TTC in August Looking for a BFP

Hi again.

You don't know how comforting it is to have this thread and hear all your stories. I don't feel so alone, and I am able to out things in perspective, as I don't have it nearly as rough as some of you right now. Although it has to be said - I am going slightly mad at the mo!...AF is 4 days late, had 4 BFNs and have strong pre-menstrual feelings but still nothing...wish it woukld just turn up and put me out of my misery.

my dd was 23 months when it happened to me and she used to get upset by it all, but she used to say to me "I will give you a cuddle and make you happy".
I used to try and wait until she was in bed, or if I felt myself loosing it when it was clearly not bed time put cbeebies on and leave the room for a bit.

Part of me thinks it is good to let them see it is alright to show emotions, but I know that I struggled with it too

Up and down like a yo-yo.

Still haven't wrenched myself out of the house.

Yesterday went so well as I spent the day with a friend and the boys. I need to keep busy tomorrow.

I know I can cope with this, but it would be nice to past this point at through the other side.

What do we think about showing emotion in front of ds1 (21 months)? When I was crying yesterday, he said 'Mummy sad. Mummy crying.' and I could see it really bothered him. Then he said 'Mummy. get up.' and stomped about until I did.

Upsidedowncake - you poor thing, hope you get the BFN soon (can't believe I'm saying that) so that things start to get back to normal. Sorry about your arm Mine goes blue with bruises after just one test so couldn't cope with lots. You sound very brave Please keep us posted with how you are doing! xx

The blood tests are to make sure that ep is indeed sorting itself out without any need for surgery / metatraxate.

My boobs have shrunk back to normal size and my spots / mouth ulcers have gone, so I think it probably has.

I then have to have blood tests every couple of days until HCG levels return to zero, ie we are LOOKING FOR A BFN. The irony of it.

They have done so many tests on my arms that I look like a pincushion.

I knew I was right to stick on MN.

Look at this

Feeling a lot less down.

Bellie, the caravan is horrid, isn't it? Doing much better than me who spent nigh on 30 quid on tests this month.

Upsidedowncake - phew, that's a big relief. No bleeding at all, just pain. Hoping it's just a urine infection!!! You poor thing, it must be so hard. What were the blood tests for? How you get better VERY soon and manage to start ttc again. Fingers crossed and {{{ hugs }}}

Bellie - I only went into the caravan as had no idea what all this caravan/hut stuff was all about. But then I started moaning about my stupid body (was given permission to moan even though I didn't think I qualified) and what it was doing to me Felt better though!!

Right, I've calmed down now and going to try and not panic about everything until after the Dr's tomorrow.

Thanks for advice

not ventured to the caravan yet - trying to remain as positive as I can be and in my mind ventruing to the caravan or the hut is not going to help me at the moment. (not wanting to sound rude to anyone that goes there but how my mind is at the moment iyswim)

I deliberately hold off testing (another way of me staying positive as long as possible each month ) until my period due date - which incidently I got wrong this month and is Friday not Thursday so another day for me to remain positive!!! So not sure how the really early pg tests work or how realiable they are!

Am having cramps and still getting my watery discharge/light bleeding - but I keep hoping that dispite this I will get a BFP (see I am in my own bubble - not a caravan )

Could be a urine infection but still worth going to get checked - if possible take urine sample with you - I can never manage to squeeze anything out at the doctors!

Hi LT

A bit of a Xthread. So glad that you have spoken to doctor and hope it goes OK tomorrow.

My prune juice is coming from down below. Sorry that I misunderstood.

Bellie - not sure if you've been in the 'caravan' at all but if you have, you will know that not long after I'd said about still not testing but wanted to again this morning, I did one - couldn't help myself!!!

Upsidedowncake - meant to say that the Dr said that the brown watery stuff is probably just hormonal. Oh, forgot to say, I'm still weeing lots (but that could also be urine infection couldn't it)

What do people think of these very early pregnancy tests that you can get from ebay that measure from 10miU? Just wondering if it's worth getting a first response one or are they probably all just as reliable as each other?

Oh well, Dr's at 3.30 tomorrow.

Yesterday was a good day. Spent it with a friend with a ds my little boy's age and revelled in the fact that I have already been so lucky to have him

Today I had to go back to the hospital for blood tests. Awful spending two hours back there again and now pretty down.

Put ds back in nursery when I went to hospital and haven't got him out yet. Want to curl up in a ball, but know that probably best thing is to take ds1 to swings or something.

Have emotional ups and downs of pregnancy hormones, plus the whole grief thing.

Can't tear myself off MN.

Hi Upsidedowncake

Don't worry, you've not scared me (well, yes but not something I hadn't thought of)

Just been on the phone to the Duty Dr and she's reassured me that it would be too early to have the pain I'm having BUT she's still told me to come and see her tomorrow (1st available appointment with female Dr)

I started to think about possible EP when I got these sharp pains, mainly in one side but I did in the other too. The watery brown fluid from my nipple concerned me, thought was very odd. Anyway, these are the FULL symptoms I have left (some not mentioned before as put down to other stuff):

Brown Watery fluid coming from right boob
Bloated tummy
Feeling of period coming (stronger from yesterday)
Pains in sides, near hips. Mainly left side but has been both
Really hungry, eating more, only felt full up once since all this started
Slight sicky feeling every now and then, nothing like it was
Hot and clammy (I keep telling dh it's hot and he must be coming down with something if he thinks it's cold! lol)
Tired
Emotional and ratty

Think that's it. Duty Dr said as test is still negative, we'll have to see if my period comes and take it from there. She doubts what I'm feeling would be down to EP this early on.

What does worry me are these things....(I know I'm silly, not sure how much I believe but here goes)......When I went to tarot reader last (she's always spot on about very unusual stuff so deffo not a con person) she mentioned I'd be having twins (it runs strongly in my family) but I'd need an operation after which would stop me having any more children. Part of me wonders if she got slightly wrong but the op bit right? Anyway, not reading too much into this I get my crystal out (i know, silly, but it's helped me with lots of things before, helped me find my passport in a place I checked 4 times before but it insisted it was there and it was blablabla)...anyway, i asked random questions which i knew answer to and was right as usual, I then asked if i was pregnant and it turned to no but when i asked if i had EP it changed to yes. I think it's probably wrong so I'm not going to worry (well try). It could be down to a urine infection.

What do you think (ignoring my silly beliefs of course). And also, I mentioned you had the watery brown stuff and she said but that would be down below and not boobs, I said I'd check for confirmation as I thought you were talking boobs - can you confirm?

Thanks

How you bearing up anyway? Hope you're ok!!

agree with upsidedown LT - worth checking out!

How are you today upsidedowncake??

Fingers crossed Looneytunes that it isn't anything to worry about. It probably is nothing, but as this has been going on for a while, perhaps it's worth checking out. Good luck.

Looneytunes

I am really sorry if I's going to scare you with this. I may just be slightly distractedly looking out for the same symptoms as me.

What is your discharge like? Mine looks like prune juice - brown and watery. TMI everyone else, sorry. A feeling of bloating is also a possible symptom of an ectopic - though as you say, it absolutely could be your period.

If you can, I would make an appointment with your GP and I would also do a pregnancy test anyway even if it is too early.

moodymo.....p.s....I don't blame you for feeling better once that lady had her baby, gets it out of the way. I remember my first day back at work after a month off and a friend at work (not close thank god) told me she was pregnant. It was that stage when it was all new so she was just telling everyone. I wanted to be happy for her but I couldn't help it reminding me of what Id just lost. Time is a great healer though.

Ladylush - I can relate to that feeling, first period after my ERPC really affected me but it did get better with time. I left it 3 months til we TTC again and then I conceived straight away. I really hope you do too I can also (sort of) relate to the abuse thing too. Recently found out my sister's dh has been hitting her. Long story, no seeing black eyes as they live couple of hours away but she's mentioned cracked ribs, being black and blue etc. but she's not leaving as he's convinced her she'll loose the kids. Anyway, that's another story. I think you can just be there for her but TRY not to get too stressed by it as it won't help things - easier said than done.

Bellie - thanks, I really wanted to throughout yesterday and also this morning but I've not. It's like an addition but I'm not even due my period til Sunday(ish) so it's silly to test now as I've not got the symptoms anymore. Yesterday the period pain type feeling stepped up and then last night, my sides felt like they'd been pulled (like pulled muscle, stitch type thing) and that wasn't nice. I did rush around a lot yesterday but then again, being a childminder I do usually anyway (think coz yesterday it was different kiddies, it was more work, but fun). Tummy really bloated, had the dull ache for about a week and half now and just waiting for period to arrive Still very confused about the brown watery stuff coming out of (.)(.) and someone else online who I got chatting to has had the same as me (and all other symptoms), was due her period this Sunday gone and still nothing but BFN still. So she's keeping me posted as we've both never seen or heard of this brown stuff I thought all my symptoms were due to coming off the pill or something but this other lady has been ttc for a year now so it's clearly different for her. Oh well, only time will tell. Good luck with your test tomorrow! When are you/were you due?

moodymoo - gosh, you had heavt bleeding that long I lasted over the weekend but the amount of blood loss was making me ill, I couldn't walk up the stairs etc. and then ended up having ERPC which sorted it. Think I bleed for about 6 weeks after that but not really heavy like before. What is a hysteroscopy?

Right, off for another cuppa whilst I wait for mindees to arrive!

moodymoo - what was the hysteroscopy like - I am booked in for one in Sept?

Ladylush - good luck with the ov sticks - I have a little supply hidden from dh under the front seat of my car. No chance he will find them there. Wouldn't usually bother hiding them but as I have bought a clearblue monitor for this next cycle he would not be happy if I was doubling up with the opk's as well. What is the deal with pre-seed? I have seen it advertised but I don't really know much about it - can you tell me anything? Been watching put for it on ebay as it is loads cheaper getting it from the american sellers when our excange rate is good.
I know what you mean about your period arriving. I was like that last month. Even though lost baby in March I had heavy bleeding untill June, sorted out by hysteroscopy in July so last month was officially end of it all and it really hit me that I was at the end of my pregnancy journey. It was horrible. Just trying to concentrate on getting pg again now.Was made harder as a colleague was pg as well - 1 week behind me, so have been waiting for that to be over with and today it was - she had her baby this morning and I feel horrible to admit it but I was glad she got a boy - I couldn't have handled her getting a girl like I had and I am even more horrid to say that I was kind of pleased that he weighed 10lb - really really nasty of me but I couldn't bear for it all to be perfect for her. Am so glad that it is over with though as was driving me mad and has made me feel so horrible about myself.
As for your mate all you can do is sit back and be there for her when it all goes pearshaped again - the more you tell her not to go back the more determined she will be.

hi everyone

well done for not testing looneytune - how are you feeling though? I know your symptoms have gone, but has your period arrived yet?

I am waiting until thursday to test although as I have had my usual light bleeding since cd 17 I am not hopeful, but it keeps me going knowing that there is still a chance!

Ladylush - where do you get leprachauns from then [grin} - it may take the luck of the irish for me!! Have fun over the next week!
I know what you mean about the operation and the pregnancy being separate but if you grieve I am finding that time really does help and if it means ordering everything under the sun I am all for it.
Sorry about your friend I think just being there to support her will be a big help to her.

Just had to clear all our drains out - as they were blocked with leaves etc and all the toilets were backing up ! Oh the joys ......!!

Though initially very pleased to get my period (four and a half weeks after my missed m/c)I had a few low moments during the week and it dawned on me that I had been confronted with the finality of not being pregnant anymore. I think in my subconscious that I had dismissed the ERPC as an operation rather than signifying the end of my pregnancy. Another very sad thing for me this week has been the discovery that a good friend had resumed a relationship with a violent partner and she had a black eye from where he had punched her in the face. She has ended it but I'm not sure she will have the strength to keep away/keep him away. I am so frightened for her as he has become increasingly violent each time. I can't understand why she has got herself into this situation as she is usually assertive and together.

Hello everyone

Moodymoo thanks for the info on how to calculate CD1. That means I am on CD3 instead of CD5 (and that is the first time I have calculated my cycle day since losing the baby - it feels weird). So all set for getting fruity next week and have some ov sticks to use.

girlycm - yes I meant you need to avoid going mad from obsessing as we all go temporarily insane during this process but it doesn't help matters My dh gave me that look when my pre-seed arrived through the post. He said (rationally, I might add)since when did we need it before! I may as well have ordered a leprachaun I have never had a problem conceiving but of course there is no magic cure for losing babies so I went ahead and bought any old thing to make me feel better!

Upsidedowncake - so very sorry about your ep I had one 18 months ago which resolved itself but took a few weeks. The waiting was the most agonising bit - along with the fact that you still feel pregnant Take good care of yourself - lots of pampering will help. How is your dp?

Hi all, decided to stay away yesterday for my own sanity! Anyway, pretty sure my period is on it's way and anyway, the symptoms have died down so I'm forgetting about all that. Had a dream last night that I did 2 tests and they both came back BFP and the first thing I wanted to do when I woke up was test, especially with first morning urine as not done that yet. Then 5 mins later when I came round properly, I decided it was wishful thinking and I wouldn't waste ANOTHER test!!! So I'm quite proud of myself for that

Moodymoo - thanks, will look into that but if it's really expensive, might just have a chat with Dr first. I'd like to think I just tested too early but I really feel it's not the month for me. I'm pretty sure AF is on the way. Oh well. Anyway, sorry you're out for this month, no doubt I'll see you on the Sept thread. Oh and fingers crossed for an anniversary baby, wouldn't that be nice

1down2togo - welcome

Upsidedowncake - {{{ hugs }}} I'm so sorry But it's definitely better to get it earlier rather than later, doesn't help though does it As for whether or not to stay away from TTC boards, that's a personal thing. I must admit some days I think it feeds my obsession but then it's also nice to have support. I wish I'd known about Mumsnet when I MC before ds was born. Would have been nice to chat to people who'd been through the same thing and get away from the same old comments everyone made about it. I'm fine thanks but don't worry about other people, think of yourself

Emz26 - oh, I hope you are! All I can say is that I knew and my friends knew I was pregnant with ds when I was only a week gone but the cheapy test was negative. Got a BFP when my period was actually due/late (can't remember). But also don't get your hopes up either as there's nothing worse than expecting it and then being let down.

libralady - sorry to hear that, how horrible for you...the pain and the not being able to get down to it. Hope it gets better soon!!

Right, best get off MN and have a wash ready for when kiddies arrive. Bye for now xx

upsidedown - you don't need to keep a stiff upper lip - you still need to grieve.

Upsidedowncake - it is up to you - I have been logging on to the ttc threads for about 6 months, tho for at least 3 of them I have known that the chances of me getting pg were next to nil. It's nice to have somewhere to come and chat and to keep up with everyone ... but it can be quite obsessive, which isn't great if you aren't allowed to do anything about it.

Agree that it is rotten that you have to wait until Wednesday to find out more. Fingers crossed that, one way or another, things work out OK.