TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

Everything crossed @MrsMGE. You're so right, it's a binary result so how is it so hard? The test companies bloody love it of course, it's positively unethical to encourage early testing but of course they all do it and the temptation is too much.

I think frers have changed in the last year or so. They used to be reliably absolutely bright white or positive, but had a couple that have given me a squinter that turned out to be negative over the past 6 months or so. Still better than freedom though!

Holiday is great thanks. I could potentially test soon as think I'm about CD26 after MMC and have been TTC but have promised myself to hold off until 2020 if (AF doesn't show before then). I don't drink so a sober Christmas makes no odds to me but not sure my nerve will hold!

Thanks @Venusstarr ❤️ I've heard stories about the Freedom tests, yes, that's why I'm not excited, more so annoyed that somehow it looks inconclusive. I mean, it's either one or two lines, right, how difficult can this be 🤦🏼‍♀️ I'm still so rough and dying for some ibuprofen but I'll have a Lemsip instead for now. Grrr!

I've been reading the thread and wanted to say congratulations on your weight loss, amazing result ❤️

Frer 🙄

Got my fingers crossed for you @MrsMGE 🤞 I don't trust those freedom tests as I had a line on 2 previously but wasn't pregnant. My free at 11dpo was very clear, faint but obvious.

Hope taking a break helped ☺️

@SunshineCrocodile Ignore me wrong photo - here it is after half an hour.

Thank you @SunshineCrocodile 😘 Appreciate your quick response especially when you're away, bless you!

So I've been feeling rough for a few days and wasn't going to test till Boxing Day when we're due to be out with our Aussie friends drinking. However, I really felt like taking ibuprofen today to shift the cold/sore throat before Christmas. Obviously never expected this! I've also got rid of all the early pregnancy tests few days ago not to stress about things 🙈 Only have the Freedom ones (sensitivity 25) and one CB Digital how many weeks. I'm still in work today, might pop to Boots and get a FRER to test this pm like you've suggested. I'm not keen on FRERs as they've given me what looked like very faint lines before and then nothing, but they are more sensitive than Freedom. I'm around 10/11 DPO now I think, although didn't track this month, only going by CM.

I checked that test again half an hour later and I can clearly see the evap line but there's still a light pink line in my view.

How is your holiday? I so wish DH and I had gone away, I didn't think to do it! Gutted! Xxx

Has any of the dye run cleared after the 5 mins? Have just upped the brightness on my phone to squint and if you're still left with two clear lines rather than the first fading I'd be inclined to think it might be positive.

@MrsMGE hard to say, I'd say it looks hopeful but a bit flooded. Freedom tests are crappy for flooding though. If it were me I'd avoid drinking for a few hours, go and get a frer and test this afternoon. I've always had stronger results with later tests than FMU anyway (almost all my initial bfps have been in the evening!), and if it's a positive on a freedom it should show on a frer even if your wee is a bit more dilute.

I so hope for you that this is it x

Here it is zoomed in.

Girls. Apologies for making a return to ask a stupid question but I'm in a pickle and need your help. We dtd earlier this month and I took hpt this morning specifically not to test on Christmas Day and get upset. I'm due AF on 25 or 26 Dec. This is what came back, photo is unedited and I attach an inverted one too. Can anyone tell me if it's a dye run or an evap? Photo was taken within 5 minutes from testing as recommended by the manufacturer. NB this is a cheap Freedom test. Your views will be appreciated, I'm still trying to avoid testing tomorrow tbh and got myself in a right pickle now.

@Avocuddles that's just awful of your SIL. What the hell was she thinking? Hope she apologised, just completely inappropriate and insensitive.

@VenusStarr toy story and a cat cuddle sounds fantastic. I'm working today and tomorrow and just wish I could be curled up on the sofa!
I've had a good cry over the weekend too. We joined some of DHs friends yesterday at a carol concert that was full of newborns and young children. When we were singing the line in 'Away in a Manger' about all the dear children I just started sobbing, it really brought our losses home and made me feel incredibly sad. I know exactly what you mean about not feeling able to focus on a different outcome. In my head I'm already assuming that we will have a third loss if I do become pregnant again. I guess we're trying to protect ourselves by not getting hopes up.....it's just so sad that we will never again be able to be excited or optimistic during early pregnancy.

Also had a few tears on Saturday night after a very insensitive text from my pregnant sister in law. She was asking if we would pop round on Christmas afternoon to see her and her family, then asked very bluntly 'Do you have any baby news?'. As it was a group text DH replied back saying 'that is a very forward question' before I proceeded to say a big fat NO. If she mentions it in person then I think I'll probably just shut her down by saying that it might not ever work out for us and I'd rather people weren't constantly speculating. She knows about our losses and fertility struggles, so I don't know how she thinks that is a sensitive or appropriate thing to ask!

@SunshineCrocodile I'm glad you're enjoying your break. After the above conversations with family we've already decided that if things don't work out for us next year we'll definitely be going away!

@ReeRi I certainly hope that our lives all change for the better next year. I'd like to hope that (unless my own or DHs health suffers) things can't get much worse. I don't dare to hope that we might have a baby by the end of 2020, I just hope we have some answers in terms of whether things will ever work out for us in terms of having our own family. I can't keep doing this forever, life is too short to live with such pain I hope that this might be your cycle (and all the other ladies TTC too), and that next summer is filled with rainbows making their entrance at long last x

@VenusStarr Enjoy! That’s good advice from your therapist. It’s so easy for us to assume the worst after we’ve had a negative experiences but I really believe anything can happen. All of our lives could have changed massively next year for better or worse, hopefully better.

I think I’m in my fertile week too and we’ve been dtd a bit but not loads and I’m not making a special effort to do so this month

Fingers crossed for all of you TTC this cycle🤞

Hi everyone, hope all is well 💜 I know this Christmas isn't how any of us imagined, sending lots of love xxx

@SunshineCrocodile hope you have a lovely break away

@ReeRi hope you enjoy Edinburgh, I'm jealous!

How are you @Mumlili8?

Hope you're feeling OK @Avocuddles

I'm looking forward to a few quiet days with dh. It all got a bit much yesterday and had a good cry. I'm pretty sure I'm ovulating / ovulated overnight, we're in with a chance this cycle (if I'm reading the signals right). My therapist talked about what ifs and suggested every time I think about a negative what if, I try and think about a positive what if - it's really hard. I don't have any evidence that things will be OK, but I have plenty of evidence that things go wrong. I'm scared to get my hopes up by focusing on what if next time is different and things work out.

Giving myself the afternoon off, watching Toy Story 2 with a cat cuddle ☺️

Yeah we’re ok @SunshineCrocodile and looking forward to going to Edinburgh tomorrow.

Pleased you are enjoying your time away too

Sorry to hear re bfn @Mumlili8. It's a kick in the teeth especially so close to Christmas. There's still a chance until AF arrives though?

@Avocuddles not surprised you've got a mixed bag of emotions at the moment. I hope you get through to the child free bit of Christmas without the kids/bumps getting too much. And roll on 2020.

@ReeRi hope you've made up with OH and are feeling a bit better?

Holiday is great thanks @Mumlili8. So glad to get away from reality for a while. We're back Boxing Day and I'm pretty much dreading having to readjust to normality!

Sorry you got a BFN @Mumlili8 but it is very early. I would say just see how it goes with TTC for the next cycle if you’re not already pregnant. This month has been a bit like that for us with DH’s op but we managed to start dtd again just as I’m in my fertile period but I’m not hopeful and really have little idea what my body is doing after last cycle

@Avocuddles Thank you I am beating myself up a bit. BUT funny you say that, I have been watching Crazy Ex Girlfriend and am running a hot bath!

I’m sorry you are up and down. I get the difficulty of other pregnancies and babies around. Absolutely work from home or just book the day off to avoid the baby shower. Can you just email in on the morning and say you’re not feeling 100% and don’t want to spread anything so will work from home? Your colleague is insensitive for behaving that way.

Hi ladies. Sorry to hear that so many of you are struggling/ feeling low at the moment. It's such a tough time of year, especially for those who have sad memories associated with the Christmas season, or had high hopes of a very different experience to what we are actually going through.

@ReeRi don't be hard on yourself, you have been through so much over the past twelve months and you're doing an incredible job keeping going and looking forward. Arguments happen in any relationship let alone one which has weathered the hardest of storms. I'm sure things with both DH and MIL will be ok, but in the meantime spend your evening doing whatever makes you feel relaxed. For me it would be having a hot bath, watching something trashy on netflix, lighting some candles. Whatever works for you, turn your attention to yourself rather than worrying about others.

@VenusStarr congrats on the weight loss, you're doing brilliantly.

@VenusStarr @SunshineCrocodile It's natural to be struggling with thoughts of everything you've been through, but hopefully the future will look a lot brighter for you.

I'm feeling up and down at the moment. Part of me is keen for the new year to come around. After 19 months TTC and two losses this year I'm hoping that 2020 will be a more positive one, especially now that I have the support of the fertility clinic to at least help me have another shot at getting pregnant. On the other hand my first due date would have been in the second week of January and my DHs best friend and his partner are due to have their first baby at the exact same time which is going to be hard. I'm also struggling seeing one of my colleagues get bigger and bigger (she's 7 months) and moan a lot about pregnancy. She knows what I've been through and does try to be sensitive most of the time but it's still very difficult, and I'm already trying to think of an excuse to work from home on the day of the 'secret baby shower' some other members of the team have planned for her.
Christmas Day is going to be spent with DHs family which might be tough as his cousin and sister in law are both expecting and my mother in law is already completely obsessed with their older child / her only grandchild which makes me feel pretty inadequate sometimes. Between Christmas and new year we're going down to stay with my family which will be much easier as there are no babies and no pregnant ladies! My sister has always been adamant that she doesn't want children (and still lives with my parents in her 30s) so there is also zero chance of pregnancies announcements so we'll be able to truly relax for a few days with a few drinks, plenty of food and some board games before the January health kick / teetotal time begins.
I've already told DH that if having a family doesn't work out for us next year we're going to go away as a couple for a big holiday somewhere away from all of the newborns and children. We love them dearly but it all gets a bit much sometimes.....

Thanks @SunshineCrocodile Yes hopefully she won’t think anything of it and I’m sure DH and I will be fine later but I too am thinking back over this last year. Last Christmas I was nearly 8 months pregnant and since then I found out she’d died, given birth, buried her, moved house, found out I’m pregnant again then had a CP/MC and now I’m back at work and live is somewhat back to reality. I’m finding this Christmas a little bit difficult at times.

I know many of us on here have had a tough year. I have no idea what 2020 will bring but I hope it brings good things of us

Really well done on the weight loss @VenusStarr! That's fantastic and I'm sure will be in your favour for ttc. I'm trying to stay mindful on holiday - not dieting as such but making sure I get plenty of fruit, veg, protein, water and going easy on the treats!

Agree this year seems a shocker looking back. We've been TTC since Jan and I've been pregnant 3 times, a CP and 2 MMC at 10+ weeks. Pretty shitty but I'm hanging onto the hope that next time will stick (if I'm lucky enough to get pg again). Trying hard to look forward and not back, the new year is a good time to think about new beginnings and not what has gone before.

@ReeRi sorry you've had an argument, it's not surprising at all - you have to let off steam somewhere. Don't feel silly, sure MIL is old and wise enough to know that arguments feel worse when you're in the middle than afterwards. I hope you're both able to cool down with a little distance and talk it over calmly later (assuming it was just a row that escalated and not him being an arse).

@VenusStarr Yes getting pregnant twice is a good sign and well done on the weight loss!

I’m feeling rubbish. Just feeling down and came home from yoga (the irony!) and basically started an argument with DH. I was just letting off steam really but he didn’t react well and we ended up having a massive argument. He was going out anyway and it’s probably for the best but I don’t really know what to do with myself now 🙄

I also ended up calling MIL upset as I was a bit overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do, which is usually fine except we were in the middle of a big argument, and now feel a bit silly 😬🙈

Hope everyone is OK? Struggling a bit but trying not to focus on the enormity of what's happened this year. I did reflect that although we've been ttc 2 years, we have actually only tried to concieve 4 times this year and I got pregnant twice, which does make me feel a bit better.

Focusing on my weight loss, 9.5lbs down today at my pre-Christmas weigh in which I'm really happy with.

Sending love xxx ❤️