TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 27 - BFPs are coming!

@lilmousey It has been a heartbreaking 9 months but I really hope things will improve now that we are ready to try again. My counsellor recommended that I wrote a letter to my DH so that he could read it without any interruptions or arguments mid way! I had planned to but to my surprise my DH wrote me a letter (without knowing my plans!) and he read it to me. It really helped us talk things through so maybe try writing a letter and see if that helps you express how you're feeling.

Each dog stay with us for around 3-4 months. During our training for our first dog I was actually miscarrying and they offered to train us another time but I said I'd be okay. The centre is only around the corner from my house so I was keeping every crossed I could get through it without a panic attack or bleeding everywhere. I had to rush to the toilet several times and it was awful waiting for the clots to pass so I could go back to the room. Really surprised I managed it but I didn't want to postpone having a dog! I was so grateful I had the dog to cuddle during the period I was signed off work. She kept me going and I even ended up running every day in November to raise money for Guide Dogs! I started running after my first miscarriage and that's hugely helped me mentally. I changed from a couch potato to 5k runner!

Do you have any hobbies that you can focus on to help?

Thank you for the warm welcome ladies.

@RedRobin7 it breaks my heart to hear your story but it's also given me huge comfort - how twisted is life! I know men deal with their emotions differently and I know I need to take responsibility as well and tell him that by shutting me out he's making me feel like this hasn't affected him which makes me feel more alone - but I also don't want to have to tell him how to act! Really happy to hear you and dh are ready to start TTC again. I hope 2019 is a more positive year - in all senses!

Your new pup is so cute! How long do they normally stay with you? I'm sure they've provided real comfort in those moments of need. Such wonderful animals!

@Lilimum6 worth asking, but I think it probably depends on what your GP is happy ordering and interpreting. Good luck!

@Boboelephant yeah I was exhausted! Took every inch of my being to drag myself into work every day. Hopefully my TSH is heading towards normal as I am feeling much better.

Morning ladies!
@Boboelephant Great to hear from you! Totally understand that you feel like you're no longer in the same position as most of us on here but we'd love to hear updates on how you're doing. I regularly think about you. Wishing you all the luck in the world as you start IVF 🤞🌈

@KnitKitty You are so lovely donating your blanket to LGBT! Always so thoughtful.
My boobs aren't as sore today so I think you're right. Just psychological but at least I've only got 2 weeks until we'll be trying again. Well, providing DH doesn't change his mind which he's done a thousand times before. I think he knows it will cause huge problems with our marriage if he does!
I had an MRI years ago for my pituitary gland because I had high prolactin levels and my boobs would be sore for a month at a time. Hopefully, like mine, your results will all come back normal. Interesting they did an MRI to look at your womb shape - I've only been offered a hysteroscopy.
I really hope this is your year - once you've settled into your new job and have answers from RMC! Let us know how you get on with your new job 😊 Good luck!

@Lilimum6 How are you doing today lovely? I hope it's all happening naturally for you. Completely understandable that you're feeling numb and questioning if this is enough now. Don't make these decisions yet - wait until you're feeling stronger. Life is so cruel and it's so unfair. Don't give up hope! Thinking of you xx

@TinyPaws I hope you get some answers. I'm on my second round of counselling and it's helping more than the first time. I hope it's helping you too.

@Mistymeow Lovely to hear from you and great news you're starting IVF. Everything crossed for you and sending luck your way too 🤞🌈
As for insensitive friends - it's so so hard. I feel like everyone around me is pregnant and nobody remembers what I've been through when they talking about it all the time. My best friend was a week behind me during my second pregnancy. She's asked me to go to her baby shower next month. I couldn't say no because I'm her best friend but I know it'll be so hard.

@moonpeace Welcome to our little group - it's the worst club in the world but we are all in it together and there's so much support 🐧 My first two miscarriages were very similar to yours. Also in March and July. It is so consuming and hard to think about anything else so we understand. Hope you feel you can talk to us here.

@lilmousey Welcome too. So sorry you find yourself here. I totally understand how alone you feel. When I had my MMC at 12 weeks in March, my husband drove me home from the scan and tucked me up in bed and then went to work. I said it was fine but still to this day I don't understand why he thought it was okay to leave me. He didn't realise how bad I was until after I had surgical management and ended up having panic attacks! Second miscarriage he didn't talk much about it and couldn't understand why I had bought candles for my babies. He didn't like me sharing about my miscarriages on social media - I only did on the Wave of Light day. I think it was just his way of dealing with it and he didn't understand by shutting it all out he was making me feel alone. My DH then decided he never wanted to try again and we argued so much about it. We had a massive row recently and it all came out. He said he has been affected by the miscarriages more than he's let on, so perhaps yours is just not able to talk about it. I was just thinking maybe he didn't have a heart! Unfortunately, the best way for us to deal with it was time. He eventually came around. Now he's agreed to talk to someone - not counselling but a close friend of his. 6 months on from the last miscarriage we are now ready to try again.

Sorry for the long post! I missed lots whilst being busy falling in love with my new guide dog in training! He's 20 months and is in advanced training. He settled well and slept all night. I won't name him as I can be easily traced but here's a pic 😊

@Mistymeow hello! You were the other person that's been on my mind. So glad you didn't have to wait for ages. I've heard stories of NHS funded IVF taking 18 months! So brilliant news!! If you don't need to work right now I think I'd wait. I have to take off so much time for appointments, lucky my boss is awesome. That's crap about your friends, definitely not what you need right now. Hope to see you on an IVF board very soon!
@strawberrye I can't imagine how tired you must have felt. I was borderline and felt exhausted. Hope they find some answers as to what was making it so high.
@moonpeace and @lilmousey welcome and so sorry for your losses. I find it's important to talk about it as otherwise it just festers inside. This thread is fab and I also told some friends who hadn't known about my pregnancies yet as I needed the support.

Hi ladies

Please may I join?

I'm 29, OH is 33 and we've been TTC #1 for 10 months.

First BFP before xmas but MC last week at 6 weeks.

Still feeling sad and lonely. (burst into tears on my way home last night!) OH doesn't want to talk about it.. and we didn't tell anyone else so I have no one to talk to and it feels like it never happened. Anyone else experienced anything similar with their partner, and how did you deal with it?

Keen to start TTC again soon although recommendation from nurse was to wait until after my next period - although that sounds like it's more for a dating benefit than anything else.

@strawberrye I'm waiting for an appointment now wonder if I should try an pester a gp into doing some tests for me. What should I ask for

@Lilimum6 I had most of it done by my GP when I found out the wait for my RMC appointment was 3 months, she agreed to do them to hopefully speed up the process a bit x

@strawberrye how long have you been doing this testing for

@Lilimum6 I've had my vitamin B12 and vitamin D, as well as coeliac screen which was all negative. Waiting for the second lot of my clotting bloods and to be seen at the RMC where I'm hoping they'll offer more tests including genetics x

@strawberrye fingers crossed 🤞 for your next test hun, hope its dropped enough to be safe to try again x have they done any other tests that might be the cause for your losses x

@lilimum6 hypothyroidism is associated with miscarriage and problems with fetal neurodevelopment. It's undoubtedly what caused my third loss, but my TSH was around 4 for my first two losses so I don't think it's the whole answer for me. So I need to wait until TSH is

@strawberrye wow yours was high. Thanks for your reply. I don't really know much about how it affects pregnancy though but I assume that it is very bad

@KnitKitty that sounds amazing about you donating your rainbow work of art to the local LGBT group!

@TinyPaws @boboelephant @Lilimum6 yup 60! Mental isn't it? No wonder why I was feeling so shattered and depressed before Christmas! @Lilimum6 TSH stands for thyroid stimulating hormone, its basically how hard your body is having to work to get your thyroid to work. Normal range is something like 0.5-5.0 but should be

@Boboelephant nail on the head I don't understand either x
@TinyPaws thanks hun hope your investigation sheads some light for you
@KnitKitty sounds like they are slowly getting somewhere now. How is your new job?
@strawberrye what's is tsh and what could 60 mean I don't know anything about it.
@Mistymeow sorry you have been unwell and I understand how you feel about your friends. My best friend has 7 kids from age 17 to 1 and I'm so jealous of her and she is a fantastic mum like supermum xx

Hi ladies,

Sorry I've been awol- had the flu over new year and it really floored me. I'm sad to see so many new joiners to the thread, sending all my love your way.

@lilimum6 really sorry to hear of your recent loss. I hope you're bearing up.

@redrobin7 glad to hear that you are back ttc, got everything crossed! I really want to see a pic of the doggy :)

@knitkitty sounds like you have a lot going on but it's all very thorough. DH sees an endocrinologist at UCLH and they are incredible. I hope you have some answers soon and you can start ttc again. It will all be worth it, I'm sure of it x

Like our dear @boboelephant I am embarking on IVF. It all came about so suddenly- we got approved for one funded cycle and have our first appointment at the end of the month. I feel quite unprepared, was expecting months of waiting. I also don't have a job right now and wondering if it's wise to start a new contract whilst going through all this. @bobo I hope to be joining you on the infertility board as soon as I know my protocol! @tinypaws I hope you're doing ok, and that I get to chat to you soon for your next round (when you decide the time is right). Glad to hear that you got a cancellation and they are investigating.

I do feel fully recovered from my mmc last year but gosh I saw my childhood friends over Christmas and they were incredibly insensitive. One of the girls has a baby and the other is pregnant, and then there is me. She literally would not stop going on about her baby and asking the other friend all about her pregnancy. I'm honestly fine with pregnancy and babies but jesus, for four hours, and not being able to join in. And them knowing that I can't join in with their excitement. She didn't once ask about me. I was hurt because I felt my oldest friends had no real clue what I was going through. I'm not going to see them for a long while I think and I'm going to mute the whatsapp group. My other friends with babies are not like this. Sorry for rant.

@TinyPaws nice to hear from you! I've been wondering about you and how you're getting on. I'm glad that you got a cancellation and are getting tests. I hope you get some answers soon. Also I think counselling is a great idea. This malarkey takes its toll.
@strawberrye I missed that. 60!? That's crazy. I hope the levothyroxine sorts it out quickly.

@Boboelephant @KnitKitty Great to hear from you both!

Good luck with the IVF @Boboelephant and let me know if you have any questions about my experience.

@KnitKitty it sounds like they are making (slow) progress with your investigations, hopefully you are getting answers that will enable you to move forward.

@Laney79 Glad you are feeling a bit better. :)

@strawberrye A TSH of 60?! When will they test again to see if it comes down?

@Lilimum6 Fingers crossed your body is able to complete this miscarriage naturally.

Sorry for all those I haven't mentioned individually.

I'm only sporadically on this thread since I'm not TTC at the moment and struggle to keep up with it at the best of times. I was very lucky to get a cancellation so have already been seen at the recurrent miscarriage clinic, now waiting on a whole bunch of investigations. I'm also having some counselling as I still have symptoms of post traumatic stress.

I hope 2019 is treating you all kindly. x

@Lilimum6 good luck. I hope you get the referral and some answers. I can't decide if it's better or worse knowing that your body CAN do this. Part of me looks at my DS and thinks yes you know that you can do this so it is going to work eventually. The other part thinks how the hell is it so hard now when it was so easy before!?

@Boboelephant no hun waiting for the referral now and I'm thinking of pushing for Tommy's in Coventry too

@Lilimum6 thank you lovely. I'm so sorry it's happening but I do hope your body is able to let go of this one naturally. Sorry if I've gotten this wrong but I feel like you have had two DC where the pregnancies were successful. Have the docs been able to shed any light on why you keep MC'ing now after having them?
@KnitKitty I love that you donated your rainbow crochet and they hung it on the wall. Great story! Sorry that you are being faffed about with the appointments but I hope you get results soon. Patience is a good virtue to have I guess! Thanks hun, I hope so. Hopefully this process will bypass the tube issue and have a happy ending 🤞

Well I think this mc might well happen naturally (fingers crossed 🤞) which would be great as I really don't need anymore interventions. Woke up today to cramps and pink spotting so hopefully it'll get going quickly. Is it really bad that I'm just numb to this now, it's like this is what happens I get obsessed with ttc, get a bfp and wait to mc, repeat. I'm starting to wonder if I should just accept that it's not going to happen for me and get on with it 😢

Boboelephant Great to hear from you. I've only been on sporadically recently too. I'm so pleased you're starting IVF now. I have absolutely everything crossed for you!!! I really think that the only problem was you ovulating on the 'wrong' side each month so I'm really hopeful that IVF will work. Sending lots of big penguin cuddles! xxx

@Laney79 Thanks, I'm trying to be in a good place. It's working most of the time.

@strawberrye I'm doing some crochet at the moment. I started a rainbow blanket but the yarn I got off the internet was too coarse to be a blanket. I stopped making it before it was big enough to be a blanket; so I donated it to a LGBT charity and they've got it hanging up on one of their office walls!
I'm currently making a different blanket but want to try making some stuffed toys I think.

@RedRobin7 The symptoms could well be psychological since you know there's a small possibility. I've found I have faaaar fewer symptoms each month when not TTC, probably just because I'm not looking out for them. Although I was getting pregnant almost every cycle last year, so maybe they were always genuine symptoms. It's so hard all this wanting a baby business.
Yes the pea reference did take my breath away for a second.
I'm so sorry you're still finding things so difficult, but I am really pleased your hubby has said you can try again. I'm really glad you're getting counselling. Take care of yourself.
And Yey! on getting another guide doggy today!!! Enjoy!
I am genuinely doing a lot better. The pause with TTC is actually helping and I do have lots of distractions going on... I'm not sure I'd be doing so well without the distractions. But of course, I do still have moments and it is still hard.

I had two MRIs, one in December to look at my abdomen; I think mostly so RMC could see what shape and size my womb is. And I had one a week ago to look at my pitruitary gland as the bloods done at RMC showed significantly elevated levels of prolactin and it can be caused by a benign tumour on the pitruitary gland. So that's also why I've been referred to endocrinology.
I spoke to my RMC consultant's secretary today to check if I'll get any results through the post or if I have to wait for an appointment. She said that normally it is a case of needing an appointment and she apologised as normally the second appointment is booked on the day that you have the first one, but the department is a bit all over the place as the doctor who usually does the RMC (just one?!?) has been off on long-term sick and so other doctors have been sporadically running the clinic when they can. So she's going to keep an eye out for the results of my second MRI, and said I would be contacted sooner if they needed to, and she's going to try and push along getting an appointment time for me.
I guess I'm just learning patience at the moment.