Page 11 | The July 19ers - All aboard the rollercoaster for a 3rd lucky thread

TwittleBee · 18/02/2019 14:02

I've said to my law team that I dont want to attend court, I dont want to speak to the couple involved at all and I want them to just deal with it and I will accept the 1st offer as I cant cope with this stress. I keep thinking about dropping it but I'll then have to pay my law team as they recover the costs from the other side... plus my mum said that its only right that the other side get penalised for the hurt they have caused.

TwittleBee · 18/02/2019 14:00

Frazzle it is disgusting some people's comments isnt it! Like the whole "focus on DS" and "be grateful you have DS" which I often got from family. Or this beauty from my own Dad "what did you do wrong?" !!!!!!!!! People do not get it if they havent been through it. My nan couldnt understand it and my MIL was a bitch saying that actually it was lucky I had a MMC because we shouldnt have any more kids!

Erm, not sure if that was the exact term they used but basically it was like the judge will have to decide how probable it was that the incident caused the MC and then I get that percentage from what my law team are asking for, e.g. if my law team was asking for £100 and the judge said it was only 30% likely that the incident contributed to the MC then I will get £30.

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Frazzlerock · 18/02/2019 13:42

@Betty and @Twittle it's one of those 'If you know, you know', right?
Before this happened to me, I didn't know what I would go through should it happen. In fact, I didn't think it would happen to me at all. Isn't it what other people experience?... What a fool I was.

You know when you can just tell you're being judged, which may be completely irrational and paranoid, but I think of the 'me' before this happened and I don't know if I would have 'got it' if someone lost a baby. And, sadly, I may even have been a little judgemental too

DP's dad refused to understand what I was going through, he thought I was attention seeking, irrational, and 'fucked up' (his exact words).
He said it our baby wasn't a baby, nor a living thing. Just a bunch of cells. He told me "there is no Emily"
Needless to say, our relationship (me and DP's dad) was damaged from that point. We get on now but I can't help but wonder why he was so cruel back then, why he would have kicked me down further when I was already at rock bottom (rock bottom has a basement!). He was weirdly empathetic this time around but I will never forget how he made me feel before.

I'm rambling again!

Oh @Twittle that is really shit. Have you been advised about going through with it all? I don't know what a "Rationale of probability" payout would involve.

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TwittleBee · 18/02/2019 13:16

you do not even need to explain yourself to us Frazzle but I do totally get what you mean by usually having to explain yourself to people; I often feel the same.

It is odd because although I didnt have the ERPC until 9 weeks my baby only made it to 6 weeks - in fact we never saw a HB... It is that feeling of hope and future making that gets completely ripped away though.

Oh as for my insurance claim going through surrounding that car crash that looks to have potentially contributed to the MMC, I have been told it will take between 1 - 3 years to resolve and will include going to court! Bluergh! It will just be the Drs arguing it out amongst themselves though and probably end with me getting a "rationale of probability" payout or something they said.

BettySwoll0cks · 18/02/2019 13:06

@Frazzlerock I think that's what people who have never experienced baby loss don't understand. Even my DH once said to me "but it wasn't even a baby yet" ... well yes sort of, but to me, I've visualised each of mine as newborn babies, little brothers or sisters to DS, little lives. When they are growing inside you, you create that connection with them from the minute you know they exist and you love them fiercely xx

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Frazzlerock · 18/02/2019 12:51

@Pegase we got to 9 weeks, just as we did for our little boy most recently. Although she grew to the nine week stage whereas Bean was lost so early (4 weeks) and Popsy got to 9 weeks but was the size of a 6 weeker. On the scan she looked like a proper little baby, not that it makes thing harder or easier than at any stage. We didn't know she was a girl, but I had the same gut feeling I had for the boys and for our most recent baby (who was then proved to be a boy). I think I have learnt to trust my gut feeling..
She was the hardest loss for me. Maybe because it was least expected. The hospital cremated and buried her in the local cemetery with all the other babies who died that day. We sometimes go up to talk to her and paint a pebble for her.
Sorry, you didn't ask for all of that! I feel like I have to explain myself when I say we lost her at 9 weeks and then ramble on

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Pegase · 18/02/2019 12:33

Congratulations @tigsyboo that's great! Hope it is a sticky one!

@Frazzlerock how old was Emily when you lost her if you don't mind me asking?

@BettySwoll0cks that sounds really bad- I would definitely call 111 and explain your history.

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Frazzlerock · 18/02/2019 12:33

@Buggles I'm also 39, big 4-0 in June and not looking forward to it. I had hoped to be pregnant by that time but it is getting increasingly less likely so I don't want to do anything unless it involves a positive pregnancy test or healthy pregnancy.
Are you doing anything special for yours?

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Buggles1 · 18/02/2019 12:24

@Rose68 I’m 39 but 40 in a few weeks... hence the search of the positive over 40 stories!

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Frazzlerock · 18/02/2019 11:59

@Betty I did the same before my adenomyosis diagnosis. I was mortified!
I would be honoured if you lit a candle, thank you xx (you just made me cry!)

@rather I don't know what to say about your DH other than he is being ridiculous!

@Rose I'm sorry you and DH aren't getting on. IT seems to be a theme with our group so I can only assume it is TTC that causes the stress, even if it isn't about that. I just hope that we can all get our BFPs and put this all behind us xx

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ratherbeshowjumping · 18/02/2019 11:54

Oh gosh @Betty that's horrific - poor you! Good advice from Rose, definitely call 111. Keep us posted x

@Frazzle, I will light a candle for Emily too later. Sending lots and lots of hugs your way.

@Rose sorry to hear you're not getting on, what's happened?

He is really awkward about BDing, it's such a huge stress. We'll aim for Friday morning, travelling to Bristol Friday night then early start to get the the airport for 6am Saturday morning so might be trying my luck there. Ffs.
Betty is right though, no point being at loggerheads, will just see what happens :(

BettySwoll0cks · 18/02/2019 11:45

I hadn't thought about that, but I just soaked through my trousers and onto my office chair, which isn't ideal from a practical point of view either. I've only got super TOTM tampons though, not super plus. But it's really a lot worse than normal.

@frazzle I feel so sad for you. I will light candle tonight for little Emily if that's ok w you? xx

Rose68 · 18/02/2019 11:04

@Tigsy I’m so thrilled for you! I had a feeling you were yesterday. That’s a lovely strong line for 11dpo too!

@Betty if you are soaking through pads or tampons in less than an hour you need to be checked out. I would Phone 111 if I were you. I hope all is ok. x

@Buggles1 how old are you if you don’t mind me asking?

@Fazzle I’m so sorry about Emily, it’s so shit. I don’t know what to say, but sending you loads of hugs.

@Rather your DH is really quite tricky isn’t he. I don’t understand the problem, as long as no one is actually in your room, I’m sure you can dtd quietly and who gives a stuff if someone hears something! Anyway, sorry I know I’m not helping at all, I’m sure you will have a lovely time anyway.

We are still away, back later today, but we aren’t getting on so well atm. ☹️

TwittleBee · 18/02/2019 10:52

oh frazzle I am so heartbroken for you sending you so much love

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Frazzlerock · 18/02/2019 10:46

@BettySwoll0cks see how it is next cycle (well hopefully you won't get that far) and if it's this heavy again then get checked out. I developed adenomyosis after my first two losses. Basically very very heavy periods which needed treating with tranaxamic acid or is soak through everything within a hour with a super plus tampon in.
I'm not sure about the nosebleed as well though?

Well it's the third anniversary of when we found out our little Emily had died. She'd be nearly 2.5 years old now.
She was the first baby I'd lost and it destroyed me and changed me beyond recognition. I'm still getting to know this Frazzle now.
I lit a candle for our little girl...

The July 19ers - All aboard the rollercoaster for a 3rd lucky thread

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BettySwoll0cks · 18/02/2019 10:34

No worries @rather, I'd rather focus on tigsy's great news too! I'm honestly bleeding to death. I even had a nosebleed this morning, it's like my body is breaking up! I'm not squeamish so I don't care all that much but as usual I'm left wondering why my periods are so heavy atm and what this says about my fertility 🤔 I've never had one this heavy before either so it's getting worse.

Bugger about the timings of your holiday vs Ov. That is super frustrating but if it's really impossible to DTD while you're away and that's DHs final word then can you try right before you go and then when you get back, just in case? And then try and relax for this month and enjoy your holiday 😔 I know it's the last thing you'll be feeling like but I don't think there's much else you can do without ending up at loggerheads with DH

TwittleBee · 18/02/2019 10:17

any chances DTD Friday and Saturday Rather ? Really frustrating for you. I hope it is a lovely time away despite no BM though

ratherbeshowjumping · 18/02/2019 10:14

Ps @Frazzlerock sorry AF has come 😢 xxx

ratherbeshowjumping · 18/02/2019 10:13

@Kinsters I think you should definitely mention to your FIL, even as a joke, it can't happen unless he's there! Ps have a safe trip home x

@BettySwoll0cks sorry I got so excited by Tigsys pic I skim read the rest of the thread - how are you feeling in yourself? That must have been awful for you...

Glad you're hanging in there @Pegase - fx'd for you tomorrow!

Feeling so stressed about going on hols on the weekend. DH reckons it's going to be too risky to dtd despite me suggesting ideas to him & has basically pre warned me not to have a meltdown if we can't 😡 I'm due to O on the Monday, a week today, which is our second day there, so it's not even as if we have a few days to test the waters...

Buggles1 · 18/02/2019 09:54

Fabulous news @tigsyboo, congratulations hun. Keeping my fingers crossed for us all this time around.

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Frazzlerock · 18/02/2019 09:51

That's wonderful news @tigsy you must be absolutely thrilled! Xx

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tigsyboo · 18/02/2019 09:14

Thanks ladies!!
Told DH and he cried (happy tears -just to clarify!) 💕
I'm really trying to level myself this time and not run away with my thoughts and be level headed. I'm in shock though to be honest 😱

It is proof that FRER are waaaaay better than even the 10miu cheapies tho as did both at same time and there is THE faintest line of the cheapy but so light it doesn't even show in the photo!!
Missed my window for my cbfm test so will do that tomorrow

Kinsters- maybe your DH could drop it in to convo?? Although I know mine wouldn't ....

Betty - soaking sheets sounds horrible poor you!!

Kinsters · 18/02/2019 09:07

Congratulations Tigsy! How lovely!

Betty I'm considering an ovusense as well. Temping every morning gets stressful. Plus my chart this month is a mess because of travel and alcohol (although I guess ovusense wouldn't help with that).

We're at the airport heading back home now. Had a great holiday!

CD11 here so I expect to ovulate either Wednesday or Thursday. Annoyingly DH is going away as soon as we get back so we'll manage to dtd on Tuesday morning and then not again till potentially Thursday evening depending on how his work goes. So I guess that's not too bad really. But still not ideal. Think it would be too awkward to mention to FIL that if he wants grandkids he needs to stop working DH so hard?!

TwittleBee · 18/02/2019 09:05

omg that is blazin positive isnt it tigsy ! Congrats! brilliant after all the previous stresses of the month!

Frazzle I am so sorry AF has turned up I really was holding out hope

Betty blimey! AF isnt great anyway and then that has to happen! so sorry!

ratherbeshowjumping · 18/02/2019 09:00

Congrats @tigsy that's fab news!!!!