TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

You don't need to say sorry MyHeartIsBroken it is perfectly understandable for you to be feeling this way and if you can't express that here then where can you.

You have nothing to be sorry for. This thread is for all of us to share as we wish to and it’s not ungrateful at all. Even I have mixed feelings about TTC this month as I feel is panic if I actually get a BFP this cycle and would probably think the worst. Keep talking to us if it helps but likewise don’t feel bad if you want to take some time out for a few weeks / months xx

Thank you everyone and sorry I have just hijacked the thread by being so self involved!I am still crying! I actually don't want any blood tests - I had them last time to 'reassure' me after the miscarriage and they doubled/increased perfectly. Only the scan revealed it was ectopic so I would rather just not have any false hope and be prepared for the worst. I think I am entitled to an earlier scan this time at 5 weeks (the one with the ectopic was 7/8weeks because I pushed for one as I kept bleeding). If I even get that far. Right now I just want to bury my head in the sand and pretend it's not happening so I don't have to think about it I'm sorry if that sounds ungrateful and insensitive to you all as I know how much we all want BFPs. But I just can't cope with the anxiety I should be happy but it's all changed now and all I feel is fear

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue so glad you took the test, and the line doesn't look faint at all. Of course you are worried about ectopic, and pregnancy hormones will make you feel worse, it's completely natural. Can you give your GP a call and discuss your worries? Perhaps they might offer a blood test? A lot of EPUs offer early reassurance scans for women who have had previous ectopics. You will get through this. Sending warm congratulations your way, I hope this is it for you x

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue Sorry you are feeling this way. It’s completely understandable but that’s not the most likely outcome and a positive result is the first step on the way to what we are all working towards. Will you be seeing your doctor to set your mind at rest as much as possible? Is there anything that would make you feel better / less worried right now?

Congratulations @MyHeartIsBrokenButIHaveSomeGlue. It must be very hard to feel positive but right now all you know is that you are pregnant. Do you have anyone GP/Midwife you can talk to? I can't imagine that you would struggle to get some reassurance once you progress further x

Well they didn't have FRERs, only Rapid Response... I haven't used these before but there you go...

I am petrified of another ectopic. Another loss would break my heart but I could deal with it. However, I only have one tube left and I can't loose that too. I'm convinced this will end badly.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue sorry you're so upset. Will it make you feel better to get the test out of the way now? Would waiting cause you to have a poor night's sleep? I think as you are already late the FRER should work at any time of the day, and I would be tempted to get it out of the way as it's clearly causing you so much upset. Maybe do the test after a two hour hold (if you can?)

Yes came up in time frame but is super super faint. I think I can see a pink tinge... Going to go out and buy some FRERs but not sure if I should test today or wait until tomorrow? I'm utterly convinced it won't show anything as this is barely there! Ive been crying all morning as at this stage I'm more scared of it being positive and the implications than it being negative Luckily I'm working from home today.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue that looks very promising, although I can’t quite tell if it’s got any colour to it. Did it come up in the time frame? Those tests are notorious for being super faint, I wouldn’t worry about the strength. Usually an evap line on those is thin, but your line isn’t. If you are late a frer even without fmu will give you your answer. Good luck!

@MyHeart I can see a faint line. Can you get out and get yourself another test?

Hi all. I'm totally stressing out so sorry for the selfish post. AF didn't arrive on Friday, I thought it had but I just had two days of very light spotting and only when wiping. I have just done an IC and think I can see a very faint line. Can anyone see it? Does it look like a line or an evap? Petrified it's another ectopic because it's so faint. No other symptoms what so ever!

@fnej01 Thank you. I’m not sure strength comes into it sometimes. We all have these circumstances thrust upon us and we do our best.

@Mistymeow I didn’t test again yesterday so I had a strong (but not positive) line Fri and Sat and then a lighter line yesterday. I think I’m just going to test again today around the same time and see. If I’m not being lazy about it I could try twice a day. It’s my first cycle of trying I’m trying to be somewhat relaxed about it and think there is a chance of a BFP this month but if not (and I am certainly not expecting to be pg this month) then maybe I’ll try to pinpoint ov more closely with OPKs next month and maybe I’ll get the hand of temping 🤷🏻‍♀️ On the plus side I haven’t found the OPKs to be the massive faff I thought they would be

My DH and I also find keeping I got busy around the house and garden has helped us a lot

@KnitKitty lovely to hear from you. Sounds positive that you have a treatment plan. Fx the next baby will be a sticky one you can bring home with you.

@AliceRR ditto what others have said, you are so strong. Enjoy the undies shopping.

I think I need to go undies shopping and throw out lots too. I was going to last year but then got pregnant....twice ......and everything kinda went on hold. I really struggled yesterday and had a good cry. It's just the comments and knowing so many people think I should just get over the 2 losses and move on and be ok now. I'm just finding it so hurtful and feeling so judged like I'm not ok to feel like this but no one can tell me how I should think, feel and react but I can't say it to them.

@aliceRR how are you getting on with the opks? The one step tests took me a few months to get used to but once I got the hang of them I found them really reliable. Hope you find the perfect bra today :)
@tinypaws good to hear from you! It’s tough to hear that there isn’t anything rmc can fix, I’m fully prepared for that too when I go. But maybe this does mean it really was “bad luck” (hate that term) and the next baby will be a healthy one. Hope you find a better clinic, are these London ones? So many to choose from.
@fnej01 yes I feel very lucky that he is the consultant at my local hospital. I can’t fault my care so far. My GP is incredible. I hope you don’t need to see him and your treatment means a healthy pregnancy.
@knitkitty yes I’m fairly sure it’s related to ovulation (I’m 5 dpo) and it’s intermittent burning and stabbing pain. I don’t mind the pain so much but I’d do anything to get that cyst to go down. Will try the compress, thanks for the tip! Regarding distractions, is there a holiday you want to go on this summer? I’m in the US in June so that’s taking my focus. Also reading a page turner and a box set is good for unwinding. I’ve done some DIY and the garden is next, this is a great distraction because I find something physical stops my mind from going to sad places.

Morning ladies,

@AliceRR hope the bra shopping goes well. I really do think you an amazingly strong woman after all you've been through, I think I would just be in a crumpled heap still. Also I have changed hairdressers to avoid lesser things than that conversation.

@KnitKitty glad you are getting ready to start TTC again. My prescription says pessaries can be either way. I have to do morning and night. I don't like the idea of the rear entrance, but I've seen quite a lot of people say that is most practical for mornings. I will find out in a few weeks 😬.

@Mistymeow great news that you are getting to see Dr Shehata. I hear great things and he is definitely my plan c, if nothing else works out.

X

@AliceRR definitely I find it harder saying that she died to someone for the first time than I do talking about what happened.

@Bluebelltulip I know I’m probably overthinking. It’s just some days are hard enough without dealing with how to tell people. I feel like I need to come up with a standard blurb... or even lie! I thought about saying “my mum” when the dentist asked who was looking after the baby but then maybe that works better with someone you are not likely to see again 🙄

@AliceRR I went to the hairdresser's a couple of weeks after DD2 died and didn't say anything even though I know they will have noticed. The next time I went in was for DD1 and mentioned it in conversation, got the standard sorry then moved the conversation on. I think they didn't want to bring it up but I walk past several times a week so they would have noticed.

@Bluebelltulip I find it so awkward. I wouldn’t mind talking about what happened if not for worrying about other people’s feelings. It makes me worry about going out.

I want a hair cut but worry my hairdresser might remember I was heavily pregnant when I saw her at Christmas! Again I don’t mind talking about what happened but she’s a young girl and I know she wouldn’t know what to say.

Hope on laws visiting is not stressful for you

@AliceRR I had the same question from the dentist too followed by shoulder patting which I found uncomfortable. I've not been brave enough to go shopping, been making do with what I have.

AF is due somewhere between Thursday and Sunday (used to be predictable to a few hour window), got PIL visiting next weekend which could be awkward.

@Knitkitty I hate bra shopping too. Don’t know why but it feels like hard work. I couldn’t keep wearing maternity / nursing bras though, which were all that fitted me, and probably not that supportive

Even bra shopping though, as I was wearing maternity jeans, the woman who asked me asked am I have a baby? I said no I had one recently. She asked if I was BF. I said no. And that was that.

Not as bad as when the dentist asked me who was looking after the baby on Thursday! 🙄

Sorry I am rambly again

@Yukka I tested around 5pm Friday and got the dark line, around 2pm yesterday and got v similarly dark line and today around 5pm got a fainter line. I realise it could be as simple as having had more to drink before today’s test. I got something like 90 strips for about £12 on Amazon so cost wise I don’t mind testing several times a day but it is slightly faffy and I try to do it when DH is not likely to find my pot or pee in the bathroom 😂

I am going to try Bravissimo. I have a shop in the city near where I live so I’m going to go there and try some on

I have so much in the way of beauty products at home (I have been a bit of an addict to buying that kind of stuff but have cut down) so have been trying to look after myself more in doing face masks, using body scrubs and moisturising my body every day after a shower. As I went to full term my stomach is still not back to “normal” so I’m hoping scrubbing and buttering will help my skin

@alicerr what times of day were you testing? Research says women mostly ovulate late in the day or overnight. When I found this out I started testing more and my strongest lines were 11pm then I’d have ov pains at 5/6 am. I could have missed it if not for testing more, 4 or 5 times a day even. Expensive but worth it....

Underwear, bit pricey but Bravissimo on line has some stunning stuff in bigger cups.after 3rd mc I shopped there, the Mac counter and a few beauty treatments. Helped me feel good about myself again and in turn got the magic going in the bedroom again. I tried to think (and talk) about all the things we did when we first met. That helped too x

@fnej01 I can imagine it does take a bit of time to get your head around it all. I think everything is looking really positive for you for when you next try though. Fingers crossed for a honeymoon baby.
Yes, everything else came back normal.
I'm feeling positive about trying the progesterone. I was going to ask for it but the gynae offered it before I even mentioned it. He said to take vaginally, which I prefer the idea of than rectally; but I hear using them rectally might work better, so mulling over that one. Got a bit of time to plan and think about it anyway.

@AliceRR I hate bra shopping. I had to do the same last week. It's tough getting used to your body's changes, but I hope getting some nice new underwear helped with that.

@TinyPaws I imagine you are feeling a mixture of relief and frustration about that? On the one hand it's great they didn't find anything wrong; on the other they haven't fixed anything so that probably doesn't help with your nerves for trying again... How are you feeling? Are you trying any other lifestyle changes or anything to help you feel in control a bit more? I read It Starts With The Egg and have cut down on plastics and stuff in a bid to feel like I'm doing anything I can to help be successful next time.

@Mistymeow Aww thanks. I've missed being around too, but I was struggling a bit with not TTC and felt I didn't have much to contribute while on my (longer than expected) break. It is helpful to have people around who understand about TTC after loss.
Sorry about your boob situation. Are they in constant pain or is it intermittent? Have you tried massaging them or using warm or cold packs on them to sooth them? Is it the nipple or the boob? And are you wearing the right size bra? (I get boob pains when my bra doesn't fit anymore, and with the pregnancies mine have fluctuated a lot over the past year); so it could be coincidental with the lump?
My advice would be to try a cold pack, wear a non-wired bra even at night to give them some support and maybe massage them gently to see if it helps. Might just be hormone changes if you have recently ovulated. (How recently did you ovulate, could you be pregnant again?)

AF turned up 4 days early this month, meaning I've just had the shortest cycle I've ever had (25 days). Very odd. Not sure why... They've been consistently 29 days for about 6 months.
I'm hoping this will be my last cycle of not trying, assuming I start my meds this cycle. It should mean I can start trying in June; which sounds ages away, but I'm sure it will fly by. I will just have to find distractions.

What distractions are keeping you ladies busy these days?
I need new ideas because my sister's wedding, which has been keeping me occupied for months, was two days ago. It was a lovely, lovely day. But now I'm starting to think I need something else to look forward to, plan or organise to keep me from obsessing about TTC again!