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Conception

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Original poster

The July '19ers - knocked down, but never beaten

961 replies

Frazzlerock · 03/12/2018 09:41

Hey @TinselBee, @Rose68, @BettySwoll0cks

Here is the thread I promised us.

Somewhere for us to help eachother, pick one another up, cry, scream, laugh..

Some of us may be looking to try again, some may be putting things on hold. Whatever our plans, lets get through this together.

(I don't know whether conception was the right choice of topic, I can always have this moved to a more suitable topic if anyone would like me to)

I will look through our threads again and see if I can @mention anyone else who might like to join us

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ratherbeshowjumping · 05/12/2018 07:26

I'm also horrified to admit I had similar thoughts with the one we just lost. Everyone told me, you're young, you're fit, you're healthy - it will NEVER happen to you. I really thought she was a girl & was picturing all the fun we'd have together with ponies. I actually never thought for a second "let's just get through this with a healthy baby."
Building on what Tinsel said, to me, mc was something awful & tragic that happened to other people... I find it's not until you open up & you start talking to others, how many people have actually suffered with this.

Rose68 · 04/12/2018 22:21

@Frazlerock I am very ashamed to say I had similar feelings with my first son, I found out at the 20 week scan I was having a boy and I was disappointed. I definitely needed a slap. It never occurred to me that he would be anything but healthy.

Fast forward 2.5 years to when my second DS was born and I had seen a lot of very bad shit with my friends and family. So I was just very relieved to have a healthy baby.

@hayleyfx If the mc’s are to do with egg quality, there is lots you can do to improve egg quality. Although you are very young for egg quality to be an issue. I’m sure they will have some answers for you and time is definitely on your side.

@Tinselbee how are you doing? Are you still bleeding?

I’m so sorry @hallowsandhorcruxes, ectopic pregnancy is a nightmare. I really hope your tube can be saved.

And @smerlin, so sorry to see you here. I can’t believe how many of us there are.

Original poster
Frazzlerock · 04/12/2018 18:30

Sorry @HallowsandHorcruxes just realsied I totally missed your post.
Sorry you have had to come over to us too, so many of us have had to move over here Sad

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Original poster
Frazzlerock · 04/12/2018 18:23

Tinsel I was also very naive with the DSs. I was 26 and 30 when I had them, so very young (one of the youngest of my circles). I knew nothing about MC, just that it happened to other people Hmm. Back then I was excited for scans as it meant I could see my baby again. Get this, I was even disappointed when we discovered DS2 was a boy (albeit for a few minutes). I mean, how fucking selfish is that!? If I could go back to that time, I would give myself a very hard slap across the face.

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TinselBee · 04/12/2018 18:17

Oh Frazzle the stats are horrid to look at. I was shocked when I found out it's 1 in 4 (or 1 in 10 for those of us under 30). I couldn't believe it was so high! Only me and my aunt have experience MCs in our extended family which is why I think no one really knows how to support me or what to say, also why I had my family asking me "so when you having your next baby? Why's it taking so long?" Whilst we were TTC for 12 months. I had no idea how hard it can be. I was so naive with DS.

Original poster
Frazzlerock · 04/12/2018 18:03

@hayleyfx you've been through such a lot. Every MC is so different isn't it?

My two surgeries at 9 weeks have been physically manageable.
But the one we lost mega early - the day we got our BFP - I was haemorrhaging blood, I had to get checked out as was losing so much blood all day everyday. I couldn't work out how such a young pregnancy (must have only been 3-4 weeks as I tested really early) could cause such a lot of bleeding. Again, total mind fuck.
Nothing about this seems 'average'
Are you okay with taking a break? I know I am desperate to be pregnant again, but then we had a 2.5 year break which I didn't want.

FFS, why can't making a baby be simple? Three babies have been born in DP's family in the 3 years since we lost our last two, and nothing, absolutely nothing has gone wrong for them. Not that I'd want it to, but you know... Sad

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Original poster
Frazzlerock · 04/12/2018 17:55

@Betty man I have no idea re dates. Ours measured 3.6mm at our first scan (no heartbeat) and sonographer said I was 6+3weeks (should have been 7 weeks)
Then 10 days later baby measured less at 3.1mm but with a heartbeat this time - though she said I was 6 weeks... (should have been 8+3)
Then 8 days later baby measured 2.8mm and no heartbeat (should have been 9+3)
It makes zero sense to me how a baby can actually shrink at each scan, yet show a beating heart one week and nothing the next.
It is like bay wasn't developing at all (shrinking even) but the heart did develop to a point. Mind fuck.

Our first baby (Emily) actually made it to just under 9 weeks according to our final devastating scan at exactly 9 weeks so she had literally died only days before, and had developed normally (in size that is)

I'm no longer convinced that early scans can give you peace of mind because, even with a heartbeat, they can be dead at the next scan.
It's all bullshit.
Even checking stats and probabilities is bullshit. Did I read on this thread? Or somewhere else perhaps that MCs are 1 in 4 (yet every one of my village circle of friends (around 8/9 of us) have had at least one MC. And only 1% of people experience recurrent MC - well blow me.... How have several of us in our July 2019 ante natal thread had recurrent MCs, and now find ourselves here?

Maybe I just don't understand probability and stats... (likely)

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hayleyfx · 04/12/2018 17:42

Small update from me: had another blood test today, HCG level down to 400 so I’m confident it was the sac I passed yesterday. Bleeding has almost stopped already. I guess I was measuring 5+3 so I’ve never had a loss at this gestation so how short it’s been has been a surprise.
With my first MMC I was losing way too much blood, it was like turning a tap on (sorry tmi) and was making me faint with the worst pains ever too. & then with my son it was basically giving birth to his little body, just with no life so that felt like an actual birth experience. The contractions, pushing, placenta, everything. So this time around it’s been a surprise and I’m trying to look at it as one positive, that my body hasn’t been too hard on me this time. Previous losses were definitely scarier and way way more painful, so I’m relieved about that.

Now it’s time to look into recurrent miscarriage testing for me! & a break from TTC. I feel like my body deserves a break after all I’ve put it through! 😬

hayleyfx · 04/12/2018 17:36

@Rose68 I haven’t tried progesterone or aspirin but it’s definitely something I’m going to ask the hospital about whenever I get my recurrent miscarriage testing. Anything for a healthy pregnancy. Also, I’ve just turned 25 so naively thought that pregnancy would be straightforward with age being on my side! Sadly not. Fingers crossed for everyone here. So sorry we’re all in this group, although the support is great x

@Frazzlerock thank you. My heart goes out to everyone here, it’s a horrible situation. Just heartbreaking. I’ve just learned how to cope with it sadly. Such a lovely poem btw, brought a tear to my eye 💕

@TinselBee I’m so sorry you’ve started bleeding. It usually does take longer for everything to pass. I’ve miscarried naturally a few times - it is definitely distinct as you pass the gestation sac. With this baby, it was the size of my palm. 1st MMC it was the size/length of my whole hand. It sounds scary but for me, it isn’t as scary as you expect. I doubt you’ll MC naturally though in that short time but if you were to, then try not to worry. You’ll manage it. Wishing you the best of luck that Friday goes as smoothly as possible and a quick recovery, fingers crossed xx

@ratherbeshowjumping that’s so lovely, how thoughtful from your DH ❤️

@Betty I’m sorry you’re going through this. That’s strange, is there definitely no hope? I’m just surprised there’s a heartbeat if the pregnancy isn’t growing properly. Sorry don’t want to seem like I’m trying to get your hopes up just asking out of curiosity. I really hope that you get a definitive answer soon xx

@Hopeful and @smerlin I’m so sorry to hear you’ve both had losses. It’s so sad and I’m sending love. Hope you’re both doing okay 💕

smerlin · 04/12/2018 17:30

Hope you get good news @BettySwoll0cks but must admit thinking positive is not something I can completely recommend at the moment! Not sure how reliable the dating measurements are though

BettySwoll0cks · 04/12/2018 17:27

@smerlin I was going to say F&B too. We painted our kitchen in Hague Blue which is pretty similar, and water based too. Or try Earthborn paints, those are good & non toxic too

@TinselBee Sorry you've been feeling so rough. Hormones are such a bugger 😕

Re: pg dates, I can't be that far out, we didn't DTD after I'd O'd so no. I still don't understand how the EPU use the measurements for dating. They told me that 4mm is 5-6 weeks, I read somewhere else that the rule of thumb is 6 plus however many mm's, so that would make me 6+4. Oh fuck knows.

HallowsandHorcruxes · 04/12/2018 17:20

Hi ladies, sorry to be joining you under these circumstances but lovely to have a supportive thread like this.

My background is that I went to gp on Friday with some pain and brown spotting at 5+4, sent up to gynaecology and nothing showing on scan so ended up being admitted as HCG was 1100 and they suspected EP. Discharged on sat and back on Sunday for a further scan - still nothing showing and HCG 1600. Today we got the confirmation that baby was in my left tube - now visible as my levels had doubled from Sunday.

Iv had a Methotrexate injection and am taking part in a clinical trial which means I take Gefitinib along with it to hopefully prevent me needing a second injection 🤞🏻

Obviously this means we need to wait a few months before we can try again but better that than having to have a tube removed Sad

Such a relief to finally have an answer though - the waiting in limbo was horrific

smerlin · 04/12/2018 17:13

Thanks for setting up the thread @Frazzlerock. Glad not to be cast adrift!

Could you get a colour match paint from Farrow and Ball? We chose 2 nice F&B blues for my daughter's room and got them mixed up cheaply at the local paint shop who know all the codes for mixing the F&B paint!!!

Original poster
Frazzlerock · 04/12/2018 17:04

Oh @ratherbeshowjumping I meant to add, that present from your DH was so beautiful, but I do understand the name thing. We named our first little one, Emily, which was or favourite girl's name at the time. We will never use that for another child despite how much we love it.
My feeling now is that if we keep using up our top names, we'll have none left by the time we actually have a live baby! So for Bean and Popsy we just left those names, rather than giving them 'proper' names.

I just looked through a bunch of birthday cards I ordered DP (his b'day is 23rd Dec). I ordered one from me, one from the DS's (his step sons), one from the cats, and one from 'the bump' Sad - it was such a beautiful card and I already had words added to it and made it out from 'your little Dirk' (DP's joke name for Popsy) so it can't be used again. It makes me feel so sad I can't give it to him Sad

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Frazzlerock · 04/12/2018 16:56

Hi all,

Christ Betty as if things weren't hard enough, this has to drag out for you too Sad. How much harder can this be for goodness sake!
Like the others, I'd love to give you a bit of hope, but we all know the shit that follows trying to be hopeful. I guess all you can do now is assume the worst. What a shitty time Flowers

Hi @smerlin and @ratherbe, I'm glad you found our little thread xx

To those who were amazed at my nursery skills, I don't think I was clear enough, that isn't actually our room, it is a baby's room from the interwebs that I am copying. I tried to find a dark blue for the walls yesterday but cold literally only find one dark blue out of about 3 aisles of paint at Homebase. I guess there isn't much call for dark colours.

I went shopping with my friend today and spent far too much money but bought the DSs their FC presents and some proper tacky decorations. My B&M cherry has been well and truly popped - not the most civilised of places and it was good to get a slightly chuckle as I heard "Jolly Holly Xmas" on the music system whilst babies were screaming the place down in the background. If I didn't laugh, I'd have cried from the triggers...
I sound like a right snob saying this but I feel slightly more at home at John Lewis... sometimes you just have to go with it, and I actually had a good time. It was a nice bit of distraction anyway. And (shh... I might even go back)

DP is on his way home! I just can't wait to see him. This past couple of days has been so hard without him. Normally I am fine when he travels for work but right now was just too much for both of us.

When I was in my friend's car earlier on or way home, I had a very small wave of excitement about TTC again - then I started panicking about how many more babies we will have to lose or if DP changes his mind again about TTC like he did after our second loss.
Those 2.5 years were such a dark time for me that I know I won't survive it again.
I think I just need to focus now on DP and the DS's, trying again successfully (this is selfishly my biggest need), and doing up the baby's room. I will have a chat to DP tonight.

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TinselBee · 04/12/2018 16:49

Urgh I feel so fricking ill, been sick so much today and just feel run down. Work was so bloody hard and making it home was hard too. Struggling to look after DS. Trying to cook him dinner inbetween being sick. Idk if this is pregnancy symptoms, MC symptoms or a bug?!

Betty I can't see how it can be either. But could you have dates wrong? That wrong? It's such a head fuck.

Nice to see you've found your way here Rather and smerlin although I obviously wish neither of you had reason to join us

Rather that is so thoughtful of DH. You could use the name again, say your next baby was named after their sibling ? Really has made me cry though reading that.

BettySwoll0cks · 04/12/2018 15:22

Hello @smerlin and @ratherbe ... good to have you here (despite circumstances). smerlin I'm sorry about your disappointment at the scan, it's such a rollercoaster of hope and sadness isn't it xx

smerlin · 04/12/2018 14:49

Thank you for setting this up. I would like to join please. Had follow-up scan today at hospital which confirmed that I have had a completed miscarriage. Early on enough for it to be just like a period thankfully so hopefully is all over now. Feel like shit though as have been feeling mildly nauseous for the past few days and bleeding had stopped so was feeling positive. Turns out bleeding stopped because there is nothing left anymore Sad

Rose68 · 04/12/2018 14:46

Ratherbe what a lovely thought from your DH! But oh no re the name, I think men just aren’t that great at thinking forwards sometimes. I’m sure it will be fine to still use the same name for your next little one. x

ratherbeshowjumping · 04/12/2018 14:31

How have I only just found this.... @Frazzlerock thank you so much for starting this one. I'm so sad to see everyone here, it really is upsetting.

Frazzle, I'm in complete awe that you've managed to sort a nursery - I burst into tears last night when DH was tidying rummaging for christmas present and came across a gorgeous blanket I'd bought.

I'm at work but slowly trying to read through the thread. Saddening to see that so many of you are requiring medical management, Betty and Tinsel, my heart absolutely goes out to you. I do feel lucky in the respect that ours was straightforward, I can't imagine how you must feel Sad

A present arrived from DH today - a "memory" bauble with our scan pic on and the LMP and date of mc on. It was really lovely and thoughtful gift, as he wanted baby showjumping to celebrate xmas with us, but he also had the name (my favourite ever name) on the back, so now I feel like I can't use that name for the next one. Feel really unreasonable not wanting to hang it on the tree for that reason.

Hopefulirishmammy · 04/12/2018 14:29

@Betty I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how frustrating and upsetting that must be. I echo @Rose, in that I also found the waiting horrendous (felt anxious scared angry and a bit trapped/stuck!) and can’t imagine what it must be like to have to keep going through the same processes. It’s just so unfair! Sending massive hugs and strength to get through the next two week (And well done for pushing for 2ww and testing, that took guts!) xx

Rose68 · 04/12/2018 14:17

I think it’s very hard to ask questions at the time, particularly if you are on your own. I went to my first scan on my own, which with hindsight was a mistake (I was too upset to question or ask anything).
Well done for not agreeing to a 3 week wait though! 2 weeks sounds far too long to me. xxx

BettySwoll0cks · 04/12/2018 14:07

@TinselBee I know, it's like every time it sits there for 2 weeks doing nothing and then tries to get going, but by then it's just too late. I feel like it can't be coincidence that it's the same pattern that repeats itself. Having said which, I have no idea what happened with my son, I sailed through to the 12wk scan blissfully unaware that any of this could be happening! He was a healthy size then though.

@Rose68 I'm booked back into the EPU in 2 weeks. She tried to make it 3 but I can't bear to wait that long (plus, it's Christmas)... she didn't say anything about the heartbeat, speed etc. They're not very helpful like that at my hosp, last time they didn't measure the gestational sac and this time the heartbeat. The trouble is I don't know to ask for it at the time, it's only when I google afterwards I realise it would be good to know 🙄

Rose68 · 04/12/2018 13:55

Please don’t worry Betty, this is what we are here for, to support each other. Flowers
You are measuring behind, so I do see what you mean, but could they tell how strong the heartbeat was? Did your doctor manage to get an answer for you? Will EPU scan you again next week?
Sorry for all the questions and I’m so sorry you are stuck in this limbo. I found the waiting horrendous, far harder than the tww. xxx

TinselBee · 04/12/2018 13:43

Betty this space is for us all to bang on about our situations! 😊 so don't worry! Is so odd how it's 3rd time it's happened to you. I would try and tell you there's a chance all could be well, but I know from my own experience being behind on dates is not good

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