Over 40 TTC - lots of baby dust for us...3!

@KristieP2018 thank you. Considering I haven't had any symptoms whatsoever! Never tracked OV this cycle. But will remain positive and say, this is it. It's my time now. And hoping for the best! I'll start progesterone when I come tomorrow night. And maybe other pills from the clinic. Waiting to hear from my doc

Aww! Praying for a sticky bean @Russkispy xx

Ladies, last day of holiday here and decided to take a FRER as we needed to let the clinic know about my days of AF so we can start preps for donor egg! Today is cd31 (not sure when AF after MMC) and BFP! I'm absolutely pooping myself here! As only in May I had a missed miscarriage and it was horrendous after d&c. I'm trying to stay calm! And maybe all the changes in diet and supplements we made after seeing a fertility coach, did the trick!? I just don't know. But today I'm pregnant! And breathe....

@Catconfusion That’s good that you’re feeling so optimistic. I think you have a good chance. I agree there is too much negativity around pregnancy later in life; it used to be quite normal for women to have children in their 40s. The C19th poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning had a healthy child when she was 43, and that was after years of illness and without all the benefits of modern medicine that we enjoy!

There’s no way to know if a pregnancy loss was age related, most likely you were simply very unlucky.

I didn’t feel myself that the odds were impossible, but I did feel under great pressure from knowing there would not be years and years to keep trying, and not having enough time to grieve losses. I had 2 miscarriages in 6 months, and honestly I was in pieces at the start of this third pregnancy and felt nothing but dread and resignation. I’ve only just now started to have the normal emotions like hope and joy and even anxiety about being a parent!

I never had a missed miscarriage though, that sounds utterly horrendous and I’m so sorry you went through that. You are very strong to be so positive and looking to the future. I hope that you are posting here soon with good news!

Thanks @turquoiseturtle and congratulations on your pregnancy. Those are all really great signs and I'm sure your odds are very good from hear on. Please keep us updated. It really gives me hope!

I'd read a lot on getting pregnant over 35 as I'd had a lot of bad luck in relationships when I was younger and knew if I did try it would be late. It really didn't feel like the risks were that great until well over 40. I was 38 when I met DH and 39 when we married. I fell pregnant when we forgot to take contraception on our honeymoon. So I really didn't think I was high risk.The midwife didn't think so either. The truth is I probably wasn't high risk just that particular embryo wasn't viable and it was bad luck. It could happen to anyone.

I do feel pregnancy risks are a bit over inflated in late 30s/early 40s. Ladies of all ages have miscarriages and pregnancy loss. My best friend has premature ovarian failure at 35. Fertility is such an individual thing. But...because in society over 35 is seen as late, we feel pressured and like time is running out which really doesn't help with the stress of ttc and having healthy pregnancies.

I had a load of blood tests and apart from mild pcos the doctor couldn't find anything wrong. I've been told I'm not peri menopausal with normal hormones and husband has very healthy swimmers. We are hoping to fall pregnant again soon. If not we have a fertility appointment as back up. I think I can handle not falling pregnant but I really hope I don't have more losses. It's such a defeating thing to go through. It's taken all my strength to come back from it if I'm honest.

Turning 40 has actually given me a renewed sense of optimism. My body is feeling recovered and we're feeling positive so I guess we'll see what happens! XX

Good news from me. I am at 12 weeks now, and the results from a private harmony test came back at less than 1 in 10,000 for Downs, Edwards and Patau syndrome. Scan showed right size for dates, everything looking ok. I'm starting to think this might actually happen!

I will be 42 and a half when I give birth in January (all going well). I can’t quite believe it, earlier this year I was losing hope and now out of nowhere...

@EC22 - many congratulations!

@Catconfusion - I'm so sorry for your losses. I don't think people understand what it's like to fight to get pregnant and stay pregnant in your 40s. That feeling of struggling against the irrevocably ticking clock - it's so nerve-wracking. I wish you strength, determination, and a happy outcome

@BooseysMom thanks, it's been horrendous. No I wasn't on MN as my pregnancy was a surprise so not even trying as such. I joined after my surgery during the first loss. It really helped to talk to ladies who'd been through something similar. I was so innocent about pregnancy and what can go wrong. Once I hit 6 weeks and we'd seen the midwife I thought I was having a baby and highly unlikely to have any issues. It messed with my head to get so far in and I'd had essentially an early loss at 6 weeks. My body hasn't picked up on it so no signs even at 12 weeks before the op. Even the spotting wasn't related to the loss.

I came on this thread tentatively as I wasn't quite 40 then. I'm just hoping we don't have to go through any more mcs as it's so horrible.

I think if you still feel another one would complete your family and you're prepared for potential losses go for it. I really hope it happens for you. Xx

Congratulations @EC22 fingers and toes crossed for you ❤️ xx

@Catconfusion...i'm so sorry this happened. Were you on this thread at the time? Sorry i can't remember.
I still worry about having a baby this late in life. I just think it's asking too much and anything could happen. We should stick with one really. It's so hard isn't it? But yes you're right, it's ridiculous to go over the past,,why we didn't try sooner. I just knew i had to wait and hope. Thanks for your kind words. I truly hope you succeed too xx

Congratulations on your BFP! @EC22 keeping everything crossed for you.

Big congratulations @EC22 I’m keeping everything crossed that this one sticks and you have a smooth and trouble free 9 months :) x

Good luck @EC22 I really hope it sticks! Xx

@BooseysMom no problem. I love that story and I think anything can happen so it's worth believing and being ready.

I literally got pregnant before we'd really tried at 39 on our honeymoon. Found out just before Christmas. It was a shock as I have mild pcos and irregular cycles so thought it would take much longer.

By six weeks I was full on vomiting and struggling to keep food down. The doctor kept saying I was measuring big and due to the sickness it could be twins. At 10 weeks I had a tiny bit of spotting so we had a scan. The midwife wouldn't refer as I was clearly showing lots of symptoms and very pregnant. We paid privately just in case and were really excited to see our baby. Turns out there was no heartbeat and was measuring about 6 weeks.

My body wouldn't miscarry naturally so I had the surgery at 12 weeks. I was vomiting right up until the day after. Had to have a tube down my throat just in case. Hypermesis is usually a good sign so we were surprised. Apparently the placenta can grow even if baby doesn't causing all the symptoms. I got pregnant a few weeks after the surgery but we lost at around 5 weeks naturally. It's likely my body wasn't ready.

I think you were right too to wait until you were ready. You made the best decision you could at the time and the what ifs will drive you crazy. I really hope you get a lovely surprise now you're in a good position to have another. Xx

I got an unexpected bfp today, cycle day 50, I’ve had two lots of spotting which I thought was my period. Feel quite shocked and scared due to the bleeding. But crossing my fingers all goes well.

@Catconfusion.. thank you for your lovely msg. Sorry to hear about your hypermesis. What happened? (Sorry i have never heard of it). You're def doing the right thing not leaving it too long before ttc. That was our problem, we didn't try until we were in our late 30s and we'd been together 7 years! We were never in the right place to have a baby having always rented flats/houses where we were not allowed kids. Then we thought after years & years it's now or never and were so lucky we conceived DS after 2 early mcs. We then finally got out of renting and now it's too late for DC2.

But blimey...52!!! that is the most amazing story. The fact they'd given up and it just happened like that! You just can't imagine! Thanks for sharing this and giving me hope xx

Kristie - it might just be an off cycle. We all have them in our 40's. Next cycle will most likely go back to normal. Just ride it out. Stressful I know, just try not to panic

Catconfusion - I think people, unless they are in exactly the same situation, simply don't get it. They don't understand the desire, the hearbreak and the sheer panic of the time restraint. Rant here - we get you!

@CritterTamer I’ve had no stigma from medical professionals either, in fact very supportive. It’s more friends and people I speak too. They say things without thinking most of the time like: ‘you better get a move on if you want a baby’ or ‘I hope it’s not too late for you’. I’ve only just turned 40 and we’ve been trying since we got married in November with a mmc and mc under our belt so we couldn’t have tried any earlier. I wish people wouldn’t say anything about ttc and certainly not relate it to age. People just assume you’ll be pregnant a few weeks after the wedding. Actually I was but we lost that baby at 12 weeks so the comments people made burnt even more. I also had someone congratulate me on the two pregnancies we lost because at least we know we can get pregnant. It’s not really a consolation when you lose two babies though with no guarantees it will happen again. Xx

I've had two peaks so far this cycle. I've just stopped testing at this point. No ovulation. Bbt is all over the place. Near constant ewcm for weeks now. I'm starting to think something bigger is going on.

Have an appointment end of the month with fertility clinic but based on my last appointment, they'll be zero help.

Just need to stop thinking I'll ever be a mom.

Sorry, don't know where the word black appeared from in that last post - silly autocorrect has added it!

For those black ladies who are worried about it - I just wanted to say that I have received absolutely no judgement, sigma or negative comments off any kind from anyone (healthcare professionals or otherwise) about being pregnant at 40 and a new mum at 41. Indeed the midwives are completely used to seeing 40+ mums. My age was barely even mentioned throughout my pregnancy, with the exception of a couple of questions on the consultants checklists.

@BooseysMom thank you! I was really optimistic before our mmc after our honeymoon and mc after that. They were the results of our first two attempts so not the nicest intro to pregnancy though feel lucky we caught straight away. I had hypermesis with the first one so very ill. I still think we’ll manage to have one DC but I’m sad there probably won’t be time for two. DH and I have only been together 16 months so we started trying as early as we could.

I too feel a little scared when we do try. I guess either way it’s terrifying: falling pregnant/not falling pregnant.

I don’t think you’re too old to try and I’ve heard of ladies getting a lovely surprise later on. A friend of a friend got some tummy pains on the tube on the way home from the theatre with her husband. They were so bad he took her to hospital. It turned out she was 6 months pregnant and didn’t know. The baby was premature but survived and the lady concerned was 52. They’d given up hope long ago of having their own kids so it was lovely. Just ignore the naysayers and give it a go if it’s what you and your partner want.

I really hope it happens for you! Xx

Kimm.. don't worry, i don't mind telling seeing as we're all in this together! I'm 47 .. one of the oldest on here. There's one other the same age i think and the other I think left us not long back. I have a DS who is 5.5. I've been lucky in that he shows no interest in a sibling, however he does get bored and lonely and it's knackering trying to keep him entertained! Saying that he's the apple of our eye,.all the more special for being our only
Does your DS say anything about wanting a sibling?

@Booseysmom...if u dont mind me asking how old are u and have u got any children?
Sorry it just takes tooo long to go through the previous msgs...

Kimm123..thanks for your msg. Good luck with the reflexology. I've heard good things about that and acupuncture. I honestly don't know what to do next. Tbh i have done very little ttc because of our circumstances and i have been too scared to try too often. As the years go by, i feel more and more wretched and hopeless atm i'm in what i presume is my fertile window so should be dtd now! I've managed once so far. I stopped telling people irl about us ttc as i just got a whole load of 'what the fcuk are you thinking at your age?!' (From adorable sil) Also i commonly get 'have you considered adoption?' Yes we have and no we can't!

@Catconfusion...i'm with you on the 40+ stigma (see above). Hope you get your bfp. At just 40 you are in my mind still young enough to do it! Good luck x

@eloisa246... Great to hear you have a match so soon! Good luck with your journey x

@Russkispy..Wishing you every success too x

@sheshootssheimplores.. sorry about AF. But yes you're right..only one good quality egg is needed!

This thread fell off Threads I’m on 🙈, just need to catch up. So AF arrived yesterday. Cycle length 27 days which is fab for me. HRT has lengthened my cycle by 4 days so I think the likelihood of conception has definitely been raised. I’m not convinced I have any decent eggs left now at 44, but you never know! Only takes one 😜