Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Feeling sad. How do you keep positive?

30 replies

MrsDash · 08/11/2018 13:10

I’m 11dpo and have just had a tiny amount of pale pink spotting. I used to get excited that it might be implantation bleeding but 5 cycles later I now realise it signals AF is on its way.

I’ve been off the pill 10 months. I have recently been diagnosed with endometriosis (mostly on my bladder so in theory shouldn’t stop me conceiving) and my gynaecologist has now told us to have fertility checks. I had a chemical back in June though so know I can get pregnant but at the moment it just feels so remote and at the same time so many friends are getting pregnant. I’m really struggling to cope.

How does everyone keep a positive mental attitude?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Original poster
MrsDash · 09/11/2018 22:23

Don’t feel bad @molinski I completely understand. It’s difficult no matter where you are in the TTC process. I’ve been feeling like this for a while tbh. I think having the endo diagnosis makes you fear for the worst even when the gynaecologist is saying you should be able to conceive.
I would liked to have sat at home in pjs all weekend but we’re visiting the in laws. I suppose it’s a distraction. Thanks for the advice @sauvingnonblanc, makes a lot of sense. Hope everyone has a nice weekend x

OP posts:
seven201 · 09/11/2018 19:35

I think it's very personal. We've been trying for dc 2 for 11 months, with an early mc in March. My due date would have been next week. I assumed I'd be pregnant at least by now. Everyone in my Nct group has recently had a baby or is pregnant. It feels shit. I give my head a wobble sometimes and try and appreciate what I've got and try and have faith that it will happen. Have got the ball rolling on getting fertility tests done, so I feel like I'm trying.

molinski · 09/11/2018 15:45

@MrsDash does sound like we're in very similar situations. Bless your heart you are a little further along in your journey than I am so I feel bad for being annoyed my af has come the last two months. Totally understandable to have one of those days, but I agree with @sauvignonblancplz I have also learnt sitting in your pjs doing nothing but binge watching tv chomping away on anything you fancy and just having a good mope can actually do some good I certainly won't beat myself up about having them days. Have you got something nice you and DH can go and do over the weekend to distract you? Maybe a nice date night or have a pamper evening? Do you find the most irritating thing people say is oh just relax it will happen when you least expecting/aren't obsessing!? I just can't see myself suddenly turning round and thinking ah well it will happen one day and relaxing about it all!!

sauvignonblancplz · 09/11/2018 14:43

We tried for over 2.5 years and it really does wear you down. Every month symptom spotting, taking a million tests, and that crushing disappointment.
I found that I had to do something as it was really taking over my life. So what I did was, when my period came I just plonked on the sofa, had wine, tea, chocolate and I just felt sad. Just embraced it. Accepted that it was shit! That I felt like shit and that I was really sad about it. Accepting the sadness for that weekend or day or two really helped me then to move on to the next month with some more positivity. Otherwise one month just rolled into the next.
Keep going , it’s one the hardest journeys it really is xx

Original poster
MrsDash · 09/11/2018 14:16

That’s awful that your partner wasn’t allowed. My husband was allowed in once I’d come round from the op and had pain relief, which meant he was there by the time the doctor came to speak to me.
I had similar feedback, they said they couldn’t remove it due to size and location. So frustrating isn’t it because you feel awful from the lap but no treatment has even been done. I wasn’t sure what the gynaecologist was going to suggest but her plan makes sense. We will have fertility tests and if all seems okay continue TTC for maybe a year. The idea being id have the treatment after kids. But since endo can spread it’s a good idea to have a time frame in mind. I wonder whether you might get very similar advice.
I keep having to remind myself to focus on the positive things like the fact that my endo isn’t on my reproductive organs, I’m clearly ovulating as I had a chemical, and also I’m lucky, like you, that I am in the position to have a baby. Imagine being single and finding out your fertility may be affected?
But I’m starting to get really down now I’ve been off the pill 10 months. Every time af arrives I feel sad, worried it’s not working and also slightly stressed at the imminent pain which, for me, lasts during af and the week following. Sorry this is a bit of an essay! One of those days :(

OP posts:
molinski · 09/11/2018 11:16

@MrsDash yes it is a long time to wait. I've enquired about having this privately but my consultants first private appointment available is end of this month and £170 so I might as well just wait the extra three weeks 🤦🏽‍♀️ my partner wasn't allowed with me so I had no one tell me again once I'd come around but luckily I was with it a bit more than I expected and could recall what he'd said. They've told me that they couldn't remove it there and then as it's in a really hard place to reach so I would need a bowel resection with a stoma for 12 weeks and then another op to put me all back together again but they'd recommend we ttc first. Which we are more than happy to do as we have discussed this together in length anyway. No mention of any other treatment that I can recall!

Original poster
MrsDash · 09/11/2018 06:17

Oh my goodness that’s so long to wait, poor you! I thought it was bad waiting 6 weeks. The post op discussion isn’t great is it? I hardly remembered half of mine as I was so woozy. Luckily DH was there and filled me in a couple of days later. Did they tell you anything about treatment during that? I was told I might have to have hormonal injections and surgery but now they’re saying it would be one or the other. And basically saying that probably the ideal thing to do is have a baby first then consider treatment.

OP posts:
molinski · 08/11/2018 22:29

@MrsDash yep new mamas to be everywhere I turn! The day will come for both of us I'm sure. It's just an agonising and uncertain wait. Sorry to hear you've had some terrible symptoms. I had such a bad upset tummy and pains opening my bowels when I had af but I didn't know this was endo I just thought it was weird cramps from af and did not put the two together. It sounds like your local team are moving along really quick and are good at keeping you updated. I also had my diagnostic lap in sept and was told my 6 week follow up appointment was 27th December as that was earliest I could be seen. So only discussion I have had from the findings so far was in recovery room when I was on my own coming round!

Original poster
MrsDash · 08/11/2018 22:17

@molinski my goodness it’s like you’re reading my mind. Know exactly what you mean re everyone suddenly being pregnant. And the worry about conception just gets worse the more pregnant women you hear about.
I had diagnostic lap in sept and then MRI scan in Oct. From the lap they could tell the bowel endo was old, and then the MRI confirmed it is now scar tissue which they told me at my last appointment.
My symptoms started with painful bowel movements during af (GP said it might be endo), I came off the pill, bm pain actually disappeared but then I had painful urination during af instead (which is still going strong) so presumably that’s when the bladder endo started. Endo is strange and so horrible. Shocking that it affects 1/10 women and yet it’s still relatively unknown.

OP posts:
molinski · 08/11/2018 22:02

@MrsDash thank you for the link to your thread I've just given it a quick read and it does look helpful! Thank you. How did you know it's now inactive and has gone to scar tissue? Did you stop getting symptoms? It's such a horrible club to be in isn't it ☹️ drs also told me that ttc was a good idea for 1yr and didn't see why it would be difficult just because of endo because like you it's not around reproductive organs. I went back to work after my diagnostic lap to a colleague pregnant with twins and then the day after that Meghan Markle announced the new baby and I was just in bits! So hard not to be down about things and remain positive especially when you know that can have an impact on likeliness of conceiving! 🤦🏽‍♀️

Original poster
MrsDash · 08/11/2018 21:45

@molinski I’m sorry to hear about your endo. It’s sad how common it is. I actually started a page (TTC #1 with endometriosis) on her a while back, so feel free to join in if helpful. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3365400-TTC-1-with-Endometriosis

My endo is/was primarily bladder and bowel but weirdly the bowel endo is now just scar tissue and not active anymore. Weird how it can come and go.
I understand how you feel. I’m so paranoid even though the gyno has basically said it shouldn’t affect my fertility in theory... Good idea about keeping busy and distracted. Lots of luck and love to you too x

OP posts:
molinski · 08/11/2018 21:24

@MrsDash hey, I also have recent diagnosis of endo on the bowel and in pouch behind uterus. Also ttc and even though it's only been one cycle I am already conscious I'm stressing over it. It sounds like a good idea what I was reading about taking up a hobby and I'm hoping with Xmas coming up I'll be too busy to be wondering every 5 mins if I'm pregnant and when I am going to get a BFP. Best of luck and lots of love to you x

Original poster
MrsDash · 08/11/2018 21:15

@askmeaskme thank you so much for your message as it really does give hope. Having recently being diagnosed with endo I’m currently feeling like it’s never going to happen... even though the gynaecologist said my bladder endo shouldn’t affect my fertility in theory, and the chemical proves I can conceive. It’s so easy for it to feel completely hopeless.
I also think it’s interesting what you say about your friends. I know two ladies who got pregnant v.quickly first time but took around a year the second, for no apparent reason. It’s intetesting to think it can also happen the other way around and it happen quickly the second or third time TTC.

@dramaqueen14 I completely understand. I would have been due in Feb and keep thinking about it. And I have also been feeling really sad and grumpy today since discovering light spotting this morning. I cried my way home from work.

Just back from a Pilates class which had relaxing music and I must say I feel better. Not sure how long that’ll last though. If af shows tomorrow my good mood will have worn off again...

OP posts:
Sshsecretenclosed · 08/11/2018 19:20

I really did want to @OrcinusOrca!!

Any tips anyone for keeping positive and believing it will happen?!?

Dramaqueen14 · 08/11/2018 19:17

Thank you orcinusorca, it’s still so raw and difficult. I feel I NEED to be pregnant by what would have been my due date (end of March) but that’s just heaped the pressure on. Cried this morning after BFN, felt I couldn’t go to work but I did. Been grumpy all day, at everyone.

I don’t think you are being selfish not wanting to miss a cycle. You shouldn’t feel you have to put life on hold for someone else. I would just go for it. I’m sure the bride would be happy for you if you had to missthe wedding for that reason! Xx

User212787555 · 08/11/2018 19:17

If it’s any consolation, I had a similar experience. Took over a year to conceive DC1 (several chemicals on the way), and every one of my friends was getting knocked up first try (or so it seemed!). When TTC DC2 we had no problems when lots of our ‘super fertile’ friends were experiencing secondary infertility. Same with DC3. You just can’t predict who’ll have difficulties.

My point is I thought it’d never happen (also had some endometriosis) and not much later we have three. So hang in there!

Sshsecretenclosed · 08/11/2018 19:09

It's good to know we are not alone in feeling like this. I just hope we all have a BFP soon.

I wish I knew how people stay positive though and keep up enthusiasm for DTD!!

OrcinusOrca · 08/11/2018 19:05

Oh ladies, so sorry so many of us are united in feeling so pants.

@Sshsecretenclosed you must have wanted to punch whoever said that!

Sorry for your loss @Dramaqueen14 that must be very raw still.

I feel like I'm turning into a really selfish bitch lately too. I am bridesmaid at a wedding in August next year so should really skip TTC next cycle, but I don't think I'm going to. It's only one month to miss, but that is how crackers I now am.

I think I'm going to read a couple of books to try and change my mindset, keep getting stuck in negative ruts.

Dramaqueen14 · 08/11/2018 18:34

Hi, I can totally relate to all of this. I had a mc in September at 11 weeks, had 1 af since, second one due at the weekend. Tested this morning and BFN. I’m struggling with my emotions. I mostly feel anger at the moment which is horrible I hate it. I know it’s probably a symptom of my grief but it’s just so hard. X

Original poster
MrsDash · 08/11/2018 18:28

@shhsecretenclosed I know exactly what you mean. I know that when you’re TTC it’s on your mind so you notice it more but of course it’s an age thing too. So many of our friends seem to be pregnant atm :(

OP posts:
Sshsecretenclosed · 08/11/2018 18:22

Completely agree. I'm surrounded by people who are pregnant at work. As someone said to me there, it comes in threes. It'll be you next!

Nope. Didn't take long for the third person to announce Confused I hope it's our turn soon.

Original poster
MrsDash · 08/11/2018 18:22

Thanks @orcinusorca
I know exactly what you mean. I went about three cycles of testing before af was due and then feeling really silly for wasting the tests when af arrived as usual. But it’s so difficult isn’t it? Often there have been events like weddings or hen dos and I just want to find out beforehand so I know if I can drink.

OP posts:
OrcinusOrca · 08/11/2018 18:10

Hope you enjoy your Pilates @MrsDash

I had reflexology this afternoon which will hopefully mean I get a good nights sleep! I have been really bad doing multiple tests this cycle and I find that awful too, don't know why I've been doing it. Not going to test at all until I'm late in future, so distracting from day to day and causes me more stress than it's worth. I hadn't done tests like that for months and months, daft really.

Original poster
MrsDash · 08/11/2018 16:14

You talk a lot of sense @orcinusorca

Completely agree re symptom spotting etc - it’s so u helpful. I’m usually pretty good but 7dpo onwards I start stressing, watching and worrying the spotting will start that signals AF.

I find MN really supportive but agree that it can also drive you mad in terms of overthinking everything.

I’m going to take myself off to Pilates this evening and try not to the spend the whole hour wondering when AF will show.

OP posts:
OrcinusOrca · 08/11/2018 15:22

I find other people getting pregnant really hard. I thought I'd get better at dealing with it but I haven't so far, just trying to chalk it up to being in the crappy club we're in!

I'm quite logical too so I don't really symptom spot, because I know that technically you can't have symptoms at 6DPO for example. That cuts out quite a bit of the two week wait chatter for me! To some extent MN makes me worse, so I am thinking of going on a bit of a MN detox...I have hidden quite a few areas now to reduce the type of threads coming up which add to my grumpiness.

It's a bitch. It really is. And as much as friends and family can mean well I don't think anyone understands unless they've been there.

Swipe left for the next trending thread