Page 21 | 35+ TTC#1 Thread 6

BambiOnIce80 · 2019-02-28T07:44:34+00:00

Spring is in the air and it's time for a new thread! Basically: a wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the TTC journey when trying for a first baby after 35. Here's hoping we get some spring BFP luck for all of us!! 🍀🐣🍀🐣

beverlymarsh · 10/04/2019 20:38

Good work @Bambioneice80!!

Carley32 · 10/04/2019 20:08

🙌 haha excellent @BambiOnIce80. Well that talk certainly helped you. Thank heavens for WhatsApp 👍.

On the semen front.... Oh bloody hell 🤦‍♀️ It’s sad to say, but Netflix was just looking so much more appealing!

Original poster

BambiOnIce80 · 10/04/2019 19:22

A couple of my friends have gone with the "if it ain't broke don't fix it" approach @beverlymarsh and are still very much so loving their lives (and their disposable incomes! 😂). Before your DP tears himself up about a result he has no control over, maybe check out that HFEA add-on test link about sperm DNA damage/fragmentation - I think you'll find what it has to say interesting.x

The 'old sperm' thing can definitely be a problem with SA @Carley32 - we know from first hand experience! 🎈 🤦‍♀️ DP didn't read the guidance and abstained for more than 7 days on his first SA and his results came back abnormal. Followed the guidance on the repeat (mainly because I got involved 😬) and the second set of results were fine 👍

... And I'm pleased to report that good old WhatsApp had the desired effect - DP was literally ready to go as soon as I got through the door this evening! 😯 One DTD in the bank for FW! 🎉😈😄

OP posts:

Carley32 · 10/04/2019 19:15

That’s what I thought.... well we are doomed either way then. Because it certainly hasn’t been within a week (or even 2) and our appointment is Sat! She just said 2/3 days. But is it bloody 2 or 3 🙈 bloody hell!

beverlymarsh · 10/04/2019 19:01

I think old sperm can impact the results as they start to disintegrate (I think....)

beverlymarsh · 10/04/2019 19:00

@carley32 when is the SA test? We were told to abstain from 4 days before the test but no longer than 7 days before. So basically say the test was on a Monday, the last day that we could DTD (or he could have “alone time”😂) would be the Thursday before, but no longer than 7 days before. So basically el spermo has to be at least 4 days old but no more than 7 days old. Clear as mud??! 😆😆

Carley32 · 10/04/2019 18:54

Just a question.... so I was told on the phone when booking semen analysis that we should refrain from sexual activity 2/3 days before, is tonight to late?
Only asking because I’m worried that because DP is full of very ‘old sperm’ it may impact on the results?

Carley32 · 10/04/2019 18:51

Thank you for the links @BambiOnIce80, I’ve saved to my reading list for later. The clinic that came up on the first link is actually the one I’m going to Sat 😊.

Ooo I do love sneaking it in through a message 👍. I find that much more sense and open hearted easy comes out that way (minus the big fight). Well because of the appointment Sat me and DP had a chat of our own and both agree that the pressure on us to dtd is so immense that it is now a scary thought rather than an enjoyable one, we are stuck in this rut and can’t find a way out. DP is really willing to try everything and anything, it’s me that holds back because my anxious brain just goes into overdrive during this time!
Well I hope DP takes it all on board and gets a move on in time for FW for you @Bambi 🤞. Although I’m with you on the Dinner, Netflix, Bed front lol. I’m also sure the lead up to Ov makes me a little crazier than usual too lol.

@beverlymarsh sorry you’ve had shitty news. Hope you are ok. I think we all go through phases of the ‘can I really be arsed with all this shit’ lol. It’s a bloody mind 🤬.

beverlymarsh · 10/04/2019 18:20

Oh meant to say: dna fragmentation isn’t done as standard on the nhs and so when he had his nhs tests, was told everything was fine, when it turns out it’s not.

beverlymarsh · 10/04/2019 18:19

Sorry to hear your news @Venusstarr, thinking of you and husband 💐 hopefully now you have the bicornate diagnosis, there may be something to be done which will help you next time 💗

As for me, the IVF people just phoned DH with the one test result that wasn’t ready in time for our appt yesterday: sperm dna fragmentation. The result on that was outside the “normal” range and could well be a factor in all this. DH is gutted and moping about saying he’s “defective” and it must absolutely suck for him but for me, it changes nothing! It may well mean IVF/ICSI is our only option, but we have decided to take some time out to think about how much we can even be arsed with the whole thing anymore 🙈neither of us has ever been hellbent on the whole idea, it was always a “nice to have” but after my freak out yesterday (which actually went on all day pretty much) I’m wondering if actually, we are better off with a “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach and just carrying on as we are!

@bambioneice80 your knowledge and advice to folks on here is great! Also, I totally know what you mean about the private IVF clinic being money-making machines - we are with a private clinic (we abandoned our NHS referral due to the success stats being so low) and it does feel a bit like a conveyor belt and I am under no illusion that they are providing these services out of the kindness of their hearts!

Kescilly · 10/04/2019 17:50

Just popping in to say I’m sorry @VenusStarr, and thinking of you and your husband.

Laney79 · 10/04/2019 15:24

@QuantumGirl I'd check your ccg policy too, see what that says about when your gp can refer you and to where-I would never have known I was eligible for treatment if I hadn't asked my ccg direct as the policy was really badly worded for my area. Xxx

Original poster

BambiOnIce80 · 10/04/2019 15:20

I knew I'd probably bottle it later @Carley32 when I get back from work knackered and wanting bath/dinner/netflix/bed, so I took the path of least resistance and slipped the topic into our WhatsApp chat when an opportune moment presented itself 😬 It seems to have worked in that he has acknowledged the sex strike is indeed over and it's not been fair that DTD has all been on his terms for the last couple of months... I guess we'll see later if any effort is made to rectify the situation 😏 On the self-funded NHS front, I scoped it out by finding my nearest NHS clinic on the HFEA website (link below), then going to the NHS clinic website and found the self-funded information there (screenshots attached to give you a rough idea of pricing at my NHS clinic):

www.hfea.gov.uk/choose-a-clinic/clinic-search/

And it really is hypervariable regarding if a private clinic will fling a load of add-on suggestions at you. Some don't, some certainly will. If you're in any doubt about if what a clinic is suggesting is scientifically proven/worth it, the HFEA has done all the heavy lifting for us and has a user friendly traffic light system to indicate if a test/treatment has sufficient evidence regarding its effectiveness:

www.hfea.gov.uk/treatments/explore-all-treatments/treatment-add-ons/

Sooo pleased I can help a little bit @QuantumGirl! 🤓 Never sure if I'm being more pushy/opinionated than helpful! 😳

@VenusStarr been thinking of you lots 💙 I know there is no glass-half-full to be found with what you're going through, but I hope them having found the bicornuate uterus means they can be proactive/help you moving forwards.xx

OP posts:

Laney79 · 10/04/2019 15:19

Oh @VenusStarr I'm so sorry xxxx

QuantumGirl · 10/04/2019 14:56

@BambiOnIce80 and @Laney79 your advices are worth their weight in gold 🤩. I feel a complete idiot for not realising that self-funded was on nhs 🙈. I did a quick search and I believe that for Hertfordshire the options are either Cambridge or Guys and St Thomas hospital in London and on a parallel note Google also tells me that the waiting for the fertility clinic in my area is 19 weeks 😭.

@BambiOnIce80 I couldn't agree more with you and thank you so much for sharing that link with me. Your advice is always always very much appreciated 😊😉.

@VenusStarr sorry about your news but glad your drs are helping you. 💐 to you and your DH. This is temporary, there will be happier times ahead 💛

Carley321 · 10/04/2019 14:42

Great news with your appointment @Laney79 i'm glad you are feeling positive and finally have the ball rolling.

*@Bambi*OnIce80 oh dear.... the awkward chat! We've had a few of these ourselves lately. I hate them, I always wonder which way it's going to go, will it turn in to arguments and more bad feeling or will we talk about how we will move forward and be patient and try this that and the other but never actually follow any of it through. I dread how hard it seems to be to stay calm and not scream at DP!

Rant over! lol. Good luck with your chat @Bambi.

I'm so sorry @VenusStarr. big hugs to you. xxxx

I know @QuantumnGirl, it's so hard to know what to do for the best. especially when you feel you can't trust either. Doctors are so snowed under that their answer to everything is time, and then private clinics are private so gain from actually finding something wrong. It's all such a head .

@Bambi how would you go about paying privately through the nhs?

pitterpatterbaby · 10/04/2019 14:16

Thank you all x tested again today and it's definitely positive so fingers crossed now xx

Laney79 · 10/04/2019 13:39

@QuantumGirl well based on my experience yesterday I'd say if you can afford it pay to see a gynae/fertility dr privately. AND get the GP to refer you to fertility on the NHS if you are eligible.

The one I saw was suggested by my gp...he does his private work but crucially also works for the nhs funded fertility centre in our area (they do nhs and private funded ivf ICSI too). So basically as a result of paying to see him yesterday I've managed to bypass the first stage of the nhs referal and as time is very much against me that is really important. I didn't know that would happen as a result of the consult but it's a great benefit in my opinion.

It was quite clear he thought with my test results and my age (40 in July)and history of MC that IVF is the thing that will offer the best chance of a baby. That's despite catching twice in 14 months. He thinks my ovaries are starting to fail.

So if I was you I'd look at your local nhs fertility clinic, see if they offer private consults or do private work...if not then get the gynae consultants names that work there and see if they do private work via their own clinic or Nuffield. That's effectively what I did.

Ultimately though if you aren't having periods for that long they should just refer you to a gynae to see what's going on-because if it's sudden changes they should be investigate regardless if your plans for a family. Xxx

Original poster

BambiOnIce80 · 10/04/2019 11:46

Sounds like you've got an overwhelming amount of information to hand and decisions to be made @QuantumGirl. More than happy to give you my two pence worth, but it is only my opinion - please feel free to ignore it! I have to put my hands up straight away (disclaimer! 🙌) that I'm pretty jaded about private health care anyway (very bad experience with a family member in the past) and reading up about the uNK cells stuff recently hasn't helped at all 😕 The private infertility industry is exactly that - an industry making large profits based on hope. Some of them (but not all of them) seem keen to maximise profits by advising unproven tests/treatments that couples desperate to conceive will snap their hands off for in a bid to increase their chances of success, even if there's no solid science/evidence behind it! I think my biggest wake up call was this debate paper that actually called itself "First do no harm" because it felt IVF docs needed the reminder!

academic.oup.com/humrep/article/30/7/1519/653309

Now the disclaimer is out of the way (😉), let's get down to it. On the gynae referral front, is that the most appropriate route if the doc has found your AMH to be low? I would have thought that'd be an immediate referral to the fertility clinic 🤔 The problem with the latter is that, regardless of where you are in the country, that's unlikely to be fast (for example, my first appointment took 4 months from referral to appointment date). Even if they say they'll refer you for IVF on the first appointment, there may well be a waiting list for treatment (it's apparently up at a year in my area at the moment, for another example). In a nutshell, if you're losing your patience then the NHS route probably won't be rapid. However, if you're distrustful of private clinics/don't want to pay private prices, have you looked at self-funding through the NHS? From what I've seen at my local NHS clinic the prices are cheaper than the private clinics and you'd be offered exactly the same as you would on the NHS, so no frivolous "add-ons" that aren't accredited by the HFEA. You also bypass the waiting times if you're self-funding.

Not sure if any of this has helped (apologies if it hasn't! 😳), but good luck with your decision making 🍀🍀🍀

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VenusStarr · 10/04/2019 11:42

Thanks for your messages of support. Just a quick message. Miscarriage confirmed today as complete. Dh has taken it really hard 💔😢 I'm actually OK as I felt it had gone. Bicornuate uterus also confirmed and they're still concerned about the fibroids. My left ovary is apparently waking up 🙄 but will see what the gyne consultant says tomorrow about when we can safely try again x

QuantumGirl · 10/04/2019 08:32

@Laney79 interesting appointment you had at the ivf clinic. I'm also considering it 🤔

Oh gowd @Carley32. I don't know which GP is worse, mine or yours. I checked my private health insurance and they don't cover menopause or fertility and they want to see the GP referral letter before they can send me to a gynae. However when I picked up the GP letter last night together with my test results (hooray 🥳) it had the words 'fertility' and 'menopause' in it. Now here are my choices and I need you guys to help me choose what to do:

1- Call the GP and ask for the letter to be amended - not sure if they will like/do it.
2- Amend the letter myself (naughty I know but it would be very subtle changes)
3- Tell the GP the private route didn't work and please refer me to the fertility clinic on the nhs. Not sure how long it will take
4- Book an appointment with the private fertility clinic for £200.

I must admit I am feeling rather desperate. I haven't had a period since January and it's very odd as I've always been regular. I have already lost 3 months of trying this year 😢 and i can't seem to find anyone who wants to help me. I'm sceptical about the ivf clinic as I can't help thinking they are money making machines with sales targets. I'd love to find a dr who can help me conceive naturally. Do they exist? I'm planning to have one child only and if I go for ivf and it's successful does it mean I will need to go back on the pill after that? After all no one have told us we can't conceive. It's a catch 22 but I'm losing my patience 😤🤯

Original poster

BambiOnIce80 · 10/04/2019 08:04

I'm feeling excited for you about Saturday @Carley32 😊 Surely you don't need a gynae and a fertility referral? The fertility tests will pick up if anything is untoward gynae wise, so surely that'd get the ball rolling, if it's even necessary 🤔 And remember - if it does pick up a fertility issue (which it hopefully won't 🤞🏻) then you'd be eligible for treatment on the NHS regardless of how long you've been TTC (that's the NICE guidance, anywho 🤓). It does indeed feel like rejection in my head too 😔 We haven't had another frank chat about TTC stress since DP came off shifts (because I naively took it as a given that normal service would automatically be resumed 🙄), but it looks like that chat is going to have to happen. There's been plenty of frank chats about IVF and that game plan, but nothing about TTC in the meantime... looks like I'm in for an awesome evening of awkward conversation when I get home! 😏

Sorry you're cramping @CNizzle 😔 I'm feeling totally "crabbit" about the whole bloody TTC thing at the moment!

@Laney79, the peaks and troughs of this whole process are mental, aren't they?! Very exciting news at your end! 🤩 During our IVF game plan discussions last week I floated the idea past DP that if we go self-funded we should probably aim for IVF in July/August... He definitely went full-on bunny-in-headlights! 🐰 It's the financial stuff though, more than the IVF that made him go pale - makes me go pale too, to be fair! 😨

OP posts:

Laney79 · 10/04/2019 06:48

@pitterpatterbaby that looks like a positive to me! Congrats.

@VenusStarr hugs for today. I'll hope on your behalf for good news xxx

Well had my appointment with the private consultant last night. My fella described it as one of the best dr consults he'd seen-was very impressed with him. Basically ran through a bit of history with us both (I thought it'd just be me as I was primarily there to see if he could help look at my hormone results and irregular periods) and spoke about my losses, test results, the fact that my results are suggestive of my ovaries beginning to fail and that in his opinion time is of the essence and that IVF will give us our best chance. He's one of the consultants that covers the nhs fertility clinic we've been referred to. As we'd been to that appointment he says we can now bypass the first nhs appointment as he's effectively done the history bit. He's sending me for a couple of blood tests including AMH, and he'll get his secretary to find my referral and book me in for a scan of my ovaries etc. Other half will need a couple of sperm tests too. But he's fast tracking us through the system.

So I've gone from having very little hope two weeks ago, and feeling let down, to suddenly being on a bullet train to ivf...I'm like a rabbit in headlights. It's fab I'm getting help and that my fears over age and results have finally been listened to, but man is this a head f**k. I always said I didn't want to/couldn't do ivf, especially with my phobia...and here I am, knowing that if tests go ok, I'll be having treatment by mid July. I'm petrified!!!

@beverlymarsh So totally get the tears at your appt! I was just swimming with all the info and the reality of it.

@Carley32 Good luck with your appointment - in all honesty I think mine may turn out to be the best £240 I've spent.

@BambiOnIce80 I totally get the can't be arsed bit! Fingers crossed your oh gets his mojo on xxx

CNizzle · 09/04/2019 21:40

Hey all, just catching up.
@pitterpatterbaby congratulations!! This has been a very lucky thread recently!
@beverlymarsh I know what you mean about it being a bit too fast. Unfortunately I'm never gonna get fasttracked cos my bmi is still way too high (33), next appt at ACS is in may. Desperately trying to lose a stone (Or two!!) To get it lower. Although I don't seen to be making much headway despite 3 spin classes & 2 kettlebells classes a week. Plus the gym instructor checking my myfitnespal account and monitoring my food intake :-(
Thought we'd timed it perfectly this month, bd on 5, 3 and 1 day before ovulation (confirmed by temping) , 10 dpo today, and I've just started with the mega cramps and a bit of light spotting. Meh. AF will be here by the morning.
I think the only word that adequately describes how I feel about myself currently is a great Scottish term "SCUNNERED" (Although it's probably mostly hormonal!)

Carley32 · 09/04/2019 19:31

I know that feeling @Laney79.

I know she made it all very confusing @VenusStarr @BambiOnIce80 the charge was for a referral letter to go private so I’d have to pay £30 for a letter before paying private. It confused me a little. But i’ll Try this on Saturday and go from there.

Although I am doubting myself and because i have such weird periods, wondering if it would have just been better to go straight to a private gynae!? I guess we get a semen analysis out of it though.

That is disgusting @QuantumGirl I am raging for you. It’s a hard enough journey as it is! Hope you are ok 💐

Hope your ok @VenusStarr 💕 xxx

Congratulations @pitterpatterbaby xxx

I known that feeling @Bambi I don’t know if I can handle anymore rejection (well in my head kind of rejection) or awkward feeling. Mind you I’m only CD5 so probably have another month before FW lol.
But you never know maybe DP will surprise you!