TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

Hello, hoping it's okay for me to join... After losing our daughter at 23 weeks last summer, finally feeling strong enough to TTC again... However, body is obviously playing serious tricks on me as CD 41 and BFN (cycles vary between 29 and 36 max) didn't chart ov this month as trying not to put too much pressure on myself but just feeling really fed up and a bit alone, and a bit worried I'm not even ovulating now :(

@Babykent2019 so sorry to hear your story, and I know how hard it must be with your due date approaching. As you say this a fantastic supportive thread, if you ever have any questions or just need a big rant at the world there are plenty of incredible, strong and empathetic women here to help. Hope you aren't here long and are off to the 'Graduates' thread soon!

Thank you x

Sorry you find yourself here @Babykent2019 and that you’re having to deal with pregnancy announcements at such a tough time. This is a really supportive thread so I hope you find it helpful

Hi Ladies, what a great support thread. It really is such a lonely 😔 journey and I feel everyone’s pain and so sorry for what you have/are going through.
My story;
31 DH 28
MMC June - conceived on 1st cycle
Medical management- did not pass all 1st time and had to go through miss carrying twice

Due date would have been dec 1st 🥺
Currently on my 5th cycle ttc

The last few weeks have been especially hard with the due date approaching and both my sister and bf announcing pregnancies.

@ReeRi I didn't take it that way. I considered buying one before but the shade didn't go with the rest of my jewellery, so I decided not to.

@Avocuddles It went better than I thought, thanks. Yes, she knows, we had a laugh and a cry and a good old chat about babies and a hundred of other things, as you do. It was nice to see her and I'm pleased I've braved it. Now onto prepping for my interview. Hope you're having a nice, chilled out weekend back, I bet you must be feeling the winter chill now! Xxx

@MrsMGE hope your lunch went ok. It's so hard to have reminders of our own losses. I assume your friend knows about your experience?

I've just met for lunch with one of my friends and her 9 week old son. She's having a tough time of things as her DH is drinking heavily and not being as supportive as she would like at the moment, it was nice being able to offer her some emotional support and to also have some baby cuddles. It's always bittersweet when I spend time with all my friends little ones but I wouldn't change it for the world. It's going to be hard come January when one of DH's best friends and his partner have the baby which is due the week ours would have been born, but I imagine when it comes to it the reality won't be as bad as the expectation. I was dreading meeting up with them after my second loss, but actually it was ok and they offered more sympathy and support than anyone else.

@MrsMGE I’m not telling you to get a Pandora bracelet, it just sounded like you thought they only did silver bracelets 😬 I hope your lunch with your friend goes well. It’s good if you to see her if you have mixed feelings about it. It’s a bit shit you had the same due dates in the circumstances. I may have mentioned I have a friend who had her baby girl a few weeks after I had my baby and I actually love seeing the baby so you never know how you might feel.

Thanks @Avocuddles ❤️ I'm having a bit of a downer cause my friend who is due on the same day as I was is due to arrive shortly for lunch. I'm glad she's coming but dreading the pregnancy talk tbh, I kind want to crawl under the blanket and hide.

@ReeRi I know they do gold, but it's nasty yellow shade, doesn't go with any of my gold jewellery sadly - I've tried. Xxx

@Avocuddles Oh yes I’m sure he has some particularly tacky bracelet that he’s seen in mind! The pandora ones are ok. A lot of people I know have them so that puts me off slightly but you can get gold @MrsMGE not just silver. I just looked at the Nomination ones. They are different, haven’t seen them before.

I actually liked the Links of London ones like this but I saw some in jewellery shop window and it didn’t look as nice.

www.linksoflondon.com/gb-en/sweetie-xs-sterling-silver-mini-charm-bracelet/5010-1067.html?cgid=women-bracelets-silver-bracelets#start=16

@avocuddles The 2-3 days is good to know! It’s another of those things where some say do it as much as possible and other says the swimmers need time 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Anny27 I hope your return to work goes ok. You could tell someone to let people know, if you don’t mind them knowing but don’t want to be asked, or have a standard stock response... It depends on what kind of work environment you’re in as to what you can get away with I had already gone on mat leave when I lost my baby so there was no hiding it but I actually wished everyone had been told as a couple of people asked me how the baby is! I later had a miscarriage just before I went back to work and didn’t tell anyone that but I was already off work still on mat leave so I didn’t have any explaining to do!

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday. We are having a decorating day as we currently have two bedrooms that are not painted and no carpets upstairs!

@Anny27 both of my miscarriages were at 7-8 weeks so a little earlier than yours. First time round I only told a couple of colleagues, but after the second loss I told a few more people and found it a lot easier. I also shared an article via social media re the stigma around miscarriage during baby loss awareness week. This triggered responses from several acquaintances around their own pregnancy loss experiences and I openly replied to them regarding my own - it's not something I shout from the rooftops but also not something I hide either. At a recent work night out a former colleague who has left for a rival company was trying to persuade me to join them then said to me 'I don't know why anyone would stay (at my current employer) unless they were planning on getting pregnant soon'! I shot her down by telling her about my experiences and she looked absolutely mortified, but I couldn't let that one go!!!

@MrsMGE you are doing an amazing job keeping going after a very traumatic experience. I 100% agree that focusing on your mental health should be your priority now, but if and when you feel the need to rage at the world then we'll be here.

@Avocuddles I am also approaching my due date in January. Took time off and DH and I are going away. Xxx

@Anny27 Yes, my work knew before I returned, I didn't want anyone asking random questions such as "Have you been on holiday, did you have a nice time?" etc. They've been brilliant and compassionate, I returned after 2.5 weeks.

Re complaining, I did think about it, however at the time going through the complaints process simply wasn't my priority. I thought I might do this later, but it's a vicious circle, the way I was treated has contributed to my poor mental health for months after now. I am convinced the fact the hospital was dismissive and didn't tell me what to expect has exacerbated my feelings of shock and trauma. I told my story several times before on MN and I don't want to go back to this now. I don't want to relive this nightmare again by describing everything in detail in my complaint either. I've just developed thick skin and won't be allowing any nonsense going forward. Maybe I should have complained for the sake of others, but frankly, I need to prioritise my mental health since no one else does, and it's not the right thing for me. Plus I'm done with constant fighting, I fight for my clients in courts every single day in my job and it takes it out of me, I'm not going to fight over my miscarriage. Xxx

@MrsMGE oh yes nomination bracelets are a good shout!

I am back to work tomorrow following 2 weeks off the medical miscarriage and then the erpc/ emotional recovery. Bit aprehensive as i know people will ask what's wrong. For those who had 1st trimester/early 2nd trimester MCs, did you guys tell colleagues what happened or just say you werent well?

@MrsMGE sorry that you didnt have a great experience - can you feedback to them? I guess the midwife team werent very sympathetic when i phoned to cancel my 16 week appointment. A simple "sorry to hear your news" or something instead of a cheerily "thanks for letting us know". But other than that, I cant fault the care. Musy send a thank you card to the EPU actually!

@Avocuddles awwh must be tough approaching the first due date :( would definitley get something planned in to celebrate that day

@ReeRi like everyone said, charm bracelets are what you make of them and you can make them classy :)

@ReeRi Nomination ones definitely aren't tacky (Italian, so by definition), although I agree with @Avocuddles, the overall look depends on the actual charms. I personally don't like Pandora, but it's mostly because I don't like silver jewellery at all.

Hi @ReeRi think I just answered your question below as you were writing it! Looks like we might be on track for another 40+ day cycle which was how things were during my first year TTC. I'd thought things were better after I finally conceived but maybe I just got lucky then....

Every 2-3 days is optimal - the fertility clinic are very insistent about this point as the swimmers need some time to recharge!!!!

I got a silver beaded bracelet with angel wings on after my first loss, however the clasp broke not long ago so I need to fix it. I have a second bracelet with a tiny acorn on it that I bought when I fell pregnant the second time, I'm not religious about wearing it but do most days as I like the symbolism. Charm bracelets are as tasteful as you make them!!!! I imagine your DH is picturing those tacky ones from ten or so years ago. My ex mother in law bought me an awful one from Elizabeth duke at Argos - something nice from Pandora is definitely different! 😂

Hope everyone is ok

Welcome to the newbies, although I’m sorry any of us have a need for such a thread, it is a very supportive group of strong and lovely ladies

@Avocuddles Well we’ve dtd every 2-3 days for the past week or so, so not as much as we could, but I suppose it only takes one time. I honestly have no idea whether I’m about 7DPO now (which is usual for me around now) or if I just ovulated 🤷🏻‍♀️ As well as the spotting when I usually ovulate and then CM a week later I’ve had bad skin too... What makes you think this is an anovulatory cycle for you? Thanks for the book recommendation too, it sounds like something I’d read.

@Mumlili8 Your bracelets sound great. Where do you sell them?

Hope you’re ok @VenusStarr and that the sessions help

Thanks @tmc14 Sorry you’re dealing with lots of pregnancy announcements! It’s tough. I’m having to remind myself to count my blessings but it’s easier said than done sometimes

I am interested in the keepsake for our lost babies. As most of you know I lost a baby at full term so I do have photos and a memory box but I’d like a piece of jewellery or something I can have with me all the time. My mum bought me a bracelet for my birthday (less than a month after we lost the baby) and it has my initial on it which is also the same initial as our baby so that’s something I haven’t taken off. It’s a fairly flimsy / stretch bracelet from Next, though, so I’m not sure how long it will last! I’ve thought about certain things I associate with her or even a charm bracelet that I could add to every year... DH thinks charm bracelets are tacky 🙄

@SunshineCrocodile I really am so sorry for your losses. I think it’s entirely sensible to take some time to see how you feel. The statistics are cruel. The risk of stillbirth is something like 1 in 225. Well that means nothing when you are the one... The offer to message me any time always stands.

@LASandOtto Hope you get some answers too

Hi all and welcome @didslysquiddlydoo and @danielasummer. Hope you are both ok this evening.... @didslysquiddlydoo I hope you're not waiting too long for things to move along.

@MrsMGE that article is appalling - you really couldn't make it up. Like @Anny27 my experience of the NHS has generally been ok bar the standard administrative incompetence which results in receiving scan appointment letters through weeks after a miscarriage.... I do get the impression that early pregnancy is an area which is woefully underfunded and like you say there does tend to be a tone which focuses on 'don't worry about it it'll be alright next time' without much support for the emotional fallout.

@Anny27 I like the idea of having a special Christmas ornament to commemorate our losses. I'll try to find something special to represent the two babies that should have been growing big and strong inside me by now. My first due date is in early January so think the sense of loss is likely to become more acute over the coming weeks....

Well I've just got home after a lovely week in the sun. It was great spending some quality time with my parents and DH and I had plenty of close time together too. The flight back was horrendously turbulent so my nerves are shot to pieces but calming down now with a herbal tea in front of the TV! Although we weren't TTC this cycle I'm now getting fed up with AF having not yet arrived. Today is CD38, I thought (apparently incorrectly) that I had a positive opk 20 days ago and we resumed having unprotected sex 12 days ago when I thought I was well past my fertile window. First thing I did when I got through the door was to take both an ovulation test and a pregnancy test just in case and both were as negative as can be so looks like another long and frustrating anovulatory cycle, though I guess if AF doesn't turn up I'll test again in a few days time. My next fertility clinic appointment is on December 12th so at least this cycle will serve as strong evidence as to why I could do with some medical support to help regulate things.....

You were very lucky @Anny27, I definitely wouldn't say the same about my EPAU or community midwives.

@MrsMGE ahh thats an awful experience bless her! So not professional

I have to say that all the NHS staff in my EPU were incredible and the nurse who explained all the options to us after our scan was incredible and i will forever remember her kindness ❤❤

Welcome @didslysquiddlydoo sorry to see you on the board and sorry you are experiencing your 2nd loss.

I am only 1 week past erpc (2 weeks past start of miscarriage) but still feeling nauseous. Might be caused my the antibiotics or the remaining pregnancy hormones but i am wishing it would stop haha

Hi all,

I hope it's ok to join?

Didslysquiddlydoo
Age 34
No children
TTC for 18 months
1 MMC - found out at 12 week scan. Heartbeat stopped at 8 weeks.

Currently experiencing chemical pregnancy - had positive pregnancy test second cycle after MMC on day of missed period - three days later all tests now negative. I'm nearly a week late now and still no AF and repeated negative tests - wish it would hurry up and happen 😔

Lovely to meet you all but so sorry to read so many heartbreaking experiences - wishing us all some better times to come xx

news.sky.com/story/paramedic-struck-off-after-suggesting-dead-baby-put-in-tupperware-box-11868123

Just going to leave this here... can't cope with unimaginable idiocy of that paramedic. Sadly illustrates the NHS's attitude to miscarriage, no appropriate training, no compassion and basically "just get on with things, it's so common". Disgraceful.

@anny27 I hope you feel better soon and fingers crossed for when you start TTC next month x

We are so desperate for accurate readings we will do anything!

Thank you for your experience with EWCM - mine dried up on Wednesday so not holding out much hope.. still DTD as much as poss just in case!

@daniellasummer its sad really isnt it haha! Sound in a similar position, wr are ttc#1 and had a miscarriage this month but we are waiting a month as i am on antibiotics and iron tablets so want to feel a bit healthier :)

I usually temp at 6am but it just gets earlier and earlier i may as well take it just before sleep 😂😂

I can get EWCM a few days before ovulation, sometimes just day before.

@MrsMGE i saw something at mt mahy hospital visits of buying presents for the patients who will be in on christmas day so i might do that!