TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

@Mumlili8 I don't get the insensitivity of people sometimes! My sister in law keeps sending me scan photos along with pictures of her son, I try to avoid acknowledging them for as long as possible but she doesn't seem to get the message! It must be incredibly tough knowing someone going through their eighth pregnancy, it feels like she's rubbing salt in the wound.
I'm sorry that you feel like Christmas will be horrible for you. I really hope that a new year and a new start are what we all need. You are a wonderful person and have really cheered me up this week when I've been struggling greatly. I'm wearing my little bee now.

@MrsMGE you should see how many sweets and biscuits I've been ploughing through lately! As I said the other day, the health kick begins in January - there's no way I could manage it at the moment. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. There's no harm in taking a break from the therapies - maybe you could treat yourself to something indulgent without any links to TTC such as a good spa session with a friend instead? I dread to think what I've spent so far on acupuncture, supplements etc, it could definitely have paid for a decent holiday.

@VenusStarr how frustrating that you still haven't had any results through. I'm feeling very conscious of every cramp and twinge at the moment, I'm continually convinced that AF is about to arrive but it always comes to nothing.

@MrsMGE I'm 100% with you in feeling like the only person in the world who isn't either pregnant or nursing a newborn. I am the only one of my friends who doesn't have children. I love all their little ones so much (my Christmas present list is HUGE), but it is sad knowing that this season means something very different to them than it does for me.

A diary invite was emailed to me today for an office 'baby shower' in January for the team member whose due date is a month after when mine would have been. I tentatively accepted then instantly blocked out my diary to work from home that day as I think it will be too much to take and I don't want to ruin her happy moment.....

You are right that infertility / taking a long time to conceive is very painful. I'm up to CD54 today and have been ovulation testing for 45 days! Thank god ive been using internet cheapies, we'd be bankrupt by now if I'd been using clearblues!

@ReeRi you should go for the Chair opportunity. Who knows what the future holds but in the here and now this is clearly something you are interested in and which will enhance your life. I know exactly what you mean about the difficulty of 'not knowing'. If I were told tomorrow that children would never be on the cards for us it would be devastating, but we also would be able to begin the process of grieving and finding our way forward rather than living in a state of limbo as we have been for 19 months now. From now until the new year I'm going to try my hardest to live my life as a normal person, as the old me rather than the 'fertility struggles' or 'pregnancy loss' me. It's far easier said than done though, and it's rare that an hour passes without one or the other crossing my mind.

@ChangeyMcChangeChange after my first miscarriage my initial period was very light and only lasted a couple of days, but the period after the second one was quite heavy and stopped and started several times over the space of about eight days. I guess it's different for everyone, but I hope that things are as 'normal' as possible for you.

Hi everyone

@MissSparkles81 I had my blood tests with the rmc at the end of October - it's 7 weeks on Wednesday and I've still not heard anything. I was hoping to hear back soon, I have chased the secretary this week. I don't know about you but I have been almost hoping that they find something wrong so they can treat me next time.

@Mumlili8 ❤️❤️ I'm so sorry your friend is incredibly insensitive. I remember you sharing that she was pregnant. I'm sorry your dh is also away during your next fertile week.
Thank you again for the bracelet - I've got it on today and prayed HARD 🌈 xx

Sorry you're not having a good day @MrsMGE ❤️ tomorrow is definitely a new day. I can relate to the not wanting to keep talking with a counsellor. Give yourself some time, it's OK to stop xx

@ReeRi ugh, sorry you've been dealing with insensitive twats today too ❤️ that opportunity sounds great.

I worked from home today. Too much information but I am very aware of my cervix, it seems to spasm and I'm still quite crampy. I was actually quite productive so feeling better about that. I also went to town this evening and finally started my Christmas shopping.

That’s insensitive of her @Mumlili8 I remember you mentioned her before

@MrsMGE 2 biscuits, a small packet of crisps is nothing compared to what I eat every day!

@Mumlili8 crossed posts ❤️ You're not alone, seems like a lot of us are having one of those days. I'm sorry to hear this, it's just bonkers she's sending you scan photos (!). Did you tell her that you don't want to see them in case she (somehow?!) hasn't sussed that out?

Also I've eaten two biscuits, a small pack of crisps and about 10 celebrations today... gross. I shouldn't be justifying this with feeling low. I need to get a grip and get back on it tomorrow. It's a new day, hopefully better for all of us ❤️ xxx

Sorry you're also feeling like this @MissSparkles81. I also hope you get your results quickly.

It's just depressing. I'm not so much jealous, I don't want their kids, I just want my own and the fact everyone else seems to be getting pg so easily is making me feel so down and inadequate, like there's something wrong with me.

I went to my acupuncture appointment today and for the first time it didn't help me. That's depressing too. I'm sat at home feeling just as down as before. Going to see a counsellor tomorrow but not convinced about how successful this might be.

I basically feel I've been spending money for months on things that perhaps did make me feel better, but so what. I'm still not pregnant, what's the point. It's not grief anymore, well, not most of the time. It's pure, raw anger, frustration, helplessness, feeling of injustice (why is this happening to me now after all the shit I've been through), desperation. I said few days ago that I gad glimmers of hope still. I don't anymore. I have no hope. Is there a cure for that? Do I even need one?

I think I'll go tomorrow and then quit this whole shabang of therapies and what not, I can't see how anything apart from being pg again can sort this out unfortunately xxx

Awwww @MrsMGE I am so sorry. I am with you on the whole pregnancy announcements today. Im in that angry phase just now. Ive seen a few social media posts today and I hate myself for feeling jealous and angry at them 😡 so I really get it.

Thank you so much @Mumlili8 for my beautiful package that arrived today. It was so kind and thoughtful. 💖

So today I went to the hospital to get my APS (antiphosphilipid) bloods done. Im not sure how long they take to come back but hopefully wont be too long.

I was supposed to have counselling today but I just couldn't face going. I know its supposed to help but I just didnt want to talk about it today.

Im doing well on the eating .. well its been 2 days lol but I have tracked everything on my fitness pal. Hope it continues.

Hope the rest of the group is doing ok tonight 💖

I know @MrsMGE I’m probably be unreasonable but she have had the conversation quietly closer to the pg lady desk or somewhere else! I have PMT so I know I’m being extra sensitive...

not cool re your secretary, I meant @ReeRi*

@ReeRi Go for it. It's 2019, we shouldn't be held back because we're pg or, even worse, because we might be pg in the future. This opportunity may not arise for many years to come and you'll have major regrets that you didn't apply. And if things go your way, you can be a perfectly successful mum, lawyer & chair of the association.

PS - That's not re your secretary. People sometimes are so tactless.

Yes @MrsMGE I do feel the worst part of this is not knowing whether it will happen for us. If I could be confident I’d have a healthy baby one day then I could live with that but it just feels so unlikely although it isn’t really. I can’t possibly rule out it not working out.

I’m also trying not to put things on hold. There’s a position I’m interested in, chair of a professional association that is relevant to us, but I would really like to do it properly and not take it on and then go on mat leave BUT realistically I would love to do that role and if I get pregnant then surely that would be a bonus and it would probably be at least 6 months until I went on mat leave and I don’t want to put things on hold. I also don’t know if the opportunity would come around again.

Meanwhile right now I can hear my secretary taking to the pregnant lady about her pregnancy which is annoying as they are not friendly at all usually and my secretary knows I don’t want to hear about it.

@ReeRi it's so rubbish, isn't it. I found myself going through my phone and listing women who I suspect will announce their pgs in the near future (not that many left considering how many are already expecting 🙄), as if to brace myself for more depressing news coming my way. I actually think I'd deal better with another miscarriage if it needs to happen again, than with this stagnation, at least I'd know my body is still capable of getting pg, at least something would have changed, at least I'd be closer to having checks...of course I never want to lose another baby, but to be truthful, I don't know what is worse anymore, grieving the loss or going through months and months of TTC post loss with no success 😔

My periods were pretty much normal after a 4-5 week miscarriage @ChangeyMcChangeChange

Oh it’s rubbish @MrsMGE I feel like everyone else is pregnant! I met a friend for lunch as she asked if I’d heard that someone we used to work with is pregnant. Well no and I didn’t need to but she wasn’t being malicious and didn’t sound happy about it herself!

I think I'm going to isolate myself from all of them, in fact, from all women of childbearing age, and only see them if absolutely necessary. Luckily, I have a close friend who's mid-40s and two childless friends who are not even thinking about it yet, they are the ones keeping me sane (-ish). Why do good things happen to everyone else but not me?

I wondered if anyone had any advice on the first period after an early (5 weeks) miscarriage? I ovulated right when I would normally expect to after the miscarriage so I am expecting my first period today or tomorrow and have had quite bad cramping from last Thursday and am preparing myself for a painful period. Is this normal? I hope everyone is well, this thread moves quite quickly so I have found it a bit difficult to keep up

@Avocuddles How are you today lovely?

I'm having a shit run, just came back from a client meeting, the client has now become more of a friend of mine, bang, here comes the "I'm pregnant" announcement. She had a MC in after me. I'm happy for her, but I'm angry that everyone has moved on and managed to get pg but me. I'm so fed up. I suspect my work colleague is pg too after IVF, that will be the final nail in the coffin for me, I'm bloody surrounded by pregnant women, she's the 9th pregnant woman in my circle 🙄🙄🙄

@Avocuddles @MissSparkles81 thank you both for your replies. It’s never anything you think will happen to you but it always amazing how supportive this club is. I’ve bought some clear blue digital trackers but don’t want to use them until I get AF. I’m trying to relax and just see what happens. But I feel there’s a void I want fill. Sending you both lots of love xx

@MissSparkles81 thanks for the hug - sending one back in return! I hope you don't have to wait too long to get your test results back.
I had a major thrombosis ten years ago now which means that any pregnancies are automatically deemed high risk. I have a cupboard full of loaded needles ready for daily injections if I do manage to get pregnant again naturally, along with aspirin. Unfortunately this treatment hasn't helped me with either pregnancy so far, but the key thing is protecting my own health 

@GemLou88 sorry to hear your awful story. I hope you are healing now and have had plenty of support around you. If you wish you can start tracking ovulation straight away, but you might find that you don't have a 'normal' cycle straight away. Alternatively just 'go with the flow' this time until AF arrived (or doesn't!) and then track. I wish you lots of luck and hope it doesn't take long for you to have your rainbow baby.

@Avocuddles the test tomorrow is to find out if I have any clotting issues. I had a positive test 3 years ago and then a follow up one was negative. With my recent mc I just want to know if everything is ok before we start trying again. My Gp said that if its positive then they may give my aspirin if I fall pregnant again. Will just need to wait and see. I can only imagine how you are feeling seeing that announcement from your sister in law. Sending the biggest hug

@MrsMGE A true psychic will never tell you anything bad so no need to worry about that. I know that there are a few "cowboys" out there but some of the ones I have seen have been scarily accurate with things they have told me.

@GemLou88 I started tracking the day I got my negative test after my mc. Its been nearly a week now and no sign of ovulation yet. My mc was 4 weeks ago at 9 weeks. Im just using the cheap opk's at the moment then will switch to the clearblue ones next cycle. I am so sorry for your loss but glad you have found this group. The ladies in here have been so friendly and welcoming. Its a club that no one wants to be in but these ladies make it a wee bit easier.

How lovely that so many people have seen double rainbows today. Hopefully it is a sign for us all.

Hi all,

I’ve just come across this thread after trying to look for answers about ovulating after a miscarriage. Sorry for all your losses.

I’m 31, have no children of my own. Had a missed miscarriage mid October at 9 weeks. I was wanting some advice on when to start tracking for ovulation but answers I find don’t really relate to me. I had medical miscarriage management that wasn’t successful, a second round didn’t help either and ended up having surgery. The whole process from finding out there was no heartbeat, to having the surgery was 7 weeks. I want to start ttc but at odds. At the moment I feel like I’m wasting money on ovulation sticks. Any advice would be great xx

I think it’s understandable you’d feel that way, life can feel so unfair sometimes, and you should absolutely be honest if SIL asks how you are. Donating to Tommy’s is lovely of your friend. It’s nice when people surprise us that way. On Mother’s Day this year my DH cousin was posted something to acknowledge those missing their mother or a their child. I can’t remember the exact wording and I’m sure it was only for us but lovely when people think outside their own bubbles - which seems rare sometimes!

@MrsMGE sending you so much love too. Should have been 8 months today

Feeling a bit low this evening. Sister in law has posted her pregnancy announcement all over social media with her 22mth old son wearing a T-shirt saying Santa's promoting me to big brother, along with a caption saying 'Baby R number 2 coming June 2020'. We have the same surname (her husband is DH's brother) so this really hurt as I can't help thinking that the 2nd baby R should have been ours and arriving in January or April. I can't bring myself to add to the wall of congratulations. I imagine that my radio silence will result in a 'how are you hun' message from her within the next few days - when she does get in touch I fully intend to reply that I'm not great as I'm coming up to my due date and this time of year is very painful.....

On a nicer note one of my closest friends who has recently become a Mum posted a lovely message on social media stating that instead of sending Christmas cards she's donated to Tommy's miscarriage research, and praising the amazing work that they do. I know full well that she's chosen this charity because of what I (and DH) have gone through, and this more than makes up for the insensitivity of others. It's good to know that there are people who care, and I've always said that your friends are the family you choose....