TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

Well ladies I'm on ward at the epu, waiting for doctor to bring me the paperwork to sign. Just praying it goes well.
Seems so strange to want an empty uterus and a bfn. I'm numb tbh I'm not sure what to feel xx

Baby?!!?? Bloody predictive text! BBT!

@DayDreamer1707 I'm never sure on exact ovulation timing but I take it as 24-36 hours after my first strong positive. This month was weird though as my surge lasted three days so guessing it may have been later?

I think the only way to tell for sure is taking your baby but to be honest that's a step too far for me!

@strawberrye @Laney79 I am so sorry to hear you are both feeling like this, makes me sad as I totally understand your feelings. I do hope you get to have your fresh start soon. It is an odd emotion when you do get your first AF after a MC or when you first the 1st BFN. I'm on my 1st cycle since and I still have my sad moments but also trying to stay positive.
I got my first positive reading on my OPKs yesterday which I was ridiculously happy about as this was the first positive thing since my MC. I am going to test again this morning around 10:30 to see if the surge is still there. But this is my first time using OPKs i'm not actually sure when that means I will ovulate. Will it be in the next day or so or when I start to get negative results again? I'm new to tracking my ovulation 😫

Thanks @strawberrye -I'm already freaking out.

Sorry Saturday was tough for you. It's so hard isn't it? I've been doing my Christmas shopping and all I can think is I should be buying "baby's first Christmas" stuff and looking forward to our first big day as a family...or as you say growing a nice belly with my bow. It feels very cruel. Sending you a penguin hug. Sounds like you're right about your body having a clear out-I'm experiencing a v heavy first AF since MMC too.
One day it WILL be our turn xxx

@Laney79 good luck for your appointment tomorrow and keep us updated! My day on Saturday was bittersweet. Being out and about with all the Christmas stuff made it all hit me again that I should have a baby by now - or be expecting to give birth on boxing day - or thinking about how to tell our families about our early pregnancy. Then wondering how many Christmases we'll be longing to have a baby but not having one. I got quite upset as I normally love Christmas and just not looking forward to it this year. Things started moving on Saturday as well physically, my cramps in the morning were followed by really heavy bleeding in the afternoon and throughout the rest of the weekend. Not bled like that since I was a teenager! Trying to see it as my body having a "clear out" ready for a fresh start

@Yukka that was literally at 10:20, came up pretty quick with the result too.
@Laney79 I must be pretty close so I definitely need to do another. This is my first time using the One Step strips, I’ve never used the clear blue as I had no idea when I would ovulate x

I tend to do mine with fmu for a clear blue (and usually a cheapie too) then mid to late afternoon and if I'm in the mood one before bed too. Really helped me understand what's going on. I only start testing more than once when I think I'm getting close to ov though.

Anyone else going to try the new clearblue "connected" tests? Bought some off eBay to give it a go this month.

I’d do about 5pm. What time was that one done? X

@Laney79 @Yukka would you say this evening or afternoon? Thanks so much x

@DayDreamer1707 I'd agree-looks good! @Yukka has good advice to retest-I do that too so I have an idea how long my surge is x

So happy, I was starting to get annoyed! It’s actualy gone slightly darker too xx

@daydreamer1707 that looks good test again this evening and twice a day until they go faint. Most women ovulate in the evening or overnight... good luck!!

Morning ladies!
What do you think to this? It’s the darkest I’ve got? Xx

@Beaglemum93 it's horrible waiting for the bfn. As @Justincase87 says I wonder if AF may resolve it for you. Idve thought if your levels were 8, and you have AF your body would be able to ovulate as it's all hormonal. Random thought but have you tried an opk? Mine were showing strong positives when I was still getting BFPs...so thought being is an opk is negative the hormone level must be ultra low? And you'd have a baseline to see if it progresses this month? What tests are you using?

@Yukka so pleased you have a plan. I really hope the treatment works for you.

@Tiniestsky I had medical management with my first MMC (although it took time and several doses as miso alone didn't work, and me begging for mifepristone as well as misoprostol as I wanted to avoid surgery). I'm not going to lie, it was incredibly painful when the main part of the loss happened. I had the meds first thing Friday morning (48hours after the mife) and I started to cramp a bit and bleed within a couple of hours. Ramped up to a period level over the next 24 hours, but then Sunday morning I had a couple of hours of agony and lots of clots. However it did suddenly stop, and the pain just went. The pain with my natural MC was similar, although it came and went over 3/4 days so I had that same level of pain in shorter bouts. Then, When I passed my bow I had no pain at all-that was two days after the last big bout of pain/clots. It's different for everyone though I think.

@strawberrye how was your day yesterday?

Sorry to those I haven't mentioned specifically-getting behind on the thread!

As for me-took dad to the footy yesterday and as predicted AF was evil-so damn heavy! Changed pads several times and had to keep making excuses to go to the loo. I swear if it stays this heavy I'll need iron supplements again. Starting to panic about consultant appt on Tuesday. Worried they'll have found something that explains my two mmcs in the bloods they took, but also worried they won't! I'm properly loopy I know. X

Thank you everyone for the kind messages - I keep repeating to myself that right now I'm pregnant - I have my next scan on the 7th of December and I'm too anxious to contact the midwife until then - the sonographer did said everything looked normal for this stage of pregnancy, but I don't think I'll relax until I see a little heart beating at 12 weeks.

@beaglemum93 it may be that at this stage that because your levels of HCG are so low, if anything is still there it will be "flushed out" (for lack of a better term) with AF? Maybe test once she's over and done with and see where you are? I was "lucky" to get a BFN quite soon after my ERPC, but I can understand the anxiety of wanting it all to be clear. I hope you get the result you want soon x

I'm getting so fed up of all of this, I'm still getting faint positives nearly 5 weeks since the D&C and 2 weeks after a blood test showed that my HCG levels were 8. The hospital won't investigate any further because it's less than 25. Clearly there is still something left because something has to be causing the elevated HCG levels... I don't know what to do, I'm on day 3 of AF so it's not stopping that from happening but will I be able to ovulate this cycle if it won't go down? Sorry to rant, I'm just so sick of it all.

@Tiniestsky it’s family to be so I’m going to have a large wine and one day it will be my day! Just annoying isn’t it

@DayDreamer1707 I don't think that's out of order at all, unless it was a relative or best friend I don't think I'd personally bother associating with people like that, might make me selfish but in a time like this if we can't put ourselves first, when can we?
It's hard enough seeing pregnant strangers passing by. I'm in the process of unfollowing people who are pregnant or have babies etc on Facebook lol

@Newbie21 so sorry your loss. I think I too felt that period of calm and then it hit me later. Still does out of the blue sometimes. We've also just been having sex whenever and no tracking or dating,just going with the flow. It's been nice. We might start trying properly again in the new year.

@Yukka no testing yet unfortunately as I had one mmc, then my dd, then 2 mmcs this year so technically not recurrent 🙄bit frustrated by that. We had a post mortem after the last loss but it didn't show anything so I fully expect that I've just been very unlucky. Such an unknown though.

Good morning ladies!!

So sorry to you all who have had awful news these last few days, I pray for some positivity to come soon.

I’m feeling pretty anxious and annoyed today as I have a baby shower to go to for someone who doesn’t know who the father is and she still smokes and drinks throughout her pregnancy. Make my blood boil when their are people like ourselves that would do anything to not only be pregnant but would do anything to make sure it’s a healthy pregnancy. Obviously I’m happy for her but still... am I being out of order? Think I’m extra frustrated because I’ve still not had a positive or close to a positive on my OPKs but I’m just impatient 🙈.

Sorry for the rant x

@Newbie21 I'm so sorry you're feeling like this but I think it's quite normal. You just need to do what feels right for you. I kinda feel similar which is why I left the OPKs at home rather than bring on holiday with us. Just have sex because it feels right and enjoy it rather than because a stick tells you to now is the best time. I almost wish i didn't know about the second pregnancy which we lost 2 weeks ago as I am still trying to cope with the first one - but then I feel guilty for thinking it because it's mean to think that I didn't want to know about my second baby. Ignorance is bliss. Don't put pressure on yourself, you've been through a really awful time and how you feel is totally natural. Just try to ride the wave (more like a tsunami), only time will help you to learn how best to cope with your experiences and losses (and maybe some counselling). Sending you lots of hugs

@Yukka that all sounds so promising so far. Keeping fingers crossed for a sticky bean.

@Justincase87 congrats on the BFP. Naturally you will feel anxious about any pregnancy following a mc. I can vouch for that - as soon as I saw the 2 lines on the FRER I immediately felt anxious about losing a second baby ......... sadly I did mc early. Is suggest calling your midwife/GP and tell them how you're feeling so you can get extra support. It is still very early days and maybe too early to see a fetal pole so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that this one is very sticky.

@SerenaOverjoyed @hayleyfx I am seeing my GP on Tuesday to ask about recurrent miscarriage clinic. Only saw her a fortnight ago and she said she'd refer us down the infertility route! How a couple of weeks can change things. I'm glad to hear your hCG levels are nice and high, they sound promising

@Yukka You're totally right it could be something else. And to be fair I don't even have an APS diagnosis yet. I guess the uncertainty of it all is the most difficult thing - it would be good to have some answers. Glad to hear the medical team around you are being proactive and you've hit a good milestone today.

@Tiniestsky sorry I don't have any experience to help explain as all my losses have been early and natural but just thinking of you and sending hugs

@BerylBunny milestones are really tough, sending hugs

@Lilimum5 so sorry to hear your news, I really wish this could all be over for you so you can have some closure and move on. Don't listen to the people telling you it's time to stop, thats a decision to be made by you and DP alone.

@Laney79 fingers crossed for a Christmas BFP for you

@Newbie21 really really sorry to see you are back here. I had a sense of detachment after my second loss. I think there is no "normal" way to feel, just let yourself feel whatever you feel and ride the wave. Sending you lots of hugs hun.

@Justincase87 I know its hard after loss, but try to be positive, its unusual to see much on ultrasound at that stage. Keeping my fingers crossed for you

@InDreamland hope the pregnant lady buggers off so you can relax without her as a constant reminder.

@berylbunny sorry to hear about your losses, they sound exceptionally hard.

Well I started spotting a bit yesterday and this morning have woken up with severe cramps so I think at least things are moving on with this loss. Going to go Christmas shopping and try to ignore all the inevitable babies and bumps today.

Think I'm finally accepting I may need some kind of medical management, it's been 2 weeks since I had a 2 day bleed and I'm still positive. I know it's one of 3 possibilities (pregnant still, hormones still lingering or tissue left behind)
For 2 weeks I've wanted to believe either of the first 2 but I need to make room for the possibility that this scan on Wednesday will show something else.
I assume they try medical management fist..? Is it really horrible?

@lilimum5 so sorry you have to go through it again, what a nightmare. Hopefully they can bring you in soon and you can focus on speedy recovery. I don’t see why people tell you it’s time to stop trying, and as someone else be sure to surround yourself with those that can support you in all your decisions. Have you asked about tests- both for you and for what might have been left behind?

@berylbunny sorry to read your story I can’t imagine how hard it must be. Hope you are recovering well and beginning to look to the future. Presume you are also going for tests after x3?

@justincase87 - completely understand your mixed emotions. There is lots in you for focus on though, most women who have one mc have a healthy baby next time. Today you are pregnant and that’s wonderful news, congratulations :) take it one week at time.

@newbie21 so so sorry you are back here. I’m glad it happened naturally for you I think it’s better and less traumatic all round. It’s normal to have mixed emotions and numbness, don’t be afraid to ask for counselling if you would go, it can help a lot. I also started hatha yoga and found it useful to bring me mentally back to being able to try again xx

So far I’m still pregnant, today is a milestone, 5 weeks. Several phone calls yesterday between my GP and Registra and they want me to start heparin on Monday and first scan the following week.