TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 27 - BFPs are coming!

I've been having flashbacks/intrusive thoughts since my first miscarriage back in April, since this last one I've been having nightmares too. I self referred to the local NHS psychological therapies service but they declined to offer an appointment as on the screening questionnaires I scored low for depression and anxiety.

There was some research relatively recently on ptsd, anxiety and miscarriage, doesn't specifically mention ttc but am sure that must be part of it: www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/mental-health/a28142/miscarriage-support/

@Laney79 It's horrible what miscarriages can do to the way we feel about our bodies. Try to be kind to yourself and allow time to heal x

Needadoughnut haven't found anything but be interested in reading around that topic too. Everyone keeps telling me there is no connection to stress / anxiety and TTC or Miscarriage etc. BUT my consultant who I see for my Acute Anxiety Disorder told me otherwise...

So, yesterday was interesting, got a phone call from my Legal team about the car crash I was in. The other guy admitted liability and they are looking into how to claim that the car crash and the anxiety induced from it contributed towards my MC. Dates of stopped growth match the car crash date. Feels horrid though getting money from my MC but I keep thinking that maybe it will help me think it wasn't my fault that the MC happened and I can take DS on a nice holiday

I was thinking, has anyone got across any articles/insight on mental health while TTC? I can see over and over again (me included) that we deal with depression/anxiety due to not being able to conceive/carry to term. What I thought was going to be one of the happiest times in my life has given me the opposite (mostly when AF is due).

Sorry you’re having such a tough time @Laney79 - have you thought about telling a white lie or two to the GP so they could start the ball rolling on investigations whilst you’re still TTC? Or could you do some of the cheaper initial testing privately?

I’m finding myself irrationally (or maybe rationally, actually) angry this week - thanks AF. My DH is really stressed too so we’ve not been getting on too well for the last few days either. Also had some discussions re my return to work in Jan as I’ve been off since October and I just don’t want any of it. I should be going off on maternity leave in a few weeks, not coming back from a bereavement break. Christmas making everything that bit harder too.

@Yukka I think my problem is my gut is telling me even if I do fall pregnant again there's something wrong so I'll miscarry again. It sounds terrible to say but I just need that over with so someone will help me. I just don't have the time to keep doing this. If it doesn't happen quickly there'll be no chance of finding out what's wrong and fixing it before I'm too old and it's too late. Every time I miscarry it takes months to recover physically and to get some kind of cycle back. Add that to the fact I seem to have mmcs so it always takes its time to actually happen. I worked out I've only actually had around 8 weeks this year where I haven't been pregnant, miscarrying or recovering from an Mc (ie waiting for first AF). I'm just exhausted.

@Lilimum5 don't worry lovely. You didn't upset me. Just feeling hopeless right now x

@Laney79 oh I see, I'm so sorry it must be very hard to cope with the feeling of time running out. I feel the same way. I really hope that you will be blessed with a miracle rainbow. You deserve some happy. I'm sorry if my question has upset you in anyway it wasn't my intention. Wish I could give you a big hug. 2019 will be better it has to be xx

@Yukka yep-has my useless carcass of a body done what it was supposed to the timing would've been perfect. Sadly rather than ovulating on day 13/14 (after dtd cd 11 and 12) it's taken till now cd21.

Like I said-every time I find hope...

Sorry you're feeling so down @Laney79 :( it's so horrible having to explain to people.

@wanderlustgirl it took 31 days for AF to arrive after the erpc and I usually have 29 day cycles (or I did before the miscarriage).

I'm not sure if I ovulated or not. I got a positive opk and ovulation pain but my temp increase was much more gradual than usual. I'm 5 dpo (if I even ovualted) and keep symptom spotting. I'm so annoyed with myself, I know symptoms aren't possible before implantation could even have happened and I got upset that I got a bfn on hpt. Forgetting the fact that a bfp would be impossible this early (I'm obviously going crazy!) it's the bfp I've been waiting 7.5 weeks for since the d&c! I feel so stupid! I should be relieved about it, not upset!

Thanks @strawberrye.

@Lilimum5 he does want a baby but he doesn't feel the urgency the way I do (I wouldn't feel anywhere near as pressured if I was younger) and he struggles with stress/depression at times. He's still very much of the "what will be will be" mindset and is very confident we'll have a baby. I'm just more realistic. I'm 40 in July and We aren't like some couples who can dtd every day/every other day so I have to try and time things otherwise the pressure can get too much for him.

It just feels like there are so many obstacles in the way. It breaks my heart. I don't want to give up but I don't think I'm strong enough to keep doing this.

@Lilimum5 what a horrendous time you've been put through, I'm so sorry. It's so frustrating that it's so hit and miss and we have to suffer. We just have to remember that it's rare and treatable. This whole thing really messes with your mind xx
@Laney79 sorry you are having such a hard time and dentist experience sounds very distressing. I hope you get some understanding/cooperation from oh. Don't give up xx
@wanderlustgirl I hope it's quick for you again this time xx

@Laney79 it sounds like you are in a really tough place at the moment. I'm sorry things feel so bleak at the moment. We are all here for you

@TinyPaws really sorry to hear your news, sending hugs

@awakeatnight sorry for your loss and to see you back here. It is so unfair.

@SerenaOverjoyed glad to hear you heard the heartbeat and good luck for Monday, I would definitely just turn up and get another proper scan done

@Yukka good luck and very glad to hear things are progressing nicely so far

Sorry to everyone else I have missed - sending hugs to those having a difficult time.

Well I pushed to have some bloods done at my GP as my RMC appointment isn't until February and so glad I did. Looks like my borderline thyroid function and thyroid autoantibodies has turned into full blown hypothyroidism, my TSH is >60! No wonder I lost this most recent pregnancy. In a way relieved to have found something to explain this loss (although wouldn't explain first two as thyroid was borderline then), unfortunately we won't be able to TTC for a few months whilst I get my TSH down on thyroxine although an enforced break might be what we need.

@Laney79 I'm sorry your feeling so low hun. Does DH know how you are feeling and I'm sorry I don't know you story very well but if DH is wanting a baby why wouldn't he want to try. Sorry if I'm being to noisy xx

Thanks guys. @Yukka I'm afraid the chances of anything with oh are slim. He has a cold and tomorrow he's working which means he won't be in a good mood and going out in the eve and won't be back till late. Given that my ic opk was positive at 10pm last night I reckon I've got till Friday afternoon latest, so that me out.

Lucky me. AF due on Christmas Day and likely to last with brown spotting into 2019. So much for a new year new start. I really don't know how much more of this I can take. Every time I get the tiniest bit of hope something slaps me back down. I've started thinking that maybe we should just give up and that I need to accept I'll never be a mom.

And to top it all off today I went to the dentist for the first time since my miscarriages. I was pregnant last time, and I had to explain. Receptionist was adamant I didn't have to pay and I had to google and show her the nhs website that says I'm not eligible for free treatment because I lost My baby. Really didn't need that.

@Chilliandlime I hope the short cycle stays for you! It's so much easier and you almost get an extra try every other month!

I came off the pill 3.5 years ago so I just have to accept long cycles. We conceived the first month we tried by having sex every other day. I am not looking forward to trying again! Xx

@Chilliandlime I understand your fear hun I have the same. I had medical management on 31st of October, erpc on 4th November and medical management on 26th (this one was the worst and I've had this 5 times). I'm worried that all this has given me scars in my uterus or has buggered up my cervix somehow. I still haven't gotten af yet but I guess that's because of all the problems I've had the fact that I'm now very anaemic due to blood loss. I think I chose medical management again because like you I was scared of Ashermans.

@wanderlustgirl post-pill mine were 37, 50, 35 then conceived on 42 day cycle, then 38 first post-mc cycle and conceived on next cycle which would have been 33 days, so no idea what's normal as been all messed up this year. The Dr I saw last week said the pill puts your ovaries to sleep, really hope they are now 'awake' and they will shorten to last cycle length next year as you say. It's a pain having long cycles when you're ttc! Xx

@Chilliandlime mine use to average around 40/44 days. I worry I have PCOS but I am not sure as they are long but almost consistently long. Should probably speak to my doctor. Maybe they will shorten next year now they are in a cycle for you! XX

@wanderlustgirl mine took 6.5 weeks after the one I had in July, but my cycles had been long since coming off the pill in January. Really hope the pain and bleeding stops soon for you xx