TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

Thanks everyone. Sorry if I'm a bit quiet over the next week, I'm probably going to park exercise while I'm still spotting and I'm going to eat healthy meals but if I need extra carbs / treats I'll go for it over the next week. I'm feeling really sick which I just hope is a good sign.

The EPU near me is a walk in so I'm going Tuesday next week. I'll be 6+6 then adjusting for my cycle and I think that's as long as I'll be able to make myself wait and I should hopefully see a heartbeat by then if all's well. Spotting is still there but mainly brown with the odd bit of pink. It's only ever when I wipe and not every time. Iwear a panty liner and there's nothing on it. I'm just worried that it's the start of something worse.

@SunshineCrocodile I have not tried the figgy pudding! I must give it a go next time. Sitting in Pizza Express with a book, coffee and pud sounds like heaven - go for it!

@MrsMGE you too?! I am considering the move to in house (in hope the hours might be a bit better, were they for you?) but I really like my firm / team so staying put for now.

@Seahawk80 @LASandOtto I am glad you / Seakhawk's DH feel the same about the leggera! £1 more for 10 mouthfuls of pizza

@LASandOtto your snowboarding story made me giggle. Your poor bottom! No doubt I will have a few bumps and scrapes too (but won't post a pic of my bottom on here, don't worry). I just hope I don't break anything - we have just arrived so first day on the nursery slope tomorrow!

@MrsMGE your post on grief really resonates with me. It's the memories that I don't have that I find so painful. Hugs xx

@BunnytheBlueWhale @SheFliesOnHerOwnWings I am a lawyer too Very glad you applied for that post Bunny - best of luck to you!

Seen this today and really liked it!

Evening girls!

Had a nightmare of a busy day in work and didn't manage to get out for a walk. In fact didn't have a lunch break at all, boo! En route home now, I left even though I could stay another hour. I didn't want to - I got my fitness class at 8pm and not a chance I'd skip it! 💪

@Shefliesonherownwings I'm good, thank you. Fellow lawyer too 😊 in private practice as you may guess from the amount of work 😂 I was an in house before and would consider that again in the future for sure 😁 Glad you had a gentle day, one day at a time and don't plan for the entire period because you simply won't know how you're going to be. There's every chance you'll end up feeling better than you might be imagining now ❤️

I am BLOODY STARVING!!! No snacks today at all apart from one fruit bar and some fruit. Porridge with honey and blueberries for breakfast and home made Caesar salad for lunch. Now going to have a tuna casserole with courgettes, peppers, tinned tomatoes, sundried tomatoes and olives, before I shoot off to my class.

@BunnytheBlueWhale Well done, girl! Good on you that you've applied! Best of luck 😊 PS - I'm loving you came for the final push to our thread! 😁 Xxx

@SunshineCrocodile didn't realise you were another local! I live 25 mins down the road from rudding park. It's definitely worth the visit - probably the nicest spa I've been too, though Rockliffe Hall and Swinton Park are also both great.

@BunnytheBlueWhale I'm really glad you put yourself forward, it sounds like there's nothing to lose really. And yay to the end of PMT and eating healthily!

@Shefliesonherownwings I wouldn't suggest making the early morning shops a habit but imagine it was peaceful! I'm glad the counselling went well and gave you some practical suggestions. I hope you have a better nights sleep tonight.

What are you all eating tonight? I'm planning in making a turkey mince bolognese- the sauce is zero points on weight watchers and I've been good today so can have a decent portion of pasta with it. I'm having a relaxing herbal tea each evening after dinner, I've built up quite a collection but recommend the twinings 'sleep' tea for getting you in a relaxing mood, also the Apple Crumble tea from ASDA is a good one to help satisfy a sweet tooth but with zero calories....

I'm so glad you went for it @BunnytheBlueWhale. What area of law do you work in out of interest? I'm a lawyer in the public sector, based in house at a healthcare regulator.

I like your suggestion of doing something every day even if it is something small. I forgot DH is working from home today as we had our first counselling session at lunchtime. Tomorrow he is off to london so will be home alone, I'm going try to get to the gym and do some cleaning. I'm planning to take six months mat leave so will need to find things to fill my days.

@SunshineCrocodile you sound like a lovely PT. I've had a couple of PTs before but don't live in the same area, otherwise I'd have gone back to them. The one I saw was lovely and we're having a taster session on Thursday to see if we click. He was very open about it being fine if I didn't feel comfortable booking with him

@MrsMGE how are you feeling today? I think it's completely normal to blame yourself and also feel guilty for feeling better. I certainly blame myself despite everyone saying I did nothing wrong. I understand that but I just don't believe it. I didn't notice something was wrong with my DD. Hopefully in time that will ease off. Try to be kind to yourself and don't feel bad if the grief is easing off. I've heard it gets easier but never goes away, you will always be a mother to your baby even if the grief ebbs.

I had another bad night of sleep and ended up waking at 4:30am and couldn't get back to sleep. I decided to get up and go to tesco to do the food shop at 6am. I got weird looks from the staff for doing a full shop at that time but it was lovely and quiet. Not something I want to do regularly though! DH and I then had counselling. I found it helpful, talking about things makes me feel better and she had some helpful suggestions for coping with some of my anxiety, mainly about bumping into people we know unexpectedly and how to deal with that.

Having been up so early I would normally be snacking on rubbish now but I've been healthy and just had a couple of squares of chocolate after lunch. Am feeling shattered but going to try to stay awake and then go to bed early in the hope of sleeping through. Fingers crossed.

Good luck then @BunnytheBlueWhale! Good for you!

@tortiecat oh Pizza Express - I'm not bothered about pizza, even ones with holes in, but that little mini pudding they do with figs in Marsala syrup with mascarpone . Do you know, I think I'll take myself there in the afternoon lull and literally just order that pudding and a coffee next time I have an afternoon to myself. And read a book.

@BunnytheBlueWhale do you think you'd genuinely enjoy it? If so, I'd go for it!

@MrsMGE I'm doing ok thanks! Feeling a bit more chipper, trying to get myself back on the positivity health train I was riding before New Year. I get a hideous mood slump with PMT and the first few days of a cycle and I think the CP plus coming home from holiday exacerbated that this time, but coming out the other side now. How are you? Good job on the weight loss! I think the odd tumble back into grief is inevitable and it does get less often and less painful - but I still think sometimes about the first baby I lost, 8 years ago now, and who they would be now, if they were a girl or a boy, what they'd look like, and I know none of these babies we never met will ever be forgotten.

@Avocuddles how funny, Rudding is literally over the road from where I work. I drive past it every day but have never been to the spa - maybe I should!

@Shefliesonherownwings I think you're doing brilliantly. I'm a PT and it's amazing how much it's like being a therapist sometimes, people can use exercise as an escape, or a release, or to work on self confidence and self worth. It's never 'just' exercise. Some sessions I honestly just chat with clients and we never get past the warm up but they value those sessions so much! I hope your PT is a good fit and you get some real benefit - don't be worried about finding a different one if you don't click, you need to feel comfortable with him.

@Seahawk80 I hope the spotting is on the way out now. Fingers crossed for you.

Sorry if I've missed people out, I'm supposed to be catching up on all the admin I didn't do over Christmas and haven't fully kept up with the thread but I'm here and trying to read even if not always responding!

@BunnytheBlueWhale quick reply here as about to go into a meeting but YES - go for it! And we'll all be rooting for you.....

Thank you @BunnytheBlueWhale and well done to you too!

@SunshineCrocodile How are you doing, lovely? I'm thinking about you xxx

@Shefliesonherownwings Oh bless you ❤️ I'm glad we are doing our little bit to help. I never thought how difficult it is to stay on your own on leave. It sounds like adding some regular activities will be very helpful xxx

@SunStruck Meant to say, well done for going through the due date period. I totally understand why you took a step back xxx

@SunStruck Sista ❤️ I'm replying on this thread because this is where I'm active at the moment. I struggle to keep up wuth multiple threads and also felt I needed to shift from the TTC focus onto living my best and healthy life focus which inevitably will achieve two things: 1. It will help long term with being able to be happy again after the loss, and 2. It can only help with TTC, it might happen quicker, it might make me stronger and fitter if it doesn't and it will eventually help throughout the next pregnancy. To me it's a no brainer, but you've been with me throughout this entire journey and you know it's taken me a while to be in this frame of mind.

I think you'll really like this thread, I know you're into fitness and healthy eating anyway!

It's so nice to talk about everything and anything with you ladies. We're interesting women, we actually have a sense of humour too and it's so nice to rediscover this, in myself as well. Only now I realise how low my self esteem was for months after the loss, I clearly secretly blamed myself for what's happened even if I didn't think I did at the time. I forgot what I'm into as a woman, what I enjoy and what I'm good at, didn't see there are things worth doing in life regardless, or maybe because of what's happened. That's no way to live long term, is it. I clearly hoped I'd be pg again in no time and all the sadness would go away, but it doesn't work like this.

I'm sometimes scared this is the end of my grief. It is a scary thought. But I still cry at times, in the shower, like yesterday I had a thought that my best friend's baby will be in the school year that my baby would have been and I'll watch him/her go to school, graduate etc. and always think I had a baby who would have been standing next to him/her. That thought made me choke up. So maybe this grief will stay there forever, and actually I don't feel it's a bad thing, it's keeping the memory of baby MGE alive ❤️ xxx

Morning ladies!

I weighed myself today and it shows I've put on some weight over the weekend, but still overall more than 2lbs lost last week (1.3kg) which considering I've only started on Wednesday is really good, I think 🎉🎉🎉. I'm now going to switch to weighing weekly because I suspect if it slows down/plateaus I don't want to get discouraged or upset. I know this is normal, but I also know that I used it as an excuse before not to continue with my health mission or to loosen up ("it will take a while anyway so a little treat won't do harm") and it simply didn't work as a result. I am absolutely determined for this not to happen again. Please wish me luck!

6am HIIT done today, on my own as DH is having a rest day. Dance/fitness class later tonight 😊 Happy Monday, team! Xxx

Thanks ladies. To be honest 99% of the time I feel like I am hanging on by a thread, so thank you for your kind words. I have found that sitting in the house all day makes me feel worse and there have been and still are plenty of days like that so I'm trying not to succumb to it although some days just getting dressed is an achievement.

Getting fit and healthy is giving me a great focus right now and I need something to do. DH goes back to work tomorrow and I am nervous about being on my own so going to the gym for a bit will hopefully become my sanctuary. Also DH and I really want to try again and although we are just seeing what happens right now, I want to be fitter and healthier if it does happen. This thread is really helping motivate me so thank you all so much. I'm now in tears writing this!

I don't have the attention span to read a book but I used to love reading so am storing up all your suggestions on here for a later date.

@Seahawk80 I hope everything is ok. I'm crossing my fingers for you. X

@Avocuddles I am glad you and your DH enjoyed Rudding Park. I went last year and it has ruined all other spas for me for life. I just wanted to stay there and shuffle about in my robe and branded slippers forever. The only slight fly in the ointment was that they did suggest a v expensive Elemis anti wrinkle cream to me after my facial, I wasn't aware I had any wrinkles (my cheeks are far too chubby) so this was quite anxiety inducing!
Also - I will be thinking of you and @MrsMGE and your babies this month ❤️

@Shefliesonherownwings I second what @MrsMGE said, you are incredible xx

@tortiecat ohhh Brazil Nuts! Yeah, I just find they taste like wood chips personally? I want to like them for the alleged fertility factor but we just never made friends! 

Enjoy your skiing trip. I've only been snowboarding once in my life, I spent most of the time horizontally in the snow, and with bruises the size of dinner plates on my behind. I also didn't make it off the lift fast enough and got knocked on the back of the head by the departing seat I had tried to get off. Another Bridget over here! The Apres Ski on the other hand I mastered exceedingly well  when are you off?

@Avocuddles glad you had a lovely day with DH and enjoyed some bonding time! I'm going to have to check the place out you went to! I wouldn't mind escaping the big smoke for a spa weekend, my 34th is coming up in February and I could do with a plan!

@Shefliesonherownwings great stuff seeing the PT and having found someone who will get your current mental state and also assess your physical needs. I had a wonderful PT a few years ago and I still see him now in the gym, and he still helps me out! A great PT will really get you into the mood and swing of it! It's tremendous that two months after losing beautiful Isla you're already finding motivation to do all of this! I really admire that a lot!

The leggera Pizza thing had me in tears as I ordered that once not knowing what it was but secretly hoping it was a normal pizza with a less fatty cheese or something. Great marketing, get a smaller pizza with a side salad served in the middle and call it light 😂

When is your scan @Seahawk80? I hope the spotting is getting better and will be thinking of you!

@MrsMGE YES on the book front sister, we did chat about them before when we were exchanging good read ideas on the other thread! We do like a lot of the same writers!

We've just had Minestrone for dinner and 2 oranges for dessert - oh how times have changed! At Xmas that would've read Chocolate Orange!

X

@Shefliesonherownwings Just wanted to say, you're doing really amazing. I was a mess for the first few months after my MMC, I am not sure how I'd be after a full term loss, presumably the same or worse. You should be super proud of yourself. Please don't feel like you should be doing more or quicker, personally it's 6 months for me soon and only now I've been in a fairly OK place for a few weeks and able to crack on. Obviously everyone's pace is different. Remember you're already doing a great job ❤️

@Avocuddles Glad you had a lovely time, it sounds blissful ❤️ xxx