TTC with Vaginismus

Yes as @RyvitaBrevis says I did used PreSeed also! I actually found that it was a good lubricant as well as potentially helping the sperm along!

It took us a couple of years of working through something similar (not sure if v. exactly but pain causing serious problems and a year+ of no sex) but we're at the point where we can have sex more or less normally, if carefully . . . if it helps to know that this is possible sometimes! TTC hasn't gone to plan for us but it's not for lack of trying.

For me, as a Christian, prayer and being prayed for was part of what helped us make progress with this issue and the fear / anxiety, but I appreciate that isn't the answer for everyone.

Having a drink (for me) also helps me to relax a little, which again, you've no doubt tried!

Also, make sure you're using sperm-friendly lubricant. Pre-seed is the main one.

I feel for you, hang in there. xx

oh you poor love (and all the others who have shared their stories too)

I didn't get on with the dilators either - errrrrm I can't insert a tampon, how am I supposed to even make a start with something bigger?

Waaaaay back in the mid-90s I saw a fabulous doctor at the Well Woman centre (who when I told her about the dilators said "goodness, how old-fashioned!"). She taught me a little trick which at first seems counter-intuitive but is based on the principle that you can't accidentally pull a door shut if you're deliberately pushing it open.

When lubricated and ready for insertion, bear down (as if you're trying to pooh but through the wrong hole). Insert the [tampon, penis, whatever] while pushing - it will feel as if you're pushing it away, but you're really not. I don't think it felt like that from his point of view!

I had a couple of sessions with the doctor using two or three gloved fingers, then I worked myself up to trying with a tampon and when I'd managed that tried with my husband (yes, I also discovered it after I was married... I wonder how much correlation there is?)

Twenty-five years later I still have to think about this whenever we have sex, but it doesn't take more than a moment. Occasionally an awkward little wriggle (don't try to skip the lubrication stage).

Looking on Amazon I see there are quite a few books nowadays. I had the one by Linda Valins, which suggested that it might be due to developmental trauma rather than anything therapy might help with - reluctantly I have come to the conclusion that it's all about the birth of my younger sister! Certainly I don't have any sexual trauma.

Hi OP
I dont have vaginismus but I am a story of someone who has conceived with a DP with some sexual difficulties. We just used long thin pipettes and pots which the clinic gave us. I didn't have to insert them for very long or leave anything in overnight and I bought more on ebay. We did this as well as having sex when we could and I am now 8 weeks pregnant.

It’s so frustrating when you’re calm and feel relaxed but your muscles just seize up and the fact that they tense, then makes you tense.

The trainer is a small, pretty thin piece of very soft, flexible silicone. It’s probably thinner than a tampon. It’s a slightly wavy shape and I used to put a bit of their lubricant on it to insert. I’d do it lying in bed as it felt a bit weird to move around with it in. I never had any problems inserting it. I’ve never been able to use a tampon but this went in fine. By the end of the week I barely needed any lubricant. After I got settled in a sleep position I didn’t notice it was in and I’d take it out upon waking.

After TTC, I stayed in bed with my legs in the air and hips elevated. No idea if this helped but it’s worth a try!

I really debated whether to have an elective c section as I was terrified I would be pushing against my muscle resistance. But it doesn’t work like that, your body releases so many muscle relaxers that it just takes over completely. I had an amazing birth even with a 2nd degree tear.

We had sex again 5 months after the baby was born and whilst it wasn’t completely comfortable, it felt a lot better than before.

I think this is such a lonely condition, it’s almost impossible to talk about with your friends/family. I’m glad you started this thread, it’s good to discuss it and hear other people’s stories.

Good luck OP, I hope some of the suggestions people gave work for you.

I should have said, I'm 40 now, so had it 20 years - all my adult life

Sometimes it helps me to know I'm not a unique freak!

Hi OP

I feel for you, this is hard.

I had a bad (first) smear at 19 having never had sex, and have had vaginismus ever since.

Ignored it felt years. After getting married (yes, after) I tried dilators, tried joint psychosexual therapy. Didn't help.

I'm not sure my experience can help but i just wanted to check in and say you're not alone.

For my part, having V meant i was so scared to stay trying ttc that by the time i did, i had fertility issues. After the years of trying (hideous) I ended up having fertility investigations and ivf which is a nightmare in itself because it's all internal exams with a camera on a dildo.

We managed, i have a daughter and I'm very grateful, but i don't think i can face trying again.

Absolutely no issues with birth (well not vaginismus issues!) because for me it's all about things going in - stuff coming out was no problem! I do think this condition is so personal.

If you go this route then do PM me, I'm happy to say more.

Good luck x

Hi all

Im nearly 30 and have always suffered with vaginismus and am currently pregnant - we were lucky and caught straight away. I’ve never been able to even get the first dilator all the way in and the doctors - even specialists fob you off!

In my opinion, try to treat it as you can like trying to convince normally if you can, get used to ovulation times etc and then we just used foreplay etc and when then when the time came he went as far as he could and ejaculated inside me. We never tried the splash method but we did do the SMEP. We left it 3 months after my implant came out only because we heard it could take a while to completely leave the system and I didn’t want to be disappointed every month, but first month of ‘trying’ and here we are 8 months later nearly ready to pop! If you need any advice please feel free to DM me x

Hi, I have had this for 10+ years although never brought it up with the doctor.
We wanted to start trying last year and luckily succeeded my DS is one now.
I think it depends what is triggering the response. For me it is an anxiety thing. I found a website with a “trainer” you put in overnight. It felt uncomfortable at first but really helped. Also their lubricant is fantastic and we still use it now. www.vagi-wave.co.uk/

It helped me get to the stage where DH could get in enough and we actually conceived on our 1st attempt which was mind blowingly shocking.

Also for anyone worrying, I had a vaginal birth in a water pool and it was absolutely fine. He was actually born in under 3 hours! So this condition doesn’t mean you can’t plan for whatever birth you want.

I should have said, it's in the infertility section - lots of chat on here about TTC but it didn't quite fit with where I was up to and the struggle - technically TTC cycle 1, in reality years of therapy plus cycle 1!

Great thread whatnext11

Hi, I'm in a similar situation, che k out the thread I started called Home Insemination - looking for buddies. We are in month 1 of TTC technically but it has take years of therapy before I have decided to move on and TTC differently.

Hey we were very similar and the initial journey was so frustrating with little support, I was diagnosed when I was 19, I’d been having sex from 16 but never really knew the difference. My muscles had got tighter and tighter so was referee to gp. Got to the conclusion when we started ttc similar to you was initially going in as much as possible. We tried for 5 months and nothing. Have you considered insemination kit?