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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

TTC after baby loss / stillbirth

335 replies

ReeRi · 25/09/2019 15:07

I’m mid-thirties. My first child was stillborn at full term early this year. My second pregnancy, around 6 months later, ended in early miscarriage.

I’m now on CD21 and about 5DPO.

Anyone else?

I find some of the TTC boards hard to relate to as they’re either those who have never suffered a loss or those who have had early losses / RMC or general fertility issues. I am not trying to compare losses. Any loss is difficult but I know for me my miscarriage at 5 weeks did not even register compared to losing a baby at full term. It was disappointing but more so because I wanted to be pregnant and wasn’t any more.

OP posts:
Pandora71 · 02/10/2019 14:35

@Tazzle2007 yes I am using cheap ovulation strips. I expect ovulation in the next few days. I have long and variably cycles so it helps me to keep track.

lunamoon1 · 02/10/2019 14:00

@ReeRi always hope! I feel for you, it's not something I've suffered with but I can imagine it's not pleasant at all. I think so, I started temping too about 2 weeks ago but I haven't had a rise yet, yesterday and today are the lowest they have been, so we will want and see what the next few days bring..

Tazzle2007 · 02/10/2019 13:33

I’ll test again Friday! As hcg doubles every 48 hours so the line should be darker by then and I’ll deffo know! Pandora are you using ovulation strips to see when your ovulating? Xx

Pandora71 · 02/10/2019 12:59

@ReeRi still no AF? Will you test or wait?

I’m mid cycle somewhere. Don’t think I’ve ovulated yet.

Pandora71 · 02/10/2019 12:58

@Tazzle2007 looks like a line to me. Test again soon

Original poster
ReeRi · 02/10/2019 09:44

@lunamoon1 Thanks. Yes I’m kind of expecting AF but there is always that hope isn’t there. On the plus side, PMT is so bad AF might be a relief in that sense. Are you just about in the 2 week wait now?

@Tazzle2007 Looks positive to me. It’s swings and roundabouts so don’t worry about not always having time to reply to everyone. We probably all have a lot on in different ways and people will post at different times but it usually evens itself out!

OP posts:
Tazzle2007 · 02/10/2019 09:29

Yes I’ll wait a couple of days and see as I’ve heard about evap lines but it did show within 10 mins but I don’t want to get my hopes up. Sorry ladies my posts have been short and sweet! I’m so busy at the moment as I have 3 children 12,10 and 7 and I work part time. Also my daughter who was stillborn was supposed to be starting school in September and I see my friends daughter who I was pregnant with the same time every morning and afternoon at the school! It’s been tough. Also I haven’t been to her grave in months and I feel so guilty but I find it so hard to go there. Also another thing is I’m 37 and like I said I didn’t think I’d have anymore children but my partner doesn’t have any. I’ve even said to him in the past maybe he should find a younger girlfriend (he’s 33) and start a family without having the extra worry of still born or miscarriage. But he said atleast try and if it doesn’t happen that’s ok he will still be with me and love me. My friend who is 39 just had twins at 38 weeks so that gives me hope I will have a successful pregnancy. Thank you for welcoming me to this group and listening to me as soon as I get another chance I’ll read through all your situations and hopefully I can give some good advice/ listen and be here for you xxx

lunamoon1 · 02/10/2019 09:16

@ReeRi it's such a mind game isn't it, waiting for something to happen. Maybe plan something nice for IF AF turns up, so soften the blow a little, it's never a nice time, but you're not out until then! Lovely, make the most of relaxing and taking it easy if you can, we need to be kind to ourselves.

@Tazzle2007 I can! Maybe wait a day or two & test again, but gentle congratulations until then💫

Tazzle2007 · 02/10/2019 09:02

Hi ladies I did the test today i would like your opinions please. Am I going mad or can anyone see a line on here I’m going to post pic xxx

TTC after baby loss / stillbirth
Original poster
ReeRi · 02/10/2019 08:44

Thanks @lunamoon1 I am CD28 now so expecting AF anytime but at the back of my mind I am hopeful because it’s not here. I have very strong PMT symptoms so that suggests AF is coming but usually when it gets this bad it’s only that way for a couple of days but I’ve been like this since the weekend 😫 (I get bad PMT). Ovia think AF is due Saturday. Clearblue app thinks it’s due today... but I probably would have got a positive on FRER on Monday if it was going to be positive.

Baby dust to everyone else!

I have a day off today which is nice 😬

OP posts:
lunamoon1 · 02/10/2019 07:08

@ReeRi Well you aren't out yet! Sending you lots of luck🤞🏼

Original poster
ReeRi · 01/10/2019 16:54

I tested yesterday with a FRER - it was negative 😬

OP posts:
lunamoon1 · 01/10/2019 16:52

@ReeRi that's good your TWW is almost over! are you waiting til AF is late or going to test soon? It's so hard sometimes, some days it really hits home and it's difficult. I hate when people share stuff like that around abuse, it can be so thoughtless, and I know people want to spread awareness, but I feel like sharing things like that only makes it worse and upsets people, there are other ways to go about it, a FB break sounds like a good idea! Yes trying to tell myself I will ovulate, I WILL! Positive affirmation and all of that...

Original poster
ReeRi · 01/10/2019 08:54

A friend had shared a picture of a man smacking young baby across the face. Why share this? I need to stay away from Facebook for a while... I am especially sensitive today to anything related to babies, baby loss, pregnancy, parenting...

OP posts:
Original poster
ReeRi · 01/10/2019 08:42

@lunamoon1 I am 11 DPO. If you got a static smiley then try to assume you will ovulate and do the BD as much as you can 😬 It’s so easy for us to assume the worst unfortunately

Hi @TreaclePie I’m so sorry for the loss of your little boy. It hits hard sometimes. I agree with @lunamoon19 on just trying not to think too far ahead. Hopefully we will all get pregnant soon and no doubt we will worry but let’s concentrate on getting that BFP first

I don’t know if it’s because I’m hormonal but I’m feeling v emotional. I follow baby loss groups etc on Facebook and today I saw a pic of a woman holding her stillborn baby and it made me really sad. It’s sad anyway obviously but usually I can read these things.

I’m having a crappy journey into work today. It’s pouring with rain and ALL THE TRAINS are delayed

OP posts:
lunamoon1 · 01/10/2019 07:43

@Treaclepie19 of course, welcome & thank you, i'm so sorry for your loss also💐 it is such a scary road TTC again after the heartbreak we all know too well, but we will help each other through it! It's trying to stay focused on the first hurdle ahead (getting pregnant) and trying not to think too far ahead after that, easier said than done tho I know!

Treaclepie19 · 30/09/2019 23:06

Hi all, mind if I hop in?
I'm so sorry for the losses of your beautiful babies ❤
We lost a little boy in December. I had a TFMR because he had a rare chromosomal problem.
We've started trying this month and its hitting me a bit all the things that could go wrong.
We have another son who is 4 and I miscarried at 9 weeks before we had him.

lunamoon1 · 30/09/2019 23:00

Hi ladies, welcome to those who are new!
Doing okay thank you, how are you? @Pandora71 don't worry about moping around, totally essential for survival! I hope you start to feel better soon tho. @ReeRi fingers crossed you stay well, man flu is the worst, apparently lol. Those negative preg tests haunting us! How many DPO are you? I got a flashing smiley this morning then a static smiley tonight on CB but I feel like my body is just playing tricks on me, no idea if I will actually ovulate or not.. FX tho!

Original poster
ReeRi · 30/09/2019 22:50

@Pandora71 DH stayed home with cold / flu / man flu today so I’m hoping I don’t get it. In other news I took a pregnancy test today and it was negative. I still have PMT! Otherwise fine... Maybe you’ll start to feel more positive as you enter fertile week? They tend to be the happy, horny hormones 😬

OP posts:
Pandora71 · 30/09/2019 22:47

How are you all doing today?

I’ve been moping around today and feeling sorry for myself....

I think I’m ovulating soon so I should probably try and get into a better headspace...

MrsMGE · 29/09/2019 17:36

@ReeRi Neither did I, it's one of (many) things we have to research ourselves, by the looks of it!

You're right, it doesn't help if you don't know the answers. It just feels you have to take the risk again and again, knowing that you may have a problem, but no one is willing to help. On the other hand, maybe you just had bad luck and everything will be totally fine next time.

That's a good plan re diet! I also snack on walnuts, they're filling and good for you (and your fertility!). Xxx
I just want this "next time" so bad now.

Original poster
ReeRi · 29/09/2019 17:16

@MrsMGE I didn’t realise until recently actually that UTIs can cause complications. I had kidney problems as a child was was tested regularly for UTIs but hadn’t realised it could be such an issue.

It’s tough not to get any answers especially when it was later in the first trimester. I think a lot of the time there are no answers even with later losses. It doesn’t help.

I have always eaten a lot of sugar so it probably isn’t a major issue but it’s not good for me and I’m sure I’d feel better if I ate better. I agreed with one of the girls at work that we’d try to eat more fruit next week! At the same time we definitely shouldn’t beat ourselves up over eating some chocolate or pizza! xx

OP posts:
MrsMGE · 29/09/2019 17:07

@ReeRi, how odd, I had a UTI not long after the MMC too! It might increase the risk of complications in the 3rd trimester, but also increases the risk of miscarriage. So I skipped TTC that cycle, went to my GP and had a round of antibiotics and follow up checks to make sure it's cleared (it has, luckily).

You're absolutely right, I didn't get any answers. They gave me the pills and sent me home, that's it. You get no tests unless you had 3 MCs in a row. If I go through another MC, I'll go privately, sod it.

Re the diet, I really don't think it has such a major impact unless it's really bad. But I guess eating well can only help, and it will make lives easier for us in pregnancy too. I think it's so hard in your circumstances, you absolutely should not feel bad about your body in any way. Just keep doing your best and everything will fall into place ❤️ I've also been eating lots of chocolate and snacks to make myself feel better in the last few months and tbh, maybe it did make me put some weight on, but I needed it. Now I'm trying to be healthy for me, getting back to a healthy balance xxx

Original poster
ReeRi · 29/09/2019 16:59

@MrsMGE I had to google hyrdocephalus as I hadn’t heard of that. I take it you didn’t get an answers about your MC? I am taking the FA and then I take pregnacare conception. I had read that pregnacare has caused some people to have irregular cycles but who knows.

I do think the worst. I had a UTI after giving birth and worried I had some kind of uterus infection that might make me infertile.

I would like to get in better shape. I’m not big at all but my body has changed after carrying a baby to term and giving birth. I feel ok but I eat a lot of sugary snacks like chocolate, especially at work, and I think I need to cut down. I am trying to make a good meal every day too which is hard sometimes when you work but I’m getting into the swing of things. That’s all we can do isn’t it? Look after ourselves and dtd when we think we’re fertile... oh and try not to stress about it 😂 xx

Hope you are feeling better today @Pandora71 💗

OP posts:
MrsMGE · 29/09/2019 16:48

@ReeRi I'm already on 5mg folic acid too, as there was previous history of hydrocephalus in my family. Also on Vit D and on Vit B Complex, as I believe I had previously had a relatively short luteal phase. It was 12 days this cycle, so I'm not overly worried, it's gone up from 9 which is brilliant. Just hope it stays this way. Also hoping that my cycles will shorten, they used to be between 30 and 34 days, I think my hormones may not be quite there yet after the MMC.

I completely agree, it's very easy to slip and think everything is wrong from A to Z, that you're not even ovulating etc. You never have these thoughts if you TTC first time really, certainly not within the first few months! Which is what I'm trying to tell myself. You are right, it's around 1 in 3 chance you get pg per cycle, I need to calm down and be more realistic about things. Easier said than done, isn't it!

DH and I are now on a fertility friendly diet which we've worked out ourselves. I'm a size 12 atm, which I guess is not terrible, but I'm not particularly tall either, so hoping to shed some weight which should also make the TTC business a bit easier. Xxx

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