TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

Newbie21 I'm so sorry you find yourself back here, and for your loss. . A break from opks and timing sounds really good, they have their uses but they cause (me) so much stress and occupy so much headspace.

I haven't experienced a feeling of calmness/detachment you describe after a pregnancy loss, but I have when grieving. A lost pregnancy is so much to process, especially on top of what is frankly trauma from the miscarriage itself. You might find you have more feelings later, you might not. Fingers crossed it's a smooth transition to ttc.

BerylBunny I can't believe how much you've been through. There are no words, I'm just totally inspired by your bravery. Thanks for saying good news gives you hope. I don't mean to flood the thread with early pregnancy noise, I'm just feeling really wobbly as I've had 4 v early mcs, all within 13 months.

Justincase87 Welcome and I'm sorry for your loss. I think it's quite rare to see a heartbeat before 6-7wks, my epu don't even scan before 5wks 6d. It sounds like you're where you should be? I definitely understand the anxiety though. When is your next scan?

Hi ladies, I haven't been around for a bit. So after being told I was experiencing an MMC for the second time and it was very unlikely I would miscarry naturally given my hormone levels I arranged a D&C but next day I started bleeding and then the scan before the D&C revealed all virtually gone so D&C not necessary. This second time has been an odd experience. I'm distraught that I am here again but there was an odd relief it happened naturally. I now feel like I'm in a weird place. I haven't done an HPT to see if hormone levels are still high, I'm not checking ovulation or anything. I desperately want to be pregnant but I don't want to know about anything. I just want to be pregnant and not be paranoid and not know and then get a pleasant surprise that all is well. I think I might just go a few months of having sex without timing stuff or anything. I feel numb. Has anyone experienced this after a loss. Will it suddenly hit me and I'll go into meltdown? I just don't know. I feel like I'm in denial at the moment. Working, going out with friends, not talking about it, pretending nothing is happening. But then maybe this is how I survive it, I need to keep buggering on, I don't know. :-(

@hayleyfx thank you lovely. So sorry you had to go through that too. So so sad. It's such a different experience,being allowed to see your baby when it's so tiny and having no choice but to deliver it in a way you never thought you'd have to go through. All the medical complications meant I didn't focus as much on the loss as I could at the time either. Wishing you all the very very best too hun xxx

@Lilimum5 I’m sorry 😔 sending hugs and strength x

@Justincase87 sorry you’re feeling so worried during this pregnancy, totally understandable I’m 5+1 and terrified! Very early scans sometimes don’t show much, I hope you get some good news soon and fingers crossed for a very sticky bean 🤞

@BerylBunny I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I lost my son at 14 weeks (well TFMR) so it wasn’t a MMC like my previous pregnancy or yours. It’s so awful. It’s like you give birth and then leave the hospital without a baby, just grief. It’s sad to see how many people go through this. Wishing you the best of luck for TTC again and the future x

I don't mind! Always happy to share! We found out at the 20 week scan that the baby had died at 14+3. Post Mortem gave no explanation for it,just one of those things. And incredibly rare after two happy healthy scans. Had to have medical management as surgery wasn't an option at that point. I lost a helluva lot of blood in the process, and at the end the placenta wouldn't come away so I ended up in surgery after all. Pretty hellish. I'm still getting over the blood loss now - severe anaemia. My previous two Mmcs were early, simple operation and quick recovery. So this knocked me for 6.

@BerylBunny I think I know how you feel hun. I hope you don't mind me asking how late was your mmc?

Oh @Lilimum5 I'm sorry. Few of us feeling rock bottom today it seems. You have company xx

Great news @SerenaOverjoyed! So lovely to hear some positive stories. Gives me hope!

Hi @Justincase87. Sorry for your loss and sorry that your feeling so anxious about this pregnancy. It's totally understandable. I'm still at the point where I'm almost scared to be pregnant because of the anxiety. My last mmc was a late one so I'm expecting I'll be feeling anxious for the vast majority of any future pregnancy! Really hope you get positive need soon x

Oh @Lilimum5 -I'm sorry lovely. Big hugs. Centre of the huddle for you. Xxx

@Laney79 thanks lovely but no it will be the same one I had two weeks ago. I've just got to get this done so I can move on. I'll have to worry about the possibility of scar tissue later. Just so gutted at the moment and I'm not good company for anyone at the moment xx

Hi all, please could I huddle in? I'm technically 5-6 weeks pregnant after my first miscarriage but I had a scan on Wednesday which showed a sac and yolk but no baby yet - I had a MMC in May (I was 12 weeks but baby passed at 8+4 - I had an ERPC on the day my 12 week scan was booked) which I'm still struggling to come to terms with, I feel really negative about this pregnancy too, DH wants me to be positive but it feels impossible, I've been reading everybody's stories and everyone seems so supportive and kind! It's a very lonely place to be in X

@SerenaOverjoyed so pleased you got positive news. Fingers crossed for you.

@hayleyfx glad you had a better experience with the phone call from the GP this time. Did you decide about bloods?

@TinyPaws fingers crossed for your embryos -grow little ones!

@strawberrye And @Lilimum5 So sorry to hear both your news. @Lilimum5 If you go for another op can they do it with ultrasound guidance? I really don't think it's fair they don't-the operation failure rate seems quite high anecdotally. Surely it'd be better for patients and more cost effective to only have to do it once? @strawberrye did you get anywhere with your gp appointment? I hope they refer you quickly lovely and they come up with a treatment plan for you.

Welcome to all the newbies, sorry you are here but welcome to the huddle. It's a real lifesaver.

As for me, AF has arrived. So about a 48 day wait since my MMC bleeding stopped. So far a bit of pain but not too heavy. Hoping it does t get any heavier/more painful as I've got a 6-7 hour round trip drive to do tomorrow to footy with dad. Hoping it bodes well for this cycle though. Start of fertile week should be when oh and I go away for a couple of days to a gig. Hopefully a well timed bit of fun at our nice hotel may give us a wonderful Christmas present! See I'm trying to be positive! Xxx

haleyfx thankyou!

Lilimum5 I'm sorry about your news. It sounds really frustrating and upsetting. I don't know a thing about medical management.

It does seem like a theme that people are giving you their views on your womb. It's not their business, it's between you and dh. Please do give yourself permission to have space from anyone with unhelpful opinions for a little while, if you need it. Recurrent miscarriage doesn't have common sense arm-chair solutions.

Hi ladies. Sorry not been on for almost a week. Been trying to relax on holiday. Still here in the sunny Seychelles until Thursday. Despite trying to de-stress and cope with loss #2 a week before we flew out I keep feeling really low. Feel like pregnant woman is following me around everywhere. I don't need to see pregnant belly when I'm supposed to be 31 weeks with baby #1 who we lost in July. Aaarrrgggghhhhhh. Anyway, tried to attach a pic of nice calming beach and sea but internet here is rubbish so can't.

Sorry I can't reply to everyone individually, this thread moves so fast.

Welcome to the new joiners, so sorry you find yourselves here but you're in the right place for lots of support.

I'm so sorry to read that so many of you are having a rough time this week @Lilimum5 @strawberrye @Tiniestsky (sorry anyone I've missed)

Good luck with IVF @Russkispy @TinyPaws

Congratulations @SerenaOverjoyed

@SerenaOverjoyed brilliant news! So relieved for you. Enjoy your 0% alcohol!

Oh my good lord, it was 2670!

What an afternoon of panic for nothing. We're opening something that 0% alcohol and marketing itself as sparkling wine tonight!

@SerenaOverjoyed I’m sorry you’ve had worrying news, have you heard back? I’ve always heard that it’s not the hcg level but whether or not it’s doubling every 48 hours that is important. I understand how stressed you must be feeling. I really hope that you get good news soon and I’ve also never heard of KAJ before? So fingers crossed it was an error - could have been wrong!! I hope so 🤞

@Lilimum5 I’m so sorry you didn’t get better news. I’ve only ever had medical management or natural losses so I’m probably not much help but from what I’ve read, surgery seems to be over quickly and not too bad. The hospital are usually great with pain meds etc too so try not to worry. I hope you’re okay x

@TinyPaws good luck for Monday!

@BerylBunny thanks hun. All this extra crap is pulling my mood further down. And I now have to deal with people telling me I should stop trying now on top of the hopeless failure feelings.

@Beaglemum93 I had the same situation over the phone with the doctors this morning. Booked smear in next week. Tears rolling too.

@Lilimum5 so sorry it wasn't better news. I know that feeling of just wanting it all to be done with so you can love forwards. Really hope limbo is over soon.

@TinyPaws my due date was December 11th. I hope your due date passes without too much sadness. I'll be at home with dd for mine. Not sure if that's a good thing or not! I love having her around but also hate when I can't be the upbeat happy mummy she enjoys being with best

@Beaglemum93 I'm sorry your having a rubbish day hun I totally understand xx

Sorry the scan didn't go better @Lilimum5, when will you have the medical management/d&c?

My day was going ok until I broke down in tears when getting a blood test when the nurse told me my smear was overdue and I had to explain that it was put off because I was pregnant but now I've had a miscarriage.

Well that scan did not go well at all I still poc and now need medical management or a d&c again. I'm devastated I just wanted this over so I could get on. Blood test says I still have very high hcg and they said it could be growing and that's why the hpt are getting darker. And if I don't get it sorted I could get a septic uterus. I'm so fed up now.

How has everyone else got on today

@SerenaOverjoyed the waiting really is torture isn't it, I hope you get some better news in a few hours.
That's why i opted for the scan rather than blood test so I know there and then for sure, well I hope that's the case x

@Tiniestsky it took 10 days for my HCG to drop from 8 to below 6 and was just given the explanation of "HCG just lingers in some women" so it might just be your body taking it's time. Either way at least they're giving you a scan and you'll know what's going on, shame it's not a little sooner though!

Oh my god, my hcg is really low. I was told the result by a gp receptionist so I'm praying she's read it wrong. She said it was KAJ 45.2 (no idea what the kaj is about, this is why I hope it's wrong).

I don't know how I'm going to wait 4hrs. I really thought this was my rainbow.