The Hut of Gl/Doom Part V- for the unapologetically despondent

oh dear, I bet she felt pretty shitty about that slip up. Poor you!

Hope this long silence means everyone's happy or too trolleyed to type.
Still pretty positive myself as m/c all over and done with so getting back to normal. Thought I should share my GP experience with you though. About 5 days after m/c started, went in for a blood test to check hcg levels. Didn't bother to phone for results because v. faint line on subsequent hpt and absence of any residual pregnancy symptoms told me pregnancy definitely over. To my amazement, a random GP phoned me to tell me the good news, my blood test was positive. I'm pregnant. Had to explain to her the purpose of the test and that it was to monitor m/c not confirm pregnancy. Oops. Felt a bit sorry for her in the end.

Funny how drivers think that it's far easier for a knackered runner to stop and start again than for them to ease their foot off the accelerator... I'm jealous of your fields of mud! I don't know whether I'd carry on running if I ever get pregnant. After all this time I expect I would start treating myself like a delicate porcelain doll. I have people around me at the moment who are moaning about getting blimplike because they're pregnant. Don't bloody moan to me about it: You are pregnant you insensitive witch (they know I've been FTC for years). Anyway, I don't mind having to start my running from scratch all over again if I ever manage to produce a little passenger!

Impatience, I live in a field in the middle of nowhere so I have no choice. I used to run on the roads but there are no pavements and it got too scary. Drivers always expected me to leap in the hedge out of their very important way. Fields and tracks is better but it's all hills and mud. I like that though. Mud suits my image. I love the idea of fell racing but I'd never be a pregnant runner. It's hard enough running solo but carrying a passenger... Are they mad? It's a perfect excuse to watch the Marathon from the comfort of a tub of ice cream.

Lissie, that sounds horrid!

Eclispe, your running sounds great. I LOVE cross-country, trails etc. I've even done a few fell races - that's hardcore! (Don't think that makes me an elite runner - I'm always right at the back!) Do you live in the country? I live in a city, but I joined a club so I get to go to all the little xc races etc and there's always someone heading off to an interesting race somewhere so I can hitch a lift.

Anyway, apologies for turning this into a running forum! I'm pleased you're getting back on with your running, Eclipse.

lol, ive never been like that before!

They are scary when they get like that. I'm sure they recognise my voice at NHS Direct now for just the same reason. I'm glad he's okay now.

yes, we got back at 2am the same night, think i over-reacted a bit tbh. i just rang 999 and screamed at the man (or woman, was too stressed to take any notice) that my baby wasnt breathing well. turns out that it was a respiratory virus (did think it would turn into chicken pox but no spots) and he seems fine now.

lissie, how's ds now? Is he home?

ikwym, ive given myself til the new year, then we will think about ivf. when i first said that in may it seemed so far away but now here we are in sept (nearly) my ep's EDD is looming and every month i have a period or mc i feel even worse. theres someone i know who is despondant and hacked off that her first month ttc hasnt worked, i just feel like screaming at her "live my life, go to the hut and talk to the women there, then you will know what real pain is" ds was rushed to hospital on weds (had probs breathing, went floppy and had vv high temp) i really thought i would lose him, never been so scared in my life and its bought my ftc into sharp focus.

im really scared now, i know how lucky i am to have ds, but im still scared

It sounds like there's lots of positive decision-making going on around these parts. It certainly seems sensible to do as much normal stuff as possible while ttc/ftc. I was really resenting the time spent being careful about what I was drinking, not running too much and so larding up etc. and all for nothing.
dh and I have decided to give it one full year from now to have a successful pregnancy and then we stop for good (not the shagging bit, one of us will need to get done - bags not me...). If it doesn't happen by then, we move onto other things.
Impatience, glad the training's going well. I found a new running partner (actually I've never had one before, I usually love to run alone, but she's great) and we were going for mega cross country epic journeys. I'm looking forward to getting back to that in the next week or so. And now I've accepted this brief pregnancy is over, I'm seeing off the week with a lovely glass of cold sauv blanc. Cheers.

aaarrrggghhh!!!

it does sound sensible duchesse.

It does sound positive, Duchesse. It sounds like a nice new life!

I also gradually starting living a non-TTC life again, months ago. I picked up my running training and am now training pretty hard. I started drinking whenever I wanted to. Even had a cheeky puff once in a while (but can't take it like I used to!). Dieted when I felt a bit lardy or just wanted to lean down. This all helped me be a lot more relaxed and I actually enjoyed myself a bit more, shock horror. So I still haven't conceived but at least I've had a bit more fun, look great and am really enjoying my running and getting some good race times.

It hasn't taken away the pain. I'm dreading all my friends having their second babies. Everyone we spend time with as families is expecting their second. I have been seriously considering how I not see them. I just don't want to sit about listening to them talking about breastfeeding, sleep, how boring baby x is smiling/rolling/crawling oh boring boring BORING just put me down now! See the bitterness? I'm not particularly emotionally healthy about all this, but I am at least getting on with my life and having a good time and enjoying what I do have, and I feel proud of myself for managing to do that (barf).

Duchesse, interesting to hear you've set yourself an actual time limit on TTC. How does it feel?

I don't know whether to ditch the huge bags of outgrown clothes, most of the early toys etc. At the moment they are just piling up, just in case. Its very depressing.

Duchesse - ray of light? - ds arrived after 6 yrs of waiting, although strictly banned from trying for 16 months during that time.

I'd just like dh to be a little more proactive (or even active) so that there was more than 0% chance of anything happening - very unlikely even if he does cooperate, but missing out on trying as well

LNO - know what you mean - I recently attempted to break all my ttc 'bad habits' - I wasn't training particularly hard at the gym, or trying to lose weight, or having my long hair cut short, or buying nice new clothes, or changing jobs etc etc just in case I got BFP. DH had a v.v. good bottle of whiskey he was keeping for 'wetting the baby's head' which I persuaded him to start drinking and I was taking so many different vitamins that were supposed to help with ttc and I got all superstious about these things and I felt I'd put my life on hold for this never appearing pg, so I broke all the above 'habits' (except I haven't got my hair cut yet and I still take folic acid) I also gave away a 'present' I had bought for the non-exisitent baby to a colleague who's DW has just had their first, and he was really pleased with it - I heard him tell/show quite a few people so that made me feel good about giving it away. I think that's karma. Still FTC though

well, dear all..Ive been so restless since last failed attempt and have decided to clean up my life and chuck all baby gear out that ive collected over the years (unbeknown to DP who doesnt know such a stash exists). Been really good and given it to charity too - that way hoping to get a little bit of Karma back some time in the future... So now a huge pile of black bin bags sit on door step waiting to be collected. Knowing my luck they will leave the baby bag behind by mistake!

So for the moment I feel free of baby stuff - no doubt next week I will feel wretched about all of this.

So I am going for the FTC big time at the moment - Ive removed fertility books from home and put in garage out of way and stopped taking all vitamins (except folic acid just in case ) as a rebellious streak of what the hell. Was fed up popping pills anyway.

So thats me truely in the camp of a FTC.. Any other tips to get this TTC malarky out of our systems????

Dear Eclipse so sorry to hear your news. ((hugs)) Wise words as always from Impy
take care
LNO
x

Enjoy your beer (or two) Eclipse. I think you're right to take the positive meaning that you know you can get pregnant. I hope you can get trying again soon.

Thanks, all. It's still good to be back, for whatever reason. I think the blood test is to track the hcg to check it's going down. It's horrid to think this could drag on and on, but it's better to be fore-warned. Since the bleeding has stopped completely I'm now not sure what's going on. It was so dramatic and then nothing and still no pain. I assume it'll all start up again in due course. Lissie and Impatience, I think I'll go for the middle road and have a modest beer tonight (never been one for modesty, it'll be a struggle) and wait and see what tomorrow brings.
I'm feeling pretty up-beat to be honest. Having spent the last year thinking there was something wrong and I couldn't get pregnant, I now know that's not the case. Nature does seem cruel though to make it such a tortuous and uncertain process.