TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

How's everyone doing?
11DPO over here and not testing unless af doesn't show up.
Have a few symptoms but still not sure

@Laney79 how strange, I'd take advantage of it just incase hun xx

Thank you @Lilimum6. You're so supportive of everyone here despite everything you have been through. I really hope your next BFP is your rainbow. Sans to everyone here, I agree that I too would be carted off somewhere or at least on anti-depressants if it wasn't for all you lovely ladies. I mean I was in a really dark place after mc #1.

@Frillyfarmer it has to happen for all of us. We all deserve our rainbow babies. Everyone is so strong on here. Hopefully your FB memory is a sign of another BFP soon for you and it's a healthy 40 weeks x

Just had a FB memory pop up of my 16wk bump from DS someone tagged me in. His conception was days apart from this bean and it's just pushed me to go down a memory lane I really didn't want to.

I'm fucking angry with the world today. Everyone on this thread is so strong and supportive and generally bloody marvellous. I want 2019 to be the year for all of us, I hope it fixes for us, but if I have to be here in another few threads, you're the most fabulous company. Xx

You know if it wasn't for this group and all you wonderful ladies I'd have been locked up in the loonybin for good. I feel like I can say every thing I'm feeling without the fear of judgement and feeling alone. So I would like to say a huge thank you and that I'm thinking of you all, keeping you in my prayers and sending huge amounts of babt dust.

@InDreamland oh hun I just want to wrap you up in cotton wool. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope DH will take what the doctor says seriously. Fingers crossed for good outcomes soon x

Thanks @Bluebelltulip

@TinyPaws I think he's finally taking some responsibility and gets that it takes two. I'm not sure though that he will ever understand what he's put me through.

@InDreamland I'm sorry to hear your news and a bit at your hubby tbh! His previous attitude stinks and I hope he's willing to face facts and make some changes now!

Just wanted to send you hugs @Indreamland I can imagine how frustrated you must be. Hope the upcoming appointments go well and that you can both help each other now you have a better idea what you are dealing with.

Thanks ladies. I'm just so upset. I feel like potentially we've gone through a lot of pain unnecessarily. Or should I say I've gone through it as clearly he thought is gotta be me because be was being an arrogant arse by refusing to even humour or indulge me and just try supplements and cut down alcohol anyway.

To top it off AF seems to have stopped and I'm only CD5, started Monday afternoon so this is a very short and light AF. I just want to scream.

DH had got private consultant appointment next week and GP week after. Think he's finally seeing what I've been saying for the last 5 years. He can't really hide from this one.

Oh @InDreamland I'm so sorry. What has your DH said following the results - is he accepting them and do you think he is willing to push forwards and try to find a solution or will he bury his head in the sand? I'm so sorry it isn't good news but at least now you do have answers and there are things that can be done to help you both xx

@InDreamland oh blimey sweetie after the month you have had it must be the tip of the iceberg X I can completely understand the emotions your going through. After we had been trying for a year my Dr told me to able to get referred for fertility that my DH must have his sperm analysis done as I had all of my tests done which came back all clear luckily he wouldn't refuse I think I would of gone crazy if he had refused. Luckily his results came back within the parameters. It will take time to digest and only way you both can get through this is by talking X

Thanks @InDreamland. If it doesn't work out this time this will be something I'll look further into. Fingers crossed you can get something sorted. Start with no hot baths for DH and no laptop on his lap as these are all things that can damage sperm apparently!!

@indreamland sorry to hear your results. I understand as my partner has poor sperm (but has a diagnosed condition so we have known a long time that we would struggle). We don’t know yet if it’s this that is causing the miscarriages or another issue that I have, hence our referral. It is a shock for you both but it’s also very positive because there are things you can do. I would both go to your GP and get the doctor to really push the vitamins and cut down on the alcohol. The vitamins particularly are extremely good for healthy sperm. Urogligist is also a great idea. Now is the time for him to stop burying his head in the sand for your sake as well as his own. It’s promising because I remember you saying you had good egg reserve, so if your DH can put some work in I’m sure your prognosis is good.

Sorry @Pop1234, don't think I fully explained. So just because a sperm makes it to fertilise an egg it doesn't mean it's a quality one and if it's damaged then it leads to mc. There is a strong correlation between recurrent mc and damaged/poor quality sperm. Fx you don't have to go down this route and your pregnancy is a healthy one x

Thanks @Lilimum6 @Raincart2017 @Pop1234. The reason he was tested was partly me pushing for it and partly the consultant saying that it could be sperm quality rather than anything to do with me. I wanted to be 100% sure it wasn't his sperm quality that was causing the mc's as I'd read that is often a factor in unexplained infertility or mc. I'm now very glad I pushed after years of him refusing to even take pre-conception supplements and saying it cannot be his fault we failed to get pregnant for 5 years then we have 2 pregnancies but ending in mc.

I'm so upset that after all these years this is likely to have been the problem and I felt like it was all my failing and there was something wrong with me. Now I feel like we've wasted all these years with heartache and so many emotions and me feeling like I'm 100% responsible for not being able to have a family but yet no answers on what was wrong with me as everything came back normal. All he kept saying was his friends all have kids so it can't be him when I asked him to cut down on alcohol and take supplements.

I've been through so much physically and emotionally. Invasive tests, litres of blood drawn, loads of scans, 2 pregnancies and 2 mc's. All he had was the upset when I lost our babies. I blamed myself for the infertility then the losses. I feel like I've been through hell and all along this could have been the root cause of our problems. I wish we'd known 3 or 4 years ago.

@InDreamland sorry to hear you had bad news, but I think it is possible to improve quality of swimmers.

We previously queried this at a private RMC clinic as DH had previously had a bad sperm result (low quality and count) with previous partner years ago. The consultant I saw said that if I was conceiving and conceiving quickly (which I was, first cycle) then they don't test the sperm. I hope you don't mind me asking, what made them test your DH? My partner is always paranoid it's him but i always say not after what the consultant said. Obviously because I'm currently pregnant (4th time) we won't do anything yet. But if it were to go wrong again, this will be something we look into.

@InDreamland thank you X yes the cry did help!

I'm sorry about your news i do hope they can do something to help X I have FX for you both xx

@InDreamland I'm sorry you've had bad news. I know you said ivf is out but the other option might be a possible fix. I'll keep you in my prayers xx

@Lilimum6 yes you're definitely still in with a chance. Keeping fx for you!!!!

@Mistymeow thanks, I'm gonna have to look into it. Fx for you this cycle if you're feeling ready.

So ..........DH finally got his DNA fragmentation results. Doesn't look good and there is apparently a strong link with mc's. Low quality plus not enough good quality swimmers. My head is all over the place! Recommendation is IVF with ICSI or he sees a urologist to hopefully get medication to help with sperm quality. I've told him he must get appointment asap with private urologist plus our GP. I have so many emotions right now and with mothers day this weekend I'm so emotional.

@Mistymeow thanks hun I was starting to feel very sad today about it. I hope things happen for you too

@lilimum6 sorry yes I meant you’re definitely in with a chance. I imagine because this is your first proper cycle that temps could still be a bit erratic (mine have been so I’ve given up on it this month). I really hope it’s successful! I’m still waiting for O but dh isn’t back until Sunday. It’s actually been good for me to take a break and recover but two weeks post erpc I feel ready.

@Mistymeow do you mean yes I missed it or yes I'm in with a chance. Yes I temp but it was all over the place this time

*positive opk! Sorry for my typos in the previous post.

@lilimum6 it definitely does, you want to aim for the day before ovulation. So if you got your positiven ppl, you are likely to ovulate 24-48 hours afterwards. Are you temping as well?
@indreamland @nirupa it’s a really useful technique. Not sure about the book which I haven’t read but there is something called Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) which may help. I did a course but it was for my career and I have to say it really helped, and has done for many years. It changed my approach to things, and I am a real cynic for things like this (self help books and the like). I have come across people who are practitioner of NLP and to be honest they do seem a bit like they are part of a cult, in the nicest possible way. But the core understanding I did find beneficial for my mental health.