The Hut of Gl/doom part IV- it's still never going to happen- but ^in^ ^style^, yes

Bobby Dazzler - I'm going to the Whittington Hospital, which is where I had ds.

It looks totally different - they've given it a real makeover since I was there giving birth 2 years ago.

Went there cos they sorted out of lots of my barren friends (they've all probably been in the hut at one time or another!)

Ready. Glad the appt went well. Have first scan next week - transvaginal thingumywatshit - then have scary scan some time in the next couple of months.

Will keep you all posted - it's so good to find a place where people are actually interested!

And also a place where it's ok to be bitter and twisted once in a while

Lissie - I can't even begin to imagine what you have been through. But you do need to try to stop blaming yourself. All of this has been out of your control, so it's not your fault. Go easy on yourself. You've been through more than enough. Hugs.

Ready - glad the appt went well. Having it in the gynae/obs place is so crap..... I remember our 1st appointment being in the same place and all these excited couples going around with their scan pix etc.

Reading the thread and having my earlier rant has put everything a bit more in perspective for me. Thanks to Duchesse for building the hut to hide in. Sorry you are feeling shi**y too.

Lissie - so so sorry about your 6. Wish I could say something useful or better still change it.

Evening... Had my referral consultation today. Went well. Consultant lovely, eggs = check, sperm = check... just need to see if there is a blockage stopping the 2 from meeting and doing their thang. Which means HSG (pingogram = giggle... can I use that Impatience?) is the next step. I'll be honest, I am nervous, and now the pressure is on the conceive before that appointment. Ha. As if. Consultant didn't mention the Laparascopy... so I am hoping that he doesn't want me to have that yet... the thought of a general anaesthetic scares the poo out of me

The one thing that I really want to rant about, and you are all going to think that I am mental here... but I will share it with you anyway, if I can't share it here, where can I?...

My appointment was obviously in the Ante Natal and Gynae Ward, so there was little ol' me, sitting there with my big neon sign flashing "FAILURE" while all these glowing pregnant ladies with bumps give me the pity stare. SURELY, they can have 2 seperate waiting rooms? No? Ok then.

Duchesse - Big hugs. Sorry you are feeling really shit.

"slightly crap wombs with arms and legs on" yep that just about sums up how I feel most days.
lissie -sorry it's 6 can't believe that. I have (virtually) watched you go through the last 2 though I wasn't posting much in the hut at the time.
mslucy - how awful for your friend, you go through the pg worrying what'll happen, but once they're here you think they'll be ok. Just after the Maude thing a colleague announced his DW was pg and that they were telling everyone because she was at 12 weeks so she was 'safe'. I admit (with Maude in my thoughts) that I said "well they're never 'safe' you know, anything can happen at any age" He was a bit taken aback at my reaction when everyone else was showering him with congratulations.

Ms Lucy,

My tests are in the North East of England, don't want to be more specific in case any RL friends reading!

Stiki, hope my uterus tilts the right way! Also know how frustrating it is when DH not around at crucial time. I think this is the first month when we have managed four in a row, maybe going for 5 tonight, but it could all been wasted effort (shouldn't really say that should i?)

Think my key time was last week when he was away, tho we manageded it on the Monday and the Friday so who knows (who i am trying to kid!)

and by the way Sticki, don't get too down in the dumps.

it just isn't bloody worth it.

We're all more than just slightly crap wombs with arms and legs on.

don't know which way my uterus tilts - god knows!

Thanks for the tip - sounds dreadful so I won't be rushing off to work in a hurry. HSG sounds vile - but I guess if it helps, then fair enough

Hi all huttees

Been lurking for a while as feeling very despondent about all this ftc stuff. The only thing that stops me going completely mental is knowing you guys are in the hut and thinking the same things Im thinking and feeling. It really is crap.

Spectacularly fed up now. Its the crucial BD time of the month for us - day 12 now. DH worked sunday (day 10) and looks like wont be home until about day 15. So another month (and vital egg) down the swanny. Typical. We have been ftc#2 for 1.5 years, and were ttc#1 for 2.5 before that. Feels like my whole life we have been ftc and all around us are pg friends and more babies. We are so lucky with our miracle dd but I sooooo want more. I feel a complete failure and really old - post menopausal type - as Im not fertile.

Next month we are starting treatment again (had 5 failed cycles ttc#1)which Im resigned to but given our track record cannot believe that it might work but we have to do something (having just increased the mortgage again). I cant yet give up. My hope is that our genetic problem means that with treatment we are more likely to find the 1 good embryo than on our own.

FMN - huge congrats to you! Hope you are doing ok? I know when eventually I did get pg last time I was absolutely terrified every day but managed to get through. It did get easier as the days added into weeks. All good thoughts to you. {hugs}

Ms Lucy - had all of the tests and the HSG (had to have 2 in the end at different hosps) was v painful. I think it depends on which way your uterus tilts and mine is a retroverted one which means much more painful. Dont want to scare you but make sure you have time after to recover before having to rush to work etc. Good luck.

Thanks for letting me in. Sorry for the rant.
Good luck out there......

Tell me about it.

The hut is a much cosier place to be.

Bobydazzler - where are you having your tests?

Hi,

Wondered if I could enter the hut. Have been posting on and off on TTC threads for awhile but would like to come in here if that is ok.

Main reason is cos if not pregnant this month and I have no reason to believe i will be, i will also be having sort of procedures Ms Lucy describes and i am feeling nervous (about the dye one). Glad to here impatience saying it was ok and no worse than a smear although my last one of those was pretty painful!

Have brought some of MIL's caramel shortbread. Hope you like it.

MsLucy, thats horrendous. The poor woman.

Lissie, I NEVER go on those threads any more. It's rubbing my own nose in it!

Oh lissie.

forgive me for being a bit crap - I am new here - but 6.

I had one and was for ages.

I think it's amazing you still have your sense of humour and still have the time to give people so much help and support.

Yeah, the BFP stuff is irritating, but it's just part of life.

God, I'm normally much more bitter and twisted than this - what's come over me all of a sudden?

I think what really puts everything into perspective for me is that I met up with an old school friend a fews ago who had two boys (lucky bitch I snarled to myself).

Then she told me that her first child had died when she was only 3 days old, as my friend was breastfeeding her.

Nothing could be worse than that for me.

impatience. cant even face the ttc boards now. everyones announcing their bfps and im finding it hardto say anything positive or reassuring.

Lissie, LateNightOwl, MsLucy, this is such a hard trial. As always I wish I had some magic words of wisdom/philosophy/spell, but instead all I have is 'Poor you, that's shit.'

MsLucy, I had the HSG (right letters? In our house we call it the pingogram) and it wasn't at all uncomfortable. No worse than a smear. And I didn't have days of gunk either (where did it all go...? ) It's really interesting to see the pictures of the dye flooding t hrough your tubes and out the other end. But then I don't mind injections and stuff, I always watch, so perhaps I'm not normal.

LNO, it must be really tough having to make the decision about IVF. We can't just lie back and see whether it happens either (well, we could, but it wouldn't) and I've been getting closer to the decision to stop trying for a while. Not quite there, but I have had glimpses of how hard it will be. Here's all the luck in the world for your next try. I hope it works. x

Lissie, 6 lost beans is too much for anyone to have to cope with. I'm impressed you're only on ADs - I think I'd have a needle in my arm by now.

mslucy, had all those tests. the dye one was painful but its over very quickly. make sure you ask to see the results. you also bleed for a few days (like the end of your period) but it cleans you out. dh was v stressed about his pornpot. he didnt even get nhs magazines we're in the same position, one child so no free ivf but we are sueing the bastards so you never know!

ps know what you mean about the chlamydia test. f*ckedc me off too!

LNO, dont blame you for being scared, ivf's a massive emotional & financial gamble, you have to wait til you feel ready!

had mini breakdown yesterday, smacked my hand off the table in temper and think its broken my finger, then sobbed to dh for about an hour about my 6 lost babies. he got pissed off with me for blaming myself but i cant help it. its my body thats wrecking things ffs!

Latenightowl

you sound very down.

But please don't give up.

for what it's worth, most people I know have eventually had a baby after IVF, even th ones who thought it was a complete no hoper.

don't know if this helps at all.

Lucy x

Fab news FMN and thanks for the regulatory gifts...it was getting a bit dry in here compared with the tent that seemed constantly topped up.

Sorry that I havent been in recently folks -still ttc on cycle 2 billion and 5 I think .. I have been lurking outside the hut just couldnt cope with anything over the past few months cos in limbo land...that waste of space between trying to be hopeful and think you should go on a ttc thread but not hopeful enough so dont want to spoil it all for the happy keen MNs and then not feeling too despondent to sit in the hut cos I really want to try and be positive ...God I hate this situation - mind games were never my forte.

Anyway feeling scared and despondent cos was supposed to do my IVF cycle this month (2nd attempt and final one cos cant cope with the finances and the mental pressure) and I called it off - not ready and said that I would do it in August but August is looming quickly and I will have to make up my mind soon...guess I am terrified of it failing again and then what? I think I will then give up (for those who dont know me I am 45)

Lissie I really admire your courage - I have never been pregnant despite my trying for 8 yrs and now I find myself thinking if I do then it will be 9 months of hell cos I will be terrified of losing it. I just cant imagine how painful that would be and my heart does go out to you.

Dear Duchess - not like you to be so fed up! Whats going on there? Clearly not enough drink in this place - so Im going to dump a truck load of mixed spirits (cos we all seem to need it) and lots of brazil nuts (apparently latest good food for BFP) and will skip the grapefruit juice cos another scientific report is now saying it will give us all breast cancer - so now we have a choice ladies either EWCM or run the gauntlet of the big C. I havent got a clue what to drink anymore so will move over to the virtual alcoholic stuff....
see you later
LNOx

Hello there hutters (huttees)

Had my first trip to the hospital today.

It was a bit grim.

All the usual questions. Then had to have a swab for chlymidia. I was tested negative during pg and have hardly been putting it about since ds was born 2 years ago, so ffs.

Esp unpleasant as have ecsema in an embarrassing place - tmi maybe - bit it explains why I found this so horrific.

Have to go back there thurs (cd21) for progesterone tests, then have a scan next week and more tests on day 2 of AF, which I reckon will be Fri.

DH has to wank into a pot and bring it along on thurs - no shags til then

Once all these tests have to have some vile scan which involves squirting dye into your womb.

Really not looking forward to this as they said its like having very bad period pains - though can't be as bad as labour pains, I guess.

then finally get to see the consultant in Oct.

Don't get IVF - if I need it - for free on NHS because I already have one child.

But will get medication.

Am praying that I will get pg (unlikely) between now and then, so I can avoid the whole process.

I want help but am really dreading the process.

Does that sound mental or what?

hi joliegirl, always welcome!

Hello

Anyone in?

I wondered if I could join you all if there is room!!

I am currently TTC after having a second miscarriage (at 14 weeks) in June. I have a 14 mo DS, but had a first miscarriage (at 9 weeks) before having him.

The first miscarriage was miles worse in a funny way than the second. The second one although I was further on in the pg when it happening, I was much more aware of the process and the reasons etc

So a 1 out of 3 success rate, not brilliant (although I know I am totally and utterly blessed to have one - a long history of severe endometriosis and ovarian cysts meant I was not sure I would ever have a family), and as much as I want to have another baby I am scared stiff about the prospects of another miscarriage.

I got my first AF on the 27th June after having the ERPC on the 4th June. Anyway - enough from me - hope that is a good enough intro, and I really, really look forward to chatting with you all soon

FMN - congrats hope you are ok.

Lissie - , wish there was something helpful I could say, but all I can say is here have this

Padfoot - wish I could be of help, but at least I am not one of them who are first-time successful triers either.

TLSM - so your body is trying to torment you too huh!

Ready - if you need to rant, I am all ears here.

Well I am emotionally still on the rollercoaster, and pleased that I can sit here with all you guys.

oh lissie its likely your body getting back to normal not much i can say {{{{{lissie}}}}}}

its so shit. im really low at the moment. im supposed to ov today but no LH surge, none of the normal symptoms. we see the specialist on the 30th and im sick & tired of all this now.