TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

Sorry @Catconfusion I didn't realise it was started in pregnancy also I didn't mean to say that you couldn't be upset by it. It's hard seeing people doing things that you wouldn't in pregnancy and definitely feels unfair. I was just saying that continuing exercise is generally ok for anyone that wasn't sure.

@Bluebelltulip and @strawberrye weightlifting is part of marathon training started during pregnancy. It triggered me and I think that's valid. X

@Lilimum6 I'm so sorry you didn't see another rise today. Feel free to post your chart. It's so upsetting sometimes. Please try not to let it affect your day too much. I know that's hard but I've missed out on so much life over the last few weeks due to my temps getting me down. X

I agree with strawberrye it's about existing levels. I was told I could keep kayaking when I was pregnant with DC1, the boat made me feel more sick though so ended up stopping anyway.

Similarly I wouldn't take up a new exercise whilst pregnant that my body wasn't used to. For example I wouldn't start running whilst pregnant as I'm rubbish at running and don't do it regularly. Any exercise is potentially too strenuous if your body isn't used to it prepregnancy, and the reverse is also generally true - that exercise you are used to prior to pregnancy is generally safe in pregnancy.

@Catconfusion OK I'm now in bits I don't think it happened no temp rise what so ever today. I really feel like quiting today

@catconfusion that's exactly the point though - if you are used to weight training prior to pregnancy it's no more strenuous than any other exercise. That advice stems from he fact that the majority of pregnant women aren't used to lifting heavy weights so shifting boxes whilst moving is akin to starting a weight training class when pregnant and if you've never done it before www.babycentre.co.uk/a7878/weight-training-in-pregnancy

I completely get your point @strawberrye and I would definitely advocate exercise in pregnancy and continuing normal fitness activities but in moderation if strenuous. What I don't understand is how weightlifting is ok. I researched lifting furniture because I was pregnant when we moved house and the advice seemed to be to not lift anything too heavy. We got in extra help so I didn't have to.

Tbh was more this persons attitude that got to me and our previous history which is difficult to get across on here. Xx

@Laney79 thank you for posting about the advice for sperm health, that's really helpful. Thinking of you on your due date today.

To add devils advocate to the discussion about exercise in pregnancy, the advice is generally to continue doing what you were doing before (high-risk things like scuba diving obviously an exception to that). To be honest I think exercise in pregnancy helps for a healthy mum, healthy baby and keeps condition ready for labour. If someone is used to weight lifting and running prior to pregnancy I think it can only be beneficial to continue - obviously avoiding things that may risk damage to bump.

Also I would be in the go in the steam room camp. If it helps relax you and you're not in there for ages then I'm sure it'll be fine. I've been in this TTC game for over 18 months now so I think giving things like weight training up is more detrimental to my sanity than my TTC efforts!

@frillyfarmer I completely get what you're saying. I took my pregnancy a little bit for granted. Weightlifting and a marathon seems a bit extreme though. My friend rides horses and she rode through her first pregnancy with no troubles. She's since had two losses completely unrelated to horse riding of course but has stopped during her current pregnancy. Having a loss really does make you want to take any extra precaution possible. The person I referred to in my earlier post just made her pregnancy seem like an inconvenience and it wound me up.

I've decided to do a two week wait detox of social media. I'm actually on the fence about a bfp but I'm determined to practice self care so I'm prepared for both scenarios and can be happy whatever the outcome of this cycle is. Last night made me realise social media has been zapping my energy and I want to focus on me right now, close friends/family and the lovely ladies on MN for my social life Xx

@mylittlebunny I'm sorry your friend is also shit. I've really distanced myself from mine since she ruined my weekend away, you need to look after your mental health and she was just buggering with my head!

@Catconfusion I think actually a lot of people take it for granted if they're lucky enough to not have had a loss or struggled. I had four horses eventing up to 12 weeks and I rode out until I was 26weeks with my first born - I absolutely will not be riding this time round.

@Laney79 think of you today on such a difficult day - be kind to yourself.

@Lilimum6 all good here thank you. 4+4 and quietly terrified the same thing will happen again. I've just got to wait it out and not drive myself too crazy in the meantime.

@Laney79 I like your DH's approach that it's a day to celebrate bow but of course it will be a sad day. Plans of lunch and spending time together also sound good. Thinking of you today.

I'm meeting a friend later who somehow I haven't seen since very early in DC2's pregnancy, she messaged me the other week to ask how I was getting on with 2. Will be nice to catch up as despite lack of contact recently we are normally quite close. My ring with some of my daughter's ashes in also arrived yesterday and I cried happy tears for the first time since her death.

Arh @Laney79 I'm so sorry it's a difficult day for you. I hope you and DH have a nice lunch together to remember and honour Bow. I'm just tearing up thinking about your journey and how far you've come with so much pain. Please don't ever lose hope.

I too have a lovely pregnant friend who had three losses in the past but is 26 weeks gone. Shes been a rock for me. I'm really mindful of the fact she needs to celebrate her pregnancy too. I always ask her how she is and how she's feeling. I've found pregnant friends who can appreciate the pain of this are much easier to be around. I do however have another friend who had a couple of very early losses years ago who thinks she knows everything about miscarriages. She didn't get to 12 weeks and need surgery so I don't think she does.

I guess my point is pregnant friends can be supportive and easy to be around but also some can make you feel worse. In the same vein friends who have miscarried can be super supportive or difficult to be around. The good news is we get to pick who holds our hand through this difficult ordeal. Xx

@AliceRR I have decided to still do whatever I want in moderation. Therefore I have a cup of coffee each day, and a couple of glasses of wine each week. I personally would go to the sauna if I wanted to, but just not cook for hours in there. I believe that general physical and emotional well-being is a really important part of TTC. Everyone is different though, do what feels right for you x

@AliceRR I don't avoid everything I would in pregnancy but do avoid other things. I don't worry about going over the caffeine intake but don't excessively have it either. Will drink alcohol but again not in excess. Most of the food I don't eat anyway. I do avoid medications that aren't recommended. I probably wouldn't use the steam room in tww.

Yay @Lilimum6 you can join me. I got another rise today so definitely ovulated. I'm 2 dpo and will stop temping once confirmed in FF. I'm with you on avoiding things not recommended in pregnancy. I find coffee a challenge though. I know they say one is ok but after two losses I'm not willing to risk anything! Xx

@AliceRR it was so infuriating. There's not many people I don't get on with but she's the worst person to make a pregnancy announcement, if you could call it that. It came across as more of a complaint she's not been able to train as hard and nearly had to drop out of her marathon because of the baby.

Personally I'd avoid the steam room during the two week wait. It's not advised in pregnancy so I'd want to start avoiding now. It's also just in case something goes wrong so I don't blame myself (even though probably wouldn't be the steam that caused it). Xx

@AliceRR I treat my body as if I'm already pregnant, I figure if something is not good when pregnant then it can't be good for you if your not pregnant. I don't drink alcohol at all, no caffeine at all, I take multi vitamins, good diet and avoid hot baths/showers as over heating is bad for you anyway it raises your blood pressure. I'm probably ott but if and when I do get the bfp I won't have to worry about what I can and can't do because I always do it anyway lol

Well I think I actually ovulated today lots of cramps / sharp pains in my left side. So I get to start tww tomorrow.
@frillyfarmer @Laney79 @moonpeace @Mistymeow @AliceRR @Catconfusion
@mylittlebunny @Squiff70 @Avf88 @Bluebelltulip and all you ladies I haven't mentioned I'm thinking of you all and hoping for a better future for you all.

@Catconfusion It makes it worse when people who don’t want babies get pregnant and get to keep their bakes

@mylittlebunny Your friend sounds v insensitive. Especially at 2 weeks it’s not as if she needed to tell you yet. I’d tell her (8( you want to stay friends) or I’d be minded to ignore he texts if you don’t feel you can say

This is probably a silly question but do you avoid things while TTC that you shouldn’t have when pregnant on the off chance. I don’t drink v often or eat a lot of other foods that or not permitted so that’s not a big issue. One thing I was wondering about is the steam room. I’ve started going to the gym again and been enjoying using the steam room and sauna. I plan to the to go to the gym every other day even if only work out for half an hour and and then go in the sauna etc as it relaxes me (I’m off work atm so have time to do that) but it just occurred to me maybe I shouldn’t be using the steam room especially several times a week if I’m TTC but then it could take months (or longer) to get pregnant. Would you avoid it on the off chance?

I know @moonpeace it really changes you. I feel like a recluse because I can't handle social situations. I worry about everything when I used to be laid back. I miss me too! I'm sorry you feel this way as well! Xx

@mylittlebunny that's awful. I'd have it out with her as that's so insensitive. Doesn't seem like a good friend to me. Tell her you'd rather not talk with her about her pregnancy as you're coming to terms with the loss of your baby. I think it's totally understandable. Xx

Thanks @AliceRR it wouldn't surprise me if the person I've referred to doesn't want her baby. I just don't get the mindset of someone who would weight train and run a marathon probably in heat while pregnant.

Thanks for reassuring me I'm not being immature. I try my best to be happy for people who are pregnant, especially after losses. It's just tough like you say when people don't look after themselves or seem like they want their baby.

I think you did the right thing to delete your uni friend if you don't see her often and she isn't very nice anyway. Xx

@Frillyfarmer I have had a similar experience.

I miscarried at 6 weeks last week and my best friend knew about how I struggled with this. Me and hubby have been trying for baby number 2 for some time.

My friend was told about my miscarriage and 3 days later she txt me to tell that she was 2 weeks pregnant. since then she has txt me everyday re: can she eat this or that when pregnant, asking when she should go to the GP, and other pregnancy questions.

Im happy for her but cant help but feel hurt for her lack of consideration for my feelings.