TTC baby #1

@Cheyanne101 your anger is completely understandable - even if he feels fine psychologically, if this is a new problem or it’s got worse it is probably psychologically (even if subconsciously) linked to the idea of TTC. I guess there are two ways you could approach it.

Either back off and chill out for a month or two, finish however works for you as a couple, let him lead it whenever you DTD and see if it recovers by itself. For this to work though you’d need to fully also commit to not guilt tripping him or being resentful in any way he can detect as that would defeat the purpose!

The other is to go all out “let’s treat this thing” and he gets himself to a GP and also definitely a therapist at the same time as this is so likely to be psychologically linked to feelings he has of pressure, maybe deep seated fears about having children or not being ready that he’s never fully engaged with. But your DH has to make the call if he’s willing to do this.

@Itsemily my boobs are SO sore too!! We are on a similar cycle so fingers crossed it’s a positive sign! When are you planning to test? I’m thinking the 23rd.
@Cheyanne101 my partner can get a bit like that too and I think it’s the pressure. I think it sounds like you need a month of relaxing and just enjoying time together. Take the pressure off a bit and the try again next month. Try not too stress yourself too much xx

@itsemily when is AF due? Do you have any idea? I agree with earlier advice to only POAS a week after AF is expected.

@Cheyanne101 it's totally understandable lovely id feel the exact same, we can't help how we feel. The first time me and my OH dtd after discussing TTC he pulled out and I was annoyed but we hadn't expressly said we were going to actively TTC at that point so I had to take a chill pill haha! We talked about it after and since then all systems go haha

You'll figure it out and get there it sounds like having to DTD more is a big adjustment for both of you if you haven't got the biggest sex drives so it's probably putting pressure on you both x

Good luck ❤️

Oh @Cheyanne101 what a difficult time. I agree that men can feel pressured and don't say anything, but obviously it shows in other ways. It's a stressful month with all the Christmas pressure and all the adverts everywhere showing couples with babies and children. Perhaps suggest a bit of an amnesty where he can tell you how he's feeling, even if he does it via a WhatsApp and doesn't say it out loud?

@Blondeandbroody thanks! Lol that does sound like a good idea and maybe the only option. I need to take a chill pill. I think im feeling hopless as to how to this can improve and how can we DTD once let alone a few times.but you are right being angry at him wont help!

@Maddy0405 hey thanks for your reply, i guess that could be a factor.. the thing is we waited for a year after we got married to start trying and i would have rathered trying 6 months ago but i said fine as he wanted to wait to the year so now im completey fustrated with him i know im not being very fair and i need to calm down but i dont think iv been this cross before or crazy... i think deep down i wanted to start way sooner but he didnt until 2 months ago but i should be holding grudges but i feel like im going nuts!!! I must sound like a bitch but honestly iv been patient 😩

@Cheyanne101 I should add that whilst I totally understand your feelings here so no judgment at all, you being angry at him will not help if it is pressure that's causing him to struggle. I agree with @Maddy0405, talk to him, support each other it's a very difficult situation for you both and think of solutions together, keep trying, try to relax a bit about it so the pressures off a little xx

@notalwaysalondoner day 45 now 😂

Oh @Cheyanne101 that sounds like a horribly stressful situation for you both. I wonder if the pressure of ttc has gotten to him a bit? Are you able to talk to him about it without getting annoyed or upset? I wonder if simply talking about it together might help?

Or something NOT someone!!!! Sorry what an unfortunate typo

@Cheyanne101 I wonder if it's the pressure of it all? I know blokes don't have much to do in the whole process so it might feel like a lot of pressure to do his one part...

You could try him finishing in a cup or someone and turkey baster? I know it's not very glam!! Sorry!

Somebody suggested a moon cup as a good way of improving conception chances where you put it in after he finishes inside you... I also read where he finish in the cup and then you put it inside you. Gosh it's weird talking about this stuff so openly haha!!

Hi everyone hope all is well... all has been very quiet on the baby front but for a reason i am seeking advise on. Apologies in advance for this long winded essay but I feel like im going to have a mental breakdown!! So only been actively trying about 2 months now. This month was set to be our third but my husband is having issues down below.

He has never had a crazy sex drive but at the same time neither had i, he always needs a bit of help to finish - the help being my hand which is fine (sorry for TMI) so this past week he has not been able to actually come inside me? I use my hand and hes very close so it goes in again and he completely looses the feeling.... we repeat with my hand again and the exact same situation!!!

I honestly dont know what to do im sorry for the dramatics but i am soooo fustrated iv cried myself to sleep the last couple of nights im so upset and distracted and i feel so much anger towards him. Iv asked him to go to a doctor. Hes also uncircumsised which im thinking doesnt help.

We are 7 years together and this is a first. His form is good etc so i dont think its depression and hes annoyed its happening to him too he said he cant think of why this is suddenly happening

I cant speak to anyone as i find it so awkward.
And the anger i have in me is crazy 😭😭😭

@itsemily I'm the same except my boobs aren't sore and they were always sore before AF when in the pill (as I still had normal periods - ish!) and I'm over here now like... is this normal for me now I'm off the pill OR is it a sign of pregnancy!?

I solemnly swear that next cycle I will not be so obsessive and will not buy any tests until I'm due AF.

@notalwaysalondoner I'm the exact same my hope levels have swung so much this past few days. From hopeful to depressed in a day lol!

I'm due AF tomorrow all tests have been negative but I just feel like crap today had cramps last few days nothing today just feel bloated and a bit sickly.
Waiting until Thursday to test with a decent test if AF doesn't show up. IC today was starkers.

Fingers crossed she stays away for you today! Xx

Bad luck @Maddy0405 -what cycle day are you on?

AF is due today - my temperature dropped this morning so am expecting it to arrive but it’s not over till it’s over! So still hoping! I had some very mild cramps for about five minutes yesterday evening (13 dpo) which I thought was AF starting but 17 hours later still no sign so not sure if that’s positive or not. Think I’ll wait until Thursday to test as just can’t handle getting a BFN if AF is just late.

It’s such a rollercoaster - I keep swinging from being really convinced that it’s not happened and being quite depressed (like when I had the cramps or my temp result this morning) to thinking that there’s still hope and maybe this month is the month.

BFN as expected. Suppose I will carry on DTD as normal until my period comes then?!

@notalwaysalondoner yep I know how you feel about the not knowing and worrying that it will never happen.

@Littlepea90 I only track my period and use the Flo app to guesstimate when I'll ovulate. This weekend I did have to nicely say "I'm ovulating imminently" even though DH was out v late (driving, so not drunk) and we were both tired. No OPKs yet. I'm putting that off until month 4. That's my agreement with myself! I was 34 earlier this month and my broody alarm has been sounding for a few years now

@notalwaysalondoner I worry that as well! Even my husband said a the other week ‘how do you know you’re not firing blanks when you’ve spent this long trying NOT to have a baby’ and he’s got a point. I’d love to have a scan to see how my ovaries and eggs are!! I guess they won’t do any of that until you’ve been trying for a certain amount of time and then they’d just refer you to fertility clinic.

A girl who I’m currently on a course with said that she deleted all her apps, stopped checking for ovulation and then got pregnant the next month. So I definitely think that taking a step back is the way forward. It’s so hard though! It’s all you can think about!

I’m still going to test again tomorrow as still no AF and I’ll see what happens. I haven’t got any expectations but I know I’m going to be annoyed still 😂

I’m grateful for this thread though. It’s nice that we’ve got each other as I sometimes think my friends must get bored to death of me talking about cycles/pregnancy/babies!!

I’m in month three and AF is due tomorrow so I am soooooo tempted to test, but also scared as have no symptoms at all so not feeling positive. Am going to try and hold out to Wednesday - the not knowing is so awful though, and if we’re not lucky again this month it will be so hard to stay positive. Like, what if we’re one of the statistics that takes years or never manages...?

@CurbsideProphet also month two I’m finding it all a bit militant operation at the moment. I know I need to relax, but it’s hard. Currently waiting for AF to take her leave and will start the opk. How about you?

@Itsemily fingers crossed for you!

@Maddy0405 hi, completely get it. It’s like your own body is messing with your hope and emotions. I have roughly 30-35 day cycles and I eagerly tested early in Dec and when I got the negative I just wanted AF so I could try again. I just think we’re a little hard on ourselves. We can’t (unfortunately) control when it happens. It can take a while after using the pill to settle down.

@CurbsideProphet I don’t mind having a longer cycle but it’s been regularly 38 days for 5 months so that’s why I’m so confused now 🤷🏼‍♀️ Will test tomorrow and see. Expect it to be negative and will just have to wait and see when my period decides to come!