TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 30 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

Just scrolling through Facebook and ofc another Facebook friend (colleague) has posted a scan pic with pregnancy announcement. I must just be more aware of it but it seems like I’m reading pregnancy announcements a few times a week 🙄 ”snooze”

Don’t be too hard on yourself though @Avocuddles Whilst I think we should appreciate the people in our lives we are also human and we all snap or get upset. Hearing news about someone else’s pregnancy etc can be a really difficult thing and men sometimes don’t get it. My husband has been really good recently but I know he doesn’t feel how I do about our daughter’s death. I must say I do feel better since I’ve been going to the gym more regularly about four weeks ago. I weighed myself the other day and weigh a bit more than I thought(!) so I’m trying to get in better shape too but also it really is good for my mental health. I often feel better after a walk too. I think I eat too much sugar and need to cut down though 🙄

@AliceRR long, but perfectly written. Thank you for sharing....
I am definitely a planner too. That is some of the issue I think, by nature I like to have things planned out well in advance and the uncertainty throws me right out of my comfort zone. But the points you make about treasuring what you have, and about looking after your body, are both very valid. I feel like I've been taking it out on DH somewhat by being very upset about my own life (both miscarriage / fertility concerns as well as work frustrations) without giving much regard to his own experience. I snapped at him when he didn't realise that his friend's due date was aligned with ours, which was an out of order thing to do. I guess I felt angry that his initial reaction when conveying the news to me was one of excitement for his friend rather than of concern for how the news would make me feel when he's fully aware that my emotions have been running high. DH has had some fairly significant health problems in the past few years and I should be grateful for every moment we share together, not angry at him for not 'reading' me correctly.
In terms of yoga and gym classes, I need to follow your lead and take some ownership of my physical health. I'm definitely a fair bit overweight, bmi probably 28+ though I dread to weigh myself after a significant amount of emotional eating. You are setting a great example by prioritising looking after yourself.
Apologies for the lengthy reply but am lying awake stewing whilst DH goes to the airport (only a five min drive away) to pick up his brother who is staying at ours tonight. Much to my unjustified annoyance I hasten to add as I thought he was just going to unlock the door for them after getting themselves a taxi! He really is too good sometimes. I need to be more appreciative rather than critical!

Sorry that was long 🙈

@Avocuddles I know you’ll be ok but I think there will be bad days or things that upset us from time to time in these situations but it doesn’t mean we’re not moving forwards and getting stronger. I feel a bit low today. Not even sure why. The yoga instructor asked me “how’s your little one?” (he knew I’d had a baby as we discussed my ab separation but he didn’t know it was a stillbirth). It felt good to talk about it in a way but upsetting too. Re TTC I’m in no position to be giving out advice really but for me I’m finding it helps me to have something to focus on other than only TTC. I do feel like the only hope I have for the future is TTC but I also know (even more so following my loss) that I have lots to be grateful for and things could always be worse. So I’m trying to treasure the things and the people I do have, I’m trying to focus on getting myself into better shape by doing yoga etc and just planning some nice things so getting a BFP isn’t the only thing I have to look forward to, as it could take any length or time for that to happen. Im a bit of a planner so just having things in the diary to focus on, even yoga and gym classes, helps me be more than just TTC if that makes sense. I’m still on maternity leave so I really don’t have much to do other than obsess about TTC or whatever else but I’m going to try to make the most of this time too as I will be back at work soon (she says sitting on the sofa catching up on Love Island 🙄) I think it is like you say though, it’s the not knowing what the future holds, and I know for me I’d relax a bit if I had a crystal ball to tell me there are healthy, living children of my own in my future. Until then I will worry about it a bit as it’s something that’s so important to me.

@pinkoi yes I know exactly what you mean about torturing yourself. It's been just over a month now but feels like forever. It feels hard thinking that this dark shadow will be hanging over me until I have a healthy baby in my arms, if that ever happens. I just wish I knew if it will ever happen for me. My husband tries to be positive and optimistic but that only makes me feel worse as I'm the one with fertility issues and I feel all the pressure rests on me. Like @AliceRR I'm giving myself six months to see what happens before we go back to the GP and ask to be re referred for treatment. It already feels like this going to be the longest and slowest year of my life no matter what happens!

@AliceRR she's a nice girl and I've enjoyed the few nights out we've had together (including one just after her own miscarriage) but we're not particularly close. TBH I never had a true due date due to my irregular cycles and the lack of heartbeat at my scan but I'd figured out when I thought it must be based on when we DTD, and she's quoting the exact same. I'll be ok just feels like I've been set back a bit at a point where I was starting to feel stronger. I guess I should try to take strength from the fact that she's made it to 12wks after an early loss, and hopefully one day I will too x

@Avocuddles - wow that is a lot to take in. I guess it's something to have had a heads up beforehand so you could deal with it a bit in private rather than spotting it on FB, but it's still a punch in the guts either way. Please take care of yourself. Xxx

One of my friends did something similar to me. Hadn't see her for a year, had a big meet up of friends at the weekend and she turns up 7months pregnant. Didn't tell us before hand as she wanted to "surprise us". Obviously I'm happy for her but I just wanted to curl up and cry. But then was chatting with her and another person in the group and they were like "ooh so when is number two coming" to me, so I just told them about the MC. I am done with hiding it, why should I?!?

I don't know about you but I'm finding it harder now than when it happened. I can't help but think how far along I would have been now and how the weekend would have been soo different at that party. I don't know why I'm torturing myself all the time. 😕

@Avocuddles That’s rubbish. Would it help to think the actual due date doesn’t mean anything and actually a baby generally arrives within 2 weeks either side of that date? Your baby probably wouldn’t have arrived on that date and hers probably won’t either. I don’t know if that helps and don’t mean to offend or minimise what you’re feeling. If you don’t want to see them, then don’t. Are you close with the girlfriend? If it’s really just your boyf’s friend’s gf then the boys can meet up on their own.

Glad you had a good holiday @VenusStarr

Welcome back @VenusStarr glad you enjoyed your holiday!

In a bit of an emotional state at the moment. DH just had a call from one of his best friends who told him that his girlfriend is pregnant - and due on the same day that I would have been. I feel pleased for them as know that they suffered a loss a while back but DH doesn't seem to get why I feel so upset about the fact that it's due exactly when our baby should have arrived. He called to let him know before they announce things on social media, and I know it's going to destroy me to watch her developing and enjoying all the milestones that I should have been experiencing. Thankfully (cruel as that is to say) we don't see them in person very often but they're trying to arrange a get together and I'm already dreading it and wondering whether I'll be able to hold it together

Hi everyone, back from my holiday ☀️ it was so lovely to have a proper break away. Really feel like me and dh connected again and I had a proper mumsnet / ttc thinking break. Af arrived 3 days early but luckily it wasn't painful. It was very light, unlike my previous 2 after the mmc. I did have a weird stabbing pain after dtd on the day it started, I literally jumped out of my chair. Not sure what it was, has anyone had that before?

I'm already in my fertile week but haven't got any of my usual ewcm. Unsure if the hsg has affected my cycle as last one was only 22 days. Feeling a bit better in myself (not hopeful or postitive exactly, just less bogged down)

Thanks for the support @AliceRR @Lilimum7 @Avocuddles

Congratulations @frillyfarmer 🎉 so happy for you 😊

Hi @CodlingMoth fingers crossed for you for tomorrow 🤞

@CodlingMoth Could be. Depends on the test but I think evap likes have no colour. If it’s taken that long then most tests say to discard results after X mins. Test again if you can

@CodlingMoth good luck......

@AliceRR genuinely have no idea when / if I ovulate, it felt like the pregnancy was a one off fluke but would be really reassuring just to know that I do!

If I wee on a internet cheapie 11dpo but for get to look before leaving the house, the line I see 4 and a half hours later is just an evaporation line right?

Almost dreading first thing tomorrow now.

What DPO are you @Avocuddles? Are you about the time you’d expect to ovulate? I noticed a change in my CM the other day (don’t properly track it but was a noticeable change) and got my static smiley the next morning so trust your CM. I think the CB instructions say that if you get nine flashing smileys in a row then you probably won’t grt a static (but again doesn’t mean you haven’t ovulated). Hopefully you’re holiday will do you some good and you can properly relax xx

@AliceRR that's interesting to know. My CM seems a bit different today so maybe that's a good sign. I've decided I'll test for two more days and then I'll stop. We go on holiday the weekend after next so I'll take a pregnancy test if AF doesn't arrive before then...

@Izabelus Thank you. I think I know what you mean. That it’s not clear whether the stats for MMC cover losses that are evident but after the MC happened and those that are not evident until you have a 12 week scan? The figures are not clear but tbh I assumed the latter, where there are no signs until the scan.

@Avocuddles The same thing happened to me last cycle. I got ten flashing smileys in a row and then stopped testing but I managed to pick up my surge on One Step ICs in an evening so just because you didn’t see a static smiley doesn’t mean you haven’t ovulated.

Arggggggggghhhhh! Day number 10 of flashing smileys, so infuriating! Think it might be time to step away from the tests as seems (as expected) to be going nowhere. Less than two weeks until our holiday, I'm kind of hoping AF decides to turn up before then (I'll be 6 1/2 wks post MC) so that I at least know where I stand and can stop obsessing for a week or two....

Hope you are all ok. @Izabelus I understand what you're saying re statistics. My miscarriage was 'natural', however based on an inconclusive scan a day before (it suggested

@AliceRR I'm so very sorry for your loss. x
Amazing to hear about your friend having a healthy baby after a MMC!

@Navy123 I'm the same. My pms is disgusting. I keep apologising to everyone as I'm being very nasty to people around me!

I don't understand how the % of MMCs is calculated. Let's say that a baby dies very early on (at 6 weeks for example) and a woman start miscarrying (what she thinks is a natural miscarriage) at 8 weeks or so. Surely this should be classified as a MMC but will probably be not as the woman won't know that the baby died some time ago... sorry, I don't mean to go into this but I just try to understand it all...

Anyone else find their pms getting worse after mcs etc? I've always been a right grump just before af but it is getting so much worse and with other symptoms. Used to be a day or 2, now I'm 8 days away from af due and I feel sick, have a headache, bloated, tired and grumpy and this will go on until a couple of days after af starts.

Getting annoying because for a couple of months I thought it was pg symptoms, now I know it's not and I just have to put up with feeling like absolute shit for days on end with no positive reason for it! Anyone else find this?

@Izabelus I’m so sorry about your MMC. I think it is “rare” but it’s something like 1/100 from what I’ve read. I had a still birth at full term which is even more “rare” but something like 1/225 but as you say when it happens to you, you learn about other people who have been through the same thing. It is unfortunate when you are that “1”. I have a friend who had a MMC and she had a beautiful baby boy now. I would say take all the time off work that you can.

@Avocuddles Thanks! We managed to BD again today. I think the SMEG says that BD for three days for positive OPK so thought we’d try again. I’m not following that theory but I just read so much crap online. I think TTC is my main focus right now so hard not to be a bit obsessed and it must be so difficult if trying for a long time but so many of people say they got pregnant when they stopped trying.

@Kayjay2018 I’m so sorry for your MC. Hopefully you will get your BFP. It’s not so long since April and I think from reading on here it’s not uncommon for it to take some time for cycles to go back to normal. I had a full term loss in Feb and my cycle is still irregular. It’s easy to feel like it won’t happen for us. I’m 35 and thinking I’ll try for up to six cycles and then I’ll speak to the doctor. It helps me to put a sort of time frame on it. Do you think that would help you?

@Catconfusion Sorry to hear your cycle is a bit messed up. My understanding is anyone can have an anovulatory cycle. I think it does take time for or bodies to settle down after a pregnancy x

So @Lilimum7 it was anovulatory or at least too weak for enough progesterone. AF came just 6 days after I thought I ovulated and temps never got far off the cover line. I've never had a cycle like this in my life. My cycle after my two mcs was ovulatory just late. This one is worse. I have no idea why they'd be getting worse. I'm hoping for better luck next time. I hope you're getting some nice rises now! xx

Hi, popping back on to see how everyone is doing, congrats on the BFPs, hope they are beautiful rainbows! You guys give me hope to carry on!

@Lilimum7 sorry you are having a frustrating month, I'm due to OV in the next few days and have had a completely blank opk this evening. There was something visible the last few days and now nothing (and today I know it wasn't diluted), sometimes I think this is never going to happen. TTC for 10 months (I'm 38 now) and all I have to show is the scar on my heart from my mc in April , cycles have not returned fully to normal yet either

Hi ladies popping in briefly to say hello. Trying to be hopeful about this cycle, I think I am around day 2 or 3 past ovulation and looking forward to starting my progesterone to see if that helps.

@Frillyfarmer congratulations! A great line for 10dpo

@Pop1234 you might find it useful to read the NHS choices article on Edwards syndrome www.nhs.uk/conditions/edwards-syndrome/ It is a pretty rare trisomy and I think usually is a random event. Sorry to hear you are feeling let down by the NHS.

@lilimum7 just wanted to say I know where you are coming from with feeling low, it's completely normal to feel low and hopeless when you have been trying as long as we have and only multiple losses to show for it. Here for you if you want to PM - I know sometimes I have felt I don't want to bring down the thread with how down I have felt, but we are all here to listen