TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

I should be 14 weeks today @Josie510 and @MissSparkles81, it sucks that instead I'm somewhere in CD minus numbers! I'm sorry we find ourselves in the same boat, really hoping the BFPs don't take too long to come along. I'm going to test next week but not really expecting a negative until at least the week after. I know for a fact I was going to turn 17 weeks on Christmas Day which is going to smart, but I'm trying very hard to stop thinking about it and as we're away on holiday I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we can begin some very relaxed TTC and try and stay hopeful.

@Sunflower1608, I'm really sorry it's another BFN for you and that things are weighing so heavily on you. I think TTC feels like a time warp sometimes - things around you seem to whizz past while you're stuck in slow motion. Knowing that other people probably have their own personal time warps isn't all that helpful when you're trudging through treacle. I'm glad that you have CrossFit and other things to work on, it's difficult to ignore the elephant in the room though. Scan photos and pregnancy announcements are the worst.

Welcome @Crumbsinthecarpet and I'm sorry for your loss. I hope this is your cycle.

@TwinkleStars15 sorry to hear about another CP. No experience with rmc but watching with interest as I've just had my 3rd MMC (not in a row) but 3rd pregnancy loss in a row. I haven't spoken to anyone about them previously or accessed maternity care but I'm wondering about investigations now. Although not sure I can cope with it tbh, I hate hospitals and being prodded and poked.

@ReeRi I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

@Mumlili8 Sorry you're having such a confusing time, I hope you get a resolution one way or another (hopefully a late bfp!) ASAP. Another thank you from me for your lovely offer. I won't ask you for one, but only because I find physical reminders/talismans a bit painful to have around and also I'm really forgetful and lose my keys all the time. I hope they bring comfort to everyone who does have one!

@JuniperAndRose I'm glad you're home and hope your recovery is physically straightforward and that you have lots of support. Sending you love.

Thank you @VenusStarr The letter just gave me the log in details for booking the appointment online, so no questionnaires or information about the research trials yet! Hopefully that will come soon! If not I may be asking for the number!
That doesn’t sound dramatic at all, I hope it goes well tomorrow ❤️

I hope you are okay @MissSparkles81 I should have had my 12 week scan as well today. I feel like important dates and pregnancy announcements are always going to be super difficult, but we need to remember to be kind to ourselves!

On a positive note, my mum booked me in for a full body massage and crystal therapy to try and make today a little easier, I’ll be honest I was initially a little sceptical but found the crystals especially really powerful and am definitely feeling more relaxed and positive this evening! I would 100% recommend!

Hi ladies,

Although I don’t post often, I do check your updates daily, and am rooting for you all. @Mumlili8 it was so kind of you to offer to send everyone your fertility jewellery.
I hope it’s okay to ask the odd question here and there?

I have just had another chemical/very early miscarriage and went to the GP today due to it being my third in a row. She agreed to refer me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic, any idea what happens at these clinics? What sort of tests do the run? I know I have factor V leiden and that these is one of the tests.

Hi everyone. Apologies for being a bit absent this week. I'm getting thoroughly fed up at the moment as I'm onto CD48 of a painfully long cycle. As some of you might remember we actively chose to take two months off TTC after my second miscarriage which was a great decision in terms of helping my mental and physical recovery, however I had been hopefully that I would have decent length cycles after that two months were up! Instead things are back to how they were in the year prior to my first pregnancy where my cycles were long and irregular and it appeared that I wasn't ovulating at all. Based on 30+ days of ovulation testing that definitely appears to be the case this cycle so I just wish AF would turn up! On the plus side my next fertility clinic appointment is next Thursday and I would like to think that this current monster of a cycle would support the case for trying Clomid so I at least get a shot at ovulating....

@Crumbsinthecarpet sorry to hear about your loss. I hope that you don't have to wait long for your BFP!

@Sunflower1608 sorry that you are feeling so down. I'm also part of the divorce club, though thankfully I have no contact at all with my ex, he doesn't live locally and he isn't on social media so our paths have no reason to cross. I suspect he probably has children now but ignorance is bliss - I imagine it would be very hard seeing that. I hope that you find an even better house. It's so disheartening when you have your sights set on somewhere and it falls through / doesn't work out, but I try to live in hope that eventually it will mean things work out for the better, though I'm sure that at the moment that feels hard to believe for all of us.

I wish my DH had been a little more positive second time round. The first time I was pregnant he was excited and optimistic, however the second time round he barely acknowledged the situation and showed little emotion when we lost our second baby. I talked about how this made me feel when we went for counselling and as I suspected he admitted that he had used denial as a coping mechanism. I imagine that no matter how he'd acted I would probably have found fault in it one way or another, it's such a hard situation and i imagine I would have been equally frustrated had he been overly positive like your partner.

@MrsMGE with you 100% re doing stuff and moving forward with life. After 19 months TTC it's thd only thing I can do to keep myself sane. We lead busy, full lives which is a positive although barely an hour passes where I don't think about either my losses or infertility.

@ReeRi hope you're ok. Might still be time yet for a BFP if you did ovulate late?

Also @Mumlili8 thank you for your kind offer ❤️ It's really lovely, and I would have loved to have one, but I've already ordered a couple of handmade ones as a Christmas treat for myself from Etsy a couple of weeks ago. Thank you again ❤️

Sorry @Sunflower1608 It is rubbish. I have had about 5 negative tests this month and DH thinks I’m obsessive to keep testing 🙄 I don’t usually but this month was hopeful as I had “symptoms”

AF is due today unless I ovulated late, which I think I might have

@Crumbsinthecarpet Sorry you find yourself here. It’s a lovely group and I hope you get your BFN soon.

Hi everyone can I join please? Ttc #2 , I miscarried around 6/7 weeks in October and ready to try again, cycle day 2 at the moment to a while til we might get a bfp and hopefully a nice sticky baby :)
Xxx

@Sunflower1608 ❤️ Totally get it. Today may not be the best day, and that's ok. You're strong and 99% of the time you are doing a fantastic job. That remaining 1% - you're doing an even better job because you're perservering. Lots of love to you today, things will pan out ok and your perception will change for better too ❤️ xxx

Thankyou @MrsMGE for such a lengthy reply, it made me cry a little. You are a 100% right. I am ok most of the time, plod on with all the little bits of life trying to do my best. Focusing on work, focusing on my charity group (we have a fundraiser Xmas fair on Saturday which I'm super nervous of) and focusing on all the everyday responsibilities of kids and lots of dogs. My CrossFit is one of my biggest escapes and keeps me mentally and physically fit.

I know there will be more houses, just this one was so perfect and such value for money. But there will be another one. I was one of those divorce statistics 🤣 we seperated the week before Xmas and the next year sent the divorce paper work on the 1st Jan. I feel so sorry for his new partner, she's a lovely girl. Their baby ended up with special needs and she does so much and he disappears to the pub. But he's such a cutie. It just makes me ache seeing baby's, I love it to. But it still makes me ache sniffing them

I think I feel worse as a friend posted on FB a scan photo and their due date was the same as what mine would have been.

I will be fine tomorrow I'm sure. I so value being able to speak about how I really feel here. It really helps being able to get it out and have people understand. Thank you you guys. I know the most awful of circumstances have bought us together,this group brings so much peace to me xxx

Oh @Sunflower1608 I know exactly how you're feeling, it's one of those shitty days. I've only had a few of them last week, this week is a bit better but not hunky dory. What can I say, it is uber shit. And yes, it shouldn't be the case that people who are less deserving/horrible/stupid manage to "have it all" before us. There's no question about the fact that it makes you feel shit, I would feel the same way as you and most, if not all of us, would too. Some may not admit this.

The house situation also doesn't help with moving forward, plus it's never nice when a property you like goes.

There's absolutely nothing that will sort it out in practical terms here and now and I know you're probably not expecting a quick fix.

The only thing that works for me is to let myself feel shit for as long as needed and throughout that, just pick up on the little positives. Silly things that make you feel that tiny bit better. I then get to the point of realisation that I don't want to feel that crap, miserable and sorry for myself all the time because it's really hard. So I come up with new ideas, something to do, improve, change, try out. It keeps me more grounded and keeps my mind occupied. It also gives me a degree of control over my life which I don't have over TTC or things thatvother people do with their lives. Of course it doesn't change these things, but it makes it easier for you to perservere.

It's hard going as I personally go through this kind of cycle every month after a BFN and after every single pregnancy announcement. As you can guess, I've done loads since this has begun, reading, exercising, planning home improvements, saving plan for my car, my promotion, planning things to do next year, you name it. Maybe it's running away from problems, but at least I'm doing stuff and moving forward with my life - and this matters.

Live through the shit time best you can, it will get better soon. In few days time you'll sit down with a cuppa and come up with a mission to sell your DPs house, January is good time to start looking again as there will be more houses on the market. Keep in mind lots of people decide to divorce over Christmas, so you're in for a great chance 👍😂

Re your ex, he may seem to have it all, but he lost you, he's a horrible person and as far as I'm concerned you're in a different league to him to begin with. He sounds like the type of guy who might be lucky to have the things in life but is clearly stupid enough to blow it. You're a million miles away from that and you'll build your stable happy ever after soon - just a bit more patience. Chin up, lovely xxx

@Anny27 thats reasurring to hear that your friend conceived straight away. I suppose in the grand scheme of things mine would be considered straightforward as in no infection etc.

Thinking of you @JuniperAndRose xx

@Sunflower1608 I am so sorry that its a bfn today. Sending you a big hug.

@SunshineCrocodile I know what you mean about feeling like its a wasted month.

I tested again this morning and im still getting a bluddy faint positive. I had to squint to see it but its still there. Did an opk and it came up blazing positive. So now I know that opk's can detect hcg.

Oh and I should be 12 weeks today and just seen my 1st pregnancy announcement on twitter. Its not someone I know personally but still really hurt

Thank you for all your good wishes ladies. I’m back home and physically i feel ok x

@Sunflower1608 sorry lovely :( I know where you are coming from, my husband is often a bit too positive e.g. when we couldn't find the heartbeat on the scan obviously it was a miscarriage but he was saying oh perhaps it wasnt an experienced sonographer. And it didn't help me but I know he wasnt doing it maliciously. Just different ways of coping I guess!

Sending you love xx

BFN again this morning. Feeling really gutted. I don't know why each month I think I might. My partner is so positive but I find it really unhelpful. He makes little quips all through the month that I might be pregnant. Even this morning telling him it's a negative, he replies well you might be testing too early (I'm really not). We also found out that the house we put an offer on has gone whilst waiting for his house to sell. So even the hope of moving forwards in that direction as family has gone. Just feel like I'm so static at the minute and feeling a little resentful. Then feel like a bit of a cowbag for being so negative in the face of his positivity.
It's not really helped that my abusive ex husband after 6yrs of hell has managed to move in with someone, have a baby, buy a house. I know it's not a competition. I can also rationalise that it's not all perfect that end either. But I just feel like how can people who don't deserve these things get it so easy and others have to fight so hard.
Sorry for the miserable rant so early on a tuesday morning

Sorry @SunshineCrocodile I did mean @MissSparkles81 but think it’s cause I saw your comment to her I focussed on you

Hope you’re ok

I’ve got toothache...

@ReeRi think you might have mixed me and @MissSparkles81 up! No counselling here, glad yours was helpful though MissSparkles.

I personally find waiting far more stressful than not waiting. I panic that missing a cycle could mean missing the last chance we'll ever have - probably related to anxiety and a real hatred of not being in control. I don't want to put unnecessary pressure on us (can't time things properly anyway as cycles are irregular and PCOS means ov sticks are unreliable) so just going to go with our usual policy of regular-ish DTD once the bleeding has completely stopped. I don't drink anyway so no real advantage to a Christmas off (apart from maybe missing out on the pate)! I think I'm probably the exception though, I know most people tend to want to wait a cycle or so.

Glad it helped @josie510. I called up once a week to the booking team, they said it was fine to keep calling but I did feel like a pain! Definitely keep trying - let me know if you need the number, it should be on your letter though. Did you get the information about research trials and the questionnaires? Hope you aren't waiting too long but pleased you're in the system.

Thank you for the well wishes about the operation, only 2 more sleeps (although I don't feel I'll sleep that well tomorrow). Can't believe it's finally here, it sounds dramatic but everything has been focused on getting this done so we can move forward.

Hope everyone is OK xx

Thanks @Anny27 and @SunshineCrocodile ... I am sorry to hear about your CP

My counselling session went ok ... I have another session booked in for next week and then they close till January.

Having a drink etc over xmas doesn't really matter to us as my bf doesn't drink and I don't drink for health reasons.

I guess until I see that negative I wont really know how I feel about properly trying.

This site and thread has been such a help I just want to say a big thank you to everyone.

@SunshineCrocodile @Avocuddles Thank you for your advice and kind words! My bleeding seems to be similar, I keep thinking it’s pretty much stopped and then it will get really heavy again. I think I will maybe leave it another week then before doing another test and then maybe call EPU if it’s still positive.

I seem to have taken a big step back since doing the test, I thought I was coping relatively okay and then saw a positive and feel broken again 💔

@VenusStarr thanks so much for sharing your experience of Tommy’s, I’m so glad they have seen you after your 2 losses and really hope you get the blood results back soon. And hope your hysteroscopy goes okay on Wednesday.
I got a letter today to book an appointment, the first available is April so feeling slightly more hopefully! Did you keep looking online for a cancellation?

@SunshineCrocodile I hope your counselling session was helpful. I understand you not wanting to wait to try as I am no spring chicken lol but at the same time a month in the scheme of things is not a lot of time. Do you think you’d benefit from taking Christmas off so you can have a glass of wine etc?

@misssparkles81 I think it depends on the circumstances, my friend had a very straight forward miscarriage and conceived next cycle successfully and her little girl is now 3. Whereas I had blood loss causing anaemia and an infection from retained products so I think for me its sensible to wait one cycle and then try again - hoping that cycle comes back quickly haha :)

(Havebt caught up yet with other messages but will do later :) )

@MissSparkles81 I tried again immediately after the last MMC - and I think I may have had a CP (hard to tell if it was residual hcg or new!) I don't blame the MC for that though as I know it's perfectly possible to have a successful pregnancy straight after. I actually fell pregnant again in the first full cycle after MMC with the pregnancy I just lost - again, I don't believe it's related to the previous miscarriage as I got so far, just shitty bad luck.

For me, it's against my nature to consider waiting and we'll be trying again as soon as the bleeding stops. I'm an impatient person anyway and I also know my cycles can run to 40+ days easily - I'm also in my late 30s and already have a 5 year age gap between potential siblings so I don't feel that I have the luxury of time. I know people are all different and some people need the time to take stock and recover, but equally I don't think it's wrong to get straight back on the horse if that's what feels right.

Hope your counselling goes well x