TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

Wow @keebo we are almost date twins!!! Really sorry AF was late to turn up. That false hope is a killer.

@awakeatnight lovely scan picture. xxx I might pinch that poster and put it on FB today. I'm trying to post something every day this week. Nothing personal because I just can't do it, but links and things.

@InDreamland sorry AF showed up chicken. Good luck with phoning the private clinic.

@Blondcat how are you feeling? Emotionally as well as physically?

I'm 14DPO today going by ovulation pain which occurred two days after positive OPK (so could be 15DPO?). Usually AF arrives 12DPO going by ovulation pain in previous months so I think I'm officially two days late. Spotting started 5 days ago, BFN 2 days ago. Had mild cramping over the last 3 days and some slightly stronger cramping yesterday so just waiting to see if that sets off any bleeding. Right now ignorance is bliss so I am still waiting to test on Saturday morning I think... But everything is pointing towards pregnancy right now. I just really don't want to get my hopes up.

@keebo and @indreamland sorry for af.

@awakeatnight I was 14dpo on a 27 day cycle yesterday when I tested. I had so many symptoms in the end that I tested the day af was due as was so sure she was not coming. Usually I would only test if late. I am officially 4 weeks today. I like what you have posted on Facebook and glad you had some nice responses.

@InDreamland you're doing the right thing. Take some time to do something 'nice nice' for yourself as well, gym, massage, shopping, coffee - just something for you to enjoy. So sorry for AF but here's really hoping that the private clinic can make things happen quickly. Good luck xx

Oh and I was also inspired to do a Facebook post by @Laney79 @RedRobin7 @KnitKitty ... and the others. I've had a few messages from people which has been nice.

Mostly I just hope it helps at least one person have a conversation whether it's about themselves or someone they know.

Thanks @hayleyfx @Laney79 @Mistymeow and @KnitKitty. As expected AF has turned up this morning so a wasted FRER yesterday. I have never tested before AF due as I was so used to disappointment when getting all those BFNs when late, that's why I left testing when I actually was pregnant until 11 days late.

@KnitKitty I hope your AF sorts itself out or ........a BFP just taking time to show on a test.

@Newbie21 fx for you!

@hayleyfx I hope it's the start of a sticky bean!

I'm going to phone a private clinic I found tomorrow as taken day off so can call in private, can't do today as at work. Want to arrange tests ASAP. I need to do something.

@KnitKitty what a lovey idea on the scan. I have this one of mine from 8w5d, private scan all measuring fine and a wee heartbeat. I also have another from the second scan after we found out this little one had 'failed to continue' past 10 weeks. I have that one in hard copy in an envelope and haven't subsequently been strong enough to open the envelope and have a look but I'm grateful that I have the opportunity should I want to.

Ha! No testing needed for me - af here with avengance this morning. Fingers crossed for @knitkitty and @newbie though.

Morning ladies! Sorry I've been off the radar - going to try and catch up a bit but sorry if I miss anything!

@KnitKitty @keebo @Newbie21 weekend test club! Good luck :)

@hayleyfx sorry for the stressful testing. Keep us posted and we will all keep hoping your lines darken up.

Tentative congratulations @Blondcat! How many dpo are you? That's a nice line And also @robin78 congratulations too - how far in are you?

@InDreamland Remember you're not out until she shows. Here's hoping for you.

@Boboelephant How are you? Noticed you've not been around, I hope busy occupying yourself with happy things xx

@knitkitty we're almost date twins. 1st pregnancy for me started 10th jan, bfp 12th Feb (also did 3 to check all with strong lines) then started bleeding 22nd march. I feel like those dates are forever etched into my soul. I'm also waiting for the wkend to test again, currently on cd32, longest ever was 38 but they're usually under 30. Still not sleeping, hungry and boobs feel bigger, though trying to ignore all that and expecting af any minute. The uncertainty is exhausting though. Off to bed and awaiting hump day tomorrow, hoping my day won't start at 1am like today did!

Fingers crossed for you @Newbie21. I think I'm joining you on testing at the weekend. OH wants me to wait until then because he knows I get upset over BFNs.
I've got cramping so I really don't know... Just thought I'd started AF as the cramping got a bit more pronounced and went to the loo and nothing... Not even a spot.

My pregnancy in Feb started with bleeding. I had some dark red bleeding followed by several days of spotting which made me think I was having a light period. I only tested on the off-chance. This feels awfully similar. Never get spotting before my period normally. Well haven't until now.

Congratulations @Blondcat fingers crossed for a sticky bean.

Still no AF here. Quite a lot of cm but I think I might get that in lead up to AF so not taking it as a sign. I'm waiting until the weekend before I test. Spoke to DH and he agreed to wait. So 16 DPO/CD 33. I'm usually a 27-29 day cycle. Not sure what my LP usually is. Think it's about 12-13 days but I'm going to assume it's usually 14 to manage my hopes but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit hopeful that I'm pregnant. Fingers crossed AF stays away (...for another 9 months minimum).

@KnitKitty I hope the spotting is implantation. Do you think you will test tomorrow? I don't even have any tests in the house to prevent me from getting tempted.

@Blondcat Congratulations on the BFP. Take each day at a time. xxx

@InDreamland sorry about the BFN hun. As you said though, very early days!

@hayleyfx How confusing. Not all tests show as strong a line as others, even if they're the same brand. I hope things become clearer for you soon. I hate all this waiting around. Stay strong. xxx

Thanks for your lovely messages and support ladies.

I've had another day of spotting. No period. Some slight cramping and came home and fell asleep on the sofa. Could be PMS, could be pregnancy. I'm too scared to test again at the moment. Don't know how long to wait. BFN on Monday stopped me from hoping.

@Laney79 @Mistymeow thanks girls. It’s so frustrating, I just want to know now either way instead of being stuck in limbo. Going to make a dr appointment and request a blood test and in the meantime wait to see if af appears. Just got another positive clear blue which is even more confusing, although the line is still pretty faint. Should be much darker by now I think. Oh well 🤦‍♀️ Hope you’re both doing okay x

@Blondcat congratulations! I have everything crossed!

@hayleyfx sorry to hear about your confusing tests. Sometimes I think the tests cause such a lot of anxiety due to how much the sensitivity of each test varies, amount of dye etc. I would go to the doctor's for a blood test. If it is a chemical, I really hope it isn't, you should have that on record, but I'm hoping it will show good hormone levels and that the frer test was faulty. You don't need this stress after what you have been through.

@laney79 what a lovely post. Thank you for sharing it. I'm also preparing something but I feel embarrassed, isn't that terrible that I should feel ashamed? I know it's not my fault. But we are expected to keep it private, a secret, and that creates that sense of shame.

@InDreamland so sorry. I've been there myself. I don't bother with the early detection tests because I know getting pregnant naturally is a long shot for me, so why put myself through it every month? I felt it was taking over my life. I totally get you, so my recommendation is to not even have the pregnancy tests in the house and distract yourself as much as possible during the 2ww. Hugs. You will get there x

@knitknitty lovely scan picture, I also saw the heart shape. I didn't want a scan picture, I wanted to run out of the scan room. Unfortunately I had a very clinical sonographer who had no bedside manner, and was rather rough when she was scanning me, so I was hugely distressed. I really hope there is a BFP for you this month, I feel like it's going to happen for you soon x

Sorry to hear of the bfns but there is so much hope on this thread. You're all wonderful!

@KnitKitty first thing I saw on your pic was the heart shape surrounding little pea. Beautiful. I too treasure my scan pics of bean and bow.

Thanks everyone for the nice comments re: post. Hoping my fella will be ok with me posting it on fb. Kinda feels like it's my way of saying to the world my babies existed and they deserve to be recognised.

@Blondcat keeping everything crossed!

@hayleyfx that's really confusing...I'd be tempted (if you have enough) to test daily with the one step cheapies with fmu...that way you can see the progression on the same test/batch of tests. That's what I'm doing whilst I wait for my negative xx

@InDreamland biggest hugs in the world.

Thanks everyone ❤️ I think I may be having another CP. Let me know what you think...
8dpo - very faint line on eBay (one step) test and very faint line on frer at night
9dpo - darker line on frer and eBay test
10dpo - eBay test same darkness
11dpo - positive clearblue (6 days early) quite a nice line, verrry faint line on frer
12dpo - almost negative frer
I’m just confused why clearblue was positive yesterday but frer has gone back to negative when they’re meant to be so sensitive & I’m pretty confident it wasn’t an evap on CB. Ugh 🤦‍♀️ Feeling fed up. Probably another cp. Not had any bleeding yet or cramps but I’m just waiting for that to appear...

@KnitKitty thanks for sharing your little bean with us 💕 I treasure my scan photos of Charlie. They’re such precious memories. Also such lovely words

@InDreamland I’m sorry you’re having a rough time, whenever you need to vent we’re all here to listen. We understand. Sorry for the bfn but I’ll still keep my fingers crossed for you x

@Melpops36 sorry for the bfn I know how you feel. After a few days of faint bfp’s, to have an almost negative staring back at me today was so disappointing. Rubbish. Hugs

@Blondcat aww congrats. I hope you have a very sticky bean & definitely keep up the positive mindset!! 🤞

@Blondcat congratulations x x

Thanks for sharing @KnitKitty. So precious. I wish i had a photo of mine

@Blondcat congratulations! Hope it's a sticky one!

I did something I've never done and said I'd never do. Used FRER with FMU this morning and of course BFN. Guess I've been feeling so down I really wanted something to cheer me up and hoped we'd done enough this month but obv not. AF due tomorrow. I'm 10 DPO. I should not have done that. After 5 years of heartache and disappointment I don't know why I ever thought this month might be different.

BBC breakfast now talking about baby and pregnancy loss and charities calling for care after.

Morning ladies.
Some lovely words about lost beans. @knitkitty thanks for sharing your scan photo that is precious to you.

So today I am pregnant going to keep that in mind as just got my bfp this morning. Equal parts excited and scared but today I am pregnant...

Well because I'm too chicken to share it on Facebook, here's my Little Pea's scan pic from March.
Not really much to see. But still precious to me.

Lost at 3.8mm... Week unknown as was MMC.
Pregnancy start date was 10th Jan 2018 (first day of last period), found out about the pregnancy on 18th Feb with three strong BFPs that I just couldn't believe.
Had ERPC on 27th March.

@Laney79 you brought a tear to my eye. Good for you for being honest and open.

I'm not sure whether I'll post anything or not. I joined the Tommy's group on FB and a dear friend of mine who experienced a number of miscarriages before going on to have two adorable LOs is running the London marathon for Tommy's and trying to raise awareness so I have sponsored her. I may post her fundraising page and say something about my own experience then. I get sad, I grieve, but at the moment I'm doing ok. I'm lucky to have had the support I've needed.

@indreamland thank you and right back at you! If you can survive this rollercoaster you are as far from a failure as I can imagine. Xx

@RanchoRelaxo so sorry you find yourself here. Everyone here is so lovely and supportive. You've come to the right place.

@keebo I also found that when I told some people about my mc suddenly it seemed around 90% of women I am close to have had one and many had multiple mc's or they are close to someone who has had one or multiple losses. It's so common but knowing that doesn't make it any easier to cope with. Scary how many women it's affected though.

@Melpops36 sorry for the BFN. Fx you get BFP very soon.

Thanks @KnitKitty. Fx for you that it was implantation bleeding and if you test in a few days you get a BFP. I want to post my candle on Monday but at same time not sure if I am comfortable with so many people suddenly finding out about my loss 12 weeks ago. I lost our little bean a week before I was planning to start telling a few people about our pregnancy. I just don't think I'm strong enough but at same time feel like baby and pregnancy loss needs more awareness ..... guess this is exactly why people aren't aware. Think I'm also scarf about being judged .......5 years married and no babies ..... oh hang on looks like 5 years not able to get pregnant then when she does she can't keep it alive.......... failure. I can't handle it.

DH is away for work at moment so feeling very sorry for myself tonight. Getting closer to AF coming on Wednesday. Part of me wants to test with FRER tomorrow morning just so on Wednesday I'm fully expecting AF to arrive when she does rather than half hoping she doesn't then feeling worse when I come on ....does that make sense?

@knitkitty that is a lovely idea. Wish I’d had a scan picture now.
@laney79 your words were beautiful
BFN today definitely. Fed up again. Feel like a broken record. 12 dpo. I think. Period 8 days later than normal at moment so keep holding on.
Thanks for all being here. What a wonderful place. Xxx