TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

I have name changed. I was Alice and then Ree.

@shefliesonherownwings As you know my story was quite similar to yours. I fell pregnant fairly easily with DD who died at 40 weeks in February and since then I have been tracking on and off. This is a really supportive thread and I too hope 2020 brings great things for all of us.

Hello all, may I join? I have been posting on the TTC after stillbirth thread @ReeRi started which has been a great help and thought I would post here too.

I lost my DD 7 weeks ago now. She was our first born and we lost her at 41 weeks during early labour. No cause found. We are still so devastated but both DH and I talked straight away about trying again. Not to replace her but we both want a living child and as we are 36 time is against us.

DD was our first pregnancy and we had only just stayed trying when we caught with her so I've never really tracked ovulation or anything. I tried it the month I fell pregnant but that was it. My first period since DD was born finished a week ago. We have decided just to see what happens from January and then start tracking from March. We have our consultant appointment mid February and a holiday at the end of Feb so will see where we are after that. I'm really hoping 2020 is a positive year for all of us with lots of BFPs.

Just a heads up I will be name changing again soon - will be something to do with rabbits or yoga 😃

@Bobbelle @Twinklelittlestar1
I’m sorry you find yourself here but it is a very supportive group

@Seahawk80 Congratulations to you. Lovely to get a BFP before Christmas

@tmc14 Not sure what to suggest but hope you find a way. It can become stressful trying to dtd at the right time when you’re not in the mood or don’t have time!

• in the hospital

@Ejb86 I was 9 weeks with my mmc.

Yes I know that feeling of crossing paths with someone having a normal pregnancy experience. It's like someone twisting the knife I could hear babies crying when my baby had died

@Twinklelittlestar1 They were 16 weeks. I think I always knew it wasn't going to be a successful pregnancy. They shared a sac, which means they were high risk, and the post mortem has shown they also had Twin to twin transfusion. I just couldn't get excited about the pregnancy at all and spent my whole time worried. I wonder if they thought I wouldn't have milk issues with it only being 16 weeks.

How far along were you with your MMC? It really is so sad. Walking into the hospital for the medical management I broke down in a heap when I saw a woman walking in with her notes. Don't get as upset now, but it's taken a while to get to this point. I'll always wonder what Poppy and Maisie would have been like, would they have been little ginges like their big brother, and had his tiny hands and feet.

@Ejb86 I'm so sorry for your loss of your girls. I was trying to scroll through to read your history but there are just so many posts. How many weeks were your girls? When I lost my daughter they gave me a pill to stop my milk that was one blessing but your body and hormones are just totally geared up for a child and it's just agony. I remember leaping out of bed to the cat crying, that first night at home after we'd lost her. My mind was primed to answer a baby's call. Just so sad.

Hi @tmc14 , sorry you've had a rough/disappointing Christmas. It must be so frustrating. Please do tell me to sod off if I'm overstepping the mark, but would your husband see a GP? If he has low libido anyway it might be worth it as there are various hormonal imbalances that can cause it and be treated fairly easily.

@Bobbelle I'm sorry for the loss of your son. I had my latest MMC at the end of November, and have been TTC over Christmas. Like you I just didn't feel I had anything to gain by waiting. Fingers crossed for you. All I would say is do be really sure the bleeding has stopped to avoid infection - mine was stop/start for a few days toward the end and it took around about 3 weeks to stop altogether, I waited for two days clear after the last bit of bleeding. Hope it isn't long for you.

@Twinklelittlestar1 sorry for your loss. I also have existing DC who I adore, sometimes I feel like I'm being greedy trying again when I'm so lucky to have what I do but there is such a strong desire for one last child. Fingers crossed this is your cycle.

@Seahawk80 what a fantastic Christmas present! Congratulations and I hope it's good and sticky. Hope we can all join you ASAP!

@Twinklelittlestar1 MMCs are just awful. Can imagine how that must have felt knowing you were so ill but it was all over. My body thinks I have 2 little girls to feed and started to produce the milk for them. I found that really difficult to start with. My 2yo isn't weaned yet though, so he's loving life and it has strengthened our bond.
I think the worst thing for me has been the bleeding. I bled most days for 2 months, some days only spotting but that constant reminder of what had happened was torture.

Fingers very much crossed for your BFP. Hope you dont find the 2WW too difficult.

Hi everyone,

Joining if I may? I'm 39 trying to conceive #3. I lost my first child at 31 weeks with no eventual cause found. I had her brother a year later which was a difficult pregnancy fraught with worry and fear. We had a mmc in August and now tentatively trying again. I'm not sure another baby is meant for us and after losing a child it's given me an immense gratitude for what I do have. Having said that, I would love to have another sibling for my son. I also suffer with hg which makes pregnancies really hard and in my mmc I continued to be sick despite having lost the pregnancy. It was a cruel twist to continue to suffer for nothing.

Anyway, I'm here. Just ovulated so now on the 2ww. Strangely, my miscarriage in August has reset my system as my periods were haywire, I've now gone back to 28 day periods with ovulation on day 14 which has been unheard of for years. Perhaps the medical management had some benefit somehow?

@tmc14 I remember this well when we were trying for my little boy. Hubby really struggled with the pressure to perform. How would he react if you tried to spice things up a bit? I've made a love honey purchase to try and help us with ttc again this cycle.

@Bobbelle I completely understand that instant urge to try again. We spoke about TTC in the days immediately after losing our girls. Like you I thought it would be over quite quickly, but it's taken me 3 months to get back to full health and for the bleeding to fully stop due to an infection. Try to give yourself time to heal, physically and mentally. Take it easy and look after yourself.

@Seahawk80 congratulations!!!

Thanks for the reply @ReeRi I don’t tell him when I’m fertile, but we don’t have sex that much (he’s never had a high sex drive & we have a toddler who isn’t great at sleeping) so it’s really only one shot a month, so he kind of knows why I’m suggesting it!! Feelings not helped by my 40th birthday in 2 weeks. I just don’t feel like celebrating it but everyone keeps asking.

I’m so sorry for your loss @Bobbelle that’s So very sad. My miscarriage was October and I stil just very much want to be pregnant. I hope it happens for you soon.

@Seahawk80 congratulations, wonderful news. Keeping everything crossed this works out for you x

I've been meaning to pop on here for ages to say hi. Things have just been so hectic with work / Xmas. I hope everyone had a great Xmas. I also got a great present, a faint BFP on a cheap test the day before AF was due! Only managed to test again today and got a strong line so am over the moon (but also terrified). It's come just before my due date which is very welcome. Anyway I'm sorry to come on after not posting for ages with a BFP but I just wanted to let you all know that I do often think of you all, the thread is just too fast for me!

Welcome to everyone new and sorry for your losses@Bobbelle I totally know what you mean about the urgent need to be pregnant again, although that did fade a bit for me over the months and if I hadn't been pregnant before my doe date I would have been ok (whereas straight after my TMFR the thought was unbearable). @emj314 I know exactly what you mean about really appreciating your lb but yearning to hold another baby. I'm so sorry about your twins.

And congratulations @Murree maybe see you on the grads thread?

Hi ladies,

I am 34 with a 12 month old DS. I had a TFMR this month and gave birth to a sleeping baby boy on the 15th. I have been filled with a desperate urge to be pregnant again almost immediately and we will be ttc as soon as the bleeding stops, hopefully within the next few days.

@tmc14 I’m sorry you’ve been struggling. Would it help if your DH didn’t know when you’re fertile? To start with my DH didn’t like knowing when I’m ovulating as he thought it took the fun out of things so I used to OPK but not tell him. We have also had months where we haven’t tracked but then you would need to try to dtd as much as possible from about CD7 to CD21 but depends what you’d find harder. I think we do put a lot of pressure on ourselves each cycle.

Hi all
@Ejb86 I’m so sorry to hear about your twins.

I’ve been reading quietly but not posting, I didn’t really feel I had much to add and I’ve been struggling to cope. This cycle has been tough, I thought I’d ovulate while away with family, but OPKs showed an almost positive today, several days late. We came home today so thought we’d have a chance but my DH couldn’t quite manage to dtd so I’m now I’m just lying in bed feeling gutted we haven’t even tried this month. I don’t know, I feel DHs pressure to perform limits our chances so much.

Anyway, I’m glad some of you have been enjoying Christmas, I’m sorry to those who are struggling. Wishing you all happier times for the new year xxx

I'm so sorry for the loss of your girls @Ejb86, and welcome to a lovely supportive thread. Fingers crossed you get your sticky bfp soon.

Sorry you find yourself here @Ejb86 and sorry for the loss of your twins. Hopefully you’ll be lucky and not see a BFN but if you do I’m sure you’ll get though and get your BFP soon!

I’m hoping we are all in the graduates thread by 2020!

Hi ladies. I'm Emily, 33, mum to a gorgeous 2 year old lb and twin girls who I lost in a mmc at 16 weeks back in September. Christmas has been phenomenally bittersweet. LB has had the best few days, but for me they've all been tinged with sadness.

We decided pretty quickly that we would TTC after xmas. CD1 was xmas eve, so I'm officially TTC now. We've been very lucky with both our previous pregnancies, only dtd once each cycle and caught on both times, first cycle of trying. Hoping that that will be the case this time, but not sure how I'll react if I get that BFN.

I know I'm very lucky to have my LB, and I absolutely adore him, but can't help but yearn to hold a baby (or 2) in my arms.

@MrsMGE I think all of us on here have had a tough time this year some way or another and I really hope 2020 will be a great year

@ReeRi Will do. Yes, I'm waiting for AF, I'm not even thinking there could be any other outcome with the tests that I took & considering I must be around 14-15 DPO now. That's OK. Hopefully AF will come soon and then it's a fresh start. I am planning to eat all of my Christmas chocolates by the end of the year AND I'm baking a giant chocolate cake for NYE 😂 At least we'll be sharing it with friends, right?! 😂 Going into the New Year with a massive sugar rush, haha!

I'm kind of glad 2019 is nearly gone, it was so shit that really things can hopefully only get better going forward, or at least I can deal with them better! I find this thought reassuring.

@Sunflower1608 I'm really sorry to read this. If you've made this decision because you feel it's too much and it's all got to you, please feel free to DM me as I've only been there recently. I know our situations are different because I don't have any living children, but it's a hard place to be when you're facing that decision. To be completely honest, I am now in a place when I don't know if we're going to continue TTC or not. I guess I'm just not labelling things and seeing what happens, not being hopeful, but not being dragged down by the process either. In the last few weeks I've worked hard to detach myself from thinking about this as much as I used to, to stop it being in the centre of my world. It works for now and I feel best I've felt in ages. Sometimes drawing a line is helpful and needed. It also helps with lifting the weight of this decision to realise that you don't have to stick to it for the rest of your days. Our lives, thoughts and attitudes evolve and you need to do what's right for you at any given time. If it's right, stand by it. If not, you can change it. Let me know if you ever need a chat. Sending you lots of love ❤️ Xxx

@MrsMGE That happened to me last month. I had about five BFNs and one v faint positive at one stage and AF came about four days late. Keep us posted!

Yes I’m still planning to get healthy next year too but at the moment I have had lots of Christmas sweets and chocolates so I feel I should eat these in my week off and then start my new healthy eating kick on 6 Jan when I’m back at work 😂

Hey @ReeRi @Mumlili8 @SunshineCrocodile thanks for asking after me & your kind comments!

I was due AF on 25/26 Dec, still no sign of it. I tested again and bfn, it looks like it's just casually late possibly because I'm still ill. I've had a cold for a week now, only just started feeling a bit better.

Anyway! Would love to get it out of the way! We're throwing a NYE party and just stocked up on some awesome food and drinks (Mediterranean theme), I can't wait!

And back on the healthy mission from January, I've got some £££ to spend on several gift cards this spring after I lose weight so no stopping me now 😊

Hope you're having a nice, relaxing post-Christmas weekend ladies xxx

I’m glad you’re ok @MrsMGE

@Avocuddles Well done you for dealing with all the pregnancy and babies! I still find it hard unless it’s family or a good friend. I have no time, generally, for anyone who isn’t there for me, these days.

@Sunflower1608 I’m sorry you’ve had a tough time and wish you all the best. It would be a shame if your partner doesn’t get to become a Dad if he wants that but I think it is important to be grateful for what you have, which is easier said than done, sometimes, but none of us know what the future holds.

@SunshineCrocodile Hope you had a lovely holiday. We got back from Edinburgh last night but of course it’s no colder here than there, might be a tad warmer, in fact! We had a lovely time though and I still have another week off work! 😃

@Mumlili8 How are you? Sorry AF seems to be on her way but I really hope you get some answers this year.

@shanine I am just doing all the things I want to do this month too. I didn’t track or actively TTC this month but we did dtd at times when I might have been fertile so it’s possible but unlikely for me this month.

BTW if I have duplicated this post then apologies as I did reply on here yesterday I think but now can’t see it so maybe was in an area of bad service...