TTC after baby loss / stillbirth

Hello All

How are you all doing?

@lunamoon1 It’s nice to hear from you. The same thing keeps keeps happening with this thread. I just googled it again to find it 🙄

How are you doing? We are working from home full time now and it’s weird not to be able to see my parents. My mum is on the high risk list but it’s hard to get her to stay home. She shouldn’t even be going shopping or for walks but it’s been hard work even to get her stop working although she has now.

I went to a Sands meeting online last week and I found that really good.

@BrokenNlost I hope the Sands meeting was helpful and I hope your results were what you wanted.

I have thought about whther TTC right now is a good idea but given I’ve been trying about a year now and I’m 36 I don’t think I can put off TTC indefinitely. I can understand you wanting to keep your pregnancy secret for 9 months. I don’t think I’d be able to manage that unless I got pregnant now while we’re all still in lockdown.

I hope you’re ok.

💕

@BunnytheBee hope this is your month. I have my Fingers crossed for you.

@lunamoon1, I know that you’re trying too- my fingers are crossed for you too.

I’ve had a hell of a month. My husband and I went to sands meeting where we met others who get us and what we’re going through. I’ve had bloods taken for thrombophilia so get my results next week (unless this virus has put a delay not that too). So feeling anxious about the results but it’s one step closer to finding out the cause of Zain’s death. Although I am prepared that I may never know which sucks.

There’ll be no more tests after this so We have decided to start trying again. With being on maternity leave and our next pregnancy being high risk it makes sense to do it while I’m not working and can rest as much as I need to and go to weekly or fortnightly appointments for them to check my cervix take blood etc.

We’ve also decided to keep it a secret until 9 months (if we get there as baby will be at risk of premature birth again) as it was so exhausting having to deal with our family and friends emotions as well as ours. I know everyone reacts differently but you guys may have had the same.

Are you guys worried about getting pregnant during this virus? It’s something I’ve thought of.

Hope everyone else is ok too.

@BunnytheBee hi again, that's no problem. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better it's been a rough time lately and life out there feels very different now with everything that's going on!

Agreed, it is so important to be cautious. My DH's parents work in a high risk job where they come into contact with a lot of people so we'll be staying away for a while, I don't like to because we're used to seeing them every week but need to do what's best for everyone.

WFH can feel very isolating too I bet, it's so important to still get outside for a wander around, that's why I'm grateful to have my little dog as she keeps me motivated.

I hope you had a restful Mother's Day filled with lots of love💖 and to you too @BrokenNlost I'm so sorry for your loss💫

I’m so sorry about Zain @BrokenNlost and thanks for your kind words. Be kind to yourself today

And thinking if everyone else who is away from their child or mother today

💕

Happy Mother’s Day to you wonderful ladies. Zain passed away just over 7 weeks ago now and I still feel so empty. Today is particularly hard for me, as I know it will be for you too, but I just wanted you all to know that you are all in my thoughts. ❤️

Hi @lunamoon1 How are you? I lost the thread and just had to google it to find it!

I’m ok. Had a couple of weeks of feeling quite low but been feeling better the last couple of days. It’s Mothers Day tomorrow which can be a tough time but I’ve barely thought about it with all that’s going on and probably won’t see my mum tomorrow now. I’m worried about my parents and other family members as well as myself and DH. It’s all very scary and puts some things into perspective tbh

I don’t love the idea of working from home and being stuck in the house as I tend to feel worse if I’m in the house all day but I actually think it would be a good time for us all to be locked down as people are still taking unnecessary risks IMHO.

In other news I think I’m in my fertile week which might have contributed to my mood improving but being pregnant now would be scary too!

Sorry for rambling...

Hi ladies, how is everyone doing?x

@sh84 If it’s working for you then keep doing it. I might go back to it but I’ve found we’ve been dtd at least every other day when I think I’m fertile so maybe no need unless I’m getting my dates v wrong!! The CB ones are expensive too but I did track for a few months. It’s about ten months now that we’ve been TTC (I got pregnant and had MC in that time) so we’ll see what happens.

I just finished at the gym and plan to go shopping this afternoon and then hopefully just relax. Probably going to parents’ for dinner tomorrow.

@BunnytheBee I actually don’t mind all the tracking as it gives me something to focus on & feels like I’m being proactive. I actually did some yoga yesterday, only at home, I’m definitely not as flexible as I was but it felt good, it was actually a fertility yoga thing I found on YouTube. Out for dinner with family tonight which will be nice & hopefully a relaxing day tomorrow. How about you?

@sh84 You never know. It’s so hard to understand what our bodies are doing sometimes. I’m not hopeful. I just feel like I can’t imagine being pregnant again which is weird. Maybe I should start tracking again if this wasn’t our cycle but that can be stressful as then I worry like you are if something doesn’t seem right.

Do you have any plans for the weekend @sh84 @lunamoon1?

I’m going to go to the gym shortly to do Zumba and yoga 🧘🏻‍♀️ but i feel like I have no energy!

@BunnytheBee good for you having a couple of glasses, it wouldn’t affect anything at this stage. I don’t get pms symptoms really until af is in full flow then I just get really depressed. Don’t really get pregnancy symptoms either so there’s no point in me symptom spotting. Already counting myself out this month anyway, was meant to be ovulating on Sunday but app has now said I ov’d tue (cd12) even though I didn’t get positive OPK till tue night, so god knows what’s going on, OH was away till last night, I felt like ovulation was yesterday so was really hopeful DTD twice, until I put my temp in my chart today. He’s gone out tonight so doubt I’ll get any action as he’ll probably be a bit worse for wear when he gets in lol. I definitely don’t want to be a bereavement mw, that’s never appealed to me, I have been looking at getting a counselling qualification, maybe, it’s an option. Cd24, not much longer to go then

@sh84 I had a glass or two of Prosecco 🥂 I’m still in the 2WW but feeling like I could have PMT coming on but not sure. It’s so hard with symptoms as with my last pregnancy it was the absence of PMT that alerted me to the fact I was pregnant but that only lasted to about 4.5 weeks and with my first pregnancy I felt like I’d had PMT for ages so that’s not really a sign! Plus I’m exhausted this week so being a bit that way out could be due to tiredness. I also first noticed sore boobs with my first pregnancy but now I seem to experience that around PMT time.

@lunamoon1 Don't feel guilty for not going back. I would say take as much time as you can if you think it’s benefitting you. I’m sorry AF came but a new cycle is another chance. How are you feeling? Work is good for me but I am exhausted (I probably always say that) so pleased it’s the weekend.

@sh84 It must be tough with the job you have and maybe one day you will use your experience to help people but that can come in time, maybe, if you want it, and you feel you can do it. Could you maybe retrain as a bereavement midwife one day? That might be tough too. Right now just focus on you if you can and doing what’s right for you. None of us know how we’ll feel in a year or or 5 year or more.

I’m on CD24. Feeling normal. Felt like I had PMT on Wednesday. Exhausted. I’ve felt a bit crampy too but then also wondered whether I might have cystitis or a UTI...

@lunamoon1 it’s a real possibility that I might never return, which kills me because I absolutely love the job & the profession, possibly if I work in another hospital, one side of me really wants to use my experience to help other women but the other side of me thinks I’d just be a wreak. I don’t want to give up a 10 year plus career but I may not have a choice. Think I’ve already written this cycle off, my temps don’t match my OPKs, chart is saying I ovulated before I got positive OPK, which I don’t know how that is possible but if that’s the case I’m well out

@sh84 I can totally understand your feelings around going back, it's so daunting isn't it. Do you think that's you stepping away from midwifery for good? Sorry I know that is a difficult question maybe without a clear answer. That's good, wishing you all the luck for this cycle! I agree, impossible to process sometimes... it's just about finding ways to cope I guess x

@lunamoon1 I’m still not back at work, did think about it the other day then just thought about going back onto labour ward & I just can’t do it. I get minimal pms symptoms so I just have to wait & see each month. Sorry AF got to you, OPKs were positive yesterday & getting lighter today, OH is home tonight so just hoping we catch it this time. It sometimes feels really surreal when I think about what happened, I just think what, how & im still here, very hard to process

@BunnytheBee isn't it, I guess it's so far away from anything we expected to be doing it's still hard to comprehend. It's difficult not sleeping, or being interrupted by bad dreams, I hope it passes quickly. That all sounds good though, apart from the migraine! Having work to keep you busy must feel good, I'm slightly anxious and feel guilty for still being off work but I don't feel I'm at a place yet to go back, it's tricky.

@sh84 it's so much for our minds to process I feel like it's a protective instinct not to be able to fathom it sometimes. It really doesn't feel real sometimes. How are you doing? I'm the same as you when it comes to 0 symptoms either way, I don't really get PMS nor do I get early pregnancy symptoms so I just have to go with it.

CD2 for me today, AF got me yesterday. I'd tested on Tuesday (BNF of course) due to having an MRI & needing to know either way so I wasn't overly surprised when it showed, still stings a bit though! Hope everyone is doing okay x

@BunnytheBee I’m sure one glass won’t hurt. Ah I know what that’s like, my cycle messed up in jan so I started temping & doing OPKs this cycle too, just to confirm I still ovulate & how it matches up to my app, my app has been spot on with when af comes but don’t know about ovulation, it’s quite nice to have something to focus on actually, feels like I’m actually doing something rather than just DTD when app says it’s fertile week. I’ve never really got pregnancy symptoms in any of my pregnancies so don’t see why I would now all of a sudden so there’s no point in me reading into it, I can say that now but next week when I’m in the TWW it’ll be a totally different story. I used to go to a couple local classes & follow ones on YouTube so I might just do that again to get back into it

@sh84 It’s just so easy to read into little things, I find, and think they’re symptoms but have been let down too many times... I don’t even know properly where I am in my cycle as as I had a longer cycle before Christmas so Ovia predicted my fertile week much later than usual. Anyway, yes it helps to be distracted but I am going to a work do on Thursday and think I’ll need a glass of wine to get through! I’m in the 2WW but I think I can have one... Do you have a good yoga or pilates class you can go to nearby?

@BunnytheBee sounds like you got a good few days planned, certainly helps with the TWW & can relate to the 0 expectations. I’m not in the TWW yet, just approaching fertile window (or not so fertile in my case) I’m doing what I can now then I need to just let go when in the TWW wait because it will be done, I won’t be able to change anything, I’ve decided I get zero symptoms whether I’m pregnant or not so not going to pay any attention to any little twinges. I just think there’s only so much I can do & im doing it, the rest is out of my control. I consider myself fortunate that so far my sleep hasn’t been affected too much or I’m just so exhausted all the time. I really need to get back into yoga & Pilates but don’t have much motivation for it

@Shefliesonherownwings Have an amazing time

@lunamoon1 @lunamoon1 Yeah i find it so weird that I went through 9 months of pregnancy and had a baby and a funeral etc.

I’m ok thanks. Been having some bad dreams so that’s probably not a sign that im in a great place but doing ok. Had a relaxed but nice weekend again. Did Zumba and Yoga on Saturday which made me feel good and went shopping with a friend yesterday then went to bed for a couple with what I think was a migraine coming on... Busy few days at work as I’m in London Thursday / Friday for an event but I do like work tbf 🤓 DH and I are going to see an opera tomorrow night

Also in the 2WW but have 0 expectations.

Hope everyone else is ok

@lunamoon1 can totally relate to feeling like it’s all made up, I have times where I think did that even happen, how have I been pregnant, had a baby & lost a baby in less than a year if that makes sense, sometimes it feels like a distant memory & other times it feels like it was yesterday, really hard to explain. When I really think about what happened, I got ill, had a baby then he died, I think how the hell did that happen to me, how the hell did I hold my baby until he died, it doesn’t feel real in some ways

@Shefliesonherownwings that's true, it is, it makes a change. That would be something nice to try, also love getting my nails done, due to get them done again soon, a little bit of self care goes a long way sometimes. I know, the bloody weather is so miserable at the moment, can't wait for the rain to stop. Sorry to hear about your dad being so awkward, it's so hard to have a relationship with someone like that; but if he doesn't add any value to your life you have done the right thing in keeping your distance for now. Self preservation, it pays to be selfish sometimes, you have to. I hope your flight ect was okay & that you have a safe/enjoyable trip, you deserve it x

@BunnytheBee I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better, going through all of the motions is always tough. I agree, there's still a lot of times I feel like I have made the whole thing up! And that I wasn't even pregnant to begin with... it's a strange feeling not being able to believe you were ever pregnant, especially for over 35 weeks! I'm doing okay thank you, a bit better last week & I hope it can continue this week too that's good you have put yourself out there at least and said you are keen, that way you are keeping your options open and can make a decision once you have all of the info.. take your time to decide, you are under no pressure. Have you got anything nice planned this week?x

@BunnytheBee yes we leave tomorrow. Packing pretty much done, just last few bits to tonight and tomorrow morning.

I think you should definitely go on the hen do, Dubai is good fun, plenty to do and breaking up the trip with seeing your friend or even just exploring the shopping malls when you need to sounds like a good plan. I'm an introvert too and feel nervous in big groups anyway, let alone with people I don't know so i think having a back up plan for time on your own is a good idea.