TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

I'm working from home and staring into the fridge in despair tbh. I was going to have a spinach omelette but it would seem DH had eggs for breakfast so that's out! Maybe I'll make soup...

Thanks @SunshineCrocodile! Let me know if you like it 😊

Well I'm having a slightly dull salmon salad for lunch. What's everyone having? Does anyone have any nice lunch ideas btw? Preferably salads or something that doesn't need to be warmed up, I don't do hot food for lunch? Xxx

It's this one @MrsMGE - and I've just reminded myself to get the beef out of the freezer so glad I posted about it! I'll report back when I've tried it..

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/2872688/beef-and-beetroot-curry

@SunshineCrocodile What's the recipe for that curry? It sounds right up my street, I love beetroot! Xxx

Whoops, strikethrough fail makes it look like I can't punctuate

@LASandOtto I hear you re the fertility clinic. I donated eggs two years ago and was always just astounded at how many women/couples were waiting to be seen whenever I went in. It was so sobering sometimes I wonder if I donated all my good eggs and that's why none of my pregnancies will stick now but at least it was in a good cause

@MrsMGE stick Amy on and have a good bellow along with it. Well done for channelling your energy into your health!

@kkr168 glad you have your bfn, good luck with TTC.

Mission: Health is going well! Finally made it through all the chicken stew and I'm making a beef and beetroot curry tonight - it's a first but I like slightly out-there recipes so we'll see how it goes! Plus I went to the gym for a weights session yesterday (and now can hardly move despite thinking I'd taken it easy!), going again tonight and booked in for hot yoga in the morning. Amazing how quickly my mood has taken an upturn just by getting my focus back, I have you lot to thank for that as I think I'd have wallowed a lot longer without this support.

Morning ladies!

I woke up still fuming about the situation, but made a choice not to let it get in my way. I did an extra HIIT workout last night, and a harder one this morning. Also had a soup from Fertility Kitchen for dinner ladt night, same tonight. I had a counselling session yesterday after work hence the verbal diarrhoea, it makes things that I've been trying to bury deep inside come out and only you can understand.

And you certainly do! I read all of your posts and am so grateful for what you've said. I'm also sorry at least some of you are feeling the same now. It's not our fault, but it feels like it is. Some people have random accidents, some are randomly seriously ill, and we're randomly going through this. There might be an underlying health issue, but we randomly have it. We didn't do anything to be in this position, says the sensible me. And then the emotional me is blaming myself, maybe because I'd so wish I could do something to change things and I can't and I've never experienced this before.

Today is the "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse kind of day. I'll keep telling myself that this too shall pass.

Most importantly, it didn't make me reach for rubbish food or skip my good routine and that's something to cheer on! 😊

Have a good Wednesday girls xxx

@TerribleImagination I didn't need the green tea got my negative this morning, 1 week after MC, were going to TTC straight away. Got my 2nd lot of bloods today, so will have the result from that this evening.
I forgot to take my ovulation test at the same time, although assume it would be negative at the moment anyway!!

Thank you @LASandOtto - your posts are always so kind! Baileys hot choc is my absolute fave, I might seek one out today!

@Avocuddles 70g - thank you!! That and a veg sauce sounds very sensible indeed. I do like a green lentil and mushroom bolognaise!

@BunnytheBlueWhale I am going to try some of your recipes next week, thank you for posting them. Had a short flirtation with Hello Fresh pre-Christmas and LOVED the chicken laksa, let me know what you make of it? Do you think you will keep going? DH and I did like it but didnt find it cost effective, plus we like to cook in bulk and freeze things.

@MrsMGE I hear you - THAT is exactly why I was feeling sad yesterday. I was feeling useless - 8 months since losing our boy and not a hint of a pregnancy since. I was beating myself up as my DH is so incredibly lovely and will make such a great dad, and I feel like I've failed him. It's so very hard when not very nice people have babies so easily and you feel judged and not good enough, and I know this is a hard time for you as your due date approaches. I wanted you know that you're not alone - I am sympathetic to others in their times of trouble but hold myself to unreasonable and impossible standards all the time too (not just fertility-wise!) I am working on shifting this approach a bit with my grief counsellor and this group is helping too - @Shefliesonherownwings and @SunshineCrocodile have just provided stellar advice as always. Be kind to yourself - this situation is not your fault and you are you are taking so many positive steps to look after yourself. I firmly believe you will have your rainbow xx

Good morning ladies!

@Shefliesonherownwings wrote beautifully I think, in response to your worries @MrsMGE.

We are always harder on ourselves. I wish we gave the kind advice we give to others, to our own self. But we seemingly don't. It's really sad that as women we feel when we don't function how is expected, we aren't 'good' enough.

Can I just say, this morning I was back at the clinic where OH and I had been end of November for my initial chat. I called them yesterday to advise I was very early pregnant and I'm going to do pregnancy monitoring with them and tests to see if there's something we can do assist this pregnancy, we will.

Anyway, that's beside the point as what I wanted to say is that I was there at 7am, and my god - there were so many women there in the waiting room. Going through probably all types of treatments, IVF, you name it. I was quite taken aback because I didn't expect anyone else to be there. Especially at 7am. I then went for my blood tests and same thing - tons of women waiting for tests, it was like 5 in, 5 out.

I think so many of us are struggling and it's hard when in your real life circle everyone is breezing through it. I'm 'lucky' in that I have a friend or two who are struggling with infertility of other types and we often speak and console each other. It makes it all a lot more bearable not to feel like 'just me'?

Hope everyone has a good day today and sending lots of love!

@MrsMGE I know how you feel in terms of the sperm analysis making you assign fault to yourself. My DHs tests came back with what the nurse described as 'fantastic' results which felt like a double edged sword to me. I know for a fact that there are issues with my menstrual cycle (my last 60 day cycle being pretty typical for me) which makes me naturally think that I am also responsible for not growing babies properly. I'm pretty much lining myself up for another miscarriage in my mind which is a desperately sad situation to be in! I will tell you and the others here time and time again that you're not failures but I can't deny that I'm a massive hypocrite as that's exactly what I feel like most of the time....

Your DHs friends partner sounds like a hideous person. Maybe she has lived a sheltered, privileged life without experiencing loss or hardship, or maybe she's just nasty. Either way you need to give yourself credit for being a far better woman - our sense of self shouldn't be defined by our parental status but by our relationships with others and I can tell you for a fact that everyone here wouldn't have a bad word to say about you! Nonetheless fertility issues are nothing to be embarrassed about, I'm sure it's far more common that any of us realise.

My close friends and some of my colleagues do know about my issues. After the second miscarriage it reached a point where I realised it was better for my mental health and wellbeing if those around me understood about my fertility issues and miscarriages otherwise I was putting myself at constant risk of the kind of insensitive comments of which you speak. DH and I are 20 months into the TTC journey now and I think the next year will make it clear whether or not a natural family is on the cards for us. I don't tell my friends all the 'ins and out' but if they ask how we're getting on then I'll happily update them re our treatment. The reality however is that most people don't want to know, possibly because they just don't know what to say. Thank god we have these groups to help us through the lonely times!

@MrsMGE I too would be annoyed at that information being shared especially to someone you don't like. But I do agree with others it's understandable that your DH needs to talk to others although maybe next time he could ask his friend not to tell his partner. I like what Bunny said too about how much others think of us, she's probably not given it a second thought but I see why you're upset.

We are always much much harder on ourselves than others. You're not inferior at all but I understand it's hard to believe that. As women we should be able to get pregnant, carry babies and bring them home. Plenty of people do and that's what the media portrays and society expects. When you lose a baby or babies or struggle to conceive it goes against what is 'supposed' to happen. But that's also a way of life, its not as widely shared or spoken about as it should be so perhaps it feels 'abnormal' for want of a better word and we tend to blame ourselves.

I have a lot of guilt about losing Isla, I blame myself. I didn't know she was in distress and I should have, I should have noticed something. I struggled with the pain of labour, if I had coped with it better, it might have changed things. The rational side of me knows, and plenty of people tell me, that none of that is true but I believe it no matter how much someone says otherwise. So I know it may be hard to believe but please try to believe that no one judges you for not getting pregnant, no one blames you. If anyone did, they are a far worse person than you could ever be. Try to take it easy on yourself. Xx

@MrsMGE just read your last post. I'd be fuming too tbh! That's VERY private. Especially as you don't like the girlfriend! I wouldn't want anyone to know our business! I agree, us ladies are doing soooo much to try make this happen and sometimes the men do not understand! I also had an argument with my DH, he was tired after work but we had to dtd because I knew I was ovulating that day. I KNOW it's not the sexiest thing whatsoever but I'm on a protocol we are paying for and I have to go for scans twice a week, take all the supplements, take shots in my belly and abstain from everything I love. So don't whine about dtd on demand, it made my blood boil 🤣

@MrsMGE also in the other thread! I'm back 🤣

@MrsMGE I'm still here hun, I'm thinking maybe you don't see my tagging/messages?! Is the tagging caps sensitive? I'll try again! Good to see you here 🤗

You're right @SunshineCrocodile @BunnytheBlueWhale, I should rise above this and realise that ultimately people's opinions do not matter. Everyone lives their life differently and there's no set time for things to happen.

It's one of those strange things, I'd never ever think any less about a woman who lost a baby or who had multiple losses, or who struggles to conceive. But when it comes to myself, I do exactly that and deep inside I feel absolutely inferior in comparison with the rest of the world, I think they'll all judge me because I can't get pg again. I'm ashamed. Oh, man, it's all coming out now. Is it just me, does no one else feel this way at times? 😖 Xxx

I totally get why you're annoyed @MrsMGE. I would be too. That said, DH has told me many times (and annoyingly he's right) that if we realised how little time other people spend thinking about us we'd be offended. Sounds harsh to say when TTC is such a huge part of your life right now, but even if she does know she probably doesn't really care and will already have mentally moved on to thinking about what's for supper or how to get her boyfriend to propose.

Also, please don't be embarrassed. Just look at this thread full of intelligent, funny, brilliant women, all of whom are struggling with fertility. It's no reflection on you or any of us that getting/staying pregnant isn't easy. I'd far rather hang out in here with you than with vapid social media attention seekers who happen to have had the luck of the draw on the fertility front.

I found it a lot easier to talk to people about losing my baby than about not being able to conceive since. No one knew the latter, not until now when DH just couldn't keep his mouth shut. I am deeply embarrassed about having this issue because no one else seems to be having it, everyone else can just can pg again. Xxx

I'm like you @MrsMGE, never told anyone of our 'issues'. Didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me / us. It's so silly really! Having support and help is so needed in a time that is so so lonely at times, feeling under such pressure and under such high expectations.

It's good for us all to be open and talk. On here, the number of threads bearing sad stories with years of infertility and TTC are absolutely heartbreaking. But they're the reality of life with all its facets and it's so courageous all these women (and men, sometimes) come here to share their thoughts, downs, highs, worries, happy moments, and so on.

Sending you a big hug x

Spot on @LASandOtto, as usual 😉👌

I'm having a day of not coping well with the fact I still don't have a baby and no idea if/when this is going to change, as you can tell. The last thing I wanted was for this to come out and become a known issue, I don't want people to know because they'll start imagining we're having bigger problems than we actually are, or they'll be sympathetic, and what for. It only creates extra pressure on me which I'm so desperately trying to avoid 🙄 xxx

@MrsMGE had a good giggle at your post btw! Love a good sense of humour 😂

@MrsMGE that woman sounds like a nasty piece of work. In my experience, people who so publicly feel the need to boast about how fabulous their life is, have a lot of issue that they're tying to mask over by making it out to everyone in earshot that all is just so super grand! You know this, I know you do. I always think how little we really know about some people, and what really goes on in their lives. She sounds like someone with no self esteem and the need to get attention and affirmation from others.

Don't argue with DH, he probably didn't mean to hurt you by speaking to his best friend. After all, our DH's also need a space to speak to someone and I'm certain he just wanted to share the good news of great results with someone else aside from you! If anything it shows to me that he must've also been worried about 'what if' the results come back and they're not great, and not having had good results must have made him euphoric and wanting to share!

Just enjoy the good news of today for what they truly are - happy news that your DH has super swimmers! Thinking there's an issue with you is unfounded until it's proven there is one. I know we all question ourselves but we really ought not to. Even if we have 'issues' to overcome to hold our rainbows, I would say they're not issues, just health conditions. Which hopefully, if we have them, will be treatable.

Chin up sister, you guys will have your rainbow! Believe in it!

X

Oh girls. It's one of those days. DH had his sperm tests results back, everything is absolutely fine, brilliant in fact. Good news. But now I've managed to convince myself the issue is with me, even though I don't even know if there is an issue.

DH also told his best friend, which is fine, however! I don't like his partner, she's bitchy and jealous and she was rubbing it in my face just before my first pg that she had a fabulous pregnancy, got pg straight away, fabulous childbirth, now she has a fabulous child looked after fabulous grandmothers, so fabulously she doesn't pay for childcare, and even more fabulously, her weight effortlessly fell off her after she gave birth. And then asked "So when are YOU going to start trying, you know, time is ticking". On a train to work! 😳 Apart from that, she's not the brightest bulb, in a dead end low paid job, with no sense of style, her bf doesn't want to marry her, her house is falling apart and she was never ready for that baby, but I never said that. Obvs I would never rub it in her face!!! 🙄

I'm fuming now, we've just had a huge argument and I told him I don't understand what was so traumatic about a ten-minute appointment jizzing in a cup that he had to share it with someone and that he hadn't been through 1% of what I had to go through in the last 7 months if he wants me to put things into perspective for him!

Why would you even tell anyone that you've visited a fertility clinic without discussing it with your partner first? It's as private as it gets. I wouldn't so much mind DHs friend knowing if necessary, but I'd never want his girlfriend to know. Now everyone will know and they're all going to think we're going through bloody IVF which we're not!!! Ffs! AIBU???