The Hut of Gl/doom part IV- it's still never going to happen- but ^in^ ^style^, yes

Nelli30 I spend every month sat in the toilet crying because my AF has arrived. Because stuff has happened this month DH wants to stop ttc for a bit. We are arguing but I love him so much but I am not sure he understands. I do think you feel like a failure everytime my AF comes. It doesn't help that everytime I go to visit DH's parents his mum pats my tummy and says when are you going to make me a Grandma. It is soul destroying.

where Every months I convince myself every twing is a sign. I am lucky is that AF is never late.

I am so scared to go to the doctor because of what he will say. I know that is not logical but why I don't know either way there is hope.

Nelli30-are you me??

Morning whereforartthouAF

Just wanted to say that you are soooooooooooo not the only one. I also go through this madness each month. Like you I tend to get sore boobs 5/6 days before AF arrives but even if they are slightly more or less sore I convince myself that this may just be our month, so out I go and get a test, just to put my mind at rest so I can stop thinking about it (yeah right!)when I get a negative, so after holding it up to the light and examining it under a microscope for 10 minutes and chucking in the bin, then pulling out the bin later on , 'just to check', I then hear the little voice in my head starting to tell me 'maybe its too early for a line to show' and then I find myself back at square one, wondering if this month may just be our month!!! It enough to drive you mad isn't it?! Please don't feel bad about it though, I think its completely normal, (if its not then you and I are in big trouble!!) We have to do what we have to do to keep going on the rollercoaster of a ride of ttc!!

Big hugs to you - xxx

Just ditto to all you've all just said! It truly stinks.

W, I go through the same thing every month. If af starts light, I'm sure it's implantaion bleeding. I take the test apart and hold it up to the light in case there's a faint band that will be clearer that way.... all logic and sanity goes out of the window and we find the flimsiest straws to cling to. But one glorious day....... (am I allowed to say that in the hut?)

Hi W. Just wanted to give you a big mental hug. It sounds like you are really going through the wringer right now. Take care x

I almost convince my stupid self You wanna know the worst part thou? i keep thinking its still too early and i still could be....... oh for gods sake kick me pleeeassse ....

Hi WhereforartthouAF

It's just so flipping hard, isn't it? I can't understand why nobody, not even my best friend, talked to me about how tough it would be when I told them I was going to ttc. Thank goodness we have each other, and all understand exactly what it feels like to get that BFN (and F doesn't stand for "fat" in my book!) when you're soooooooooooooo sure that this time it's worked.

(((((((((((((((((Huge hugs)))))))))))))))))

oh please can someone be around??

Hi ladies

Please just ignore me i need to have a rant before i f*ing deck someone (i'm aiming for the clearblue and every other preg test company in the world!!!!)

Ok here goes....

cycles usually 36+ days. Normal symptoms b4 af are sore boobs about 5 days b4 as soon as they stop hurting af arrives. CD 23 and my boobs are really sore ....

Logical side of me "i'm going to have AF early"

Non logical "ooh i must be pregnant i've never had them this sore this early on"

Listen to non logical side and do a bloody test!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY???????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

B F FUCKING N !!!

Only cd 30 but surely, surely surely something would be showing by now even a little faint line?? but no nothing
So i have spent the last 30 mins crying in the bathroom can't explain to DH just 'cos he is a man and would never understand.

I'm so sorry for whinging but every month i get a negative (ok, ok about 10) test and i don't know why i am so surprised..

Crikey Nelli, your post isn't too much: You're in exactly the right spirit for the hut! Don't ever feel you need to apologize for or justify how low you feel here. This is the place to let go of all that control and social niceties and just get on with how you feel.

I'm so sorry you are so miserable. It is indeed truly crap. I expect it does rub your nose in it somewhat with dsd, no matter how much you might like her. So sorry you had a failed IVF. You're not the only one in here. I'm too chicken to even try IVF for the expected disappointment!

Listen, I don't have any magic words of wisdom etc, but I do know just how rubbish this FTC trap can be. I'm sorry you feel so low. See you back here soon xxx

Hi there everyone. I just wanted to say that I completely , totally and utterely belong in the hut. I am the most miserable I think I have ever been and I don't know how to pull myself out of it. The strain of ttc is affecting my relationship with my husband, we are argueing all the time. I just feel like its all so pointless, like its never going to happen and I just can't imagine how on earth I will cope if it doesn't. How can I even begin to accept a childless life, what is the point. How unfair it is that everyone around me seems to be able to do what I can't and take it all for granted! I feel like my body is a failure and I just can't keep myself positive about it all. I'm worried that my relationship isn't strong enough. My husband keeps telling me I need to forget about it and relax, but how can I when its everywhere, at work, on the TV , feels like everyday its pushed in my face. Our situation is complicated by my husband having a child from a previous marriage. She 8, I have known her for 4 years and our relationship is good, but I get so very distressed when in their company as they are so very close and I ache everyday for that, for us to have our own little person to look after. I just can't bear it. I know I am not the only one and I know in many ways I am so very lucky, but I just can't seem to get a handle on this. I never for 1 minute thought it would be this hard. We been through IVF which failed and am probably going again in Sept time. Part of me can't wait as it another 'chance' the other part is dreading the disappointment as at the moment I just can't see it working. I'm afraid I am wallowing in self pity, I just don't understand why this is happening to me, to us, all of us. I don't get it and I don't know how to make things better. I find it all so hard.
Sorry to be so very down. I know you all understand but this post might be a bit much even for the hut!!

Dear Chocolatedays
so sorry to hear about the BFN. Take some time off and rest. I took 2 months off from my failed IVF and only just thinking of possibly doing my next cycle in August. It is difficult I know but when you are ready, come back to the hut and we will be here to support you.
take care LNO.

Ah well, there you go BB: business partner may conceive quickly but is trapped in a loveless relationship.

Thanks guys

I did not even know this thread was around until I saw Scorpio mention it in another thread.

It is nice to have a place where you can have a little moan.

Everyone always seemed so positive I thought there must be something wrong with me.

My business partner leads a charmed life and it did not surprise me that it only took her a month of ttc. It was only the end of last year that she was talking about leaving her DH but now he has bought her a new house and earns alot of money they act like the perfect couple. How bitchy am I!!!!

I've been ttc for 8 months now, I feel like it will never happen. Im going to book in with the docs. Guess I just need to bite the bullet.

babybratt, how fcking dare* she!

pull up a pew, have a moan. we're all here for you

BabyBratt, your business partner is a tit. She is either incredibly insensitive, or very mean, or ridiculously stupid, or any combination of the above. Silly cow.

You absolutely know she's not right, don't you?

Sorry to hear your shop was robbed, and sorry to hear that you might have to put on hold something you really want, especially because of the double whammy of the burglary and someone you have to see everyday getting their big bump and then baby. How shit.

Pull up a pew in here. You're in the right place. TTC and failing is horrible, and we all take turns to pat eachother's arms and hold eachother up. We understand how you feel.

xx

Sorry guys but this is where I have been told I can come to get everything off my chest.

I am so annoyed. I decided to tell my business partner about TTC. She is one of these people who TTC for one month and fell pregnant . Anyway she had the cheek to say to me that I have not fallen pregnant because I must not really want it and that me and DH must not be in the right place.

I would love nothing more than being pg, how dare she say those awful things. She has no idea how it feels to wait for youe ovulation and then spend 2 weeks hoping that every twing is a sign you are pregnant only for AF to turn up like a stake through your heart.

To add to this because our shop was robbed my DH has decided that we might need to stop ttc for a few months until the shop is on its feet and with my Business Partner being pregnant now we can't both be at the same time. Im really really gutted .

I know there are people worse off than me but in my own little world at the moment this feels like the worst week ever. I've not even managed to have one baby yet. I've spent most of my life worrying about getting pregnant but no one ever tells you it is this hard to conceive when you actually want one.

Im really fighting to stay positive.

Sorry to hear that Chocolatedays. Big hugs, and I hope you get to enjoy some time not TTC - blimey, you might even forget about it and have some fun! xxx

had my hsg on the mon and ov'd on the weds. 4d early

Chocolatedays, I'm so sorry the IVF didn't work and only hope that you are coping and one day may feel ready to try again.
Lissie, bloody, buggery, hell, how the hell are you pregnant so quick???!! Didn't you just have your hsg a matter of days ago??! Big fat congratulations and hope to god it sticks for you, everything crossed (except maybe my legs with this bloody ttc lark !) I'm so chuffed for you.

im sorry will miss you, but understand x

Hi all - can't be bothered to catch up at the mo

Just to say hi and the IVF didn't work - not really a surprise - we did our grieving a week ago really.
I'm knackered and may leave ttc alone for a bit.... will come back to mn when I'm ready -
GOOD LUCK all of you - hope I have to search the ante natal threads to find you when I return
Cxx

im sticking around for a bit. just in case...