TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

Really pleased for you @robin78 - Thankyou for the hope xxx

Hello everyone, just checking in to let those of you who remember me from the last and previous threads know that I had a reassurance scan yesterday and all is well. I am measuring at 7w2 which is only 2 days out from my predicted dates and we saw the heartbeat. This is my only experience of a scan that hasn't involved an mmc being detected (my two previous and only other pregnancies) so it felt like a breakthrough. We are obviously still in the danger zone but this is a good start.

I can see from reading the last few pages that lots of people on here are having a hard time and I know reading these posts can be bittersweet but I hope this story of clearing that first hurdle after ttc gives a bit of hope to others who have had similar experiences to me - because I know it can feel impossible. Sending lots of love and wishing BFPs all round.

@awakeatnight congrats and fingers crossed for you.

@Angelbabyollie fingers crossed for your next test too lovely.

@KnitKitty glad the acupuncture went well and you are feeling a bit better.

@hayleyfx so sorry the scan didn't show a little miracle but I'm pleased you're out of limbo now,

Sorry to not reply individually-hugs to everyone.

I've had a pretty rubbish week. Had a tough time at work. Feeling sidelined and like I'm not really sure what my role is anymore. Add to that one of my managers effectively questioning my professional standards -well I had a meltdown and ended up in tears. All that was going through my head is I should be on maternity leave.

Weds was my first little bean's due date. I got through it. Went to the cinema and some food with my fella. Just tried to distract but I couldn't help feeling sad. Lots of thoughts of what should've been.

Doesn't help my body is playing silly b**gers again. So stopped bleeding after losing bow on 6/10, BFN 14/10. Dtd for the first time last sat night and ever since I've been getting brownish spotting, like the end of AF - few bits of black brown tissue/clotty stuff but mostly light brown, grainy stuff on wiping. Thought it was AF starting but bar a few small bouts of crampy soreness, nothing. Seriously just want af to kick in, or this to stop so I can at least feel a bit more normal. I'm worried my cycles won't come back properly with my age and everything, and I just desperately want to get back to TTC. Anyone experienced similar? What happened? Xxx

@KnitKitty I think I know what you mean. It's a tough old business this baby making. Don't give up though - your time will come and you will be an awesome mummy. I've heard the recurrent miscarriage docs can work wonders with supporting the development of a healthy pregnancy so I hope that's the case for you. Stick with the accupuncturist, she sounds awesome.
And happy anniversary too for next week! Have you got celebratory plans?

@hayleyfx I'll echo the others, sorry you didn't get a miracle but good to have an answer and not be looking at further complications. Happy anniversary. Enjoy the wine and hit up the cocktails whilst you're at it! Your time will come too.

@Mistymeow Grump away, it's part of what we're here for! Colds are rubbish.

I've just started reading this book, inspired by using fertility friend and charting and generally wanting to know more about my body (and it's wonders/weaknesses)
Her instagram is pretty interesting and she seems to be quite responsive at answering questions on relevant posts. www.larabriden.com/period-repair-manual/ some of you might find it interesting. M

@awakeatnight so pleased for you! Those look like very strong lines. Wishing you all the best!

I'm not getting the pressure feeling but getting ovulation cramps every now and then, but opks are negative. I used to ovulate on cd11 and I did last month so was hoping I was going back to normal. Just sick of having irregular cycles now and cramping throughout my cycle. Sorry I'm grumpy because I also have a cold!

@hayleyfx glad the scan gave you your answers. It wasn't nice for you to be left in limbo like that, sorry that it all dragged out. Happy wedding anniversary, I hope you have a lovely evening with your partner.

@knitknitty really pleased that you had a good acupuncture session. The fact you feel more calm taking a bit of time off tells you that you need a break to recover emotionally from what has happened. Regarding the "what if it's just not meant to be" thoughts...I believe those feelings come from grief and also your upcoming appointment. Completely understandable. But looking at it logically, many, many women go on to have a child after multiple losses. Some after treatment, others from ivf, and many naturally. My friend is having a baby for her friend (her friend's egg and partner's sperm- she can't physically carry a baby). There is so much they can do. I don't believe in destiny, I believe in science and statistics. I haven't had multiple losses but we have secondary infertility and who knows if we will manage a healthy pregnancy. All I can do is keep going, and hope the treatment works, and if we have ivf, to hope that it works. That's the frustrating thing, there is very little I can do. My advice is to not get ahead of yourself, to do what's best for you and your partner to heal from your recent losses. The RMC may not say your uterus shape is an issue, they may have positive news, or treatment that can help. Worrying about what may or may not happen in the appointment is not going to help with your recovery. So glad you are taking some time out. Please take lots of care of yourself. I am so sure you are going to be a mum x

@hayleyfx I'm glad your scan gave you some answers. I'm sorry that it wasn't good news despite the odds though. My HCG always seems to drop really slowly after MC too. Sorry we're in the same boat, but I'm certain it's going to happen for you. I'll keep believing it for you until you have the strength to hope again.
It's funny, it's my anniversary with OH in 5 days. Seven years! Time flies! Have fun this evening, have a drink and focus on enjoying a night out. xxx

@Tefiti2 Sorry it's taking so long for you hun. I'm glad you're going to the GP. Yes, I'm currently being referred to the RMC, just waiting for an appointment to come through. Taking a break from TTC in the mean time.

I had my acupuncture today. It was really good. Spent a good long while going over my medical history, especially gynae history. She said my MC last month didn't really sounds like a chemical pregnancy to her, given the length of the cycle being much longer than normal, even though HCG was so low on CD34. It felt reassuring to hear that because part of me has been feeling like a fraud for being referred to the RMC because I'd been classing two of the losses as CPs and I'd got it in my head that they 'don't count' as pregnancy losses... Which obviously they do. (I think it's more a coping mechanism emotionally). But feeling less like they're going to turn me away now.
She put needles in my back and left them there for a while, and then did a couple in my feet. I guess it was just a sort of warm up/practice for when I start the treatment properly; hopefully next week.
I came out of there feeling really good. Just having someone recommend I take about 3 months off has been helpful as it's a difficult decision to take off my own back. Of course she said she wouldn't blame me if I continue trying, but generally in Chinese medicine they'd recommend taking that time off to allow the body to heal itself, so I'm feeling more positive about that too. I just hope OH doesn't mind using condoms for a while.

So sorry that this has happened @hayleyfx, hope you have a lovely night with your other half

Yes @KnitKnitty - I feel like the longer this goes on for the more I’m doubting everything, e.g “what if I’m not meant to have another?” “What if this is the way it’s meant to be?”. Heading to the GPs next week as this is cycle 12 with no viable pregnancy in sight. It’s hard, so very hard. Are you under the care of RMC? Thinking of you xx

@hayleyfx glad all went well and you had the answers. Enjoy your night out and try to relax and have a good time!

Had my scan today, they couldn’t really see anything. Just a normal empty uterus, they also checked my ovaries and said all looks fine. In a way I’m actually really relieved and feeling much better now, just to be out of limbo and I was worrying myself that something awful was going on! They reckon it was an early miscarriage and my hcg levels are just taking a long time to go down. Thanks you all for your well wishes!! ❤️
It’s mine and my fiance’s anniversary today so going to have a night out, dinner and drinks!

@awakeatnight congrats! I hope it’s a very sticky bean 🤞

@KnitKitty I know what you mean, I’m starting to feel the same like I should just give up. Especially when everyone else seems to have such easy pregnancies 😔 I’m just starting to wonder how many times I can go actually go through this! That’s 4 losses now for me too it’s really hard. I hope you’re doing okay x

@awakeatnight brilliant news! Congratulations!

@awakeatnight congratulations! Yay!! I am trying to hold off testing did another first response early and got the same faint line yesterday morning so thought I would wait till Sunday as don't want to be disappointed have had a headache literally 3 days and dizzyness but boobs don't feel sore - totally symptom spotting! I might cave in later and test thou ! Just everything going through my head if I am doesn't mean will come home with a baby after last time. So happy for you I love to read everyone's bfp stories xxx

Wonderful news @awakeatnight! All fingers and toes crossed for you that this is a healthy and sticky bean! Congrats. xxx

Just a random question to those of you who have been trying for several months after MC... Do you ever find yourself questioning everything, like if all the pain and heartache and effort is worth it and maybe you're just not meant to have children?
Sounds more dramatic than it is, but my mind has been all over the place, understandably, since my 4th pregnancy loss and I've got to the point of wondering how much I really want this anymore. I think I'm just preparing myself for if the recurrent miscarriage clinic turns around and says my womb is not fit for use (this is a real possibility with uterus didelphys). I don't mean I feel sad about these feelings, I'm just getting almost indifferent to wanting to make this happen, and I'm only about 2% hopeful it ever will.
I'm rambling, so I'll shut up now. Was just curious to know if it's just me or not. I really admire those of you who are so determined and never give up hope. You're an inspiration to me.

Thanks @Melpops36

@MeghanV07 it was weird - I woke up Monday (10dpo) with really bad cramp and backache. Never had that before! Looking back, maybe that was implantation? In previous cycles I've had dizzy spells and the extreme tiredness together with a prickle of nausea. None of that this time although today have had a small wave of feeling retchy. Will be taking my AF gear down to my mums just in case!

@awakeatnight congrats!!

Amazing new @awakeatnight ❤️ congratulations 😘

What were the fewest symptoms you had?

Will be thinking of you today @hayleyfx, please update us xx

And so to my news! After the fewest 'symptoms' since we started trying and tracking I got a BFP to days ago! AF due today and thus far no sign. I'm terrified but happy. And for today, at least, I am 4 weeks pregnant! Off to my mums for her birthday tonight so not sure how to play the drink avoidance. I think I'll just say we've decided not to drink in the second half of a cycle or something. After a blip and testing at 8dpo to a pure white test, I crumbled at 12dpo and got the surprise of my life. Every other cycle I've been surprised to see nothing. This time I was like - what really?!

@hayleyfx glad you're feeling a bit better and good luck for your scan. I hope it goes well and that you get good news and an answer about what's gone on. Any chance your sickness is hyperemesis?

@KnitKitty So sorry you're having such a rough time but glad your GP is supportive and that the ball is rolling on your referral. I know you're not intending to try over the next few cycles but I still hold out hope
That somehow you won't end up needing the appointments ❤️ your accpuncturist does sound so good - are you seeing her again soon?

@Russkispy I'm sorry it didn't work out this time :( fx for next time and the magic of reflexology and acupuncture giving you a well prepped system to catch and keep hold of it!

@Mistymeow how are you today? I'm intrigued about how you're feeling. Maybe a bit of a tummy bug but I'm sure we all jump to symptom spotting and related feelings!

@fnej01 so sorry for your loss and good luck with the counselling. My GP recommneded going through the miscarriage association. Apparently they have trained volunteers to speak to. I still havent got round to it. Not sure what I'm scared of - can't be as bad as the pits of doom, right?

@Melpops36 Congratulations on your scan! Not long until the next one and lots more detail!

@Angelbabyollie How are your lines looking? I hope this is your time!

@haleyfx @knitkitty @mistymeow thank you for your lovely words. I’m trying to stay positive but it’s bloody hard.
Fx for you @haleyfx that it’s something positive. @knitkitty so glad you are feeling positive again. Acupuncture has worked a treat for me so far, I love it! Good luck.

@Mistymeow I’m not sure, it definitely seemed like a stomach bug as vomiting stopped after 12 hours however I’m still feeling a bit nauseous! Maybe it’s just wearing off slowly. Thank you!

@fnej01 thank you. I’m glad you’re doing okay and I hope counselling helps!

@KnitKitty thanks! The vomiting stopped on Tuesday but I still can’t eat without feeling really sick, my appetite is totally gone! So confused and worried now 😣 it’s lovely to hear that you’re feeling better. I hope acupuncture goes well!

@Angelbabyollie I definitely see the line! Hope it gets nice and dark for you 🤞

@Melpops36 that’s great that your scan was normal! At 6 weeks it’s still a bit early so I think as long as everything is in the right place etc then it’s going in the right direction hope your next scan goes well too!

My scan is at 10:30 tomorrow morning. Soo nervous! I’ve managed to convince myself over the past couple days that it won’t be something as simple as ‘retained products’ and instead will be an ectopic or something. I’ve scared myself silly 🤦‍♀️ Definitely haven’t got my hopes up anyway!

@hayleyfx hope the scan goes well tomorrow. Fingers crossed for good news for you. Has the tummy bug gone?

@Russkispy Hope you're producing a nice healthy egg this month. xx

@Mistymeow How are you? Still got that pressure feeling?

@fnej01 Nothing wrong with cracking on as usual while miscarrying if that's the right thing for you to do. I would probably have done the same except work is not a pleasant place for me to be right now and it was a double-whammy. Being there would not have been a good distraction for me and would have made everything worse, but I totally agree with Mistymeow, there's no right or wrong way to cope. I'd talk to your GP first about counselling, unless you want to go private. Hugs xxx

@Angelbabyollie There's definitely a line there! Fingers and toes crossed for you. Keep us updated! xxx

@Tinypaws I really hope this IVF cycle is the one that works! Best of luck! Keep us in the loop! xxx

@Melpops36 I've been told I'll have a scan at 6 weeks and 8 weeks when I do finally get pregnant again with a sticky one and I really don't like the idea of having the 6 week scan for this very reason. It is completely normal for the pole not to show at this stage so try not to fret. Everything is looking on track and in the right place, just keep thinking about that. I understand how nerve-wracking this is for you. Stay strong. We all have our fingers crossed for you. xxx

You'll be pleased to hear I'm feeling heaps better and a lot more positive again. Feels weird buying condoms for the first time in years, and counter-intuitive when all we want is a baby, but I know we need to take a break. Just hoping I haven't had a weird cycle and ovulated really early because we DTD unprotected about 3 days ago... I think I'm safe though!
First acupuncture tomorrow. Will let you know how it goes.

@Melpops36 that's great news that the scan is normal and it does sound like it's all heading in the right direction. I'm not surprised you feel scared, I would feel exactly the same and I imagine the first trimester is particularly nerve wracking. But for now remember there is nothing to be worried about, they've said the scan is normal. Do you have someone to talk to who can help you keep calm? I totally understand, and I hope you find a way of taking it day by day so you don't feel so afraid.
@angelbabyollie how are you doing today?
@hayleyfx thinking of you for your scan tomorrow x

Hey all hope your ok. Thinking of you all.
I’ve had a scan today at 6 weeks. Sac, yolk and everything in place but no pole yet. Going back in 12 days to see. Very nervous but they said it was a normal scan for not quite six weeks.
Feeling very scared.

@Angelbabyollie Congrats! Fingers crossed for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby for you.

@fnej01 Some areas allow you to refer yourself directly for counselling so worth a quick google to see if that's the case for you. Glad you're looking after yourself.

@russkispy Good luck for your IUI cycle.

@KnitKitty Glad you're getting some investigations done, hope you're doing ok.

As usual, sorry for the ladies I've missed, I'm rubbish at keeping off with this thread! Started my IVF cycle yesterday, it's long protocol so it'll be 6+ weeks until pregnancy test (assuming I get to that stage at all), trying to take things one step at a time.

@Angelbabyollie I can see it too! Hope it gets darker each day! Crossed everything for you!

Yes @angelbabyollie I see the line, I hope it gets stronger. Your spotting and cramps also sound like implantation. Fingers crossed for the next few days. Glad you had a little visit from a pretty butterfly :)

@fnej01 I don't think there is a right or a wrong way to recover from pregnancy loss. Some find it easier to go back to work, distract themselves etc whereas others need some down time. I would listen to your instincts, if you feel like you may be bottling things up- do see someone. I had counselling once but I went private (I found mine through the BACP website which lists accredited counsellors) but I would suggest your first call would be the GP who would refer you.