The July 19ers - STILL never beaten, and rocking our FJs for a lucky thread

@tigsyboo you sound like a legendary stepmum to me! I don't understand how any parent can put anything ahead of their kids (I put work in that category, let alone another partner?!) it just drives me crazy. Thank goodness for you, redressing the balance

@Frazzlerock and @Rose68 your conversation is really interesting (sorry that sounds a bit creepy and voyeurish, but I was just catching up on the thread!). I don't know exactly how this is possible, but I think it's really important to try and identify things other than babies that make us happy, and if you can't, to try and fix that (like you said Rose). I fall into exactly the same category here so I'm not preaching. It's easy to feel like the baby thing is the magic bullet for happiness, and sure it's a total emotional rollercoaster. But in reality, if you feel so unhappy when not pregnant/with a baby there is likely to be a reason why, and it's not just about kids. I have been trying q hard to make the rest of my life healthier and happier (better diet, less alcohol, more connection with DH, making plans for the future - all with varying success!) and it somehow alleviates the total obsession with ttc. It takes the pressure off just a tiny bit, because I can tell myself that there is still good stuff going on in other areas of life too

@Frazzlerock my DH saw me at my absolute low of PND and sleep deprivation with DS. I had a total meltdown one time, screaming and yelling at him in my pyjamas, massive snot rope hanging down from my face (🤭) because he was so weak and unsupportive while I struggled with my hideously sleepless baby. I honestly still carry some resentment over that first year, but my real point is that he said at the time that he would never have another baby with me because "clearly I couldn't cope". When I look back at that moment, if I can shelve my anger a little bit, I can see from his point of view that he must have thought he'd made a terrible mistake and was probably a bit frightened about what was going on. Just so you know. You're not alone xx

Ah thanks ladies!! That’s really nice of you!!
I wouldn’t change it for the world, they are 9 and 5. Don’t get me wrong it was a big change a year ago going from 2 days a week to (as it was then) they lived with us permanently and saw mum once a week for dinner (supervised!) but everyone is really settled now. I still get a twinge if resentment on mothers days and things that they do at school that’s ‘mum and dad’ (it’s a catholic school and pathetically old fashioned!!) and I think ‘who’s the mug you see dropping them and picking them up everyday , yet you don’t think I might deserve a mention??
But anyway... I love them to bits and I don’t understand stepparents who don’t embrace their stepkids like this! My best friend is so odd, her stepdaughter has to sleep in their guest room living out of a hold-all as she refuses to redecorate it ‘and lose her guest room’ for every other weekend... I think that’s incredibly selfish!! The boys room here is a fortnite (videogame) den with bunk beds, toys, wardrobes.... as it would be if they were biologically mine! X

@Frazzle just snorted tea up my nose laughing at that....

@Tigsy blimey that’s terrible, how can any mother put a man like that before her own children! I think your boys are a similar age to mine (mine are 9 and 6) and it would kill me if they were taken away from me. It’s bad enough knowing they will grow up and leave me. Anyway, I digress.... back to you... I am seriously impressed that you are bringing up someone else’s kids, it must be hard for you. I am sorry about the anti depressant thing, but I do think it’s best if you could stay away from them whilst ttc, as Frazzle says...could counselling be an alternative? I think you sound like one amazing lady Tigsy xxx
And thank you re the pregnacare, I will pm you a bit later xxx

I never thought I'd say this Frazzle... but your flange looks fantastic

@tigsy wow what a delightful character the new boyfriend sounds glad the DCs have a clearly loving stepmum in you. They hit the jackpot there!

Rose68 it was just another internet cheapie, so not that reliable but comparing it to past 3 I have done, it is certainly darker. I might go get a clueblue test to tell me how far along I am in the meantime.

Bloomin hard though isnt it, to try to think of something else to pre-occupy yourself with whilst TTC! I cant give any suggestions beyond the standard, "book a holiday", to help you feel like there is something to life.

@rose
No the children live with us and have 2.5 contact days with their mother per week.
They were placed with us because their mother shacked up with a low life who's into drugs and crime. He also had child protection concerns... we reported our concerns to social services last January and the children have been with us since.
She has had 4 court appearances so far to prove she can put her children before her boyfriend, and fails every time saying all the evidence is wrong and he's not a criminal..... he got convicted of fraud in December and is currently on tag!!

@Frazzle I’m so sorry you are struggling, I think the arrival of AF does this to us. I suspect you feel a bit like me in that you know in no way is this guaranteed and the clock is seriously ticking. However, let’s look at the positives... DP IS up for trying.... DP has asked you to marry him AND it didn’t take long for you to get pregnant last time. If DP wants to get married I very much doubt he will pull the plug because he knows the effect it will have. Frazzle, I do really believe that you will get pregnant again.

We are both so lucky to have our boys Frazzle, trouble is I can now see a time in the not too distant future when they have grown up and gone and that is what I struggle with. What will be the point of me then?

@Tigsy I’m so sorry about the social worker thing. That is really quite shit. What arrangement do you have in place with the boys? Do you have them every weekend?

@Indreamland it’s good to see you back, I’m sorry you are struggling. I think we are all having our moments in one way or another.

@Pegase good luck for lots of bding later!

@Twittle that sounds more promising, was it a frer that you used? How dark was the line? Unfortunately it’s such a waiting game at this stage, it’s enough to send the most sane person over the edge.

@Frazzle, I’m a bit out of touch with weddings now, it’s 10 years since we got married. I did try to save money and made all the invites etc myself, got a cake from M&S etc etc, but we still spent over £20k. I think whenever anyone mentions the ‘w’ word, an extra zero is added on to the cost. Which is highly annoying 😬😬😬😬
My sister did it much cheaper second time round, Marylebone registry office followed by drinks at a posh hotel followed by a restaurant. She didn’t wear a white dress, but it was still a full length lovely dress and she looked amazing.

As for me, I have decided it always takes me 5 months to conceive, so maybe I will give it until my birthday and then knock it on the head. Anyone got any ideas of what to do with oneself so that one feels there is a point to ones life?

@Rose68
They are yours.
Can you private message on here??

@Frazzlerock I hope you can try to not have a completely shite day.
Could a chat to tell him how you feel about the possibility of him dropping out again. If he said 'that's not going to happen again' would that put your mind at rest??

@twittle yes definitely go and get it confirmed one way or another for you

I had a long chat with gp yesterday. She basically told me ALL anti-depression meds increases the risk of MC by anywhere from 15-68% depending on the study!! All studies are incidental as obvs don't do deliberate studies on PG women but wow.... what an eye opener!! Looks like it's battling this without meds for me!! X

Thats how I felt too Frazzle and I totally hated my ExP for not understanding. I don't think what he done was right and so certainly not excusing your DP. Just rather, wondering his rationale behind it.

In regards to the wedding, give websites a try. You can always order a dress off somewhere like Chi Chi London and then send it back if it isnt for you. As for venues, have you looked at community venues? In Rayleigh they have the most gorgeous windmill that you can hire out for a wedding for like £300 and as its a community venue the Registrar fee is like £50 instead of £600. Mind you, only holds 35 people... But was just to give you an idea of whats out there. My cousin is getting married by wedding in our beautiful local town hall and then she has hired out a nearby hall, with her artistic flare I am excited to see how she will transform it.

and... don't apologise! xx

Ha I told DH this morning that I was having a fertile day so he'd better be forewarned for this evening!

Am sending lots of positive baby dust towards all but particularly the two of you agonising over HPTs this morning!

@Frazzlerock you are so strong and survived that dark period yourself. Be proud of what you have achieved and I'm sure your rainbow will come x

@Twittlebee congrats! That's lovely news! Fx for a sticky bean x

Sorry, meant DP, habit typing x

@Frazzlerock I'm so so sorry you feel like this. It's a really shit journey and you have every right to feel the way you do. I just wanna give you a massive hug! Just because you have children doesn't mean you cannot still wish for more or grieve the ones you lost. Hope that you will have your rainbow very very soon and that your DH doesn't throw you off course x

Frazzle could he have been saying no to TTC, back then, because he honestly thought it was worse seeing you in pain after the MC or that he thought your MH needed to get better first? I am in no way excusing it or belittling your experience. Just I recall that my ExP done something similar with me, he said it was down to me to make myself better. I think with your DP proposing to you and cleraly up for lots of BDing last cycle is certainly positive steps towards wanting to continue TTC with you. How is the wedding planning going anyway?

@Pegase @Kinsters @ratherbeshowjumping thank you.

@Kinsters we celebrate CNY too. This was going to be our first with a baby then when I found out I was pregnant with the second one we thought CNY would be the perfect time to announce as it would have been a month clear of a 12 week scan. Sadly no baby or pregnancy now and like Chirstmas and New Year I'm dreading this CNY too.

Now focus is on having a healthy pregnancy by July due date which is also 1st anniversary of the first mc.

Been using OPKs again and so far on the flashing smiley so hopefully get the static smiley in a few days.

I'm gonna call GP later to ask for copies of all tests I've had in the past 12 months that will take me back to before first pregnancy. Hopefully they can just press a button and print it all out.

@Pegase I hope you managed to get DH in the mood lastnight/ this morning.

I'm trying to avoid all the media circus news around the royal pregnancy. Their announcement that was the worst badly thought out timing hit me hard. Doesn't help had another baby bomb last week. There's no escaping it!

Thanks everyone, I got a BFP at 13dpo at 2.30pm last time round and didn't test at all before then as genuinely did not think I was pg, so have no real idea how soon I'd be able to get one.
I might just wait and see what AF does.

@Twittle that's so exciting!!

@Frazzle your post is heartbreaking. I firmly believe your little rainbow will get here eventually. Bad luck comes in three's... it cannot possibly happen again. You know you can carry to full term, it's happened twice before. I am positive it will happen again for you. Your DH seems like he is on board - you've BD'd loads - hopefully that will stick as a habit and you'll conceive next month. Every single one of us has had a shit cycle after the mc. It happens. Your body has to recover after what it's been through. I am so confident that next month is your month xxxx