The July '19ers - knocked down, but never beaten

@rose no reason u will be last.... infact... if your Ov pains are here u may be first!! 😂

Yes I forgot to say I would be so happy for any bfp’s on here, it might feel a bit strange when I’m the only one left though, but I would still be really happy for everyone else.
I think my ov pains are starting. Bugger

Hi all, jist teying to catch up as been manic here with DS being poorly and getting ready for Nye

Rather I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I'm awful with relationship advice but please do feel able to talk and vent as much as you want to me and everyone else on here. So so so shit to be feeling so down already and then having all the crap from your DH too. I will suggest maybe it's worth telling DH how you feel about how your self-doubt and being rock bottom and counselling has worked wonders for my parents. Sometimes neither side realises the other persons perspective. Sending you lots of love xx

BFPs hopefully for us all soon and even more hopefully that they are all beautifully healthy babies and pregnancies etc for us too!!! Will be strange when BFPs start rolling out. I just realised I'm on CD26 actually, usually AF would be showing up any time from tomorrow...

That's true @Rachyrach83 I think he is as stressed, if not more so.

I feel exactly the same - I will feel nothing but joy when we start seeing bfps popping up. I do hope our lovely group stays together xx

@rather
It sounds like he is as stressed as you, and if he's anything like my DH he won't ever take responsibility for being a dick, but we dust off and carry on.

Maybe time quality together is as beneficial as time apart?? Xx

Re who gets BFP first, I wonder that too... and I can honestly say I think you lot are the only people I wouldn't be jealous of getting PG! I'd be so pleased for every one of you as I know you'd be pleased for me xx

Thank you all ladies, it is a bit comforting to know that we aren't the only ones who are coming out of this feeling disunited. Everything I seem to do, he picks holes in... on Friday, I made us some cheese & crackers but apparently he asked for the tomato chutney, not the onion chutney, and he blew up about how I don't respect or listen to him. Yesterday we were at the beach with the dogs & as I opened the car door, the puppy jumped over the back seats, escaped & ran up to a little boy, licked him & made him cry. I apologised profusely to the parents & felt awful - they were absolutely fine, it was no issue- but he started shouting at me & called me "brain dead" in front of an entire public car park. This morning, he found a dress with labels in it in the wash bin that I'd put in there by mistake instead of the charity shop bag & came storming into the bathroom when I was in the shower shouting at me as to why I'd done that.

There's so many examples & today I was just like 🤷🏽‍♀️ fuck this, I can't do this anymore.

Perhaps time can help, perhaps counselling can, I don't want to give up & this is the most awful perspective of someone who is usually kind, sensitive & generous... perhaps it's hormones, self-blame for loosing the baby, self-doubt about my competency of being a wife and mother, self-loathing for being so awfully jealous of every pregnant person around me, the feeling that I'm not good enough to be a mum... all complete & utter nonsense that I've not shared with a soul... I just don't think I can deal with the one person who's meant to have my back knocking me down more when I'm already feeling rock bottom.

@rather Oh no! I’m so so sorry to hear that! How absolutely horrid for both of you. Can you give yourself a bit of time and then see how you feel? This might not be the best time to make such a big decision, but then only you know how you really feel. I remember you saying things about him on the July thread... leaving you to do everything etc... Sending you much love and hugs

As for me... I usually get smiley face on the cb digital and then get ovulation pains later that day. It should be today, but no ov pains yet and no smiley face either. Tons of ewcm though, which is funny after I said it had been lacking recently. Hopefully dtd will be a bit more successful tonight.

I know this is bad but I can’t help wondering who will be the first on here to get a bfp. I know it won’t be me... I’m not holding out much hope, although I intend to try for a couple of months yet, if DH stays on board that is.

ratherbeshowjumping I also hope you're OK and have people you can talk to. This is such a stressful thing to go through. Is it worth doing couples counselling or anything like that?

edidxb it's a 12 hour flight if you go direct but we went via Oman this time to save money. Just finished the first 7 hour leg with a child kicking and screaming behind me now onto the next one...

That sucks about the negative test. I'm really hoping that I'll fall pregnant straight away and not have to deal with a period but realise it's unlikely as I have no idea when I'll ovulate plus the chances of it happening first cycle are low. I'm sure it won't stop me doing loads of tests though! Going to get back on it with temping and opks in the new year.

sorry
Ctd..... a truth you keep unsaid as you both know it but it's not needed to be heard.

Just don't make rash decisions with hormones and emotions like this xxxxx

@rather

I hope you are ok
You two have been under such immense strain it's bound to take toll.
DH and I haven't been all roses since, he put a hole in the wall the day before my ERPC and we have had some real nasty arguments but that's not what we like 3 months ago and I'm confident it's not what we will be in 3 months time.
Are you sure time can't help to heal this?
Or even counselling? I've said some awful things to my DH that I'm not proud of, about his kids not being enough for me etc, but he knows it's not how I really feel (or perhaps he knows it's a try

Oh ratherbeshowjumping are you ok? Do you have any IRL support you can access? You need to make the decision that is right for you but don't forget you have been under a lot of strain as a couple which will have an impact also. x

Hi everyone, so sorry I've not been on much, I have been reading through... it looks like DH & I are splitting up. There's no one else involved but we've had a few really horrific arguments recently & there are some things you just can't forget or unhear.
He's gone out & I'm sat here with the dogs just feeling really sad. It's completely my decision & I know that it's the right one for me long term, but just absolutely gutted. We've only been married 6 months. Happy fucking new year 👍🏼

Hi all
We didn’t make up and I was clearly a reluctant host as they only stayed a short time.
DH really pissing me off so just went to bed and to sleep!

Oh no re the disaster sex! Try not to worry too much though hun, from what I’ve been reading dtd everyday for up to 3 days is ok for Sperm, that’s why in SMEP plan they say every other day till positive OPK then everyday for 3 days during Ov (or similar). It’s hard not to get mad at them though!! Last month DH was constantly on about getting oral sex and I was like ‘are you kidding me?!’ But as that’s a normal part of our sex life he was sulking!!

I finally slept, but cb digital thing said blank circle this morning, which surprises me cause it’s always cd 12 or 13 and this is cd 13. I was totally expecting smiley face, hence the dtd last night. So maybe disasterous sex doesn’t matter so much now. Although I guess it does matter if we have dtd too early cause now it will have to be every day until ov. So no sperm recovery time.

@edidxb FX for the new job! Being bored at work isn’t much fun.
@Rachyrach83 I hope last night was okay.

Argh Rose68 what a nightmare! Try not to stress about it though- you need DP on board for further DTD!

Well AF finally came on here properly here after nearly a week of spotting so can turn on the fertility monitor! Told DH you can only get pregnant 6 days a month as it were after DTD and he couldn't believe it. Glad he was listening during Biology at school

Also, I am at work today (due to our Sunday-Thursday work week) and I am so very bored! I have just applied for a new job which I would really like, so fingers crossed I get it.
I have been at my current place of work for 6 and a half years which is a long time and I really need a change of scenery and change of pace and just a change in general.......

Morning all,
I never knew what the ring was before either on the tests, so thank you @Frazzlerock for asking the question as I never would have! Thanks @Tinselbee for answering!
Oh @Rose68 that sounds like a difficult moment. There is so much pressure DTD and it is horrible when it goes wrong in the time frame when it could have so many consequences. We still have not done anything since last Sat but maybe this week.
I am convinced I am not about to ovulate. I have taken a couple of OPK strips this week but not every day as I don't want to waste them and they have all been negative. I haven't had any signs like the ewcm I usually get - in fact it is very creamy. So I either did last week and I am waiting for AF or I tried to ovulate (as I did have 2 days of EWCM) and failed and therefore I am gearing up to it again.
I did make the mistake of taking another pregnancy test yesterday even though I had taken one on THursday which was negative. I think I just really hoped I would be pregnant again but it was very much stark white........and then you just feel so disappointed. So I am going to try to resist taking any more tests again.
Like most of you, I am now just ready to move on - get AF, get it over and start on a normal track of cycles again. But after my last MMC it took 2 months for my cycles to come back again. ARGGGHHH.
@RachyRach83 - how was your evening in the end? Did you go out or stay in? How were the family?
@Frazzlerock - that's so cool about DS2 being ballboy! Did he enjoy it? I have also put on weight over the last 2 months and I really need to shift it. But have decided I am not going to try for another week or so. I am going to continue with the carbs this week and then get on the pumpkin seeds next week. Apparently the zinc in pumpkin seeds is very good for fertility......
@kinsters - I hope your journey back to Malaysia is OK - how long is the flight? I'm still not fully over my jet lag but I slept better again last night. It will go eventually!

Dtd tonight, but it was fairly disastrous, DH came out and started coming before getting back inside. He says just a little bit, but I don’t think it was just a little bit. I can’t sleep now, I’m stressing too much, everything seemed just right until disastrous sex happened 😞

Just quickly popping by to say the ring helps to focus the camera!

Thanks frazzle
He didn't ask me because he knew I don't like them much.
I don't mind at someone else's house like the MIL because it's not my mess to clear up! The kids aren't well behaved and they torment the dogs and the cat (who are my fur babies!) and I'm just not in the mood for them all! Fuck it I'm going out! Lol xx

Just generally being a knob 😂
We only get 1 day (Saturday) every 2 weeks when they kids aren't here all day and we can do something. Often we go to have a dog walk and a coffee, or even just have a lazy day. Because of Xmas we haven't done this for over a month and today was 'our day'..... but he invited his brother and his family round tonight for a Chinese (without asking me) and I'm not a fan of them anyway - they are the sort who both sit there drinking while their kids run wild in your house, but they see that as down time for them! And now he's insisting we have to run round like morons cleaning up all the Xmas clutter because they are coming.
It's petty but it's pissed me off lol! I just wanted to have a day walking the pooches and having coffee and cake and sorting the house tomorrow while the kids are glued to the PS4 for a few hours!
He knows I'm perfectly fine with making tonight awkward by still not speaking to him and he will relent shortly because he hates an atmosphere in front of others!