TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 30 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

@Avocuddles Sorry also meant to say it can’t be easy if all your friends have children but don’t force yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable with.

@strawberrye I’m sorry it turned out to be af. Don’t feel silly. I was so convinced I was pregnant last cycle, I even told DH I think I’m pregnant due to my early spotting and all the other pregnancy symptoms I thought I had! I was gutted it was af!

@Avocuddles Don’t feel guilty. Being able to relax and take your mind off things for a bit has probably been really good for you.

@Knitkitty I’m pleased the acupuncture has helped you. I’ve heard good things about it. Not everyone has glaring pregnancy symptoms.

Hope everyone else is ok.

@InDreamland have been thinking about you and hope you're ok. I really hope that the trial brings you your rainbow. As others have said it only takes one sperm, so please don't lose hope for your miracle baby..

Coming towards the end of a few days away and I'm feeling somewhat guilty about the fact that I've managed to enjoy myself and even forget about the mc / ttc issues at some points. I've a feeling it will all come back with a vengeance once we're back to normal home / work life next week. Had a baby shower invite come through last night which I feel very uncomfortable with though as it's for one of my best friends I think I'll just have to suck it up. Two of my closest friends are expecting in the autumn and once their little ones arrive we will be the only childless couple left in our circle

@InDreamland so sorry to hear your news. I can understand this must feel devastating for you. I know with your faith you feel you cannot have IVF but would you consider something like IUI? Not sure if it would help but might be an avenue to consider.

As for me, of course it was pre-AF spotting not implantation bleeding. I have come on full flow today. Feeling pretty foolish that I thought it might be a pregnancy, but at least it shouldn't interfere with my appointment at Tommy's shortly.

@InDreamland I understand you feeling hopeless right now, so I will do some hoping for you! They must have a decent theory about the treatment for the trial being effective if they are trailing it, I would hope, so I really hope that it does your DH some good and you have a little miracle from it. Stay strong. xxx

@Mistymeow Still struggling but not quite as bad as I was. Last week my acupuncturist did something for the anxiety and I think it's had an effect. I still have the same fears but they don't feel all-consuming and I'm able to ignore the worries most of the time. Not had any more big melt-downs. I haven't done another pregnancy test for a week; I think I'll be able to hold on until the scan now (which is a week on Friday). Still convinced they're not going to find anything in there and dreading it... I will have such a shock if everything is actually how it should be! But I daren't get my hopes up right now; it feels easier to plan for the worst.
Still no real symptoms to speak of. I have wondered if I've felt a bit nauseated over the past two days, but it's so subtle I can't really tell.
Just keeping myself busy and distracted.

How are you @Mistymeow? Calafornia sounds fun! How long are you there for? I hope you have a lovely relaxing break and come back feeling refreshed! I am always so blown away by your positive attitude. Hugs

@codlingmoth oh dear, you have had a terrible time. Do you think it will help psychologically if you have a month off to recover mentally and get back on track? Or will it make you feel worse knowing that time is ticking? I assume you have been referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic? That’s good they are investigating. Personally if I was struggling mentally I would take a month off, maybe take some exercise classes, acupuncture and other therapies to get myself back on track physically and mentally. Why don’t you book a few positive things to do and then see how you feel? Go with your gut feeling.
@boboelephant what lovely news. You will have to let us know how you get on with your 20 week scan. It’s gone by so quickly!
@knitkitty forgot to ask how you’re doing with your anxiety over this pregnancy?
@indreamland I still have faith you can have a healthy baby. The sperm dna fragmentation is fairly new and I don’t think they have enough data. I understand the difficulties but your dh will have healthy sperm, and it only takes one

I'm feeling torn. AF has buggered off and taken all the post MC spotting with her (only a month of bleeding this time) meaning I'm good to go so to speak. And I really want to try again esp as I turn 40 soon. But do I want to wait a month? I've had 3 back to back mcs this year and bled for months after on last year. I've gained so much weight from the incessant eating to curb morning sickness. Goodness knows how long my gynecology referral will take to come through.

I don't know what to do.

@InDreamland I am so so sorry for your news and I just hope you get lucky x

@Boboelephant great news on your twins, how exciting!!

I'm CD8 today and I think I can feel my body starting to ramp up for O, I usually get quite strong symptoms from about 5/6days before. Going to start OPKs today as the weird shift in Ovia has got me on edge 😂

Sorry AF is on her way @AliceRR

Xx

@boboelephant lovely to hear things are all well for you and the twins. Thank you, I am just feeling lost now. Everything seems pointless.

@KnitKitty thank you. They will just throw lots of "good bacteria" at him and maybe some other trial treatment which I don't really know anything about. I don't think it will improve our chances. It doesn't help that I'm now 39 and he is 41, will be 42 this year, so time is against us now.

@treaclepie19 thank you .

I think af is here 🙄 Day 27. Last month thought it was IB when I started spotting at day 24 as my cycles are usually 32 days but I will not fall for that this time...

Explains why I was a crazy b*tch yesterday too

Morning ladies.
Cd4 here and really hoping af will get lost soon. My last few cycles have had 7/8/9 day periods so I'm worrying we will miss ovulation with my short cycles.

I'm really sorry InDreamland x

@InDreamland I'm sorry about the news you've received. Huge hugs. What does the trial involve? Could it improve things potentially?

Hi ladies, sorry I dropped off the planet. @Mistymeow and @InDreamland thank you for asking after me and sorry for my very slow reply. I've been thinking about those of you who have been so supportive for the 15 threads I was on here for but I've been really aware that there are so many new people on here who dont know about my 2.5 years of hell who I didn't want to make feel bad with me banging on about my pregnancy.

All is going well with my little twinnies though. 😀 18+2 today although was measuring 4 days ahead at last scan. They left dates as it was ivf but may change them next week when I have my 20 week scan- which they did book 4 days ahead.

There is an entire 22 pages to catch up on which sadly I cant as have to get ready for work but I had a very quick skim and looks like huge congratulations for @Laney79 and @hayleyfx!! So pleased for you lovelies after everything you two have been through. Congrats to any other bfps and I hope these are your rainbows.

@InDreamland I'm so sorry to read your update. Sending hugs.

@Mistymeow thank you. Fx yoy get some answers soon too. I think DNA fragmentation testing is quite common amongst private practices. I have said to DH we should stick to every other day ..........I think though that even that won't result in a baby in my arms. We discussed adoption a few years ago but finally decided it just isn't right for us.

@moonpeace DH has also been having acupuncture and has had more sessions than me.

Greetings from California! Having a much needed break. I’m 5dpo and not buying any pregnancy tests because they are a small fortune over here! Sorry to see so many newcomers joining, you will be well looked after.

@hayleyfx @laney79 delighted to hear about your positive scans! This is really promising. Keep us posted. @boboelephant I have also been wondering how you and your two little bobos are doing?

@indreamland so sorry to read about these latest results. I suspect we also have this issue because dna fragmentation is more likely in infertile men. I’m going to ask Dr Shehata about this when I see him next month so I’ll let you know what he says. I have read that it’s best to dtd every other day for the healthiest sperm, rather than every day around the fertile period. I’m also of the mentality that I personally couldn’t do donor sperm. I’m not religious but I just can’t get my head around having a child that’s mine and not dh’s. We may consider adoption in future, but that’s further down the line. It’s an awful and unfair road to be on and I hope you are being referred for some counselling.

Thanks @AliceRR, there is nothing, just the clinical but we all know often nothing is found to help with those.

@Avocuddles thanks. I would never consider sperm donor, I want to carry and give birth to mine and DHs baby, not someone else's baby. I'm a practicing Catholic so would never go down that route and TBH even if I wasn't RC I still wouldn't. The child needs to be both of ours, a product of our love for each other. I never want DH looking at my child and thinking they're not his but some other man's. If we cannot conceive our own baby naturally then we will basically never have a family.

Oh @InDreamland I'm so sorry everything feels so bleak for you. I can't begin to imagine how you feel at the moment but I do hope with all my heart that you find a way through this together. I know at the moment all you will be able to focus on are the big challenges that you face, but I hope that in time you will be able to talk together about all of the options you have to bring a much wanted baby into your lives. You might be facing big challenges with option a but this won't be the end of the road for you I'm sure. I know this might be a sore subject but have you broached the subject of using donor sperm if necessary? I have friends who have found their happy ending through that route. It wouldn't be our first choice but it is something I personally would explore if it came to it....l

I’m sorry @InDreamland I didn’t mean to to sound like you are not doing everything you can, I just meant when you got the latest news did they give you anything positive to work on. Maybe the trials will help in some way. Life is just sh*t sometimes. I’m sorry I don’t have anything helpful to add but I truly hope you are able to have a child of your own one day x

@AliceRR everything we can do we're doing. Because of the quality of his swimmers even IVF would not likely be successful. They don't know what is the cause of the antioxidisation of his sperm, that's what the clinical trials will be for. Why the f**k is this happening to us

@InDreamland I’m so sorry you haven’t had the news you wanted and I really cannot imagine how tough it must be to have been on this journey for so long. I don’t know enough about the medical side of things to be able to give you any advice but have they said what your chances are of conceiving? Is there anything you can do to improve your chances?

@strawberrye fx it is implantation bleeding. I can't really comment though aa with both mine I didn't get it, just BFPs when AF was late. This TTC though is just such a head f**k.

@Frillyfarmer sorry but I don't use Ovia so no idea. Hope you can get to the bottom of it though.

The latest update from me. DH got results back from his SA and DNA fragmentation test with private clinic following the treatment for the bacterial infection that was causing his swimmers to have poor DNA causing the mc's. Appears the bacterial infection has been cleared but there are still antioxidation levels 8 times higher than it should be causing poor quality sperm DNA quality so we are still at high risk of mc if we even manage to conceive again. I am so gutted and upset. Devastated. I really hoped that would fix our problems. DH is now going to join the clinical trials for this. I think that is it though, I will die childless with so much motherly love to give but no baby to give it to. 6 fricking years I've been battling this, 5 years without even a sniff of a BFP followed by a year of 2 mc's and now this. All I want is a happy healthy baby. Our first should be 4 months old now or I should be expecting our second in 6 weeks. Instead I have an empty womb and little chance of ever carrying a baby again or even if I do the chances of going full term are very slim.

@FrillyFarmer What information do you put into ovia? Is it possibility a wrong data point. I never had it jumping about like that, sometimes shifted a few days but that's it.

Have you changed something in settings like your cycle length or accidentally put in the wrong ov date for a previous cycle? @frillyfarmer

After Ovia shifting my FW to start on CD20 for no reason, she's now shifted it again to today (CD7) have I done something catastrophically wrong? I know I'm nowhere near O, it's usually CD15/16 but I can't work out why Ovia is going batshit?

I'm in a good place today, went to see my friends little baby girl, was genuinely happy to meet her, feel like a bitter fog had lifted and my happiness has reappeared 💞