TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

Oh that’s interesting to know @shanine I will look that up. Hope you have a gentle evening. We are going to my parents but I’m waiting for DH to get home and it looks like he’s going to be late!

@shanine I didn’t realise the advice was to seek advice after 6 months. It helps just to have a plan in mind. Rather than feeling like i could be TTC for years, it helps me to have a timescale in mind to seek help. I have PMT so that is making me feel a little down too (I can get quite severe PMT)

@shanine I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It is difficult. We have been trying since April after we lost our daughter in February. Since then I’ve had an early MC and many BFNs. I don’t know what to say. It’s hard. Sometimes (often) I wonder whether it will happen for us. But looking at the positives I have fallen pregnant twice without trying for that long. If you’re struggling could you take a month off and see how you feel or even just stop tracking if you’ve been using OPKs etc. I was using OPKs for a while but last cycle and this coming one I’m not tracking and seeing how I feel that way. None of us know what the future holds. My plan is to keep trying and then maybe speak to the GP about my options if I’m not pregnant by around March. I’m 36 in a few months and I worry time might not be on my side but I think there’s also some scaremongering and slightly out of date attitudes when it comes to age and pregnancy.

@shanine sorry I just read further down that it was June.

@shanine it's so hard. How long have you been trying now? Could you maybe take a break for a while, book a break away somewhere? It's such a cruel situation x

@SunshineCrocodile Sorry it was a CP but, as you say, this is a new cycle and a new chance and who knows where we’ll be in a year’s time! I hope it’s where we want to be, with our rainbow babies 🌈 I think I’m hormonal too(!) but I really do like this woman and would like to think I’ve made a friend for life in her

@Russkispy that all sounds positive! Fingers crossed that this is your cycle.

@Avocuddles that's frustrating re your appointment. But still not too long to wait, hope you get started as soon as you're ready.

Bit up and down here - definite CP confirmed with BFN today but bleeding never got beyond spotting and has now stopped. So I don't really know what went on there, but then it was the first cycle/AF since MMC so I guess all bets were off. Treating the new year as the beginning of this cycle so just waiting for a week or so before starting the whole TTC routine again and trying to feel positive that I still potentially have a chance to grow a whole baby before the end of this year!

@BunnytheBlueWhale maybe I'm hormonal but your post re your friend just made me well up. It's a very generous spirit that can be happy for someone in these circumstances, but I so hope you're not waiting long for your rainbow to find you.

@Russkispy glad the test results all seem ok and hope you don't have to wait long for the transfer!

@Mumlili8 glad your appointment is finally here! Mine has been pushed back from Monday to Thursday but fingers crossed I'll be able to start a monitored ovulation cycle very soon....

Hope you are all having a good weekend x

@Russkispy that sounds really good! Fingers crossed x

@BunnytheBlueWhale thank you!

Sounds positive @Russkispy Fingers crossed for you 🤞

I'm still here, lovely ladies. got all my tests results back ( had 4 MCs in 2019 and 1 in 2018), all tests done abroad where I had all my fertility treatments. and thankfully nothing majorly wrong with me. Maybe high prolactin levels caused the MC as stress increases prolactin and pregnancy is not developing as I was told. I've been on meds since results day. Putting it all behind me. And been given the green light to start new DE FET cycle today. Endo lining scan booked next Friday which will determine transfer date. Hopefully we have a much better outcome this time around. I also had a scratch last month. So fingers crossed. And baby dust to us all. And soon enough to create our own Graduates thread 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

@Twinklelittlestar1 Thank you. Yes I think part of it is grief and feeling like a mum without a baby. However, a big part of it is that I have wanted children of my own for a long time. I got to a point where we were ready to start trying and that was at least two years ago. It seems like it is so easy for other people and I have drawn the short straw. I’ve had my daughter and will never be sorry for the time I had with her but I still want more children and what’s happened shows me that’s it’s not that easy and nothing is guaranteed. The majority of people do go on to have healthy babies but also the majority of people don’t have a stillborn child. I was in the minority that time so even the rational part of my brain knows I could be again. I hope that makes sense. For the most part I am rational and positive about it and know the chances are things will work out but I am going to have my doubts until I have a healthy child of my own x

@BunnytheBlueWhale I felt so terrified that I wouldn't have another child after my daughter died. I too thought she was my only chance. I was lucky in that I got pregnant with my son quite quickly after that but many of the loss mum friends I met didn't. Some had miscarriages in between and some took a little while to conceive. Remind yourself:

• you know you can get pregnant
• many/most people go on to have successful pregnancies after loss
• you have time to have another baby

I used to say those mantras out loud and it really helped.

Your anxiety will be compounded by grief and it makes us feel somewhat 'desperate' sometimes. I used to rationalise it that my brain kind of went into problem solving mode- I had lost a baby so I needed to 'make it better' by having another. Of course I knew it wouldn't take the pain away or 'replace' but my yearning for a baby was all I could think of x

Thanks @shanine I was similar in that I lost my daughter and then had an v early mc / chemical in August. The rational side of my brain says there’s no reason why I shouldn’t have a healthy baby. I fell pregnant with my first without tracking or trying or even taking folic acid. I fell pregnant the second time on the fourth cycle of trying. So in that sense it isn’t that much time. It is even less time for you. But there are just so many unknowns like how many losses will I experience before I have a healthy baby? Like I say most of the time I’m positive and rational about it. If we have difficulty this year then I’d seek help. We’d probably try IVF if it came to that and still consider adopting but sometimes I worry I’ll be completely left behind.

@LASandOtto My daughter was Ruby. I have NC and used to be Alice and then Ree. It really isn’t a race and that’s exactly what I tel myself: that if I do manage to have a healthy child one day, maybe even a couple, it won’t matter how long it took. And I actually think it was a really good thing for me to get back to work and normality and start to be myself again before having another baby. I mean, if I’d got pregnant immediately, I’d have been happy with that of course(!), but there are advantages to time to recover.

@Shefliesonherownwings Yes I think our circumstances were similar and, reading others’ baby loss stories, there seems to be a common theme of falling pregnant quickly with the first and then tracking as much as possible. I think it’s because once things have gone colossally wrong it’s so easy to imagine the worst happening again. But, in a really weird way, knowing the unexpected can happen is a positive thing for me because I know something good can happen unexpectedly too.

@tmc14 It is nice and I’m so happy for her. I hope I get my rainbow baby soon and have imaginings of us meeting up with our babies in future. Even if it doesn’t turn out that way I think I’ve made a friend for life. I’ve met so many people through Sands and it’s great (in a way) to be able to speak to people who understand what you’ve been through but you don’t click with everyone just because you’ve both suffered a loss. She’s been a great support to me. As you ladies have. I am really happy and love the children of my good friends and family. The not so good friends simply aren’t friends any more!

Thanks for listening to me ladies. You all really are a wonderful support to me. I woke up a little down maybe because PMT is coming on but also I woke up at 3 am with quite bad toothache - did I mention I had a root canal on Tuesday 😬😂

Hope you’re ok @SunshineCrocodile

xxx

@MissSparkles81i meant my DH and I aren’t discussing it, wasn’t removing my chat from here!!

@Shefliesonherownwings although my situation is very different, I totally get the feeling of using up my luck. With a very infrequent sex life I couldn’t believe my luck in getting pregnant again, and then I lost it. Maybe I’ve had all my luck? 🤷🏻‍♀️

@MissSparkles81 It’s rubbish isn’t it?! I’m not discussing it for now, I think if we fail to try again next month I might suggest AI, but I really don’t think that’s going to be taken well...

@SunshineCrocodile so sorry you’re going through a CP, I hope you’re doing ok

@BunnytheBlueWhale that’s so nice that you can be happy for your friend. I think it’s possible to be simultaneously very happy for someone else and feel very sorry for ourselves. I definitely do with two friends due around my due date, especially one who had struggled to conceive. xx

@BunnytheBlueWhale I very much understand what you mean. We lost our daughters in a very similar way and I also have a horrible feeling she was my only chance. We were very very lucky to fall pregnant with her almost immediately. She was my first pregnancy and it was a pretty easy one. I used to joke it was too good to be true. Now I wish so much I'd never said that because it was. I'm starting to convince myself it won't happen again for us because we were so lucky first time around. I don't know what to say to make you feel better but I understand and we're all here to listen. Hugs x

@BunnytheBlueWhale when I read you, you come across very strong and still with a very kind outlook. It would probably be easy to become bitter and resentful but you sound like the opposite.

Getting pregnant, becoming a mum, all these things are not a race, although sometimes perhaps it feels this way to us? It's certainly not a competition.

I'm really sorry about the loss of your DD. I'm sorry you may have told us her name before but I didn't see it on the thread as sometimes it moves fast, but please tell me / us again!

Thinking of you and glad your friend you met through Sands has her rainbow with her! X