The July 19ers - The rollercoaster continues, scream if you wanna go faster

rather yeah, it's quite lonely. I'm deciding whether to switch jobs and try and find somewhere more international but I worry I'll just have the same problem or worse. Plus we're TTC so not the best time to switch jobs.

That's so annoying about the beer and the wasted test. Are you going to try the other FRER this morning?

Oh @rather how annoying. Did it saturate the window bit of the test? If not it might still be usable?

It must be so isolating when everyone speaks a completely different language @Kinsters, I don't know how you do it. I like what your DH said though - resilience is good. It's very true.

Had a massive argument with DH this afternoon. Went food shopping & came back to a fridge full of leftover alcohol from Christmas that MIL gave him. He's literally filled the entire fridge up with beer. I very very rarely drink (especially at the moment!) and he will maybe have one beer every other night at most. So a quick job putting the food away took an hour as I had to unload, no lie, almost 40 bottles of beer from the fridge & find a home for them. Apparently I'm "overdramatic" and "immature" for getting annoyed about that... then obviously it escalated.
Only one single packet FRER left in the shops... grabbed it. I got a BFP last pregnancy at midday with a half hour hold so thought I'll just do it now and see what happens... thought I was bursting for a wee... and sorry if tmi but literally a dribble but enough for the test to be used and now I'm really pissed off with myself for wasting a test 😡

It is bad timing with DH's work. I don't have any support out here really, basically just FIL and BIL neither of whom we told about this latest loss. I do see them pretty much everyday though so I'm not totally alone. The main thing getting me down is work. It's so depressing sitting alone all day. I can cope with it when everything else is OK but when other areas of life go wrong then it seems so much worse.

As DH said, we don't need to aim for happy right now. Just resilience until we can get through this. I guess that's OK for now as we've really not been trying long.

Also DH re-checked his itinerary and isn't back till the 22nd which will be CD16 for me so I think next cycle is definitely out which hopefully means holiday is in! DH just needs to convince his boss for the time off...

Fx for you this cycle rather!

Tigsy you should get less tired in a few weeks though right? I think that's what everyone says, that the first and third trimesters are tiring but the second is OK.

I'm 6+3 today x

Oh bless you @tigsyboo how many weeks are you now?
I'd love to... but I honestly feel like I'm going to come on at any second 😢

Already too late for the tired bit @ratherbeshowjumping ... I'm bloody shattered!! Been having 10hrs sleep every night plus a nap most afternoons for last few days. I'm exhausted!

I waited till dpo11 to test with a frer.... sure you can't be tempted?? X

@Kinsters what awful timing with your Dh going away. Glad you've got your cats. Have you got any other support out there? Hope you are starting to feel a bit better. Xxx

@BettySwoll0cks sorry your DS's sleep has gone backwards again... hope last night was slightly better!

@Pegase I'm sure you will fall pg again speedily x have you managed to have any "horse therapy" yet?

@tigsyboo yay congrats on the offer!! As Kin said, hopefully you can get most of it done before you get too big (and tired!).

DH is convinced I'm pregnant - this horrible cold has struck me really hard and I've in bed by 8pm most evenings (what a bundle of fun 🤪) but I don't have any of the symptoms I had last time at all and I genuinely feel like AF is going to appear any minute (due on Tuesday) so keeping strong and not testing until the witch is late 💪🏼 also can't afford to buy 4 packets of FRER every month 🙈

Yeah not happy about the whole reset time. At least this time I will be more knowledgeable about ov tracking so fingers crossed to get pg again without too much delay.

Just on the tube and there was a newborn crying. Actually thought I was going to start crying myself as I wanted to be the one with a newborn so much.

It does. I now need a referral for DS to help us sort out his breathing while he's sleeping, I can tell it's going to take forever, I reckon I'll end up going private as usual 🙄

That's terrible Betty. The NHS really does move at a glacial pace.

@kin I was referred to the RMC in Cambridge before Christmas and I still haven't had a letter back yet....

Congrats on the offer being accepted! Hopefully you can get the bulk of it done in your second trimester while you're feeling OK.

Yes, we're both 28 Tigsy so have plenty of time really.

@BettySwoll0cks I'm lol-ing at the no soft play!! I fucking hate those places!!

@Kinsters if you feel you would benefit from 'normal' time off ttc I completely get that. What I remember is that you are both quite young (?) so it's good you can take that. Hope you get the support from dr when you go.

@Pegase so sorry it's still making you suffer hun. There are no words to make it better. Just know I'm thinking about you

Well it's fucking pissing it down here, fuck taking the dogs out!!
Went for a meal with the in-laws last night and it's like I've got no off switch I'm fucking ravenous! Feel horribly bloated today though for it!

Oh.. and we've had an offer accepted on a house!! Needs work and some room rejigging and walls knocking through - I must be mad!! 😂

Pegase yes, I'm going to try and hold off testing next time. We're probably going to skip March because I don't think DH will be back in time anyway. If we do that we can take some time out to go diving in April (if DH can get the time off work).

InDreamland I'll be sure to let you know if I find that crystal ball.

Betty sorry you had another bad night's sleep. I'm surprised how long it takes to get back to normal. I lost this one so, so early but I still feel pretty drained at the moment.

I didn't go see my dr in the end and had a lie in instead. We're very lucky that healthcare here is pretty much obtainable on demand so I can go see her and probably get any relevant tests done on the same day. Though I'm not sure she'll have the same experience as the RMC people in the UK.

@Pegase that's one of the frustrating things about mc isn't it, it takes such a long time to get back to 'normal'. Having fallen pg in Oct last year this is still only my second month for ttc.... it basically wiped me out for 4 months.

Hope everyone has a good wknd planned. My DS was up every 2hrs during the night again so am absolutely shattered but will have to come up with something to do today that I can handle. And not fucking soft play

I think we all understand @Betty. When we were at the EPU for our first pregnancy/mc the were some pregnant women standing outside smoking and I felt like screaming and slapping them. I'd just lost my baby and there they were still obviously pregnant smoking away.

@edidxb just waiting for results from my NHS blood test and DH's DNA fragmentation at the private clinic.

@tigsy is good you have a reassurance scan.

@Dartmoor that's great news ans such a relief for you as it must take off the pressure.

@Kinsters this is just the shittiest thing to go through. Definitely ask for all the tests possible when you see your doctor. If you find that crystal ball can you let me know as I'd like too have a go too.

Very sorry @Kinsters. I swear when I can TTC again I won't test until about AF is a month late as having the hope snatched away is so cruel. Although I know that won't happen really because it is just so tempting.

Still bleeding here and on sex ban post ERPC so no news at all

So pleased he’s changed him mind for a while @dartmoor, great news.
I often think of that crystal ball scenario too @Kinsters. These things are ridiculously challenging but life goes on and we make of it what we will. The more time spent dwelling the less time progressing ay. Glad you’re being positive hun x

He's off on Sunday for ten days 😭 at least I have my cats...

I think the only thing that would make me happier is someone telling me that they could see into the future and see me and DH with a happy family! I'm OK though, we can get through this.

Yayyy @Dartmoor that's absolutely fab news. So thrilled for you!

@Kin I was thinking of that girl too whilst reading @tigsy's post. Awful child.
I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. I literally have no words, I genuinely don't know what to say to make you feel better. It's so sad and it sounds like you have been really strong so far I hope your DH doesn't have to go away any time soon and can stay home and look after you? xxx

And like that guinea pig murdering child you had to deal with Tigsy! Symptoms are so finicky, they seem to come and go for loads of women.

Ah that's great news Dartmoor, must be a big weight off your shoulders.

Haven't seen @TwittleBee for a while - hope you're doing ok and not too stressed with your work situation x

I'm pretty emotional this evening. I think I'll wait a couple of weeks before going to see my dr, I just know if I go tomorrow I'll be a sobbing mess and it'll be embarrassing and awful for everyone. The healthcare system here doesn't really do appointments so I can just turn up at her office whenever I feel ready. I don't know what I'd want from her really. I guess just to talk about whether I should be getting any blood tests to check hormone levels, maybe see if she can scan and see how my lining looks and whether there are any obvious fibroids or uterus issues etc (though I'd have thought anything like that would be visible on the scans I had when I MC'd).

@DartmoorDoughnut I knew it!!!! Yes!!!!

Really sorry @Kinsters sending you (((hugs)))

Fingers crossed @ratherbeshowjumping we could do with some more good news!

I have good news, DH and I chatted last night, all v calm and no drama and he’s agreed to cancel the appt for the snip obvs I hope I conceive (and stay pregnant!) ASAP but it’s such a relief having the pressure off of this cycle being my last chance! He’s a diamond ❤️