TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

@BunnytheBlueWhale I just had some chocolate too. My secretary bought it for me with a little card, it was waiting for me on my desk and she said "I know today is hard, but you're not alone. X" I cried when I saw this. She also lost a baby to miscarriage. We look after each other in that and other respects. I feel it's justified I had that chocolate today.

Well done re running. That's one thing I cannot get into long term, I enjoy an occasional jog, but I'm not a runner. I wish I was, I'd shee the pounds pretty quickly!

@Shefliesonherownwings I know exactly where you're coming from, I'm the same after my counselling sessions. They bring out issues that I perhaps didn't want to face or pushed them aside. But I've realised I need to work through them to free myself up. Your posts really reasonate with me, I very much recognise my own feelings and experiences from the last few months in what you're saying. I think this is the right path, at least now after 2 months of counselling I can see an improvement. Bad days still happen but they are rare and a "blip", not my every day reality anymore (and I thought at some point it would be the case).

I am going to get my act together and do my HIIT exercise tonight, tomorrow and Zumba on Friday. I'm not giving up. Also having a super healthy tuna & veg casserole tonight. I'm finally feeling a bit brighter today, been a long day! Xxx

Girls. I think we all know deep inside we couldn't have done anything more or better. We are not to blame for anything that's happened. I struggle with this myself at times, but it's so, so clear from your posts that I have to tell you as an outsider, you are superb and NONE of it is your fault. Please don't beat yourselves up, you only do this because you are supermums and you want the best for your little ones. You have done your best. And one day you'll have the rest of your lives to show how every day how you're doing your best. That will be the day when your gorgeous rainbow babies arrive 🌈. Xxc

Morning all. @MrsMGE I'm sending you a big virtual hug. It's understandable that things will be rough, all I can say is take it slowly, hour by hour or minute by minute if things are really bad today. You're right that tomorrow is a new day and you can start again knowing you got through today and can get through other bad days. Also forget about the bad choices, sometimes we need to be naughty when we feel rough. Don't punish yourself. One blip is not going to undo all the good work.

@BunnytheBlueWhale sorry you too are having a bad day. I totally get what you mean about going back over and thinking what if I'd done something differently. I don't think enough is taught about movements and what to be concerned about. It's not your fault though, you didn't know but with hindsight it's hard not to go back and wish things were different.

I have also been struggling a lot the last couple of days. I had counselling on Monday and I do find it helpful but it is bringing up a lot of things that I am then struggling with in the following days. On Monday I talked about my feelings of guilt at not protecting Isla and noticing something was wrong and like you @Bunny I talked about what I wish I'd done differently. I've been thinking about it all since and just feeling so sad and teary.

I've managed to stick to the healthy eating but not managed to get to the gym. I actually haven't been out of the house since counselling but will try to pop to the shops today. I cooked a WW home made beans on toast recipe for breakfast which is basically cannellini beans, haircot beans, tinned toms, bacon and loads of spices. It was really nice and plenty left over for another time. Fingers crossed we all feel a bit lighter soon. Sending hugs xx

Thanks for all the lovely messages. I'm actually feeling ok, sad but ok. For me the waiting and not knowing is torture, now I know it's bad news and I can get on with being sad. Might sound strange but it's just how I am! Took the rest of yesterday off to wallow (and eat loads of crap). I'm back at work today as I'll probably need more time off if / when I miscarry or for a D&C so thought I'd come in while I'm alright physically. I don't work Thursdays so it's just one day.

I'm going to try not to use this an an excuse to be unhealthy. Got lots of healthy food on my Ocado order and I'm going to get a new bike so that cycling to work is more appealing. Also going to start couch 2 5k again next week. I am taking DS for cake after nursery/ work today though as a special treat for us both. I do feel so very lucky to have him.

@MrsMGE hope you are feeling better. I think sometimes the reality only hits after the momentous date. I was fine on my doe date (obviously a BFP helped) but it's so hard thinking I should be on mat leave with a newborn, especially when you're back at work.

@Avocuddles I was rushing around tidying for the cleaner this morning 😂

@BunnytheBlueWhalethe what ifs are so hard aren't they. I keep thinking about drinking before I found out and wondering if that caused a problem (even though I know it's so unlikely). Try not to drive yourself mad with it (easier said than done I know). I never knew that about movements increasing as well as decreasing being a risk so you've educated at least one person today x

@SunStruck ❤️ Thanks, lovely.

I need to get a grip. Today is not good, but tomorrow is a new day and I got to continue with my health mission, it's helping so, so much! I can't give up on myself. Xxx

@mrsMGE 😔 it hits me from time to time too, but I try to push it away. Your baby will always live on in your memory, always!

In regards to weight, that is ONLY water weight from the weekend (from eating carbs etc), you should never weigh yourself after a weekend, do it on Friday mornings! That's what I do, and it's most accurate.

You're not a failure, you're strong to balance a career and the pain of losing a baby at the same time, it's really difficult!

@SunStruck I'd rather not say cause that might make others fall of the healthy bandwagon.

I was actually quite ok for most of the day, bit emotional, but ok. Today, however, I feel shit. Absolutely shit. I've realised it really is done, irreversible, this baby will never be here and this feels like the first day of the rest of my life, acknowledging this. It's not good. Typically, I'm back in work.

I also weighed myself, huge mistake as I've put on a ridiculous amount after this long weekend.

I feel like an absolute failure, can't even lose a fucking stone, I mean, seriously!!!

Sending hugs @MrsMGE ❤️ Hope you had a good time. I'm also going to a spa with DH this weekend (one treatment each - Xmas present!)z ooh what naughty food choices did you make? This is actually more interesting to hear about than our healthy eating 🤣 I'm a massive foodie!

@venusstarr just take a little break - you're going t through a lot and it's fine to eat some comfort foods! You deserve it.

Thanks @Venusstarr. I just read your update. I get where you're coming from, I'm personally scared that I might have to go down the IVF route if nothing happens too, and I'd be taken aback if someone told me this. I don't actually think we need it, the prospect seems scary and unnecessary considering we clearly can get pg naturally.

However, like you said, there's still time before you start the process and things may happen naturally. Secondly (and that's how I'm trying to convince myself), even if you go through it, chances are you'll end up with a healthy baby and you'll be very well supported throughout. I heard first hand stories from one couple having IVF twice on the NHS (she found it hard at times due to hormones) and another one who had it privately (she said it was nowhere near as scary as some say).

I'd like to think that after what we've been through already it actually won't be as bas as it might seem. And you may not even need it. Remember our here and now approach? Roll it back to basics, look after yourself now, one day at a time and regardless of what the future holds, it will help you go through it. You will be fine ❤️ xxx

Sending love @MrsMGE ❤️

I'm so sorry @Seahawk80 ❤️

Im struggling to stay on plan / motivated. I know why (there's an update on the other thread...) x

Thanks girls ❤️ @tortiecat @Avocuddles
I think generally a spa day is our go to option for a difficult day, isn't it! It does work. I'm glad today is nearly over. Had a cry and I've been a bit clingy with DH which isn't like me. I think I needed a cuddle and he did give me one earlier and held my hand twice today which was very sweet.

I wasn't great with food choices today, it's a write off, but I think it was needed. I'll do my best to be good again from tomorrow. Hope you all had a good day xxx

@tortiecat 😂 😂 😂!

@MrsMGE hope you're having a fantastic time at the spa. Feeling envious as I tidy the house before the cleaner comes tomorrow (guessing I'm not the only one to do this?) whilst DH watches football. Living the dream!

Dinner tonight is turkey mince bolognese which I'm just off to dish up now. Hope you've all had a good day x

Thinking of you @MrsMGE on this tough day, hope you and DH are enjoying your spa! I think "go to Rudding Park" is the equivalent of "cancel the cheque" on this thread I went to Thermae on a hen do once, it was lovely.

@Seahawk80 So sorry to hear your news. Thinking of you - we are here for you xx

Also @Shefliesonherownwings I was going to post earlier, your kitty is gorgeous 😍 Nothing beats a cat cuddle ❤️ Hope you're doing well xxx

Thanks @BunnytheBlueWhale @SunStruck.

Sadly Rudding Park is a bit too far away (maybe one day!), but Thermae Bath Spa will do 😊 I have a massage booked. Can't wait. Xxx

@bunnythebluewhale yeah precisely that, I'm cooking healthy stews/chili's and soup! 🤣 I have seen a few recipes for pulled chicken fajitas etc though, might try that one day!

@seahawk80 I'm so sorry 😔 look after yourself and take a little break from everything, you deserve it.

@MrsMGE I'm sorry, it's not easy! good you have the spa to pamper yourself with. Any nice treatments booked? ❤️

Oh @Seahawk80 ❤️❤️❤️ I'm so sorry to hear this. You know we're all here for you. Sending you a huge virtual hug. We all get it and are always here if you need to talk. Take things at the pace that is right for you now xxx

It's my due date today and I'm feeling emotional, although coping better than expected. Off to a lovely spa this afternoon/eve xxx

It wasn’t good news today I’m afraid. Scan showed a sac 4-5 weeks but no fetal pole or heartbeat. I’m really sure of my dates so looks like it’s just not developed. Am really sad but relived I at least know what is going on now. Thanks for all the messages of support. I'll be back in a couple of days on a mission to get healthy!