TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 30 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

Thanks @strawberrye that's good to know - especially that it doesn't hurt once they're in. Something to look in to!

@Frillyfarmer I agree, people don't get it on those at all, and I just spend the month getting cross with them all! I thought I recognised your name. Sorry your gp was useless as well - I hate it when someone says it's 'only' anything, that's not how it feels to us. Will go back to mine and push for rmc referral (if I can get an appointment, usually a 3 week wait!)

Hi @thelittlepeanut
I wouldn't say it has progressed really, I have had a little bit more today but not much at all. However, I'm definitely noticing more cramping - I've been cramping off and on for the last few weeks but this does feel a bit different. Very mild though, not enough to warrant paracetamol.

The GP was lovely and when I told her why I wanted to avoid the same EPU I had a few tears - and she did as well and said "you've made me cry!" Never had that experience before but seriously, what a difference some empathy makes. They are sending through the referral to a better EPU nearby and I should hear from them soon. She did say to try to stay optimistic as it could be nothing but obviously that's a bit of an ask right now 😬

I feel oddly composed today, a few tears here and there but I do feel I can handle whatever comes next.

@coconutlatte44 has the spotting progressed/developed at all or not? Completely understandable that you would want to go somewhere else. Appreciate that they must see a ton of patients a day but a little tact and sensitivity in these situations makes the world of a difference. Hope you get the referral!

@Bluebelltulip My Mum is constantly taking about other babies. I know it’s cause that’s what’s on her mind, our baby who isn’t with us and she’s hoping for another grandchild soon, but I have come close to saying something. I think she’s a bit silly sometimes as it should occur to her I don’t want to hear about other people’s babies.

@InDreamland @Frillyfarmer People so clearly take for granted having healthy children. It’s annoying.

I can understand wanting a boy if, for example, you’ve had three girls, but I think people should be grateful for what they have. Having a child is such a blessing that not everyone gets to experience. There was a post on here a few weeks back of a woman so disappointed with her first child being a girl as she “always” wanted a boy (or the other way around)...

Hi @Navy123 I was on the June bus with you and I've decided to take a break from all the other TTC buses for the same reason - they just do not get it at all and I'm sick of seeing people getting knocked up after 1 or 2 cycles and it sticking.

I agree with yukka- push for referral to rmc and hopefully they will look after you a lot better. My GP won't do anything with me at the moment as it's "only" 2nd consecutive MC and only been trying since November. CD2... here we go again!

Hi everyone,
Thanks for your positive thoughts. I spent quite a lot of time on the phone this morning as wanted to avoid returning to the last EPU I went to (which is self-referral), but I need a referral for the other ones. So I have an emergency GP appointment in about an hour and I'm assuming they'll refer me on to an EPU either later today or tomorrow.

The EPU I went to for last mc was chaotic and understaffed, and the staff seemed relatively indifferent (no doubt linked to said understaffing). The ultrasound technician probed and clicked around for several minutes without saying a word and then, without warning, turned the screen toward me and my husband to show a large empty sac on the screen. My husband recalled afterwards that since the technician had given no indication that anything was wrong he was expecting to see a baby when the screen was turned toward us.

When I type it out like that it doesn't seem as unreasonable as it feels - but even a "Sorry, I can't see a viable pregnancy at the moment" would have been less shocking in that moment. I feel gross thinking about having to go back there into that same room, so I think I'm willing to wait an extra day to get into the hospital that requires a GP referral.

@Navy123 it really depends on where the needles are and what time of the month it is. For me, I don't feel the needles in my belly but the ones in my legs and around my ankles can be a bit nippy, a bit like a sting from an insect. Tends to be worse late in my cycle too. I have found its just when they are going in, no issues with when they are in place

Thanks @Yukka that's good to know - he didn't mention a rmc so I will go back and push for that instead. They're all quite early mcs so I was glad he did take it vaguely seriously as I know others have been dismissed in a similar situation.

To those having acupuncture - it's something I was looking in to but does it hurt?! I am an utter wimp with needles, pain etc but also I'm willing to try anything at the minute!

@VenusStarr @strawberrye @Avocuddles yeah the sessions are expensive so we'll see - I think 6 months is a good timeframe. Will keep you all updated on how I get on.

@avocuddles @thelittlepeanut I have heard lots of positive things about acupuncture, however I'm starting to wonder if only the people with positive results tend to write about it and hence skewing what you read. I've been having it for 3-4 months now and haven't really noticed much difference with my cycle and no BFP either. At £40 per session most weeks the money is starting to add up and I am wondering whether it would be better spent on a private consultation to be honest. Or even just going for massages regularly as I find them more relaxing than acupuncture. I'm planning on giving it 6 months in total and then stopping if no BFP.

@navy123 they should deff be referring you to the local recurrent miscarriage clinic, and they would be managing what tests to do after having a consultation with you. It can depend on the how’s and when’s of your mcs and there are some basic it tests to be done regardless. The GP should to some degree step away and put you into the RMC care pathway. Perhaps speak to him again, or a different dr if you have a choice. It can take time to be seen but it’s worth having he appointment booked whilst you ttc x

Sorry you're joining the group @Navy123, welcome

I did accupuncture when I'd been off the pill for 6 months (1 year ago on Saturday 😢) @thelittlepeanut, it did help my flow but my cycles had already regulated. I did enjoy going but I was spending £80 a month so stopped after 6 months as I wasn't getting pregnant. It's definitely worth trying as you never know, it might help you.

I've been considering reflexology. Might start that once I've had all my fertility tests done and seen the consultant in September.

Got my hsg next week, has anyone had that? Bit apprehensive about it.

@Pinkoi @Avocuddles I still do the same too. Got a pic of 3 BFP FRERs from pregnancy #2 that I took when AF was late which is my only proof baby #2 ever existed. Pregnancy #1 I didn't take pix of all the tests I took because I never thought to, plus I had booking appointment and all the pre-12 week scan tests and then EPU confirmed I was pregnant just before mc#1. It sucks.

@Avocuddles similar happened to me, had interview for promotion literally a week after I returned to work after mc#1 and I was a total wreck still, some people thought I shouldn't have been at work because I was still a mess. They knew about the mc, the feedback wasn't even that bad, obviously didn't get it but I know if I had been on form with a clear head I'd have aced it. I've heard so many people also swear by acupuncture so I'm pinning hopes on it although if I'm not pregnant my due date of #2 which is also anniversary of day I passed #1 I know I'll be devastated.

@Navy123 sorry for your losses, you'll find the ladies here really supportive.

@InDreamland @Avocuddles I'm definitely sceptical as well - but I've honestly heard so much positive feedback (both in person and online) that I just can't ignore it! I'm obviously not assuming it's going to make me fall pregnant straight away (although that would be nice lol), but if it can alter little nuances in my body that will help this process then that's all we can ask for really!

@Avocuddles with you on the meltdown at work front! Don't beat yourself up about it - you need to allow yourself to feel your feelings - and not getting a job is always a disappointment (no matter how good or bad you think the interview went)!

My company has recently been acquired by another bigger one and my job is at at high risk of redundancy due to duplication. Had an interview a few weeks back for a job in a different company which I didn't get, and think I find out today what's going to happen with my current job. I think it all got a bit too much last night and I had what I can only assume was a panic attack in the middle of the night. Haven't slept a wink. As if the stress of ttc isn't enough on its own!

Thanks @Yukka. I saw the gp a couple of weeks ago who said he would write to gynaecology (in a week or so 🙄) and ask what blood tests they would recommend and get me seen by then hopefully after the blood tests are in. He was vaguely helpful but the earliest they would see me is September and it sounds like he didn't know what blood tests to do without their advice. Don't know whether to go back with a list or not!

@navy123 sorry to see you here and read of your losses. Have you ever been for testing at all? X

@avocuddles..I’ll swear by acupuncture. After third mc, cycles were up the wall for 6 months, went to acupuncture, next month was normal, bang on time with ecwm matching opks, the month after that I fell pregnant. Just about to reach 32w pregnant on Sunday. I do have a condition that causes mc, but the treatment for that had nothing to do with cycles and mostly started after I got the bfp, it was acupuncture that got my body back to normal to conceive again. Go for it x

@Avocuddles
This sounds a lot like me. I thought I was OK at the time, but as the weeks have wound on (only 3 weeks since it happens) 6w pg I see to be feeling worse not better and I still feel so tired and drained.

I'm sorry to hear you didn't do as you had hoped in the interview, be kind to yourself, you can't just pretend that nothing has happened. I feel like our brains are processing what has happened slowly in the background all the time. I made a mistake at work yesterday, nothing serious but I'm kicking myself now when I shouldn't.

It has made me think about how in the past women have been expected to suffer pg loss in silence, mostly for the benefit of the comfort of others and it makes you feel invisible and isolated and means none of us have a frame of reference for how long the physical and emotional process can take..

Could I please join you ladies? Not that I really want to if you know what I mean!

Ttc number 2 - had 3 mcs before DS and have had another 3 since. Thought this month might be the one but bfn on a frer at 16dpo and af due definitely suggests otherwise.

Have been on the different buses each month but finding them much too difficult now with people getting pg straight away or disappointed that af has arrived their first month of trying.

I've been following this thread for a while and you all seem like such lovely people, I hope you all get a bfp soon!

@InDreamland @thelittlepeanut I've booked an initial acupuncture session in a few weeks time. Let me know how you get on with it, I've heard positive things from friends who swear that it gave them their babies but I can't help feeling slightly sceptical....

@pinkoi I do the exact same. I had my BFP
4 weeks ago and have a photo of 3 tests with lovely strong lines in my phone that I can't resist looking at in spite of a MC a week ago at approximately 7 weeks.

Each time I think that I'm feeling a little better I take a bigger step backwards. Found out yesterday that I didn't get a job I'd applied for at work. The interview was at 9am on my first day back in so no way was I on peak form, I'm not in reality that bothered about the role but it felt like a major blow as I know that I would have aced it in normal circumstances. The interviewing manager didn't know what has happened although my line manager does, and I had a (probably long overdue) major meltdown in front of her yesterday afternoon. I feel so angry at myself for letting myself feel and act this way, I just long for a day where I feel the slightest bit normal! DH is brilliant but it can't be easy on him either (especially when his brother and sister in law, who know what we've been through, keep spamming us with what's app photos of their 1 year old DS on holiday in Ibiza....!)

Yeh - I replied to that thread in the most tactful way that I could, but all I was thinking was "why the feck does it really matter" but I'm feeling a bit bitter about my recent MC at the mo.

I had been having a go with Ovulation sticks for the past week but i haven't had the faintest hint of a 2nd line but have had some ewcm yesterday and today. I haven't got a clue where it's at.

What the last poster said about "two lines on a test doesn't mean you get a baby" really hit home. I haven't been able to stop looking at my photos of blazing positives from just 3 weeks ago. It's like I'm clinging on to the only evidence I have of that pregnancy existing.... I guess it's part of grieving...

That's exactly it ladies, totally ignorant and quite clearly have given no thought at all to how hard possibly TTC can be. Probably hasn't even considered that two lines doesn't always equal baby to bring home from the hospital. Agree to on the gender thing, why on earth would people be disappointed with wrong gender? Every life I'd precious no matter what gender they are. Makes me so mad.

@Avocuddles @Yukka WTF! I don't think I'd be able to hold my tongue if I had colleagues like yours.

@thelittlepeanut hope it helps both of us with conceiving and having a healthy pregnancy. I do hope the EWCM is a positive thing. I should've had a sob at the weekend but I was away so but gutted I missed that chance at it'd have been timed perfectly for ov. I needed the break away though. So this will be for implantation if we're lucky enough to have had fertilisation take place. Should be 4 or 5 DPO when I have the session this weekend. She didn't say how many sessions I need, just that for some it takes a free months, others will take longer. Generally it's one session per week with the exception during AF as she won't/can't do it when AF is on.

Imagine not wanting a xmas baby or an august baby! 🤯