Page 14 | The July 19ers - All aboard the rollercoaster for a 3rd lucky thread

Original poster

Frazzlerock · 15/02/2019 12:06

@Betty I got FRERs too - I bought three double packs. I will use them next cycle if I need to. Although I never test before AF so I'm not sure how much use I will get out of them!

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Original poster

Frazzlerock · 15/02/2019 12:05

@Indreamland I don't understand the flashing smiley thing as I have never used one. Isn't CD15 early for ovulation? Or bang on? Or is this late for you?
I don't know as I don't ovulate until mega late, but I still tend to ovulate despite it being late - please excuse my ignorance!
When I look back on my temps from when I was TTC DC2 many years ago I ovulated at around CD49.

I don't know how I feel about that ISIS woman a sI've not had chance to read about it. That poor baby though
And yes I totally get what you are saying about babies being born to the people who least deserve it - life is a cruel bastard with no rhyme nor reason to anything.

@tigsy Ha, maybe they are the same person! You seem so much stronger than me though, I just end up a crying grovelling mess, I can't argue back as it makes it a million times worse, and it is impossible to argue with him anyway. He is super bright and switched on to everything, whereas I question everything I have said and done. I much prefer to 'fight' by text as I can see what I have written and what he has written so I can't second guess myself. That is what we have done today, and it seems to be sorted now. Though I obviously apologised again and again because that is what I do. I hate hate hate confrontation, but he is very good at it and says it is healthy.
I try and cope with it because when things are good they are really good and he is ever so caring, generous, and loving. His SIL once said to me when I was upset once is "The 'Surname' men are feisty but they love incredibly deeply".

I don't know about the discharge thing either. I think I'd have said what @betty has said.

I don't know whether I should just give up temping for the rest of this cycle. AF is due Tuesday I think. Though I'd like to see what tomorrow's looks like after today's red herring high temp. I'm 99% sure it will need to be discarded after my terrible night's sleep.

I am showing all the signs of AF coming. Last cycle I started waking up really sweaty for a few days before and I had the squits for several days before which have started this morning, pretty much the same amount of days pre AF as last time.

I do think that temping now is pointless, even if I was preg. AF arrived at 14DPO last cycle and that day my temp dropped and I got AF at the same time as removing my Ovusense that morning so I saw the blood before I even saw the big temp drop. Checking my temp everyday at this point is just going to wind me up.

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ratherbeshowjumping · 15/02/2019 12:00

@tigsy that sounds really promising I think. I remember before my bfp I was rushing to the loo loads thinking I'd come on only to find loads of gloop. Sorry your DH is being a knob about it all too...

@Betty yay to your frer's coming tomorrow. Can't believe you never get a +ive until you've missed af, even with frer's?

BettySwoll0cks · 15/02/2019 11:48

@tigsy I cracked and did an ICHPT too, stupid thing to do because I never get a +ve until I've missed a period 🙄 anyway I've got FRERs coming in the post today/tomorrow and tomorrow will be 11dpo. I feel so nauseous but temps look shit so I'm not feeling very upbeat about it.

Not sure about the discharge thing, except that some people apparently get more when they're pg? Could be anything though really couldn't it?

tigsyboo · 15/02/2019 10:04

Oh my god @Frazzlerock are you having an affair with my husband?? It's clearly the same man!!
Mine is EXACTLY the same!! Any conversation about TTC turns into a row because he just does NOT get it!!
He is so wrapped up in that we fell PG without 'trying' that he thinks that will just happen again!!
He told me last night he doesn't think he an coke with me being PG for 9 months 'of all this fucking paranoia and stressing over nothing!' ... I lost my shit and said all my stress last time proved right otherwise I'd be 6 months PG now!!!!!!!!

Anyway.... today is dpo 8 and i stupidly did an IC and looked like an advert for dulux it was so white!! I know it's waaaay too early but thought maybe I'd see a hint?? BUT NO!
TMI alert but walking to work and felt a big blob of discharge pass out of me, actually felt hot like when AF sneaks up on you or your using pads and you feel it leave... rushed to loo and it was just clear/slightly creamy discharge but a good 2p sized blob of it... can't recall ever having this before??

Rose68 · 15/02/2019 10:03

@Indreamland I am so sorry you are going through this. Are you considering ivf? I do still think you have a good chance of having your own baby, even if it takes ivf or similar. I have never really thought about the bonding issue with an adopted child, but I am sure you would. Remember that not everyone gets that instant bond, even with a biological baby.

@Frazzle I don’t know what to say about DP, it seems he is being an idiot to me. I think in that situation I would just try to hide as much as possible from him, including my feelings, which I guess is what you are already doing. It is good he has taken your boys on as his own, but I kind of think you have to do that with step children, otherwise how can it possibly work. x

ratherbeshowjumping · 15/02/2019 08:52

Oh Frazzle, big hugs xxxx
I'm so sorry that you're feeling so shit. I understand how hard it is being with someone who isn't totally 100% on board (or is, but isn't dtd when you need them too!). It's fucking awful, it makes you feel like you're not good enough and that you're a million miles behind those that are actually getting on. I can't imagine what the added weight of PCOS must feel like, too.
I'm the sort of person that needs to vent, I think you might be too.... and it's so hard to talk in RL to people about this. How can you tell people you're upset because your DP/DH didn't want to dtd on a particular day and as a result you're not going to get pg?
It's clear he adores you Frazzle, and considering he never wanted any of his own, he's still going on with this. My DH is desperately on board but genuinely isn't/wasn't particularly concerned if we miss a month because he doesn't feel like doing it those days - I think this is just a man thing. They don't have that urgency that we all seem to. They want a baby but if it appears in October or November, it's no biggie to them, whereas every month for us is 4 whole weeks (longer for you) where we have to struggle through everyday.
I don't know what advice I can possibly give you and I'm having a massive waffle, but just know you're not alone with all of this, and we're all thinking of you xxxx

BettySwoll0cks · 15/02/2019 08:32

frazz I get that he has given an enormous amount in terms of the children, that is proper 'good man' stuff and I'm sure you let him know how much you value him for that (not in a grovelling way, it's not really giving if you make others fawn and grovel around you is it). But what I can't get is the instinct to kick you whenever you're down. That is not cool. And I think it must be extra hard trying for a baby with someone who isn't completely on board. That's a really tricky dynamic to try and handle

Original poster

Frazzlerock · 15/02/2019 08:04

@Betty he is angry because I'm upset we didn't have sex over my fertile window. Which ultimately was because he was so down about getting turned down for a job. He thinks I'm passing the blame to him which I never said but he likes to hear what he wants sometimes and put words into my mouth - I'm sure we're all capable of that sometimes.

All I said was I was sad about it, but it escalated more than I could have ever imagined. As usual I lay there completely confused and dumbfounded and ended up just apologising constantly, but he wasn't accepting it.
He does this though. I have a bad day and he makes me talk. I stupidly think he will comfort me, but he does the opposite.
In the beginning it was really bad as I wasn't used to it and had never met anyone like him. But I've generally learnt to keep my mouth shut and smile like nothing is wrong.
It's fine as my shit day usually passes on its own and I have friends who I feel safe to offload to (you guys mostly these days!)

But he saw through the fake smiles last night so I had no choice but to tell him. And surprise surprise, WW3.

Financially - he is the main earner and puts most of his wages into our family. He has been incredible. They're not his kids but he puts more into them than their real dad does. He's also working hard to find work that will pay more so we can afford another child.

Emotionally - he never wanted his own children yet he is putting all his feelings aside so he can give me a baby since we lost Emily (who was a complete surprise) . Alright, 2 years of that he refused (hell on Earth) but he has changed his mind and it is really hard for him to get onboard with all this emotionally yet he continues to put his feelings aside for me.

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BettySwoll0cks · 15/02/2019 07:46

@frazzle I can well understand why you're so upset, but I don't get what your DH got so angry about? Why does it make him so cross that you're upset because you probably haven't conceived this month?

And btw what is he putting in financially/emotionally, because my DH is putting in bugger all so I'm thinking maybe I'm selling myself short 😉

Original poster

Frazzlerock · 15/02/2019 07:29

One more thing while I scroll through social media on my train journey.
This really made me chuckle 😂
100% relate!

The July 19ers - All aboard the rollercoaster for a 3rd lucky thread

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Original poster

Frazzlerock · 15/02/2019 07:25

Strop, not strip 🙄

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Original poster

Frazzlerock · 15/02/2019 07:25

Morning everyone.
Sorry for my strip yesterday morning. My day just got worse as couldn't stop crying.

I managed to hold it together when I got home so DP didn't know I was having a shit day but he saw straight through my fake smiles. And he made me talk to him.
But the inevitable happened. I gently told him that I was struggling with not catching ovulation this cycle, but that I know how much he is putting into this financially and emotionally. I was softening the blow but I meant that, I really do appreciate how much he is sacrificing for this to work.
But he took it terribly (this is normal and the reason I use fake smiles around him when I'm down) He got really angry with me and made me feel like shit.

So I have spent most the night apologising and telling him how much I love and appreciate him. Because I hate it when he's angry and I would do anything to turn it around again.
It's just such a shame because I would love so much to be able to just offload and for him to hug me, and say we will try harder next cycle, you know?

Anyway, I've had 4 hours (disturbed) sleep as I fell asleep after midnight and woke at 4am unable to get back to sleep.
So I'm getting a tease temperature of 36.90 which I'm 99% sure I can discard.

Kill me now.

I will catch up properly when I get to the office, I find it easier to catch up when using the web version of MN, rather than mob xx

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BettySwoll0cks · 15/02/2019 06:46

Is that for an early scan @Pegase? Are you worried?

Pegase · 15/02/2019 06:03

I would adopt in terms of bonding which wouldn't worry me so much. I would be very worried however about raising a child with fetal alcohol syndrome for example. I don't think our relationship would survive a strain like that.

Scans at weekend only at St Thomas' in my area with the receptionists who make everyone cry but 100% going during half term first thing next week to my local hospital.

edidxb · 15/02/2019 03:35

I have a colleague at work who has adopted 3 children. The children are all biological siblings and they were adopted at the same time (all under 5). I think if you were going to adopt it would have to be when the children are really young in order to have that bond. Having said that, the children have various different difficulties - mainly slower developmentally and have missed various milestones etc. I think the mother drank through the pregnancies so there are some issues. I am so impressed though. It is such a difficult process to go through, and they did it from here through the UK too. But they are all very happy.

Whereas my other friend who has gone through early menopause has thought of adopting but doesn't want to.

I don't think I could do it. I really admire people who do, but I don't think it is for us......but I'm not at that point yet. I am still having hope I will get there naturally.

I also never replied after my post the other day about becoming attached to everyone on here! It's been a busy few days. I can't imagine for one second that we would all come to Dubai but the invitation is still there!

So, I'm off on holiday tomorrow morning. This is the holiday that we had the big argument about during ovulation! I'm not overly keen on a long haul flight right now but hopefully I can just get through it and then we can relax on the other side!

@pegase - I hope you are OK today x Are you going for a scan this weekend maybe?

Buggles1 · 14/02/2019 23:09

I knew a colleague at work who went through her whole pregnancy but the baby had unforeseen complications straight after birth. Sadly they lost their little girl within just a couple of hours.
Like me, she was getting on a bit and they came to the conclusion they couldn’t go through it again. They ended up adopting a young brother and sister. They had come from an unstable home and it took quite some time to bond with them but she says she wouldn’t change things now. It’s been challenging at times but those kids have a wonderful start in life compared to what the alternative could have been. It made me change my mind about adopting.
If things don’t work out for us I think we would consider it. Even if things do, I came from a family of three kids and never imagined myself having only one child - so we may still go down that route anyhow.

InDreamland · 14/02/2019 21:35

It breaks my heart @Buggles1. All these babies who didn't ask to be brought into this world but enter it into a toxic family. That child will have evil murdering terrorists as parents. Then that poor baby dumped in Newham in the freezing cold ....... it's just unfair. Then there's people like us all on here desperate for a child to love and cherish in a safe and loving environment.

When I was a teenager and in my early 20's, maybe too immature to understand or comprehend all this, or know the realities of having that urge and aching to be a mother ......I said that there's so many unwanted babies in the world in need of a loving home and that I would adopt. Fast forward 15-20 years and I can't seem to get pregnant and keep the baby alive ........we considered adoption but we're so worried about not being able to bond with the baby and vice versa .......it's such a huge responsibility.........it would be different to not carrying your own child and having that bond from the moment you see that BFP, so we changed our minds. I still wonder though if we could adopt and give a poor child like these 2 babies a safe warm and loving home and family to grow up in.

Sorry I'm rambling. Guess I'm just really emotional at the moment.

Buggles1 · 14/02/2019 21:11

@InDreamland the world isn’t a very fair place is it.

InDreamland · 14/02/2019 21:09

@Rose68 thanks. That poor little baby once it's born. It's two older siblings. Didn't stand a chance. This is another one where I'll have the baby. That one and the one abandoned in newham. I'll have them both.

Rose68 · 14/02/2019 20:41

@Indreamland sending you hugs

Pegase · 14/02/2019 20:01

Congratulations @Buggles1 !

tigsyboo · 14/02/2019 19:57

That's great bugles xx

InDreamland · 14/02/2019 18:49

Congratulations @Buggles1. Fx for a sticky bean!

So I'm CD15 and still not getting peak fertility and had 8 days of flashing smiley. Really anxious now there'll be no ov this month. The instructions say if get 9 days of peak then unlikely to ov that cycle on top of this, this has really upset me www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3507736-British-IS-girl-wants-to-return-to-Britain and www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3507989-To-think-everyone-saying-Shamima-Begum-should-rot-in-Syria-have-completely-overlooked-the-fact-that-she-is-pregnant?pg=1&order=

How is it someone who goes top inflict pain, suffering and evil on innocent people can be blessed with live births and full term pregnancies? What the fuck have I done to not be able to have a baby?

edidxb · 14/02/2019 17:20

Hi all. Sorry busy long day here but just wanted to say congrats @buggles! That's great news to see today!