TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

@ReeRi You were right to tell her, she shouldn't have done that and she needs to know the boundaries. It was clearly bothering you so it's the right thing to do to let it off your chest. If her behaviour improves, good, if not or if she disappears from your life, well c'est la vie, it's not your loss.

@Avocuddles That's an interesting story, do you think she's become less selfish after having a baby because she's learning to focus on someone else's needs? It's good that she's been a source of support to you, never too much of that.

Interestingly, the woman I'm referring to is going through some fertility issues herself and I recognise this is affecting her. I've been supporting her for a long time now, but I really feel that instead of having the same supportive attitude towards me, she spills her negative emotions all over me and it's just not something I want to be going through now. Xxx

She said she’s sorry and the only reason she asked about symptoms is she was worrying about her own pregnancy. (She has laughed and then asked what my symptoms were and then told me she was pregnant). I’m glad I said something. If our friendship flourishes now then great! But I couldn’t talk to her otherwise as it was bothering me. When she asked me about TTC tonight I thought no way can I discuss that with her after the way she was last time!

@ReeRi definitely not wrong of you - if she feels uncomfortable then that's only a small proportion of how she made you feel!

@Avocuddles It’s nice when people surprise us pleasantly by being supportive!

The woman who laughed when I’d told her I’d had a MC messaged me today. She does message me occasionally and I am friendly in my replies but don’t suggest meeting up or anything now. Anyway we exchanged messages tonight and she asked if DH and I had discussed TTC again. I thought she knew from our last conversation that we were TTC but anyway I couldn’t bring myself to discuss that with her and (once again) decided to be honest! I just said since you mention it I was upset last time we met as I told you I’d had a miscarriage and your reaction was to laugh out loud and then go on to tell me you are pregnant (abridged version)

Is it wrong of me to be honest??

This is one of those toxic people we talked about. I don’t know her well and she seems like a nice person but she was so insensitive that day. For all I know she’s often like that! I’ve only met her about four times (she lost a baby around the same time we lost our daughter...)

@MrsMGE your preparations sound very sensible. I'm relatively fortunate that the NHS are happy to keep treating me in spite of having now conceived twice within the past 8 months - I think being over 35 is a contributory factor, as is my complex medical history in terms of clotting, but we have made sure we have sufficient savings for if we do end up needing private support.
I have BUPA cover through work but it doesn't cover anything fertility related.

Ha yes I get you completely re feeling 'patronising on the inside'. I envy the naivety of those who have never experience loss, but do find myself having to bite my tongue to avoid ruining the illusion....

I have definitely known some emotional vampires in my time and have cut back contact with some of them.

One close friend has been incredibly needy and draining over the past few years, however she recently gave birth to her first child and has actually been really kind and compassionate through my losses and beyond. The first time I told her about our fertility struggles was on the day she told me she was pregnant (I got emotional....), and when I then conceived and lost my pregnancies I saw a whole new side to her where she was offering me support for once. The people who are worth having in your life are the ones that can put their own needs aside when yours are greater - if your 'friend' has remained focused on herself when you clearly carry a heavy load it sounds very wise to not invest your own precious time in her.

(On a completely unrelated note the expression emotional vampires reminded me of the tv series What We Do In The Shadows - I'd highly recommend it to anyone looking for something new to watch, I found it hilarious!)

I really now believe in cutting those people out @MrsMGE. I don’t bother with the friends who only talk about themselves, I don’t make an effort with the ones who don’t call / text me, I don’t spend time with the ones who make me feel bad. I think recognising them is the first step! x

Also, thought of the day: do you find yourselves surrounded by emotional vampires at times? I have just realised that someone in my circle is really draining my positive energy and I'm going to have to limit my contact with her. Literally, never happy and taking it all out on me. I'm so much more tuned in now because I know I need to look after myself, I can't get over how some people throw the weight of their world at you at times when you're carrying a heavy load already 🙄 xxx

Thank you @SunStruck & @Avocuddles 🌺

@SunStruck Better this week, thank you. You're right, focusing on other things helps. It's not easily done, I find the only way I can do it is if I really throw myself into something else and work hard. The promotion and everything involved in the process fitted in with this theme and I'm glad I've done it. Proud that the horrible events didn't stop me completely, I can still go ahead. I am also going to see a private counsellor this month, as sadly the charity waiting list is longer than they thought and no chance to start counselling with them in Jan. I'm not waiting any longer, I might be skint, but at least I'll be healthier. How have you been, sista? ❤️ Been thinking about you xxx

@Avocuddles Thank you lovely, I might be asking some questions later next year if you don't mind. In answer to your question, I think we'll try to get as many tests done on the NHS as possible when our 12 months is up, but I am getting ready financially to go private and have a full round of tests (perhaps more comprehensive?) than on the NHS. It's not ideal, but hey ho, it might help, so I'll give it a go. I need to check the terms of my new private healthcare cover too, I suspect all things fertility and pregnancy-related will be exempt, but I'll wait for my new contract and package to check this.

I'd be exactly the same as you if I had read those boards, don't worry. I avoid them cause they're frankly annoying. It's like my BF recently moaned to me about how nauseous and tired she is after her perfect 12 week scan. She's 5 years younger than me and conceived in the first month of trying. I just gave her THE look and that was enough 😂😂😂 I think a loooooot of people do not realise just how lucky they are they've never been through what we've been through. I often find myself having a patronising approach to them on the inside (never openly), I listen to this and in my head I'm like "yeah, alright love, you clearly haven't lived long enough yet" 😂 xxx

@MissSparkles81 thanks! I hope everything settles down quickly for you. My first period after my 2nd miscarriage arrived 30 days after I started bleeding, though I didn't ovulate that cycle. You could potentially ovulate any day now!

@Avocuddles thanks hun. My bleeding lasted just short of 3 weeks. Ive started tracking again today with opk's so will have some idea of whats happening.

Hope you have a lovely evening xx

@MissSparkles81 yes I believe so! Though if the actual miscarriage bleeding lasts a number of weeks your first cycle could potentially be a little longer than usual.... your first period after the miscarriage might also be different to usual in terms of flow, duration etc.

@Avocuddles no need to apologise ... rant away. I know what you mean about some of the threads on here. I try and not read them to be honest as like you it would just wind me up.

Ah ok ... so would CD1 be the day that I started bleeding?

That would annoy me @Avocuddles I know we shouldn’t judge others’ struggles by our own but I am guilty of that too on a bad day!

Congratulations on the promotion @MrsMGE! I'm glad you have had a positive (and I'm sure very well deserved) experience after such a tough year.

Seeking some fertility support sounds like a proactive idea. Would you be eligible for NHS support? My experience so far has been NHS but I understand the process is pretty much the same so if you have any questions let me know.

@MissSparkles81 @SunStruck @MrsMGE @ReeRi thanks for your supportive comments! Long cycles are very frustrating but I'm used to it by now - I only had 5 bleeds in my first year after stopping the mini pill and had conceived myself I was infertile so falling pregnant (albeit unsuccessfully) was somewhat surprising....
I wound myself up last night by (foolishly) scrolling through some TTC boards on here. There were numerous women 10 years younger than me ranting away because they haven't conceived on their second or third cycle of trying. I know that everybody is entitled to their own feelings but the levels of melodrama made me feel like tearing my hair out. Appreciate this probably makes me sound like a horrible person but I think I'll be avoiding those groups for the time being as all they did was make me feel even worse about my own situation. Thank god that I've got you amazing ladies here who understand how long and difficult the journey to parenthood can be.
I'm hoping that if I don't conceive naturally within the next month or so I might be able to start medication in the new year, but will let you know how my appointment next week gets on....

@MissSparkles81 I think technically day 1 is the day of the miscarriage rather than the BFN, however cycles after a loss might be longer than usual. My first one was actually shorter than usual at just 30 days, though as above cycle 2 is up to CD49 now...

@MrsMGE I completely agree with that. I’m a planner too. I love putting things in the diary (always have) and I think that’s part of the control and order thing.

@Crumbsinthecarpet I didn’t track this month but guessed when I might have ov from CM 🤷🏻‍♀️ If you’re not sure I say do the BD every other day or as much as possible

I’m feeling a bit crappy today, probably PMT!

@MrsMGE congrats to the promotion!!! 🥰🥰🥰 well done! Next is fighting for bonus?! I had to go back to read lots as we have had friends over staying with us so been very very busy! I am so sorry to hear you've been feeling so down 😔😔 You seem to be figuring things out though and it's good you have a plan of action in terms of going to the fertility clinic sooner rather than later so you know your options if needed. I'm going to do the same come Jan/Feb ❤️ How are you feeling now? I felt happier when I got the promotion so everything in my life wasn't focused around trying and failing me o have babies. Also took my mind a bit more off things x

@Avocuddles so sorry to hear about your long cycle, it's so frustrating isn't it! When do you think you can get on Clomid? My Natural cycles app says I will ovulate around the 18h, so let's hope for that.

Sorry to see the new faces on here! This is a good, supportive place to be. Incredible ladies 🥰

@reeri @Avocuddles @SunshineCrocodile @misssparkles81 Thanks all, you too! ❤️
I have no idea when I'm going to ov this month as I'm normally 34 day cycles and at the moment have been having 21 day cycles :/ when will my fertile period be?!? So hard to know

Thanks girls 🌺🌺🌺 @ReeRi @MissSparkles81 @Mumlili8

It's the second positive thing that happened to me personally in the whole year. So at least ending the horrid 2019 on a high 😊

@ReeRi You're right. Now I'm onto my weight loss mission, I need to focus on something else than TTC that is driving me insane. I find that focusing on things that are within our control is massively helpful, it allows me to regain the feeling of stability and going in the direction with my life, and that's what's been missing as a result of what's happened to us. xxx

@Crumbsinthecarpet I am so sorry to hear your news. I hope that you are ok. The ladies in here are all so lovely and supportive.

@Avocuddles I am so frustrated for you. I hope its good news at the fertility clinic next week. Long cycles are horrible

@MrsMGE well done on the promotion. Im so pleased for you

@Mumlili8 I am so sorry to see that AF has arrived. Sending you hug

Thank you for the kind words @Josie510 and @SunshineCrocodile Your massage sounds lovely Josie ... I am booked in for one on Friday. I just needed to do something instead of moping around thinking about being at my scan.

I got my negative test this morning so its back to tracking again. Can I ask everyone how you keep note of what day in your cycle you are? Would this be CD1 for me?

Well done @MrsMGE I find it helps to have positive things going on at work to help take our minds off everything else!

@Mumlili8 I’m sorry to read that x

Crikey @Avocuddles I'm sorry this is such a long cycle for you, I'd be going crazy. Feel for you, lovely. From what you said, it sounds like you should be getting Clomid soon, fingers crossed your appointment is helpful ❤️🤞

DH and I decided to visit a private fertility clinic soon, for now just to find out what's what and how much we'd need if we want to run private tests. I'm not tracking or temping this month, it's actually quite noce not to do anything!

In other news, I got the promotion 😊 Thank you for all your support ❤️🌺 I'm not tagging on here as I can see some of you took a step back from the thread and I don't want to interfere with that 🌺 xxx

@Avocuddles Yes I suppose if I ov late then BFP or AF would be late. I tested yesterday as I had to go to the dentist and was worried about him doing x rays but it was a BFN on a Boots cheapie. He did the x rays anyway and I have an abscess and need a root canal. Joy. How are you? I’m sorry your cycle is all over but maybe it is good timing in a way (if I can say that) before you see the specialist.

Thank you @SunshineCrocodile The dates are difficult and Christmas is difficult. My mum is expecting us but I just don’t want to do the Christmas we should have had with our daughter hence we’re going away.

@Mumlili8 Sorry you are having an odd cycle but I hope it is good news. I am in a similar position but think I ovulated late so AF will probably just come late...

@Josie510 Hope today isn’t too tough. That’s lovely if your mum.

Having said I don’t want to have a traditional Christmas missing my baby girl, I have had some fun in shopping for gifts for my loved ones. I think it’s so important to appreciate those we do have around us.