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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

High BMI?

36 replies

MrsMc2019 · 15/08/2019 23:39

Hi, I hope it's ok to start this thread, but I'm hoping for some positive stories as I'm feeling really pessimistic just now.

I'm 39 with a 40+ BMI and lost my first pregnancy earlier this year (not weight or age related). My GP has advised me everything is fine and just to try and lower my stress levels.

Does anyone else in my shoes (age & weight) have any positive stories that I can try and build my hope back up with?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
MadameJosephine · 30/08/2019 16:45

Wow! Gorgeous dress, you look fab

I had DD at the age of 41 with a BMI of 39. I used to joke about going to the ‘old and fat’ clinic but despite ticking lots of risk factor boxes I had a textbook pregnancy and delivery. Best of luck

Original poster
MrsMc2019 · 30/08/2019 16:39

Congratulations @sofiathe2nd that's fantastic news!!! ❤️

OP posts:
sofiathe2nd · 30/08/2019 14:53

@MrsMc2019 how are you doing? Hope the wedding plans are going well :)

Bit of an update from me: got a positive pregnancy test last week! Am only 4 was pregnant and really panicking about it: not losing weight, things going wrong, all the BMI risks. Haven’t seen a midwife yet but saw my GP as I was so stressed and she was really supportive and basically told me to give myself a break.

At a BMI of nearly 40 and being 37 didn’t expect to fall pregnant so quickly... Confused

CornishMaid1 · 30/08/2019 14:07

I'll add my, hopefully slightly helpful, story to the mix.

I didn't conceive naturally but through IVF (male factor rather than due to BMI). I was BMI 35 when I started my last round, 37 by the end (those injections made me hungry).

Even at BMI 37 it worked and I am currently 12+4 with a lovely stubborn little one (she will not follow sonographer instructions).

I know higher BMI will mean more monitoring as I go along, but there is a pregnancy BMI group on the pregnancy thread with people of higher BMI, lots who did get pregnant naturally with a high BMI.

Original poster
MrsMc2019 · 30/08/2019 13:50

I hope everyone is still doing well!! I'm still here if anyone needs to chat xx

OP posts:
Kescilly · 22/08/2019 16:14

I was overweight when I got pregnant. I had been working at losing weight and was doing well but also got pregnant faster than expected.

I had an uncomplicated pregnancy and recovery but I know that it could have easily been different. If I could go back in time I’d focus on losing weight even more pre-pregnancy.

I know the complex feelings that can surround weight and I want people to feel encouraged. Both by the possibility to conceive but also to lose weight because there’s never a better time. Good luck to all of you!

Original poster
MrsMc2019 · 22/08/2019 14:22

@sofiathe2nd I'm doing it slowly, I don't want to do anything too fast but I've managed to shift over half a stone this week. Probably down to wedding stress and struggling with grief at the moment but I'm trying to look on the brighter side.

OP posts:
sofiathe2nd · 22/08/2019 11:34

Slightly not in the spirit of the thread, but is anyone trying to lose weight to speed up pregnancy? Wondering if I really should be working harder to but seems like an insurmountable target right now...

Original poster
MrsMc2019 · 21/08/2019 19:06

Hi @Positivity2019 I agree with you on the whole putting it off thing - I didn’t meet my fiancé until I was 37 and we knew straight away we wanted a family together, I’m so conscious of the clock ticking but thankfully my Dr said I’m nowhere near perimenopausal.

@Sofiathe2nd Me too! It’s been a while since I felt this positive about things.

@StarlingsInSummer well done on the weight loss! I’m not sure what the BMI requirements are for fertility clinics but hopefully if they see that you are actively loosing weight they’ll help.

So after all my stressing about work they were great, I couldn’t ask for a more supportive workplace!

Reiki was fab! Soooo relaxing and I’ve been sleeping much better than before, I go back on Monday so fingers crossed the positive effects continue.

I’m still tracking my OPKs and got this little smiling face today so it’s an early night for us!!

High BMI?
OP posts:
StarlingsInSummer · 19/08/2019 10:22

I'm 41 and trying to conceive number 2. My weight shot up after having DS, and my BMI earlier this summer was around 36. I've lost nearly 10 lb since then so it should be a bit lower now. We're waiting to for an appointment at a fertility clinic and we had to put my weight down on the infor forms - really hoping by the time we get the appointment my BMI will be even lower as I'm dieting pretty strictly atm. I'm afraid they won;t help us if my BMI is too high.

sofiathe2nd · 19/08/2019 09:11

@MrsMc2019 I love your dress! it looks so amazing on you :)

The replies on this thread are really giving me hope about conceiving number 2 at age 38 and BMI of nearly 40...

Positivity2019 · 18/08/2019 18:33

Hi everyone, thought I’d dip in if that’s ok. I’m sorry to hear some of you have suffered miscarriages, that’s such a hard thing to go through.
@MrsMc2019 your wedding dress is absolutely gorgeous!! I bet you can’t wait to wear it down the aisle.

I also worry about being overweight whilst TTC. My BMI would be 40+ but like some of you I am nearly 35 and feel I can’t keep waiting to have a baby until I am slimmer. I have always enjoyed walking but I’ve started going out every night and hope to squeeze in a swim a week too. I figured these are things I can continue once I am pregnant (positive vibes for a BFP). Like you say though, you can be bigger but still leading a healthier lifestyle.
Sending out positive vibes to you all wherever you are in your cycle.

Original poster
MrsMc2019 · 18/08/2019 15:14

Thank you @SazCat your story is adding to my hope and helping me to get a bit more positive.

And thank you for the congratulations - it’s one calendar month tomorrow and it’s flying by so fast!!

OP posts:
SazCat · 18/08/2019 08:20

Hey just wanted to say I had DD when I was 36 and my BMI was 40 when I got pregnant. Had an uncomplicated pregnancy.

Took 7 months to get pregnant, currently just started trying for no 2, I'm now 38 (and still very overweight) but fingers crossed.

Congratulations on your wedding x

Original poster
MrsMc2019 · 18/08/2019 08:13

Thank you @sao81, the positive stories really do give me hope xx

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Original poster
MrsMc2019 · 18/08/2019 08:12

@Redruby25 I think my fear of having to explain it to them is because of some of the comments I’ve faced - the good old at least you know you can get pregnant to people comparing the loss of my baby to how they felt when a relative died to comments on when they think we should be trying again - so to stop having to hear the comments I’ve just been stuffing everything down when I’m in work so they probably had no idea how much I still struggle. I spoke to my GP and explained how I still struggle with the grief and was reassured that it is normal, she said that if I didn’t grieve or bombard her with my questions she would be worried about me.

Thank you @lazydogfox, I think it’s really helped having something to distract me and after both parts of the wedding we’re thinking of getting a puppy so just to keep us going.

It’s been a busy week so far between tying up all the loose ends for the wedding and being at work full time and add on to that the beginning of my fertile week so I’ve also had to remember to be temping and doing my OPKs. If we don’t fall pregnant this cycle my next ovulation day has been predicted to by my wedding day on my app.

I loved trying my dress on on again, there’s a couple of issues with the diamanté belt that was added but nothing major - I can’t believe how close the wedding is getting. I really thought I’d feel huge when I put the dress on yesterday but I actually felt really nice and feminine.

I’m currently still lying in bed with the dogs (we’re dog sitting for my parents for the next week) thinking about actually getting out of bed to start the mountain of ironing we have!

OP posts:
sao81 · 18/08/2019 07:52

Hi, with my dd my bmi was +35 but less than 40, was still treated as a "risk". Only problem I ever had was reduced movements, but they said that was probably down to an anterior placenta than anything else. I was monitored with a couple of extra scans at 32 and 36 weeks, and had a diabetes test around 25 weeks. My girl was 39 weeks gestation induced due to the movements, shes now nearly two! So although I had some problems it wasn't weight related. Hope this helps xx

LazyDogFox · 17/08/2019 15:48

@MrsMc2019 sorry for your loss, but it’s good you have the wedding to focus on! Your dress looks fantastic by the way.

Redruby25 · 17/08/2019 11:01

@MrsMc2019 Oh you had it too then. It is horrible. That is one reassuring thing then, if they said your body was doing all it should have been.
I can't imagine your grief, as I have never, thank god, been through a loss like you have, it must be awful, and I can only imagine the stress that you feel also, at a time like this. I think you have done well to come through some of it, and I'm sure as more time passes it will get better for you. It is good you have decided to take up Reiki I have heard of it, but don't know what it entails. Hopefully it will help.

When you mentioned about having to leave work, and then said about not knowing how to explain it to them, I assume you are still talking about your work place. Do they not know that you lost your baby? Have you spoken to anyone about what is going on, a manager or who is in position to speak to about something like this, so that they understand, they would have to be compassionate as this is not just a little thing you are going through.

Ivy83 · 17/08/2019 10:26

Oh that will be a nice way to spend the day, I do find distraction really helpful but it can be exhausting to not be able to just be.

I had a mixed bag of experiences, one place had a room of bigger dresses and it was nice to try on loads of different styles but I knew I had found my dress. Love the style and length of yours and the shoes sound perfect!

Original poster
MrsMc2019 · 17/08/2019 10:16

@Ivy83 thank you, like you I’m not going to be at work as it’s really close to our wedding (I planned the wedding like that on purpose so we have some happiness at that time) on our actual due date we’re going out to get a suit for my fiancé because we’re having two parts to our wedding - one in Gretna and one at home and he doesn’t want to wear a kilt at home. I love your idea of a good book or a box set as it’s so easy to get lost in those and shut the world out.

I got my dress from Wed2Be, they had a good selection in my size and bigger but that one was just perfect for me. I love the fifties style even my bridesmaids are in grey Lindy Bop dresses with pink sashes and petticoats and we’ve all got pink t-bar shoes.

OP posts:
Ivy83 · 17/08/2019 09:54

@MrsMc2019 I think if they know and have been supportive then it may be worth mentioning how you feeling because they will no doubt be supportive as they were before. They probably won’t be aware of your due date but I think anyone, even if they have no experience of this type of loss, would understand it’s going to be a difficult time. Could you take the day off or do you think you’d be better being at work? You need to do what you think will be best for you. I won’t be at work (work in a school) so am going to try and think about how to spend the day, whether it’s out and distracted or home with a good book and a box set. I absolutely get what you mean about being a different version of you. I felt so lost for so long and whilst yes, I want to try again, I don’t think being pregnant will erase what happened.

Your dress is gorgeous and I found my dress because it was the only one in the shop I could fit in! Plus size Wedding dress shopping is a whole other thread!! Wink

Original poster
MrsMc2019 · 17/08/2019 09:23

@SipperSkipper I was a bit bigger than I am now when I fell pregnant and my loss was nothing to do with my weight, it’s me that’s putting the hang ups about my weight in my head. I had some complications from my loss (still nothing to do with my weight just a wee hiccup with the surgery) and I was told by everyone that treated me to start trying again straight away, every time I brought up my weight they said that yes they were aware it’d help me personally to loose weight (I guess in a hospital they have to encourage a healthy weight) but they did not view my weight (or age) as an obstacle in getting pregnant. I was shocked (and I guess I still am) that in their opinion I am healthy despite being bigger.

@Ivy83 Everyone in my office knows about my loss as when I fell pregnant I was clearly showing at five weeks (my midwife said this was down to having IBS) and had to keep running to the loo with morning sickness. After the loss I was off for five weeks because I had to wait for the surgery then I was ill with the complications. They’ve all been absolutely fantastic and a great support, so I’m probably just being harder on myself that I should be. I’m absolutely terrified of how I’ll be when I finally reach my due date. I’m not sure I’ll ever be “me” again, a different version but not the same as before. I’m finding it quite frustrating as I’m getting the impression that some people think all I need to do is fall pregnant again (which would be wonderful!) but I don’t think they understand it doesn’t stop the pain.

@SipperSkipper & @Ivy83, Thank you, I’m absolutely in love with my dress, it was the first and only one I tried on, I just knew it was my dress the minute I tried it on and my Mum and Sister completely agreed too.

OP posts:
Ivy83 · 17/08/2019 08:25

Just seen the dress! @MrsMc2019 It is really beautiful and you look so happy in it! Enjoy getting to try your dress on again Smile

Ivy83 · 17/08/2019 08:23

@MrsMc2019 I have been floored by our loss and know what you mean, I am close to what would have been my due date too and am so aware of it. If people at work know about your loss I’d be tempted to tell them, or someone who can tell others that this is the reason you are struggling. I keep seeing the due date as the point that I’ll feel back to myself but I just don’t think it works like that. It’s hard and there is nothing anyone can do to make it better but remember it’s ok to feel down. The reiki will hopefully be really positive and between now and then do anything you can to be as calm as you can.

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