TTC FIRST BABY - Thread 11!

Hi ladies
I'm starting to get really worried now. On top of the worry of my period arriving a week early, I am still bleeding. We're on day 9. My periods usually only last 5-6 days. Could this be a sign of perimenopause? Or do I just need to calm the fuck down?

@Cinderella812 big hugs. I’ve read your posts above and really feel for you. That must be so hard. The responsibility most definitely should be shared, whilst not taking the fun away. I suppose if your DH has a low sex drive anyway, feeling like it has to be at a set time will add to his stress. Maybe addressing his overall sex drive is the issue here. What I mean is, if you could get to a stage of having sex more frequently on a weekly basis it would hopefully coincide with part of your fertile window anyway. I think the key is that sex is not just about having a baby, but more about having that physical connection with each other first. Maybe you could take it back to basics and even start with a date night, where you both take time out from the busy working week and make time for your relationahip in a flirtatious way. This is not meant to sound patronising. Im just thinking of my own experiences this week! Last night we knew I was in my fertile window, still am, but both couldn’t face sex after having it the 2 previous days. I know we both want a baby, but it can take effort even if he is more willing. I think you need to sit down together and maybe say your idea you proposed was maybe a result of how upset and frustrated you are, and you need to talk about it openly. Have you asked him what he wants? How he sees a way forward with it? Maybe put the ball back in his court now?

@DayDreamer1707 We already do that, my fertile window is on our shared iPhone calendar, so he knows when it is. He just doesn't act on it, despite what he says about wanting a baby (which seem like empty words to me now).

I have tried to talk with him, but he refuses to speak to me any more today due to my "ridiculous, emasculating suggestion". He seems really hurt by it. I was trying to be practical, because I've seen women get pregnant that way on this board. I thought it was a sensible solution. But I see how he could take it as emasculating... but he's emasculating himself. Just have sex with your hot wife. It shouldn't be such a chore.

He has the energy to go to boxing classes at 5am daily (sometimes more than one), on top of work. So it's not fatigue. He tells me he's attracted to me. I choose to believe him (though that's easy to doubt). Sometimes I'm not in the mood, but you just get on with it. And within two minutes, you tend to find you can get into the mood! But he won't even try.

I don't know what I can do. He's got all the details of counsellors and therapy etc. He's just not done anything about it.

I adore this man. He is a wonderful partner and husband in every other way. I just feel sexless and lonely.

Honestly, I get a ridiculous thrill when someone at work will flirty-banter with me. Or a stranger wolf whistles. I know that makes me a bad feminist. But literally anything that acknowledges I am a sensual being is like a drug to me! Then I trot off home and try to be a good wife, but I am treated as platonically as the dog.

I am starting to understand why people have affairs. I wouldn't. It isn't in my nature. But I do understand.

@ValidUser it must be a relief to know the consultant believes you can have children.

@DayDreamer1707 I'm trying not to read anything into any kind of emotional or physical changes at the moment as I can't really remember what I used to feel like before AF when I wasn't on the pill!

@BostonFern hope you don't come on!!! I just can't help but think about it haha. I do my own head in!

@Cinderella812 oh god, I don't even know what to suggest. What about maybe a shared calendar? You can put the FW in there. He can then see it without you having to say anything? Less pressure maybe?

@ValidUser sorry for the surgery you need but least you know that you can still have children which must be a huge relief.

Sorry to hear that you're having a tough time @Cinderella812. TTC can really kick up a whole world of problems that weren't even problems before. My DH has a low libido as well and when we tried to properly time DTD it all got too much for him several times which ended up with me being in tears and then him at a later stage too. The pressure was too much and because we aren't a couple who have sex all the time it was like we were changing what we were far too much. I really found that by not telling him when it was I could almost manipulate when we had sex and when we didn't to suit my fw. I myself had to adjust a bit (not saying you have to btw) and also understand that for us it's easier to DTD at the drop of a coin but for men it's a bit more complicated. He kept losing his mojo and he even thought he had a problem but it was all psychological.
With regards to depression, I've not experienced it before so can't really comment but what I do know is there's so much out there in terms of help and sometimes talking to an innocent party can really help. My job is extremely stressful at times and I do find it hard to not take it out on my DH. Don't take it to heart that he got offended about the syringe suggestion. Men are wired very differently to us. They see it as failure when we see it as a solution. All the best to you on this journey ❤️

Thanks @cupcakesandglitter - possibly a midline laparotomy, but I'll survive it!

Ahh @ValidUser I'm glad it went well for you - sorry to hear you have to have the surgery but it will all be worth it, glad you're feeling okay too 😊 x

So I need major surgery, late March, but he's confident I'll have children!

Overwhelmed, but ok. 😊

@Cinderella812 I don't think you're being irrational at all but I guess from his side maybe it's just upsetting to think he can't physically give you what you want, syringe is really last resort and I guess the issue isn't that you physically aren't able to have sex, it's just that he doesn't feel the urge.. I think if he's depressed, you might have to try and get him to follow up with therapy, even if that means you go with him for the first one. DH was exactly the same and I had to book a doctors appointment for him to take it seriously - I've had severe depression and I know what it's like when you want to get better but then at the same time you don't want to do anything. It is super difficult but I don't doubt for a second you can't deal with it, it'll take time but you'll get there ❤️

@Keyboard91 I'm sorry you're having such a horrible time, I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

@ValidUser Hope all has gone ok today.

@DayDreamer1707 I'm CD27, normally at 28 day cycle. Resisting POAS at the moment (well, after doing a ridiculously early one on Saturday and getting a BFN). Work is a great distraction, no time to think of anything else then.

Thank you for the support ladies. Especially those who have been in similar situations - it's really nice to know I'm not alone.

For what it's worth, my husband might be a bit depressed. He's ex-military and has a similarly tough job now, so it's possible. He has looked into talk therapy, but he's not actually followed up on doing anything about it. He says he likes sex when we have it, but he just doesn't feel the urge to do it often. His low libido definitely upsets him.

I tried to talk to him today about how anxious it was making me, not knowing if we were trying or not. If we are trying, then we need to be having sex around the right times. If we're not, then I can get my head around that. But I need to know one way or another. He said he felt pressured.

I suggested, thinking it would be helpful, that we could always try the method of him doing his thing in the bathroom, and me using a syringe at the right time, to save him feeling any pressure of having sex. Thought it was a practical suggestion. He lost his rag and told me to leave the room. He's shut himself in the bedroom. I don't know why it's upset him. I thought it was a practical way to get him the baby he apparently wants, without the pressure of having to have sex with his wife (which seems to be an awful burden on him!) I am only being snarky on here, because I know I am in good company - I've tried so hard to be non-critical and supportive when talking to him about it. But that's another door slammed. And I guess I can kiss this FW goodbye!

Can't deal with this.

New thread everyone 😊 will try and add as many as I can remember 😂 ps. I know I've made a spelling mistake, realised when I press submit 🤦🏻‍♀️

TTC FURST BABY - Thread 12! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3486673-TTC-FURST-BABY-Thread-12

@DayDreamer1707 I read that earlier - how crazy!!! Honestly don't know what she's thinking 😂

@KatBeCool my temp went up! Not much though, it's still lower than pre-ov temps. I'm hoping it'll gradually increase over the next few days 😊

@ValidUser hope it went ok!

@DayDreamer1707 usually 27 days, but this cycle has me so confused, as AF was so light!

@KatBeCool Im thinking I ovulate on Friday! Havent had a smiley face on OPK yet but maybe late tomorrow or thurs!

@DayDreamer1707 I got curious and went to read that thread, omg I had to stop. OP is clueless and needs to set her priorities straight.

@cupcakesandglitter how's your temp today?

@ValidUser crossing fingers for you! I'm sure it won't be 2021. Keep us updated. And nobody sterilises women like that. Stop thinking that. Also, they would've told you about "weird" uterus during the HSG, it's part of the scan. So since they didn't, nothing weird. Stop worrying. I'm sure it'll happen sooner than you think.

So my opk got much darker, ovulation should be close, I'm guessing Wednesday , if it turns positive by the evening (seen it happen) or Thursday if not. Anyone else near O?

@ValidUser good luck 🤞🏼

@honeylove how long are your cycles normally?

@ValidUser I am sure all will be fine...keep us updated x

If anyone wants a good read have a look at the 'Should I tell my bosses i may ttc??' thread....that went a bit crazy 🙈

@daydreamer1707 it’s so strange! Nope CD 8 as AF arrived last Monday, which makes the weird mood swings even stranger!

Hope you're doing okay @ValidUser and it's going well ❤️

I'm gonna create a new thread! I'll tag you all xx

@thumper59 I want to test tomorrow using my IC's because it's my dads birthday. Not that i would tell anyone if it did come back positive but I like the idea of it being a good luck thing ha. I really hope we get our BFPs FX

@honeylove I always have hormonal moments and can't even blame it on AF!! You're due AF this Saturday, did you mean CD18? I am also due this Sat x

All nervous in the waiting room! What if he can't do surgery until 2021 or he says my uterus is just too weird or if he tells me I should be sterilised?

#irrational

@Keyboard91 oh hun I can’t imagine how you are feeling. Take care - sending positive vibes, we are all here for you! X

@MrsR16 good luck with your POAS! X

I don’t know what is wrong with me, I’m on CD8 and have been a total hormonal raging biatch the past couple of days! Feeling a bit down about this cycle already as AF was so weird this month. FW is supposed to start on Saturday so we’ll see 🤞🏼

@FlapJackered hello again! Sorry for the slow response and great that we're on the same pattern. That year mark is indeed coming fast... I'm trying not to think about it too much 😭