TTC after recurrent miscarriage - thread 3

Hi girl's, I've woken up to the news that my friend has had her third baby (she was one of my brother's first girlfriends) we have been speaking over Facebook and she came to visit when I had my son two years ago after I lost my brother in march 2014, she was of some support when I had the first miscarriage and this most recent one because it has happened to her. I am so very thankful and blessed that I have my son, I just keep thinking on each Saturday I should be this many weeks pregnant, feeling down, exhausted and uninterested in doing things lately, don't know what's going on with my af either, had about 2 days off brown, one day of red then nothing until this morning gone to brown again and my boobs are sore again, pregnancy test last night was negative. Just needed to get it down. X

@FMU I think that was a really insensitive thing of your friend to say. She's obviously struggling with her own issues so perhaps she's not going to be the best source of support for you at the moment. Its a shame but try not to take her comments to heart, its all about how she's feeling, not you. Your feelings and frustrations are just as valid. You need friends who will drop off a load of chocolate/big stodgy dish of lasagne, make you a brew and say "its shit! If you want to talk about it you can, if not lets watch a crappy movie and pig out".

With my friends who have been through miscarriages I've just done what they've wanted, one wanted to be alone so I dropped off some chocolate and a bunch of flowers on their doorstep just so they knew I was thinking of them. Another wanted to talk through the whole miscarriage, I think it helped her to get it off her chest. I took cake and we sat on the sofa with a cuppa. Another friend lived far away so we just chatted on the phone and I sent her a spa voucher to treat herself, when I went through mine she sent me cosy slipper socks, a disney DVD and some chocolates. My point is we need to stick together in the shittiness not try and compete in the my life's more shit than yours competition. Take care lovely, try do something nice over the next couple of weeks to pass the time. Thinking of you.

Having played both games I’m not sure which was worse. Actually having the miscarriage was bloody hard as I had some hope and then the disappointment was crushing. However if you’d said that to me when I had never had a positive pregnancy test I would have thought you were barking. It’s all different shit but it’s all still shit.

I just don't get why people think that this is an appropriate situation to play a game of one-upmanship. Yes, I'm sure that infertility is 100x worse than miscarrying a few times, however how does it help me to point that out?! Aaaaargh

Its not insensitive FMU. I nearly punched the doctor who when I had my 12 week mc said wasn’t it good that this was a natural conception after my failed Ivf. I had to point out there was nothing good about the situation.

FuckMyUterus it's not insensitive. It's different, and yes it's good news that it's possible get pregnant, but pregnancy is a huge ordeal to go through if you don't get to take your baby home at the end. It's awful that you're stuck in such a terrible situation, the uncertainty is so hard.

I'm so sorry you've started bleeding Muchies89, I hope you're having lots of cuddles with your dog and that things are easing off today. My parents bring their dog to see me whenever I'm miscarrying, she is so cute and affectionate and it really helps. Did you get a scan booked in?

I've started bleeding but it's no worse than a period, it sounds terrible to say but compared to my other miscarriages this one has been pretty straightforward. I hardly knew about the pregnancy before it started to go wrong, I didn't even look up the due date. I've been to the GP this morning and they've referred me on to St Mary's RMC, and I self-referred for counselling through the EPU, so at least it feels like there's a plan moving into place. I'm going to sulk for a few more days, and then start to plan a proper holday for December on the assumption that I'll still be waiting for appointments/test results so I definitely won't be pregnant.

I agree it is awful... I felt even worse earlier when being told by someone we know(who has been told she and her partner are both infertile) that maybe I should be glad I can get pregnant.

Call me insensitive but I felt like screaming 'what good is getting pregnant if you don't have a baby at the end of it?' But then maybe I should be thankful that I have different worries to her.

I know and I totally get that as all of my previous miscarriages are believed to have been chromosomal so nothing I can do to change that apart from trying IVF with PGD. It's just the constant emotional pain from it all and the heartache we experience x

No need to be sorry, if I can take any comfort from this shite situation it's that this is literally 'one of those things' decided for the most part at conception and not caused or affected by anything anyone did. Makes me feel much better in a morbid sort of way, that not much, if anything could have been done to avoid this outcome.

Oh hun it's so shit and cruel. I'm sorry x

munchies it depends what you mean by hope. There's always the tiniest chance, but the fetal medicine consultant who has done both my scans said that in 14yrs she's never seen a good outcome from this many problems.

A good outcome would require baby's lungs to fully form within 7 days, my fluid to increase almost 10 fold, and the left kidney to not only exist, but be absolutely, completely perfect and preferably rather large too. Obviously there's a tiny chance that all them things could come together all at the right time, however, being realistic its extremely unlikely, and more than that, I can't afford to hope, because the liklihood is that on the 17th they'll tell me my only real option is to terminate.

Oh @FMU I'm sorry you're still in limbo, is there any hope for a positive outcome if things have improved a little?
@bean I decided to phone the tommys midwives that I'm under from my RMC as I find the EPU staff really hit and miss over the phone. I suppose I could phone them for advice or for a scan but not sure if I'd gain anything from it. If I had seen a hb then I probably would but as I hadn't it might not tell me much as I haven't bled enough yet for much to have gone....if that makes sense. I'll see what tonight brings. It's always typical that things normally happen on evening's and weekends x

munchies I'm sorry, hope it's good news when they scan you.
Well, I'm no further forward. Scan shows my amniotic fluid has increased, although it's still very low. Baby's right kidney is multicystic with extremely low function, and they still can't see a left kidney, although there is significant blood flow to where it should be. Baby's lungs aren't nearly as developed as they'd like to see, however they're not under developed enough to need a termination by themselves. I'm still measuring 2 weeks behind too, although baby's head shape has corrected itself since last time and is measuring bang on. I've got yet another scan booked for the 17th. Just sick of the constant head fucking :(

Have you spoken to epau? When are they willing to scan you? Seems cruel to leave you uncertain as surely if there was already something you could tell if it was still there and growing or gone?

Thanks @bean. Well I had really bad back ache yesterday but it was mid way up my back and that subsided by the evening. The bleeding then came out of nowhere with a tiny bit of cramping when the clots were coming out but then nothing much today x

Hi munchies. I did carry on but I got a scan within 24 hrs (and it was only 4 days since my previous one). I argued hard for it as because of ivf and recurrent miscarriage I’m taking progesterone, oestrogen and clexane and didn’t want to take them if I had miscarried or stop them If I hadn’t.
My bleedkng lasted around 6 hrs then stopped and was very heavy. They said the fact I had had no pain was positive as it appears that most mc are associated with cramps/pain. Have you got either? Hope your as ok as you can be x

@bean did you carry on taking progesterone when you thought you were miscarrying? The reason I ask is they don't want to scan me again yet as my last one was Monday and there wasn't a hb yet. So it's a waiting game to see if I start bleeding badly again or to see what shows up on the scan next week. I've never had a miscarriage before where I pass a lot of blood and then nothing- it's either been missed miscarriages or a lot of blood over a couple of hours. I know every miscarriage is different and it can stop and start.
Anyone else been in this position and have advice?x

FMU - thinking of you lots xx

Munchies - I’m so sorry. Glad you’ve got puppy cuddles. I’m currently snuggled on the sofa with our dog - frankly he’s preferable and less demanding than any friend of family!

Awwh that's nice you've got your little puppy keeping you company @Munchies89 hopefully your hubby will be home early. Lots and lots of chocolate sounds good. X

Unfortunately not @Laura everyone will be at work and none of my friends have been through a miscarriage. Luckily I have my puppy keeping me company. Hopefully my husband will finish early once he tells his new boss x

@LabMum I've stocked up on lots of chocolate and biscuits and trashy tv x

Thinking of you @FMU and @oddbobbins.

@Munchies89, hugs to you. Take care lovely, sit with a cuppa, a shed load of biscuits and watch some trash TV.

@Munchies89 is there someone that can come and stay with you today so you're not on your own. Sending you lots of love xxx

Thinking of you both @FMU and @Oddsbobbins.

I started bleeding late last night- fresh blood clots. It settled a little through the night but I definitely think it's the start of miscarriage.
Just resting at home as husband has started new job this week and parents are away on holiday so not sure if I'll phone EPU and go for a scan today or not. Feel pretty alone right now x

@FuckMyUterus and @oddsbobbins thinking of you both and sending you both love. Xxxxx