TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

@KnitKitty I'm so sorry you are bleeding. Hopefully it stops and bean holds tight. Thinking of you.

@knitkitty I'm sorry you're bleeding. Keeping the hope candle burning for you. I also think it's amazing that you still take the time to respond to others on the thread.
@laney79 I love the necklace. I have some tiny heart earrings that I wear in memory of both of my. It's a little private nod to them though I'm not wearing them atm because I kept getting emotional when I put them on.
@mistymeow and @strawberrye well done on sharing your stories and it's great you've had positive responses. It does need talking about. I'm going to discuss some sort of post with my DH but not right now. His grandma died today. 2018 just keeps taking from us - 2 buds and 2 grandmas (mine in June, his today). I know its irrational but I'm longing for 2019 to appear. It can't be as bad!

@KnitKitty thanks hun. Think I’m in a similar situation to you now... af started yesterday but I tested today with two different brands (to see if the very faint lines had gone already like with my last chemical) and they came back definitely positive. Like the darkest positives I’ve had in the past week. I’m so confused. How can my hcg be increasing I’m having a normal af. I really hope we both get answers soon and I’m so sorry you’re in the same position. Fingers crossed for you, keep us updated. I hope it all turns out well for you x

@hellotoyellow thank you. Hope you’re doing well!

@Melpops Congratulations hun. I really hope it's sticky. xx

@strawberrye well done for sharing your experience with others. I'm really glad it has helped you. Good luck this cycle.

@Laney79 Lovely necklace. I've seen Muse 3 times, but not for years. Sounds like fun. And won a trip to Greece? Wow! Your luck is changing! Autumn is a season of change, so I hope everything is changing for the better for you now. Well done for being so strong and brave about the medical stuff.

@RedRobin7 I know how devastated you must feel about this decision. It sounds like what your DH might need right now, and maybe it'll give you a break from the heartache of pregnancy loss. Hopefully you can start afresh in a few months' time and it'll be the right time for you. Sending you huge, huge hugs.
3-4 weeks road trip sounds great, and just what both of you need to relax and reconnect. Try to see this as an opportunity rather than missed opportunities. It won't be forever, you will have your baba.

@hayleyfx oh hun, I'm so sorry it was a CP. I know how you feel. Great news from your appointment though. I hope you get a sticky one soon. And so lovely to be able to visit Charlie's name in the remembrance book.

@Mistymeow well done for having the courage to share your story. I'm so glad for you that you've found it a healing experience, and I really love that your OH had a hand in writing the post.

Thanks, as always, for your invaluable support ladies. I honestly don't think I'd feel as strong as I do without you.

So the doctor is sending me for a blood test, which I will have tomorrow. I'll ring the surgery for the results on Monday and go for another blood test on Tuesday if the results look high.
He said that without clots and really heavy bleeding we can't assume it's a miscarriage, but he did say it didn't look great (he put it in a much nicer way than that though, he was lovely).
He told me to take the week off work and he's happy to review that if I need longer.
And he also said if it does turn out it's a miscarriage he's going to refer me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic as I've had this, the MMC in March and two CPs in between.

I'm feeling emotionally drained and exhausted.

Thank you for listening to me. Now for me to catch up on everyone else.

@hayleyfx glad your hospital appointment was reassuring, so sorry to hear about your chemical.

@redrobin so sorry to read your post but it takes courage to pause - i wasn't able to, and I really respect you for taking the time to preserve your mental health. Like @mistymeow I also had a magical road trip to California in June after my MMC - Yosemite was absolutely gorgeous, I completely recommend it.

@mistymeow what a brave thing to do, great you are getting good responses.

Big hugs @KnitKnitty. Can you go to EGU? This is exactly how my ectopic initially presented - but also how my friend's successful pregnancy presented, so please don't lose hope. Thinking of you X

Oh @KnitKitty sending you a huge hug.

I'd agree both tests are positive. In terms of the bleeding I don't think that alone can indicate miscarriage unless you pass lots of clots/tissue. I had a very small amount of brown CM and miscarried-but other ladies on here seemingly have had full on bright red gushes, more than enough to fill a pad and their beans have survived.

See what the doc says, push for hcg blood tests.

I'll hope with all my heart for a good outcome for you xxx

@knitkitty sorry you are going through this. Hopefully the gp can help I guess the only way to be sure this early on is a blood test and repeated after a couple of days to see if the hcg levels are rising.

Take care and let us know how you get on hugs

Well I was pregnant. But I think I'm miscarrying again.

I knew I was pregnant. There's no way I couldn't be. 6 days of spotting, no period, on off mild cramping and feeling exhausted as well as not sleeping properly at night.
I wanted to wait to test until Saturday because that's what OH wanted and I wanted to give him some control over the situation because otherwise there's not much involvement for him! And I was feeling a bit like ignorance was bliss.

BUT today at work the brown spotting (which wasn't concerning me much) turned into bleeding. Dark red blood, like the start of a period.
I freaked out but had to know for sure that I was pregnant so I did a test while at work. It was an FRER and came back with a faint line.
I've made an appointment with the doctor later today. Work sent me home.
I took another test at home and the Clearblue came back looking a lot more positive than the FRER, which confused me.
I've had a bit more red bleeding.
The tests should be darker, right? I'm 15DPO, three days late. So points towards miscarriage alongside the bleeding. On the other hand it wasn't FMU, and some women bleed and stay pregnant, don't they? Trying not to totally lose it but also don't want to let myself hope.

My head is all over the place. Feeling very upset.
Attached pics of the tests.

@Mistymeow That’s such a lovely idea. I’m going to do the same I think with the fundraiser, I announced my pregnancy after the 12 week scan despite the abnormalities and I felt so much better. I’m so glad everyone knows that my baby boy existed. It really does feel like a weight lifted off your shoulder, I’m glad it has helped you!! These are our babies, they existed, they matter. They should be talked about.

Thanks everyone, I’m feeling a bit better after that hospital appointment. They checked Charlie’s chromosomes and found nothing abnormal so they said they have no reason to believe that a next pregnancy wouldn’t be perfectly healthy, they’re not worried atm. They checked a few other things (can’t remember what they said!) but nothing came back unusual so they were pretty positive and told me I should have the same chances of anyone else of having a healthy pregnancy. I’m still feeling beyond nervous but I’m a tiny bit more optimistic now and relieved. They also confirmed that Charlie was definitely a little boy!! 💙 we visited the chapel and saw his name in the rememberance book. So lovely to remember our baby boy 💓

Sorry to those of you dealing with af. She sucks!

@Laney79 beautiful necklace to remember two beautiful little ones xx

@Melpops36 ooh tentative congrats! How are you feeling?

@RedRobin7 sorry to read your post but I think you're doing the right thing. So important to look after your mental health and it sounds like your partner needs time to recover. Three months after my mmc we went to California and did a road trip, camped in Yosemite. It was magical and healing. You will love it. Please check back in when you can :) and take care.

@hayleyfx so sorry to hear about the chemical. It's good that you have some hospital follow ups- I really hope you have some answers soon.

I set up a fundraiser for the miscarriage association on facebook, for my birthday, as it's so near to my due date. I told my story (not graphically, but gave the facts). I felt nervous and ashamed, but then I remembered that I have nothing to be ashamed of, that it's this atmosphere of "keeping quiet" that makes me feel this way, and if I could push through it and break the stigma, maybe I will help someone. I'm so glad I did it, the response has been overwhelming. It's like a weight has been lifted. My husband helped me with the post and wanted to be tagged. I know not everyone wants to do a post but to those of you who are, I have found it incredibly healing.

@RedRobin7 sorry you are putting TTC on hold. A holiday is just what you and DH need. The whole TTC journey does cause a lot of anxiety following an MC. Enjoy spending quality time with DH and make sure you try and have some fun. It will happen, I'm sure, and it is positive that you and DH are talking about it all and supporting each other.

@hayleyfx sorry AF showed up and you had another CP. be good to yourself.

@haleyfx I’m so sorry 😐 that’s always a worry after a bfp x

@knitkitty I feel OK got some symptoms so that feels positive. Emotionally I am really happy and trying not to say if it sticks etc trying to focus on this being positive today I am pregnant and such like and that is helping.

@laney79 lovely necklace. Glad you have some good support.

@melpops36 congratulations.

@hayleyfx sorry you got af and another chemical.

@redrobin7 sorry you are going to be putting ttc on hold. A holiday sounds great.

Hugs to anyone I have missed who needs it.

@RedRobin7 oh I’m so sorry TTC is being put on hold! A holiday sounds like exactly what you and your DH need. I hope you have a lovely time and I really hope your DH is feeling better soon. TTC really is so stressful especially after losses. I’m sure you will both be in a better place soon and feel ready to TTC again, it may do the world of good to have a break (although I know it doesn’t feel like it). Hugs

Thanks everyone. Turned out like I thought it would, af started today. Must have been another chemical. I’m feeling okay but at the same time I’m getting so worried - am I ever going to have a healthy pregnancy? I’ve been told by everyone ‘well at least you know you can get pregnant’ but it’s not much use if I can’t stay pregnant wish I could just have a normal healthy pregnancy like so many people seem to have so easily!? I hope everyone here will. I have a hospital appointment tomorrow, follow up after Charlie so will discuss it with them and ask what I can do/try. They’ve put Charlie’s name in their book of rememberance so will pop into the hospital chapel to see that. I thought that was really lovely that they’re remembering Charlie.

@Laney79 your necklace is beautiful ❤️ A holiday in Greece - how lovely!! & as you say, you could definitely have your BFP by then... here’s hoping 🤞

@Melpops36 congrats! I hope it’s a very sticky bean x

@KnitKitty feeling so hopeful for you. 🤞 for whenever you decide to test... eek!! X

@awakeatnight lovely scan picture. Such precious memories 💕

@awakeatnight gorgeous scan pic. Mine are so so precious to me and really you can see so little-but just to have them, proof they existed is just so important to me. I also have a necklace with a bean and a bow on it so they can be with me-attached a pic.

@InDreamland good luck with the private clinic-I'd try a couple if I was you, my research showed that costs vary quite a bit. Are you midlands based? There's one my GP quietly recommended to me if you want the details. I completely get the need to do something-I'm the same. I desperately wanted to be pregnant by my due date too-my bean's is 24th Oct. thought I'd made it too-instead I'll most likely be heading for the first AF after losing my Bow. Try not to put pressure on, in my experience it just adds to heartbreak if things don't go as you hope.

@KnitKitty don't worry-we can get our hopes up for you chick, so you don't have to. My counsellor said something similar to me when I said I feel like I've lost all hope-she said don't worry your fella and I will look after that hope for you until you are ready to have it back. Daft maybe but made me feel a bit better.

@Melpops36 nice line! Fingers crossed for the healthiest stickiest of beans.

Well I've had my bloods done today -something like 8 vials worth. Should get the results when I see the consultant at the end of nov. The nurse as ever was awesome with me, considering how crazy I am with medical stuff. I always feel like such an idiot when I have to have this stuff done, but I can't help freaking out. I think today I was in a bit of a fog though. I've developed the lurg on top of everything else and feel pants. Also got what I think was my bfn this morning. So sad to see but has to happen. In better news I managed to get tickets to see muse at the Royal Albert hall and I found out I won a holiday to Greece. Obv if I catch I may not be able to go but as it doesn't have to be booked till end of feb we're going to see how things go. Sounds loopy but I'd give it up in a heartbeat to be pregnant. X

Just checking in briefly, not got time to reply to individually but there has been so many BFPs recently, congratulations all!

Hope ovulation has showed up for you @boboelephant.

Currently 3DPO and posted yesterday on Facebook about my losses. I have had some supportive messages from friends and family and am glad I did it - I feel I am no longer burdened by secrets.

Sending love and support to all who may be finding baby loss awareness week hard xx

Sorry AF turned up @keebo and @InDreamland x

Congratulations @Melpops36! Fx for a sticky bean! Thanks hunni, I just wish things were different. I have 3 more cycles before my little bean's due date and I'm so desperate to be pregnant again before then.

Ok freaking out now. Think I just got my bfp.
Attached pic.
@indreamland it’s so shit. I’m sorry x

Thanks @awakeatnight. I like your post and glad you have had some nice messages. I'm still in 2 minds whether or not to post something. If I do I might use your words. Lovely scan pic.

Thanks @Blondcat and @KnitKitty. Hope you're feeling well @Blondcat and fx for a BFP on Saturday @KnitKitty!

@keebo sorry AF got you too this morning.

Sitting on a train now on way to a work event and just feeling so tearful. Hate all this.