TTC after baby loss / stillbirth

@ReeRi I tried conception reflexology and found it very calming. I wasn't actually TTC at the time, but I'm planning to go back this cycle 😊 Have you been tracking your cycle? I tracked my last one and found it incredibly stressful, as I had lots of flashing smileys on Clearblue Advanced Digital and had to wait for peak fertility till CD25 when it finally showed on both, CB and cheap LH strips. Despite dtd for 18 days, I didn't get pg :( This cycle, I'm going to temp to check if I actually ovulate. How is your cycle now? Xxx

@ReeRi I completely agree, there is hardly anything that us within our control when TTC and during pregnancy, it is very hard. It seems it's a lottery, isn't it. Very hard to accept that it's your own body and yet there's so little you can do.

I really hope you get pregnant again quickly. I've done lots of research and learnt a lot from the ladies on the previous thread too re TTC-related issues and tips, very happy to share as and when needed. I'm sure you're a specialist by now too!

Re acupuncture, I very much recommend it to everyone. It has helped me enormously with the grief and emotional side of things, and it has brought my first AF forward following the miscarriage xxx

Thanks @ReeRi for making me feel so welcome and for your kind words ❤️ I very much relate to what you've said.

I do think losing a baby at the final stage of pregnancy to stillbirth or later on, to neonatal death, are frankly the most excruciating experiences a human being can take. So I have a huge amount of respect and admiration for you, and I genuinely think, once you've been through something like this, even though no doubt it has changed you forever, nothing can break you going forward.

As for my experience, I was shocked because there were no symptoms, let down by the EPAU, had a very painful delivery with full on contractions (of which I was never told they might happen at 10 wks and didn't know what to do, I was only told it would be like a bad period - I have had bad periods for 19 years, it was nothing like that), being violently sick after misoprostol for 7 hrs straight etc, etc. I was then left to my own devices cause there is no medical aftercare following a miscarriage. No one checks anything or tells you why this happened, either. I then had to tell people in work and go on 2.5 weeks sick leave, as there is nothing guaranteed by law after the miscarriage. Overall, I felt neglected, alone and not taken seriously, and in combination with the shock and unexpectedly bad physical side of things, it took a massive toll on me. I felt traumatised frankly, and I'm a tough cookie.

But, I am now in a different place. I still think about it, but I didn't let it define me. I've internalised this trauma and grief thanks to acupuncture, talking a lot, and lots of self-care.

Now I'm facing this new challenge of TTC again, and I'm deeply upset that it's still not happening. I got pg very quickly the first time, and it's not the case now. Every single article I see in the press says you're likely to have better outcomes if you get pregnant within the first 6 months after the miscarriage. Then you read you are "more fertile" then. If only this was true! It simply isn't the case for everyone. And the emptiness is really unbearable now. My due date is in January and I am so scared of not being pregnant by then, I don't know how I'd even face this. Xxx

Hi ladies, can I join?

I have stupidly started a similar thread, I didn't notice there's an existing active one already, sorry!

I'm just about to turn 33, I had a missed miscarriage followed by medical management nearly 4 months ago, at 10 weeks, no other children. I have slightly longer cycles since (37 days, 35 and now 37 again). I have started my TTC (trying to conceive) journey in the last two cycles, but no success yet.

I've been a part of a wonderful thread on MN with ladies who have been through a similar experience and we've been great support to each other. However, they have suffered their losses a bit earlier than me, and most of them are pregnant now and close to the second trimester or even further along. I'm not pregnant, and I didn't want to be the odd one out.

Today feels particularly rubbish, as my AF unexpectedly arrived yesterday, 3 days late, and after multiple pregnancy symptoms. It's like a fresh wave of grief of still not being pregnant hitting me all over again :(

Just wanted to talk. Sorry to hear about all your experiences, it's an unbelievable trauma to lose your baby. I am glad to see us back on the journey though xxx

@ReeRi thank you, I'm so sorry to you too. It's the crushing of all hopes and dreams and I totally get how some days it feels like you can handle it then others it's all consuming and feels like the end of the road. That's terrible for your 'friend' to do that. I know lots of people don't know what to say, but common sense should prevail not to bring up your pregnancy to a newly bereaved mother! Don't worry about feeling you are ranting, it's a safe group here and we all understand!

@Pandora71 I can't imagine the heartache of finding her the next day, I hope that is something you are able to work through, it's so hard to find peace with a situation when there are no answers at all, my heart goes out to you and your family. We got 6 days with him, which now are the most precious 6 days of my life, and his whole life so that's what important to me, that we were there every day and did everything we could! I agree about us being incredibly brave, it's something you certainly don't get any lessons on how to deal with it, but I feel we are doing so well.

Welcome @Tazzle2007, I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter💐 FX for you testing today. Let us know how you get on.

Thankyou both. Still no period I think I’ll get a test today. Xxx

I just wanted to say I think we are all so incredibly brave after what we’ve been through to be back trying again.

I’m having a low night. A date “milestone” of sorts for my DD. It still feels so surreal that she’s just gone.

@Tazzle2007 I’m sorry for your loss. I think all of us here are terrified. You should try and test so you know where you are.

Hi is there anyway of private messaging on here? I had a still born baby girl just over 4 years ago. I have a new partner and I’m Ttc, I didn’t want to try again as I’m so scared it will happen again. I have 3 children already. I came off the pill 4 weeks ago and no period yet I’m too scared to test xx

@lunamoon1 the shock is so huge when it goes from perfect to the most other extreme. We put down a healthy, fat, wiggly, happy baby to sleep and when I next went to her she was dead. And we will never ever know why. The image of finding her dead haunts me. Did you spend much time with DS after he was born?

@ReeRi I’m sorry you feel alone through this. And cut out the waste of space friends. Nothing like a tragedy to show people’s true colours.

@ReeRi I totally agree, that's so sad about your friend not making contact, not a real friend at all I would say, there is no room in your life for people like that. It's such a strange thing TTC after loss, because we know that even when we do finally get our BFP's, it's going to come with lots of anxiety and worry, but yet we still are determined to get there.

@Pandora71 thank you💐 we lost him to a rare tumour which put too much pressure on his heart due to the size of it, it wasn't picked up until I went for a fairly routine growth scan at 33 weeks, and then before I knew it I was on the operating table delivering him 2 weeks later. It was a very straight forward pregnancy until then. It still hurts my head at just how quickly it went from perfect...to not. I'm so grateful for the few days we did get to spend with him tho. And I agree about being thankful for this thread, there is no comparison of losses, but it's nice to speak to ladies who understand.

@ReeRi absolutely no replacement is possible of course. No matter what happens in the future my family will never be complete. I have an older DS which I think does make everything a bit easier. I am still an "active" parent - that hasn't been taken away from me. There is a temptation to consolidate the family we have but he is desperate for a sibling and DD brought out the best in him. I always wanted 2 and I had 2... I know I would be coping a lot worse if it had been my 1st that died. I'm so sorry for your loss. :(

Also @lunamoon1 I agree that not saying something at all is the worst. It cuts so deep! How can you forget! It is all I'm ever thinking about... Can I ask how DS died? I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm on CD12 and I tend to have long cycles. My period only recently came back after BFing for 4 months it took a while to return. So will be ovulation day in the next week I suspect. Am using ovulation sticks.

I'm grateful for this thread as of course repeated MCs is truly awful, it is a different thing to what some of us here are going through. No comparisons, just a different thing to suffer.

Welcome @Pandora71, I am so so sorry to hear about your daughter. I am so sad we are all connected in this way. I can imagine since she was perfectly healthy it must be so hard to come to terms with. Every day is a battle. But you have done so well to get to this point, look at completing every day as a mini-achievement, you are doing better than you think💫 and that will be down to the strength your daughter is giving you!

@ReeRi there's never TMI here don't worry, I know I am desperate for her atm and when she arrives I'll be cursing her lol! That's nice to know about SANDS, it will be good to connect to people in the real world who understand what it's like. And I totally get about people not wanting to 'bring it up' in the fear they upset you, as if you have somehow forgotten! I understand people don't know what to say, but the worst thing of all I find is to say nothing.

Hey @ReeRi thanks for the reply. How many times has someone said “I can’t imagine what you are going through”. I kinda think that’s not true - they could imagine it’s just too painful.

My DD was also perfectly healthy and died for no apparent reason. The post-mortem didn’t find anything. So also no reason not to try again but we are still in the midst of grieving her so it’s hard. She was very much here and alive and part of our family. I’m grateful for the time we had with her but I don’t think it’s as simple as “just having another baby”. I also don’t know how I could live with the constant worry.

I also worry in a way that is not at all in my nature. Is my DH still breathing while he is asleep?

I do talk about my DD a lot to friends. It feels like only a matter of time before they get fed up.

So sorry for your loss. I’m so much more aware of still births now too. If feels like having a baby would be 2+ years of utter fear.

My DD died at 4 months old while sleeping safely. On my first cycle ttc again. Feel so isolated and scared.

@lunamoon1 you could tell me 100 times to stop stressing about AF arriving and I still wouldn't! Hoping it will have arrived before my follow up with the consultant middle of October!

@ReeRi 100% get what you mean. I dont feel that people talk about it that much. It's really helpful to know you aren't alone in your experiences