The July '19ers - knocked down, but never beaten

oh Rachy I am so sorry to read that about your mum, such a bloody tough time for you as it is with your mum and now this too

Frazzle I will ask for a diffeent GP if I am still getting BFPs post Xmas as that be 3 weeks later

I agree with you Rather - people do not know what to say. Heck, I havent a clue what to say even though I am going through it! I suppose it is just nice to have acknowledgement that it is okay for s to be grieving and anxious. The OTT responses are probably the worse though Betty - I am with you on that.

Does sound like you have a nightmare of a MiL though Rather who clearly has no understanding of good manners let alone what to say to you regarding MCs!

And yup totally agree, wish the booklet hopsital gave me was more informative. Just states on there that I can TTC as soon as bleeding stops and to expect ovulation to happen around 2 - 4 weeks post MC and to have AF return 4 - 6 weeks post MC. And 1st day of bleeding or ERPC should be taken as CD1. So yeah been doing more reading on the net, mainly stalking old threads tbh.

I know the feeling about pretending your ok

My mum has cancer so she nor my dad knows about my pregnancy nor my MC. They only need positive things to focus on and we were going to tell them on Xmas Day as something for my mum to focus on getting better for, so upsetting them when there is nothing that they can do to help seems unfair on them now. I usually speak to them or see them everyday but for a week I couldn’t face it.
I had to pretend I’d lost my voice which meant I couldn’t call and couldn’t go round (mum can’t be around any germs because of chemo) so spent a week whatsapping only!
Even now as I type I’m sitting with them pretending I’m fine!

@rachyrach83 that's the strangest thing a boss could say!! WTAF!! I'm glad you managed to make him squirm though, good for you!

@Betty "well at least you know you can conceive" is the all-time classic. Imagine saying to someone who'd just been fired, "at least you know you can get a job" or someone who had a stillborn, "at least you know you can have a baby."

I do think many people don't know what to do or say in these situations and they fall into the categories of 1. not acknowledging you or saying anything at all. 2. making you "feel better" by reminding you that you can conceive or that "things happen for a reason" or 3. doing what MIL did and sending texts the next morning saying "hope you are ok, sure you will have another one soon." Yes I'm great actually, I delivered my dead baby a few hours ago but all well and good over here!!!!!

Oh yes, and how about "well at least you know you can conceive". Yes ... brilliant.

I've been avoiding speaking to my Dad for weeks. He doesn't know about my mc's (he's a total drama queen and we're not that close) but I am going to have to come up with an excuse for my silence now. Christmas stuff I guess. I just haven't felt like speaking and having to pretend everything is fine. Plus we have a new baby in the family (my step mother's first grandchild) so they can't stop going on about her, and I have done the duty thing of newborn gifts and texts etc

I haven't really told many people about it tbh. I find that when I do, they generally go a bit OTT and so I then find myself reassuring them that it's all ok really, "it's life ... I'm so lucky to have DS" etc etc. Just can't be bothered.

Feeling a bit grinchy today. It's my last day in work (hooray) but with the prospect of medical management this morning, I'm not doing very well with the festive cheer!!

Love a rant!

I got asked by my boss yesterday if I was going to start trying again ‘or give it a rest for a bit and concentrate on not going sick again?!’
Wtf??!
I said I didn’t think asking if I had unprotected Sex with my DH was appropriate and bordering on creepy! 😂 he nearly crawled up his own arse!!

My ‘best friend’ also likes to tell me frequently how ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ And ‘not the right time’.... er.... no.... it was very much the right time and very much meant to be.... she doesn’t mean to be a heartless d-head, but I’ve found me avoiding her for over a week!!

Wow that was a bit of a rant, sorry about that one!!!!

@Frazzlerock, it could be too early to test. I think I ov'd on either Thursday 6th or Friday 7th, which would put me at around 12dpo. I know every pregnancy is different but last time round I got a glaring line at 8dpo and every symptom going. I may test again on Friday if AF hasn't shown. Just hate seeing the BFN's :(
I did read something that cycles tend to elongate after a mc - but do AF symptoms change too?!

How lovely about your cat (gorgeous name too). I think animal behavours are a great indicator - I know one of my DHorses was uncharacteristically careful and considerate towards me when i was pg - he's usually like Bambi on ice!

@Tinsel that's really interesting, I didn't realise it could take that long. There seems to be so much contradictory information on the internet. I was the hospital could just give you a booklet with all of this information on - hcg levels, ovulating time, changes to cycles. I know it varies person to person, pregnancy to pregnancy but some indicator would be fantastic, instead of having to really on hearsay or incorrect info on google.
That's really shit about your SD - I'm sorry he was such an arse. I don't know how you held off slapping him.
We are due to go out with PIL tomorrow. I'm absolutely dreading the "are you pregnant yet" conversation and all the stupid comments that come with it such as "I'm so lucky I never miscarried" "are you sure there's nothing wrong with you" or my absolutely favourite "things happen for a reason and perhaps you're not meant to be a mother right now" - no MIL nothing wrong with me and yes MIL very lucky but out of your 3 children, 2 of them don't talk to you so yes you may have all the luck in the world doesn't make you a nice person or a good mother

Frazzle I am sorry that it causes you to feel that way, I do get it. I hate seeing that BFP every morning now as 2 lines does not = baby. Hmm I guess, but it might take a while to become infected and then it means this is all dragging out longer! Hope not though.

Anyone else seriously breaking out? My skin has never been this bad!

Kin I have one of those hairs too! Although I am forever plucking. Also got an additional couple over course of pregnancy with DS and actually they haven’t grown back for a while now so wonder if they are gone. Can’t say I noticed any extra with the pregnancy just lost. Is rather lovely thought though I think about your hair and the second one. Hopefully you’ll have a lovely healthy second hair soon (feels weird saying that!) So sorry you are feeling lonely too, I cant imagine what it must be like

Rather Not long now though till 2019, less than 2 weeks to go! Lets hope 2019 is the lucky year for us all xx

Frazzle Makes me feel awful though feeling all bitter! Tbh I would react same way as you with the headphones. I was so pissed off with my stepdad the other day actually, went over there for dinner and was in middle of conversation with my mum over dinner when stepdad decides that he will update me all of a sudden on how my sister’s newborn is doing and how perfect the 4 of them are together now! Honestly, was close to slapping him!! I don’t know how you have held off taking a test! Apparently the average is 12-16 days for HCG to leave the body post start of MC but can take as long as 4 weeks!! Depends on high your levels were and how your body gets rid of them and if there is any retained product etc. I am 12 days post ERPC but 14 days post start of bleeding so guessing I am gonna be one of the longer ones to rid HCG. Tbh I am pretty pissed I am not having a follow up scan to ensure nothing is left and GP won’t monitor my HCG either so have no choice but to keep POASs.

@Kinsters our bodies truly are amazing. That's a bizarre but really lovely little story. I don't think that's weird or woo at all, just your body acknowledging another one growing with you.

I know Mumsnet doesn't approve of "woo" type stories but when I was pg and working alone from home, I had this really strong feeling that I wasn't actually alone in the house. When I miscarried, the sensation completely vanished.

@TinselBee glad you've managed to get another thermometer! Sorry to hear you've still got a BFP (how weird it feels saying this).

Still waiting for AF to come - I even did a test last night just to rule out pg and it was BFN, so confident I'm not pg, just want AF to hurry up and get on with being here so we can crack on with ttc next month.

Well and truly ready for 2019 now....!!

Oh and I wanted to share a weirdly woo little story with you to see if anyone has experienced similar.

I have this hair just under my belly button which for some reason I call my "life hair" and won't pluck or wax it. Its much longer and thicker than the little hairs around it. Anyway, after our first positive scan when we saw the heartbeat I noticed that there was a second hair just above my "life hair" it was the same kind of thick and strong hair but a little bit smaller and lighter.

Before our scan where we learned the heartbeat had stopped I noticed the second hair was diminished like much smaller and weaker feeling but I ignored it and told myself (and believed) that I was being ridiculous. By the time of the third scan where the baby had disappeared it was gone completely.

I'll be interested to see if it comes back if when I get pregnant again. DH reckons it was caused by hormones but idk. Idk what I'd do if "my" hair dropped off - probably have a panic attack and convince myself I was dying!

Sorry for this very weird story, I mean it in a lighthearted way and will try not to get obsessed with my belly hairs over the coming months!

TinselBee yeah I think it's a good idea to mute. I'm lucky that I don't know anybody whose pregnant or with young children at the moment. Well I do know some but not well.

I went into work this morning but then left because I kept crying I'll be back I. The new year. Working in a foreign country is really hard and lonely but it feels extra lonely right now. No one asked why I'd been gone or cared that I was upset.

What tests are you using? I'll probably pick up some FRERs in the UK (they're crazy expensive here).

Morning all! How is everyone?

Bought a new thermometer yesterday, temp at 36.3 so no sign of Ov. But then again, wouldn't expect it as BFP this morning too...

Rachy hopefully you'll find time to squeeze it in!

Kin I do understand how you feel partly, I keep wondering if we should just give it a rest till the new year at least or even after our best friends wedding.

I've had to mute my NCT group chat from previous pregnancy. Just can't deal with the cutesy pregnancy chat going on about a couple of the girls. Feel so bitter. But I would have been due around same time as one of them. Hurts so bad.

BettySwoll0cks so sorry you waited so long just to hear bad news. That seems extra unfair.

Rose that's some shitty AF timing.

I've decided to take a break from TTC stress for a bit so no pregnancy tests, opks or temping. I think it'll be easy to follow that over Christmas when we're really busy and then January/February are quite busy for us with Chinese New Year and maybe going away. I can't face opening up fertility friend right now.

Typical to be the week up to Xmas.
I’m bloody exhausted!! Lol

Rachy from what I've read around ovulation post MC, OV happens very quickly after gettng close to 0. Should imagine that be lower than 10mlu. I'll be shocked if you aren't there in next couple of days by how fast you've been dropping! So you might be ovulating within next week maybe? Get DTD!

Afternoon all

Sorry to hear some of you are having a tough time

Fingers crossed for you @frazzle!!

Had hcg results from Dr... down to 34 yesterday (day 17). Anyone know if I can ovulate with them at that level?? So frustrated as willing them to be 0 :(
Although 33,000 to 34 in 3 weeks is quite a drop - no wonder I’m a moody / emotional / excited / generally strange wreck at the mo!!

Found this on another thread that I found interesting re hcg levels as clear blue tests....

Rather that is so frustrating! Why does it play tricks on us, not like we havent been through enough already!!!!

Had a google, appears we can expect to ovulate as soon as our HCG is close to 0! I suppose that is why some women ovulate only 2 weeks post MC. I am only 11 days post Op but 13 days since I started bleeding so assume I should just DTD lots for next 2 weeks to catch Ov