TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

Oh congratulations @beaglemum and @frillyfarmer really lovely to hear your news!. Stay positive, it’s not easy to face into pregnancy again and more than happy for PM chat if it would help as you go through these stages. The pregnancy forums can be a difficult space to be in when you’ve had mc.

@raincart you have a second oestrogen surge after ov but before af so it could be that which doesn’t link to pregnancy or not. But yes, you do get leukarriah in pregnancy which is caused by left over hormone production. In a way it’s a good sign, you could be pregnant, or you are having a healthy cycle. Keep us posted.

Sorry lots to catch up on and still getting to read new joiner posts. Sorry to see you here.

Someone mentioned age, there is def a preference to assume ‘bad eggs’ if your older, but for the record I’m now 40 and have been pregnant 4 times in 16 months , it was an undiagnosed condition that likely caused my mcs which is now being treated and I approach the third trimester on no.4. For some of You struggling for longer its really good to see tests proving useful (@ indreamland) and understanding more.

We have to keep ourselves positive, healthy and in good mental wellbeing too xx

@Lilimum6 keeping 🤞 for you.

@AliceRR it's fine, I k ow what you meant and it is shit for all of us. Just having a down few days again. I just feel like DH and I have failed and I cannot accept a future without us having a child. I so badly want to have a baby I can bring home and see grow up and do all the wonderful things I had hopes and dreams of.

@Mistymeow @moonpeace thanks for your positivity. I need a kick I think.

@Frillyfarmer I'm holding out on testing, gonna wait for AF to show tomorrow. Show come on tomorrow going by my 12 day LP. I'm so muddled at the moment, I really desperately want a BFP but I know if I get one then I'll most likely be looking at mc#3 soon after. How are you feeling today?

@Mistymeow you're being very restrained with the testing! Fingers crossed it's a bean and not a long LP!

I'm not great, had some brown discharge when I wiped this morning. Will just have to see how it plays out.

Thanks for asking @frillyfarmer I’m doing ok, still no sign of af. This is a very long luteal phase for me (16 days) but I guess things can go whacky whilst the hormones settle down. How are you feeling? I may test again in a few days.

@Mistymeow also meant to ask how you're getting on?

Thanks for all the messages ladies xxx

Sorry to see so many new names on here.

@InDreamland how are you doing? Any news?

Hi @ikphillips - don't mind at all! It was 26 days after erpc, my normal cycle is 28 or 29 days so not far off for me although I know it can vary. It's been a fairly normal period in terms of length, bleeding and pain and I am thankful for that as it's
I am sorry for your loss - I imagine our experience was fairly similar - so awful thinking you are carrying a healthy baby for more than a month only to find it is not the case!

Thank you @Raincart2017 - really helpful site.

Reading back through all the posts in this thread I'm crying like a baby. So much loss and yet such strong women! So much respect to you all x

@ikphillips I found info on here to be very helpful. https ://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk

Also I found that my normal 28 day cycle started the day after the bleeding stopped from my MC x

Also hugs to everyone and for the newbies i'm sorry for your losses xxx

Also a quick straw poll if no-one minds... did anyone struggle to find any sensible information about miscarriage online? Other that Mumsnet people of course! I left the hosp after ERPC and no real support tbh (other than lovely friends and family) x

Hi all, hope you don't mind me joining too. I had an mmc 4 weeks ago at 10+5. What a horrendous experience.
I have a healthy child so feel very lucky for that but now got the 'ttc post mc panic'. Don't we all!
@coconutlatte44 do you mind me asking how many weeks it took your AF to return? X

Sorry I've been quiet for the last few days I've been focusing on exercise to help me with my mental well-being trying not to focus on this TWW. So AF is due Saturday and have had sore boobs and vivid dreams since Sunday. I've also been getting a watery/ milky CM at the same time.

I had this when I was pregnant before and read it's called Leukorrhea if you are pregnant. Just wondering if any of you lovely ladies have had this before getting AF? I'
As i'm thinking about testing tomorrow because of these symptoms!

Hi everyone, hope you don't mind me joining!
I'm 32 and TTC #1 after a mmc (anembryonic) & erpc at 8 weeks last month. Was absolutely devastated for a few weeks but have somehow managed to get on an even keel and while it's still on my mind a lot, I am mostly at peace that things just didn't work out for us this time around - the baby did not develop past a very early stage and it was never going to be a successful pregnancy.
My first period post erpc has just arrived and we have discussed ttc again but are going to try to do it without too much planning, tracking, etc - just see what happens. I am definitely anxious about how I will react if I am lucky this time around - I was so over the moon when I found out about this pregnancy and I just can't imagine being able to feel that excitement again knowing about what could happen.

Glad to have some people here to chat to who are in/have been in this situation.

@moonpeace Thank you. That made me feel better too. I’m 35 and I know that’s not “old” but that used to be the point people used to say it started getting more difficult but it is so true that people have babies later now, people live longer and I don’t think something changes on your 35th birthday...

I know I’d like more children but have mixed feelings about it and would you believe still haven’t actually dtd since we lost our daughter in Feb?!? I’m sure I should be banned from this board for claiming to be TTC when I’m not even dtd. I’m on CD 5 though so not ruling out trying this month 😬

@Squiff70 I think any loss IS different of course. Just as if each of us lost a sibling to or a parent at some stage it would be a different loss depending on when it happened, how it happened, what or relationship with that person was. I think it is a bit different to have an early miscarriage than it is to have a loss later or just as there are differences in having a baby born alive and then dying soon after as compared to a stillbirth but ultimately I think we all have some understanding in each other in having lost a pregnancy or baby. That’s all I meant. I try not to compare losses in that sense and certainly wasn’t suggesting anyone knows EXACTLY how you feel and vice versa and wouldn’t suggest any one person’s loss is worse than another.

Having said that (and I know this is not the same), my husband and I are having counselling following the loss of our daughter. We have been discussing related issues regarding his children (not my children) and the counsellor was saying that that is a loss and a bereavement too (the fact he doesn’t live with them and have the relationship he would have liked, even if he chose it or played a part in it). I really resent that comparison. I understand it’s difficult for him but don’t accept his children living a bit of a drive away is the same as my daughter being in the ground and I never got to see her eyes open... At least he can see them. All I can do is visit my daughter’s grave.

Hi.. can I join.

Me:
29 (30 in 4 weeks)
TTC since January 2019

Just after we decided TTC I found out I was pregnant, 2 days later I had a miscarriage.

I have just had a BFP, but have brown spotting and twinges in my abdomen. I am terrified that this is another miscarriage. I was referred for an early scan where they couldn’t confirm a positive or negative it said I would be approx 5 weeks, so had bloods taken yesterday and I’m going back tomorrow for more to see if hormones have increased. They took a pregnancy test and they said it was a faint line. Has anyone else had this experience? I’m sending positivity to everyone who is TTC..

Thanks @Squiff70, I'm just struggling in general as we all are.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I'm here if you want to chat x

@moonpeace your post has made me feel a bit better! I'm 37 in September and age is a worry but all the Drs I have encountered have said this isn't an issue.

@Squiff70 I completely understand your words. I am struggling and often feel no one understands me because my second loss was ectopic. It's affecting me in ways my MC didn't. And I don't think people who haven't been through that can understand. But it's not to say we don't all feel our losses and heartbreak. And none are greater losses or heartbreaks xxxx

Thank you for your reply @Catconfusion. I have never seen through ERPG or had a silent or missed miscarriage so I can't pretend to understand everything you've been through either. Sending hugs and empthy your way xx

I'm so sorry for your loss @Squiff70 I completely agree with this post. I have a friend who had an early loss years ago during a casual relationship. She already had her first child then. She acts like she understands the missed miscarriage of my first baby just after my honeymoon at 12 weeks with an ERPC. She does not understand. Neither would I profess to understand her situation back then. It was completely different and heartbreaking for different reasons.

No one can know how it feels. Like you say empathy and being there is the most helpful support. Unfortunately when going through a loss it seems people come out of woodwork who profess to know everything about it. My friend thought it must have been better to choose to have surgery rather than go through it naturally like she did (she was too early on anyway). I didn't choose the surgery, my body wouldn't let go of my very much wanted baby.

Sorry @Squiff70 for the rant but it really annoys me. My heart really goes out to you as it must have been so traumatic to get that far along and twice. You deserve support and kindness rather than know it alls! Xx

@Bluebelltulip thank you - I do hope my post comes across the way it was intended. I am so truly sorry for the loss of your daughter x

@Squiff70 I think I understand what you are trying to say. We all have some common experience in that we have all lost babies however we are all in different situations. So we have some common feelings but don't know exactly how each other feel. I lost my daughter at 32 weeks and my mil has been very keen to say that she doesn't understand but has some idea as she had a late 1st trimester miscarriage, but I don't know how she felt either. Also we could (really hope no one does) have another loss at the same point and still feel completely different. All we can do is support each other the best we can. Sorry for the loss of your babies x

@AliceRR - not really. (Trigger warning coming up, sorry...)

My friend who had a miscarriage at 5 weeks says she knows what I went through. I'm sorry, but she doesn't. I only know what it's like to have to have, lose and deliver two babies at 19 weeks naturally (not the same as a 5 week miscarriage even though a M/C is heart breaking at ANY stage of pregnancy). In that same respect I wouldn't pretend to know what she went through losing her baby at 5 weeks - she'd only known one day that she was pregnant and I can't imagine what a crushing effect that must have had and the fear she felt in her next (and thankfully successful) pregnancy.

Likewise I would never pretend to know what a parent of a full-term baby must be feeling to have lost them like you lost your daughter. I won't pretend, sorry. It's not about whose loss is greater - we've ALL suffered loss at 5 weeks, 19 weeks, 40 weeks, less, more, whatever, but we don't know what each other went through and are still going through. We can empathise and offer comfort but we don't know what that was like unless, God forbid, we have been through it ourselves.

I really hope I haven't upset or offended anyone with this post - that's the very last thing I would want to achieve. Like I said, it's not about whose loss is greater or more devastating because they're all individual and all completely devastating.

Sending you and everyone on this thread love, strength and hugs today xx