never acted like a father should and never earned respect, so alas it's a no from me. On top of various other issues, it's definitely a generational thing and we are just so far away when it comes to respect, empathy etc. that we will never agree. I don't know if yours is the same, but it seems to me the whole issue is weighing you down and it's not a nice feeling. The only word of advice I can give is don't feel under pressure to resolve this until you work out in your head what's best for you. Sometimes it means accepting that perhaps it won't be perfect. Maybe your parents are disappointing to you because they are so different to you. But you can accept this and move on, only take what they have to offer. I assume they must be around 60ish? They won't change. But you can decide for yourself what sort of relationship or lack thereof would bevthe easiest for you. Don't feel you need to do it asap, don't pull yourself in numerous different directions over this and don't blame yourself. I've been there many times in the last 6 months and it's only my counsellor and a conversation I had with my friend few days ago that suddenly made me realise very clearly what I should do. You'll get there too, in your own time. One improvement at a time ❤️ Xxx

@tortiecat hey, everyone starts somewhere! Rather than feeling apprehensive, feel proud of yourself that you went to a class. You showed up and did something!

Behind every lady who might look slender now was maybe someone who struggled to also find motivation some time ago and then gave themselves a push, like we are all doing!

With time I think we will all reap the benefits of better sleep, improved body image and general well-being!

I'm proud of you ladies x

@SunshineCrocodile I just read your post - don't let my whining put you off your classes next week. It will get easier I hope and one day I am determined to be gazelle like too! Hope you enjoyed your walk x

Hi @Shefliesonherownwings I'm so sorry you've not had a good couple of days. It's so hard when you feel anxious in the dead of night, you can feel so alone - please know that we have been there, we are so sorry for the loss of your daughter and we are rooting for you. Others have come up with good suggestions already but if you do wake in the night I find a few drops of Bach's rescue remedy thing and some deep breathing helps, this technique is pretty good: www.jofrost.com/breathing-blue-balloon-technique
If I feel myself spiralling downwards and getting more and more anxious I force myself to get out of bed, turn the lights on (in a different room!) and read a book or watch something 'light' on Netflix or similar.

Well done on the soup and if you do get to the gym, don't push yourself too hard!

Barre class was horrific this lunchtime. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and saw a flabby looking woman with a beetroot coloured face! The young, slim ladies around me gracefully tucked and waved their legs like graceful gazelles whilst I struggled to keep time and rolled about like an ungainly blobfish. I wish I was joking. I tried to tell myself that I had done a good thing by turning up and trying my best after two weeks off, but am feeling a bit despondent now!

@BunnytheBlueWhale enjoy your chocolate! We have the same issue as very many lovely friends and family gave us Hotel Chocolat for Christmas. I am limiting myself to one at a time and resolutely closing the box and marching upstairs away from them to enjoy with a cup of tea! (once I am sat down there is no getting me up!)

@BunnytheBlueWhale please let me know how you find Hello Fresh?? I'd be really curious to find out?

My OH never used to make any dinners as he doesn't know what to do with himself in the kitchen. A few years ago we started to focus on eating more sustainably and organic, and I ordered our veg and fruit from Riverford.

They also do recipe boxes and I sometimes get one on a Friday and since having those, OH and I've been making so many more meals together - or even he is on his own!

I really care about the environment and about our impact on it. I probably spend a lot on organic and fair trade but it's the small luxury I enjoy a lot, as I love cooking too!

I'll let you all know how the fertility kitchen energy balls turn out!

Xxx

Well done @SunshineCrocodile! I find good diet usually leads me to more motivation to exercise and the other way around.

@Shefliesonherownwings I'm so sorry you're feeling low. You have every right to. Everything is still very recent.

I use the CALM app for night time stories when I struggled to sleep. Also for a lot of their medication courses. In the summer I bought a yoga mat off amazon, and after work I went across the park to do some yoga, followed by 10-20 minutes of guided meditation via CALM. I really enjoyed it, it helped my anxiety. It's proven to have an effect almost immediately. So it's not one where it takes months to notice a change.

There's also a Buddhist centre close to where we currently live. I went there for introductory meditation evenings and drop ins and met some lovely people. It was daunting going but everyone was so caring and so wonderful.

Maybe try a few of these apps and see how you get on?

Also reading and distractions in general are good. Endorphins from exercise might lift you a little here and there too!

Sending you a massive hug and all my love! X

Hi all, happy friday. It's not been a good couple of days for me mentally. Yesterday was very low and today isn't great. I think it's exacerbated by poor sleep. Since my daughter's funeral on 18th december my anxiety is very high at night and although I can get off to sleep I wake up a lot with my heart racing and then struggle to get back to sleep. I'm reliving a lot of the labour and birth at night. I really need to figure out a way to reduce my anxiety at night, because I am really starting to struggle, maybe some meditation or yoga before bed? Anyone have any suggestions?

I told DH yesterday that I'm going to get rid of all the leftover bad food tomorrow or donate it so there's no temptation. Now he's made it his mission to eat it all himself but I've managed to resist. I'm currently batch cooking a WW soup recipe and have made a list of meals for next week and done my shopping list so hopefully next week will be better, foodies. I'm also aiming to go to the gym this afternoon if I can face it.

@MrsMGE I'm sorry you've had to deal with similar with your parents. It really sucks not to have that support when we need it most. My parents are now abroad for 4 months (they spend the winter away in the sun) so I feel less pressure to contact or see my dad. I wish my mum hadn't gone because I will miss her but I'm glad my dad isn't here right now. According to my mum, he believes I owe him an apology because I've been cruel to him. It's another example of him being a victim and making it about him. No acknowledgement that he's upset me and no apology of course. I'm also sad my mum can't stick up for me and tell him he's acted badly but it's her coping mechanism to just say nothing to keep the peace. I'm just so sad about it all.

Morning everyone! Have been following but haven't found a second to sit down and properly post yet. Sounds like you're all off to a good start!

I had two days off the wagon over new year but am back on it now, protein/spinach smoothie for breakfast and lunch will be salmon salad, dinner likely to be cottage pie and veg. I've not booked onto the gym/yoga sessions yet, I seem to have a bit of a mental block around restarting exercise so need to boot myself up the bum and will get those booked for next week. In the meantime am going out for a long walk now so at least that will blow the cobwebs away.

Hi ladies! Just checking in and will read through properly after work. I just weighed myself (there is a free height and weight monitor at work....) and I'm the heaviest I've been in 18 months! I have started tracking in the weight watchers app as of this morning and just donated most of our Christmas gift chocolates and biscuits to a food bank collection so making steps in the right direction but know it's going to take plenty of discipline. Annoyingly my ovulation induction consultation has been pushed back from Monday to Thursday but that still means less than a week to go. Maybe if I work hard I'll have shifted at least a couple of pounds by then!