TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

Sorry for the delayed reply ladies.

A 'friend' messaged me Monday evening to say sorry for my loss, then announced on FB she was pregnant so I'm feeling pretty shitty. AF is also due and I've had pathetic spotting since yesterday which is only spotting in the mornings and then barely anything for the rest of the day only when I wipe so I'm just hoping she hurrys up... anyone else had this after their 1st MC?

Massive congratulations @hayleyfx what a beautiful ring 💞

Thinking of you @Laney79 sending you lots of love 😘 I had a massive bust up with my DH last night too, he doesn't understand why I'm envious of people who are pregnant and that I can't stop people from having babies. It's so hard when you're arguing with the person you need and love most.

How are you @mostimproved? Xxx

@strawberrye glad you managed to get through the day and glad bobo is helping.
@haleyfx congrats!! How lovely
@ laney79 thinking of you
@mostimproved pretty chart but two BFN!

Weird stuff. So hospital rang and said I definitely didn’t ovulate at day 11/12 as progesterone levels were too low. Didn’t get a positive OPK til cd21 now af Is 2days late but BFN this morning. Confused and narked

Xx

@MeghanV07 @Laney79 @KnitKitty @awakeatnight @mostimproved @Mistymeow thank you for all your messages. It was a weird day in the end, I felt kind of numb about it all. Was at work but had quite a productive day working on a big project, then “treated myself” to the walk home which is about an hour and helped clear my head a bit I think. Cuddling Bobo the elephant during Great British Bake Off helped too. There's no right or wrong way to feel in this crazy journey I guess. I'm hoping things will now steadily get a bit easier, focus on moving forward and getting that BFP.

@hayleyfx congratulations that's lovely news thank you for sharing with us! How did he propose?

@hayleyfx congratulations. Beautiful ring.

Everything changes so quickly here! I do try to keep up but struggle. @mostimproved I'm keeping everything crossed for you.
@hayleyfx congratulations! How did he propose?
@laney79 sorry you're having such a hard time. It is difficult to find a safe space to grieve, I hope your dh can find the strength to support you.
So many due dates this month. My first mc would be due sometime in the middle of the month. My incredibly irregular periods make a date impossible and I'm not sure if that's worse or better. I feel like the whole month is time to grieve. It doesn't help that my work is completely awful and seemingly untenable at the moment but leaving would mean either waiting 6 months to try again or forgoing maternity pay which wouldn't be great financially. DH sats my mental health is the most important thing though which I love him for. Oh to be a man and not have all these complications!

Thanks for the responses. Hopefully it will all settle down soon. X

Huge congrats @hayleyfx -beautiful ring x

❤️ yay! BD all round in celebration! Haha i mean, congratulations!

@hayleyfx congrats

@hayleyfx wow congratulations that is lovely news. Gorgeous ring x

Ladies... I’m engaged!! 😍💍
Sorry I haven’t caught up on the thread yet! Will do later tonight. Just had to share this news 💑

So ladies I got positive opk Friday.... this morning the tiniest little spotting which I come out the toilet crying hoping it was an implant bleed.... I'm I being too optimistic? On cd24.

Thanks @knitknitty @boboelephant @laney79 I feel a bit better.

@strawberrye sorry to hear, my due date is next month in between my birthday and wedding anniversary. I'm trying to focus on the positives, we can get pregnant- it's just going to take a bit longer and all the medical team are hopeful. It does help to share- I hope you have your partner to support you today.
@awakeatnight I know what you mean about entering another stage. I was feeling a lot more myself but now my eyes fill with tears every time I think about it. I can't change the fact that I would be meeting my baby next month, but I can give myself time to acknowledge those feelings to help me recover from this sad experience.
@laney79 you are incredibly strong. Your dh sounds like he finds it so hard to see you upset and probably feels powerless. Remember, it's not you that is causing this pain. It's grief, and you both need to process what's happened. Is there a chance he could come along to a counselling session? You both need time to recover and not hide these feelings from each other. It will get better, I promise.

@Melpops36 your chart looks very promising, crossing everything for you!

@Laney79 hugs to you, Groundhog Day is an accurate description. Sorry to hear you’re struggling, my heart goes out to you and you’re not hurting anyone, just sharing your pain with the father of your babies which you have every right to do.

@strawberrye thinking of your on your due date

@KnitKitty sounds promising!! Obviously I’m not encouraging symptom spotting but the sore boobs could be a sign!

Thanks for the reassurance/tentative congratulations - still no AF and I got an unmistakeable line this morning, much darker than the other day, but cannot bring myself to call it a BFP. I’m convinced I have this thing where my body can’t tell if a pregnancy is viable or not, so it catches easily but catches the wrong ones, and because of the lack of symptoms I feel like it’s all going to go wrong again. I’m also worrying about my thyroid levels as I haven’t had it tested since I was last pregnant, but I have a blood test form from the GP I haven’t used yet so will try to fit in a blood test today or tomorrow. In the meantime I am trying to just focus on other things to stop me worrying all the time.

@KnitKitty Its the scan to confirm I lost Bow. Because she was so small at 4.2mm and even though I knew my dates were correct due to tracking my EPAU won't confirm MMC for anything under 7mm until a rescan 14 days later (unless they'd previously seen a heartbeat which they hadn't as this was scan 1 at 8+6). So more trauma of medical procedures which I hate.

I'm pretty sure it will show its all happened though. I think I passed her and her sac/placenta/tissue on Saturday night.

Had a big bust up last night with my fella. I was crying, and I feel he's the only one I can be completely open with, but he says I need to talk to other people and that I can keep it together in front of other people but then as soon as we're alone I get really upset. He's right. I do. But I just can't bear seeing the pain and upset in other people's eyes, it makes me feel even worse that I'm upsetting them.

Instead I'm hurting the man I love. So I guess I need to try not to do that with him. It's just that he's the one person I felt I could be honest with about how I was feeling.

It doesn't help that I'm in this horrid Groundhog Day style loop. Waiting. I have so many questions and waiting for the answers Is just torture. I need a plan and at the moment I haven't got one because I'm waiting on dr's/consultants to come back to me. So I just go over and over and over it. I know it's not doing any good but I can't stop.

@strawberrye hugs. Being at work was definitely the right call for me. I hope you stay occupied and get some work done! I told my manager (in her capacity as friend rather than manager) and she was really understanding.

I hear you on the step back whilst waiting for the due date. I really do feel like I've entered another stage today and am ready to start trying to move forwards again. Even if all that means is progress over the last week or so daily tears!

@Laney79 stay close to the centre too!

@InDreamland Good luck in the TWW. Distraction is definitely the key. Have you got some nice things lined up to do?

@hayleyfx fingers crossed for you. Hope you manage to stay calm throughout the TWW.

@mostimproved have you tested again yet?

@MeghanV07 The first cycle is so hard, as it's usually very messed up. I hope things get back to normal for you soon.

@Mistymeow You have every right to feel sad chicken. xxx
It must be so frustrating knowing it's probably not going to happen for a few months yet, but we can all keep our fingers crossed for you anyway!

@shivbo2014 hi! So sorry to hear about the ectopic. I hope you get a sticky healthy bean soon. It's a roller-coaster of emotions though and completely normal to have mixed feelings about a BFP.

@Boboelephant I'm sending you healthy-egg vibes your way!

@TinyPaws I'm glad the ball is getting rolling again for you but I totally understand all the mixed feelings it brings with it. Just take one day at a time and concentrate your thoughts on other things if you can... Best of luck to you!

@Laney79 I'm glad for you that it looks like your body is doing it itself this time. You're so strong. Huge hugs xxx What's your hospital appointment for tomorrow? Will be thinking of you.

Hi @Babylonlost so sorry to hear of your loss. When you say your MMC was recent, have you had an AF since then or are you CD21 from MC? Your cycles can be a bit messed up for a few months after MC so I wouldn't worry about not appearing to have ovulated yet.

@awakeatnight sorry you were living up to your name last night. Hope you managed to get back to sleep and are back to have a nap today! xxx

@strawberrye Huge hugs.

Well the in-laws went home yesterday so it's back to normality now!
Currently CD24 and 6 or 7 DPO I think. DTD on CD15, got a static smiley CD16 and have ovary/ovulation pain on CD18. Not sure if that means I ovulated on CD18 or it could have been pain after ovulation. Anyway, I guess there's a slim chance I could have caught this month but I'm not hopeful. I have had slightly painful boobs yesterday evening and this morning though, which I don't ever get normally (not even when pregnant) so I'm putting that down to ill-fitting bra or putting weight on from all the food I've been scoffing during my week off! TRYING not to symptom spot.

My due date is also coming up in a couple of weeks. I think there's quite a few of us with October dates. I'm not feeling too bad about it at the moment, but we'll see how I feel in a couple of week's time.

@strawberrye thinking of you today. Mines fast approaching too. I had the same wish, to be pregnant by beans due date, but instead it looks like I'll be expecting first AF since losing my second.

I don't think it's surprising at all you've found the past few weeks tough. My counsellor says it's important not to bottle up or hide the feelings. I hope you can do something today to wrap yourself in love and comfort and let you remember your little one in whatever way you want to. Centre of the 🐧 huddle for you.

Morning @strawberrye will be thinking of you today ❤️. Due dates & are so hard,

Morning ladies. It's my due date today for loss number one. At work so haven't got anything in particular planned. I feel like over the last month or so I've taken a step backwards emotionally, and hoping this is because I was approaching due date and that I'll start to feel a bit more hopeful again soon. I think one of the things that helped me through my first loss was that I told myself I'd be pregnant again by the due date - now that I'm not it feels like another disappointment.

Thank you for your message @TinyPaws ❤️ I had a bit of a cry in the morning but actually the day was not as hard as I'd feared. Started booking a holiday and managed to get a cancellation appointment for my thyroid/PCOS blood tests so overall a positive action day.

@TinyPawsSo glad to hear your journey is back on the road! I think it's only natural to be anxious and hope you have a good and kind team around you (personal and medical) to answer your questions and soothe your concerns.

@Boboelephant @KnitKitty thanks for the advice. I think I'm in an 'overthinking' things stage. Feel like 6 months down the line from mc1 my cycles should have sorted themselves out but perhaps is some PCOS or hormonal imbalance. So Good to know it's pretty normal though.

@hayleyfx Fx for your 2ww!

@mostimproved how are you?i hope af stayed away. I've never had early symptoms in three pregs including one healthy dd so I don't think lack of symptoms is necessarily a concern. 10dpo is v early days.

@Melpops36Pretty chart!

@MeghanV07 Sorry you're having a tough time. Those dreams are cruel. The vividness really gets to you doesn't it. I hope it eases up.

@Boboelephant Sending surge and strong eggy vibes to you!

@Laney79 Lots of love to you in this tough time. I'm sorry you're experiencing such pain. The hospital will be hard but hope that they are kind to you and can help. I have read that hcg can trigger opk but fingers crossed it's a sign that your body is gearing up to be ready again as soon as it can be.

@Babylonlost welcome and sorry for your loss. Miscarriage can throw your cycles out a lot. Have you had your first period since mc yet or is this you measuring post loss? I'd say if you have had af then keep testing. If not then put away the sticks for now. Watch for ewcm as that tends to be a good sign you're gearing up for an ovulation.

.... on a side note, almost regretting the name change as haven't been this awake at night for ages!! :( DD has been up and now I'm wide awake, tho thankfully not sad with it. Hope you're all snoozing soundly! Xx

@Laney79 - hormone check and Testosterone & Oestradiol (mainly for the testosterone as the other one is included in both) - I found discount code online so thought to get both... I think I may have had the sticky blood test done after my 2nd MC - is it antiphospholipid and b2 glycoprotein I antibodies? It was the only test my GP agreed to refer (they did it at gp clinic though). Hope your body settles soon x

Hi everyone. I’ve read a few of the posts- both Happy and sad. Not practical to read the whole thread! I have a question I’m hoping someone here might be able to help with. General googling and searching hasn’t so far.

I recently had a mmc. I was 12 weeks but the baby was only 8w4d. We don’t know if we want to try again (I already have 2) but I have been checking for ovulation anyway. Day 21 and no surge. Have checked a couple of times each day. Does anyone know why I haven’t ovulated yet? If I will again. 😟 Is this common? Many thanks.

Thank you.

Hi @TinyPaws I'm surviving. My body is doing it itself this time. Several bouts of extreme pain and heavy loss last week, then on Saturday night I think I passed my little one which shocked me and was heartbreaking. I'm still bleeding a lot, but the tests seem to be getting fainter. Hospital again on weds which I'm dreading.

Weirdly just did an opk (start of the month seemed as good a time as any) and got the strongest positive I've ever seen. I guess that must be a false one as my hcg must be too high and it's confused? Can't imagine I'm about to ovulate after only just passing Bow.

Glad you have the go ahead for the IVF - fingers crossed for a better outcome for you this time. I too have the fear of knackered eggs etc. Think it's only natural after what we've been through.

@Boboelephant fingers crossed for you. Sounds like fate should give you that BFP this month. Lovely to hear you being positive too.

@Mistymeow don't feel bad about feeling sad. We all have a right to feel sad. We've all experienced loss and heartbreak. The important thing is that we're here for one another and support each other.

Which tests did you go for @Coffeist? I'm almost certain I'm going to pay privately for the sticky blood tests and poss ovarian reserve too.

Big hugs to all xxx

@awakeatnight Thinking about you on your due date. How are you holding up?

@Laney79 How are you doing lovely?

@Boboelephant Glad you're feeling more positive. A random thought - have you had your Vit D levels checked? That thought popped into my head as you conceived at this time of year before - when vit D stores tend to be highest.

Sorry to all of those I haven't mentioned, welcome to the newbies and congrats to the BFPs! I lost track of this thread for a few days and it moves so fast!

As for me, I have the go ahead to start long protocol IVF on day 21 of my next cycle, which should start within the next few days (although my body has been a bit weird post MC, so who knows). I really hope this round produces a healthy baby, but I have buckets of anxieties (Will I fail to produce any eggs at all? Overstimulate and get OHSS? Are all my eggs shite? Will I lose any future pregnancies due to undiagnosed autoimmune disease? etc etc)