Page 28 | The July 19ers - All aboard the rollercoaster for a 3rd lucky thread

TwittleBee · 06/02/2019 09:42

oh well Frazzle I have actually taken a back seat and left it to my DSis and DDad to sort out for us! Too stressful for my anxiety

TwittleBee · 06/02/2019 09:42

Frazzle yeah I did mean more marriage counselling than therapy or CBT. If you find a good mediator then it creates a really good space in which you can both listen and talk to each other with the mediator just there to ensure you both dont get into an argument and remember to see each other's view points. Thought it might help DP to remember to not take it out on you when he is down. They also give you great homework to do between sessions, mum really found it useful as it helped her find her own sense of self worth and see who her DP is.

A few of us "youngsters" in a previous job actually was sent on a Life Coach course for a few days to help nurture us and ensure we have the confidence to flourish into successful business people for the company - must admit it was best few days I have had for gaining confidence and the right mind set. Some aspects of that company I do miss, the commute is not worth it to consider going back though.

I have had shit counselling, CBT was the worse I have had. Had quite a range due to my MH. So I do appreciate it is very hit and miss

Original poster

Frazzlerock · 06/02/2019 09:40

@Twittle how's 'LandstealingGate' going?

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ratherbeshowjumping · 06/02/2019 09:27

Oh Frazzle I'm sorry he's being an arse. It sounds like he's disappointed, frustrated, upset... on top of feeling ill. I hope he comes around, I'm sure he will. Sending a big hug to you. And to you @Rose68, it sounds like things are rubbish for you.

Agree with you Frazzle re the therapy. I had counselling after the first mc & whilst she was lovely, I felt no real benefit & got nowhere. She was a "listener" & I just sat & vented for 50 mins. Whilst that's great, it doesn't solve my problems, my problem is that I'm not pregnant, and no amount of venting is going to change that.

Original poster

Frazzlerock · 06/02/2019 09:05

@Twittle yeah we have both tried counselling alone and together in the time we weren't TTC. I struggled with it tbh. I can''t seem to get much help from it by repeating over and over what I am feeling. I saw several therapists. One just sat and listened and there were loads of really awkward silences. Another told me she doesn't know what to do with me and that "you just need a baby" and another was again just a listener and I found it frustrating 'picking the scab' constantly, you know? I also had CBT which was bollocks. We did Relate but it was so expensive and I felt the therapist was quite one sided and started blaming my upbringing for my desperation for a baby (and not the fact that I had lost two babies )

The only thing that was starting to work for both of us is the Life Coaching I did with my friend's husband. DP saw him too and got good stuff out of it.
He basically got me to a place where I was 'okay' rather than at rock bottom. It didn't take any techniques, just acceptance that I had feelings and they were okay to feel. I didn't need to keep going over why I was feeling that way - and he and my friend both laughed at my therapist blaming my upbringing - my friend has known me since I was 6 so she should know!

That video I linked to @Tigsy when she was going through shit is a good one. I need to watch it again, and so does DP. The speaker is a colleague of my life coach and he makes so much sense.

@Rose yes the blue line is ovulation day.
I'm so sorry you feel shit. This is all so unfair xx

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Rose68 · 06/02/2019 08:51

I haven’t heard the baby swinging news either, why would anyone do that?!

Frazzle, is the blue line ovulation? If so it looks like you dtd at the right time to me. I’m sorry dp is so low, hopefully another job will turn up very soon. I really hope he didn’t mean what he said about ttc.

As for me, I just want to find a dark hole somewhere.

TwittleBee · 06/02/2019 08:46

oh Frazzle it is horrid isnt it when people start taking things out on others because they feel depressed. Has he tried counselling? Have you tried it together? It has helped my family and friends relationships massively. Well done for staying strong regarding the TTC potential plug pulling. He sounds like my DH in regards to wanting to stop TTC whilst there is job uncertainty and hopefully he will get a job soon and things will start going back up.

As for FF, it wont recognise it until you have 3 temp rises so you need a temp rise tomorrow for it to predict Ov, which I reckon will happen. Also you have BD exactly right time if Ovusense has predicted right (and looks like it has!)

As for the news, it was on the BBC News App this morning! I always check the news app as soon as I wake up.

Original poster

Frazzlerock · 06/02/2019 08:36

Sorry my post was mega long!

This is my Ovusense chart. Ovulation looking good but not sure about BDing (the blue dots along the bottom. The red dots are period/spotting)

The July 19ers - All aboard the rollercoaster for a 3rd lucky thread

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Original poster

Frazzlerock · 06/02/2019 08:35

Morning all,

@InDreamland wow, what a mixture of emotions that must bring. Like others have said I hope you can stop blaming yourself now. What are the steps to improve sperm count?

@Tigsy Fantastic news lovely! You guys must be thrilled! How are the children? Are they pleased?

@Kinsters this is so frustrating! I hate all this limbo stuff. I guess one bitter sweet thing if you get your AF, is the fact that your LH is longer than it was before. I hope you don't though!

@Twittle no I've not seen that news. I never seem to read/hear any news that you do! I listen to the radio every morning and never seem to hear the stuff that you find. How awful!

@Betty looks like we are TWW buddies!
Though I am not holding out much hope for me. I really don't feel confident this time around.

So yesterday was a bit of a shit storm.
DP text me as usual and said I seemed really smiley first thing yesterday morning (when I was hoping for some BD). I told him ina jokey way that I was really horny and tried to climb into bed with him but he was so tired and had a sore throat so I left him in peace. He jokingly responded with "Might have known it was sexual" and a laughing face.

Anyway, he had clearly been letting that piece of info eat away at him, plus he didn't get the job near my office so he went downhill fast. All the while keeping texts jovial (we text eachother a lot throughout the day usually).
So I get home and he is depressed and tells me I only want him to breed with and then decides he isn't going out "because you don't want me to" (ie, he knows I want to BD - last chance and all that). I tell him to go and that I am happy to drive him and pick him up. But no, he doesn't feel like it.
He spends all evening barely speaking to me - I'm in the dark about whether or not we are going to BD or not so I'm inwardly stressing that we will miss our final chance.
He then tells me that since the call with that job he now thinks we should stop TTC but "that is all you care about" - Strange given I am his rock at the moment and have been, pretty much, since we got together, despite my own mental health issues while we weren't TTC

He sat deleting thousands of emails all evening. I eventually said I was going up to bed and he said he was going to finish up what he was doing.

I thought he'd follow soon after but he was there 2 hours later - I woke up having tried to stay awake and fell asleep but woke again and realised he still hadn't come to bed.

So, I have learnt that when he gets depressed he takes it out on me so I am not going to rise to any of it. I am also going to try really hard not to stress about him pulling the plug on TTC - though we all know he's done it before so...

So I haven't slept very well as everything is always ten times worse at night but good news is I had another temp rise so I think I can safely say that I have ovulated. I just hope you're right @twittle in that BDing the day before ov and not again is a good thing.

I'll post my ovusense chart, FF is, once again, not recognising anything yet.

Like I say, though. I am not confident about this at all. Just something that makes me think it didn't work again. Maybe its the lack of BDing throughout my 'ovulation window'....

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ratherbeshowjumping · 06/02/2019 07:54

@InDreamland I'm glad you're finally getting answers & it does sound like IVF could be available to you which is as good a shot as any. I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through, you truly have had it tough.

@tigsyboo CONGRATULATIONS!!!! What a result. You ARE a credit to those boys & they are so bloody lucky to have you! Thrilled for you & DH 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

@Kinsters what a rough time you're having! Keeping everything crossed that you had a late implantation & that's why the tests aren't picking up. 🤞🏼

@TwittleBee god that's horrific! I saw in the news yesterday the lady who killed her newborn with a pair of scissors has been convicted. Thank god. I wish people like that could read threads like these & realise the heartbreak couples go to have children, only to treat them so sickeningly. Disgusting.

Kinsters · 06/02/2019 06:48

Omg that's terrible, don't understand how people can treat their precious baby like that.

You're probably right with the ics - the last lot I got were ultra sensitive so maybe I have an unrealistic expectation of the performance of ics! I'll try another digital if AF doesn't turn up by Friday. I really hope this nausea isn't a new normal tww thing for me!

TwittleBee · 06/02/2019 06:27

You seen on the news about that couple that have been detained for swinging their 4 month old baby around by its legs as a Street Performance? Bloody sickening! Surely babies joints are delicate at this stage as their growing so rapidly?

TwittleBee · 06/02/2019 05:57

Oh YES! I am so relieved for you and the kids tigsy ! Hope she doesn't cause too much hassle now it's been ruled.

Kin firstly, the ICs have never picked up a BFP for me till like 20dpo and even then they were faint. Really hope this ends in a BFP on a digi for you. Good luck with your long drive home! Bloomin hope AF doesn't show up on, although she does like rearing at particularly awkward times.

Kinsters · 06/02/2019 02:55

Sorry for the multiple posts! I just can't get over how flat my chart is... I usually have peaks and troughs all over the place. The only previous one it looks like is my pregnancy chart. I just want my period or a positive test to get me out of this limbo! Though whilst AF remains away I can still have some hope which is nice.

Just about to get into the car for the three hour journey home. Maybe if I don't put a pad in then my period will start! Though when I felt my cervix earlier it was quite high and there was no blood up there so it surely wouldn't start so quickly.

Kinsters · 05/02/2019 23:13

Reading around I'm wondering whether the pregnacare has lengthened my luteal phase. That probably wouldn't be a bad thing as it is usually 10 days which seems a bit short. I also usually have some luteal phase spotting at the end which I'm pleased not to have this time.

Kinsters · 05/02/2019 22:59

As expected test was massively negative this morning. I used an ic and another cheap strip test I got yesterday. Not going to bother wasting the digital. I'm going to try and stop testing for a couple of days now. I'm sure AF will come along soon.

BettySwoll0cks · 05/02/2019 22:37

Brilliant @tigsy!! Congratulations. That's really something to celebrate!!

BettySwoll0cks · 05/02/2019 22:36

@InDreamland I really feel for you trying to make sense of all this, especially after the years of blaming yourself for the anguish of your infertility as a couple. This is going to be super tough on your relationship, I know how mad I am with my DH for missing 2 sample appointments and not taking his supplements and I would be in pieces if I were in your shoes. On that though, did the specialist suggest that you might have a better chance at a successful pregnancy if he could improve his sperm count/ quality? You mention ivf but I wasn't clear on whether maybe this could be something he could positively work on?

Also, I really hope that this will help you to let go of a bit of the self-blame. Infertility is rarely anyone's 'fault' but as you say there is a large dose of blame that goes along with repeated failure. This is not your fault.

Rose68 · 05/02/2019 22:36

@Tigsy that’s amazing news! You will give those boys a wonderful home. I am so glad the judge didn’t go for a 50/50 split.

@Indreamland, I’m so sorry. Why do all men have this attitude, or am I generalising massively here. I’m surprised what they said about ivf seeing as you have conceived twice in the last year, that doesn’t seem infertile to me. x

Kinsters · 05/02/2019 22:31

Tigsy that's wonderful news!! Massive congratulations to you and DH!!

And Twittle I'm so so happy that your scan went well and everything looks great!

Betty fx for ovulation tonight. That dtd timing sounds pretty perfect. That's great that DH managed to fix his screw up.

rather not surprised you're feeling shit about that, hope your pizza was nice.

InDreamland that's really tough news to hear. I guess it will take some time for your DH to process the news. Hopefully now he'll start taking more responsibility rather than sticking his head in the sand. There are loads of things he could do to improve sperm count though I'm not sure about dna fragmentation if the test shows that - when will you be able to get it done?

AFM my temp is still up today at 12dpo and FF is now saying I can take a test so the answer should be definitive. I took one last night though and it was negative so I don't hold out much hope for this morning. I think I must have ovulated later than the app says - but then why do I feel so sick? It's just like when I was pregnant, feeling sick which is relieved for a bit by burping (sorry tmi!). I've had slight nausea in the tww before but nothing like this.

InDreamland · 05/02/2019 22:29

@tigsy that's brilliant news! Congratulations!

tigsyboo · 05/02/2019 21:59

Oh my god ladies.... WE FUCKING WON!!
Dad has full custody of the kids and mum has contact 3 x per week!!
She got SLATED in the court by the judges and we got told we had provided a safe and stable home for the boys and were a credit

tigsyboo · 05/02/2019 21:57

Oh m

InDreamland · 05/02/2019 20:55

Well this morning was mixed emotions. DHs semen analysis showed low count which he's upset about. So we're gonna get sperm DNA quality tests done too. Had bloods for AMH and should have results back by end of the week. I asked about NK cells testing but being discouraged from the tests as they said whilst they do it there is little evidence to back up effect on pregnancy, IVF and mc. I have been told to start taking Q10. I'm trying to process everything today. Feel like I've spent the past 6.5 months feeling like and believing the mc's were my fault and also the 5 years TTC before the first pregnancy were all my fault, like there must be something wrong with me. DH refused to take any responsibility, moaned about the mens pregnacare when I asked him to take them, refused to cut down on alcohol and basically said nothing wrong with him. The semen test he had a few years ago showed it was just within the normal range but on the lower end so I wanted to do everything to maximise our chances but he was adamant it meant he was fine and didn't need to do anything which has made me feel like the past (almost) 6 years and the 2 mc's have been all my fault and that he also was secretly blaming my body. That's why I went into the consultation today basically adamant I wanted NK cells testing but consultant said it is so rare, plus there's little evidence to support claims of testing for it and then treatment if found that I was being talked out of it. I need to try and process all this in my head. Sorry if I'm rambling. I just don't know what to think or feel anymore. Was also told that given how long we've been infertile (despite the 2 mc's last year - it's still infertility because there's been no live birth apparently) that IVF is really the only think that would be suggested.

Pegase · 05/02/2019 20:35

Lots to catch up on but just wanted to say - yay @TwittleBee so glad scan was good!!